Chapter 15

-Jared-

"Well, well," I teased, turning my gaze to her and noting the fear in her blue eyes, aware of the power I currently held over her.

"Jared, I need to get the collar off. I can't keep it on!" she hissed.

"I don't know about that. It looks rather good on you."

"Jared, the game's over! Uncollar me!" she exclaimed.

"Was that an order?"

She groaned, rolling her head around, searching for a solution.

"What? Do I need to let you use my mouth next? Just uncollar me!" she demanded.

"Ask nicely."

"Why must you torture me?"

"Because if I didn't torture you, then who?" I teased.

"I could come up with a few," she said, turning her eyes to her husband on the bed, who had not heard a thing. He even let out a snore, making him appear even less appealing despite his good looks.

I returned my focus to Alison, noticing her exhausted expression, not the fatigue from a long day, but a deeper weariness. I could understand why. Her life was draining in ways I hadn't realized before. Holding out the key to her, she looked almost hopeful, reaching out for it, but I withdrew my hand.

"That's not funny," she sighed.

"Before I give it to you, tell me something," I said, a question that had lingered in my mind for so long, finally surfacing. Why not ask it now? I could no longer deny that Alison had desired me for a very long time. Even after what I did to her, she still craved me, keeping the collar. I didn't need more evidence.

"What?" she asked.

"How could you do it?" I leaned closer to her, placing a hand beside her body.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Put me through all those awful things if you liked me," I clarified, watching her eyes widen. The reason I couldn't accept Vince's assertion that Alison's obsession came from her own sick mind was because I couldn't make sense of someone treating me as she had if she truly had feelings for me.

"I…"

"You made my existence agonizing. I wanted to die every day, Alison," I admitted, noticing tears welling up in her eyes. "Surviving my father's abuse was hard enough, but why did you have to subject me to something just as awful if you had feelings for me?"

Tears began to overflow, streaming down her cheeks, yet she didn't break into sobs. Instead, she looked at me with an utterly shattered expression that I couldn't quite understand.

"Well?" I pressed.

"Because…" she breathed, her voice barely carrying any power, but she didn't finish the sentence. I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment.

"You don't even know yourself, do you? That's what makes it worse," I groaned, letting the key fall onto her stomach, followed by the box.

As I stood up, ready to return to my other hell, I heard her whisper something, "Because I wanted to die too."

I froze in my tracks, slowly turning around to see her sitting up, clutching the key in her hand, but avoiding my gaze.

"What did you say?" I asked, although I had already heard her.

"I-I wanted to die too. Every day," she admitted, sniffling slightly. "But really… really, I just didn't want to be alone."

"Alone in your pain?"

She nodded.

"But I was already in pain, Alison," I reminded her.

"I know… I think that's what drew me to you. But you weren't mine to keep. I was told I needed to leave you alone, but every time they told me to, I just wanted you more," she whispered.

"Why?"

She shrugged a little.

"Don't tell me my torture was all because you were like a child being told they couldn't have sweets and thereby threw a tantrum!" I growled at her.

She shook her head. "It wasn't. I just didn't want to be alone…"

"So you chose to drag me into your miserable life? Do you have any idea how sick that is?" I questioned.

She nodded, then reached up to wipe her cheeks before meeting my eyes.

"Won't a drowning person try to drag others down with them? It's awful, but they are drowning," she pointed out.

I stared at her, surprised, as I understood what she was telling me, but that didn't make it all right. It didn't soothe my resentment. It only made me see how small Alison was, how little power she actually carried within her.

"You thought I could fix you? Or did you just want to pass on the pain?" I inquired.

"I-I think I hoped you would see it," she confessed. "See it because you knew what it was like. I just didn't realize that was what I wanted."

"You really are a bully. Making your problems everyone else's."

She let out a sad laugh and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right," she said, shocking me that she would agree and not come up with some excuse. "I know the most laughable person in my life is me, we both know it, so this time, tell me something."

She rose from the ground, a determined gleam in her eyes. "Why pursue me?"

"What? I've told you that—"

"That I must pay for the rest of my life, but in truth, we both know I'm the one who's lost here. I'm the pathetic one who can't let go, who makes my problems everyone else's burden. I'm a pitiful case!" she exclaimed. "So why not just let me drown in my own misery? Why are you suddenly following me into the dark abyss?"

I remained silent, refusing to answer, and she stepped closer, her expression bordering on anger, as if she had any right to be.

"You come here, telling me I still must atone for everything I've done, but you could end the games if you wanted to. You could walk away with clean hands, knowing I'll continue to drown, continue to wish I was dead. You don't have to be here, Jared. You choose to be here!" she reminded me, and I knew she was right. I didn't have to pursue her again. I didn't have to continue anything. She wasn't my gateway to her father, because even her father didn't care enough to keep his daughter safe from his predatory friends, who had decided she was now up for grabs. I chose to come to this house because I didn't want to go home, because like Alison, I was the drowning person who now wanted to drag someone down with me.

Realizing that made me angry too, because there shouldn't be this connection between us. There shouldn't be anything that tied us together except our shared past, but I was finding too many parallels, and it frustrated me.

"How will I make you pay if I don't come by?" I countered, trying to shift the focus.

"I just said it. We both know who the loser is. We both know that I'm the one who ends up with the saddest of lives. You might not have a long one, considering what you do, but at least you have more depth than I will ever find in my entire life," she confessed.

It seemed Alison had come to realize a lot of things while we had been apart, and I took a moment to simply gaze at her, observing a different side of her—more vulnerable, more real.

"So why do you keep coming back? Why not just let me drown in my self-pity and the realization that I peaked in high school and will never be more than an awful bully?" she questioned.

I had to come up with a good answer, one that would calm this tightening in my chest. Stepping closer to her, leaving only inches between us, I replied, "Maybe it's just not enough for me to watch you crumble from afar."

"But it could be."

I knew it could. I had planned it all, but my plans had changed. "It's not enough. I don't want to watch from afar. I want to be up close. I want to make my pain yours too, and I want you to hate every moment of it."

"What if I start enjoying it?" she challenged. "What if I give in like I just did?"

"What if you did? How would that change the fact that I still win? That no matter what, I always come back for more of you?" I pointed out, noticing the fear in her eyes. I reached out, grasping the collar and bringing her closer, yet I noticed how her hands came to rest on my body and her eyes darted to my lips. "You belong to me now, Alison. Whatever I want to do to you or with you, that's for me to decide."

"But that won't fix anything. That won't bring you any peace," she said.

"Peace? There is no peace to find. That ship sailed a long time ago for us. I just want to ruin you."

She sighed, letting her head fall forward before meeting my eyes again with more strength. Clearly, she was ready for whatever I was going to do next.

"You will grow tired," she asserted.

"You really think so?" I asked, not believing her.

"I did."

"I'm not you, Alison. I have spent years hunting all of you down, and whatever time I have left, I will use to torture you, to pay you back for all those years," I promised.

"And then what? We just die? Is that our story?"

"There is no ‘our'. Life isn't a fairytale. This is just how it is, and you can spend each day thanking yourself for it," I reminded her before giving her a quick kiss to seal the new deal, the new invisible contract between us. This time it didn't have an end date unless I decided so.

"I will see you soon," I told her before I pushed aside the curtains and climbed out of the window, landing on the small half-roof over the entrance of the house, then jumped down to the ground below. I got into my car and drove off, yet it wasn't with the elated feeling I had hoped to find by visiting Alison tonight. For a moment, I had felt better, but our talks always ended on a sour note. We needed to cease all conversations and simply focus on the things I would be putting her through, because if I was going to survive a marriage to Astrid, then I needed an outlet, and Alison was going to be that.