7. Arlene

SEVEN

Arlene

H oly fuck.

“This is not uncomfortable for you, right?”

If someone asked me how I managed to stomach a full crepe, I wouldn’t be able to give an answer.

“No.” Claude chuckled. “I mean, it’s rare that it isn’t, but I’m chill. I swear.”

I nodded. That was good. I wished I could say the same. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the way their lips had felt on mine. The way they’d hovered over me, owning every molecule of oxygen in the room? I could not stop thinking about it.

I probably should, though. We had to talk. I couldn’t be thinking about the things that made me squirm and go back to that place I’d only discovered—a place where everything kind of quieted down and there was only Claude, and Claude’s touch.

“Okay.” Claude had finished their plate too. I wanted to stand up and offer to clean up since they didn’t let me help earlier, but I didn’t want to move and accidentally break whatever had set between us. “So, you were saying, you get something out of this even if it’s not the same?”

They shrugged before they sat down cross-legged on the couch. “It’s like… No, I don’t look at you and want to jump your bones in the way allosexuals do. Nothing personal.”

“No, I get that.”

I did. It just confused me.

Well, it didn’t completely confuse me. I knew asexual people could have sex and enjoyed sex. I also knew a lot of this was just the result of being deep in my mind, and not just me being an ignorant ass.

I suddenly felt very ignorant, though, and small.

“But… I still get something out of it. I mean, again, no offense, but I wouldn’t be doing shit if I didn’t 100% want to.”

I chuckled. I couldn’t help it. Their blunt ways had always appealed to me, and it was even better in person. “I’m not taking offense to that.”

“Good.” Claude nodded, lips pursed. “Because I really, really enjoyed Domming you right there.”

My throat dried. “You did?”

It was a novelty, hearing that someone had Dommed me, and that I’d subbed for them. It had happened, though. The words felt right because they were right. I wanted them to be right.

“Yeah.” Claude cleared their throat. “And no, before you ask, it doesn’t mean I was suddenly overwhelmed with attraction. But I wanna explore those… layers of intimacy with you. And I really, really like teasing you, and getting reactions out of you. It’s… Fuck. Satisfying sounds lame as fuck, but… Everything zeroes in on you, and…”

“Yeah.” I breathed out more easily. There were many words there that I knew would take me hours and days to fully process and analyze, but they were what I needed to hear. “It’s the same for me. That last part, I mean.”

“I’m glad.” Claude smirked. Of course they did. “What else do you need us to cover?”

“What do you mean?”

“As I said, I’m happy to go with the flow, but that’s not you.”

“I thought going with the flow was a no-go for kink,” I quipped.

Claude chuckled. “Yeah, Cin’s Domme would probably agree with you. It’s not like I’m planning on going all whips and chains on you anytime soon.”

“Or ever, right?” I swallowed. “That’s what you mean.”

Whips and chains were not the things I had in mind when I pictured getting into kink. I guessed I could see the appeal for other people, but… Oh, fuck, did Claude see the appeal? I hadn’t gotten that vibe when we were talking. I could be wrong, though. Our talk hadn’t been too exhaustive.

A few seconds later, Claude started laughing. I scowled. Well, I guessed they really meant it when they said that they liked teasing me.

“I have no interest in impact play, honestly.” They shrugged again. “I like the scenes that are about playing with the senses, and with power imbalances, and with overstimulating and controlling a sub’s body.”

Yeah, I was into those things as well. I needed a minute to make my voice work again.

“Okay, good.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “Sometimes I worry the stuff I like is very… soft, maybe? In comparison.”

“I think many people share that worry,” Claude mused. “From stuff I’ve heard in munches and read online.”

“Yeah.”

I lurked online from time to time, but I must not be in the right spaces. Maybe I should ask Claude for some links.

Information was power, or so they said. The one thing I got from my lurking was that being educated and doing your own research was essential. I didn’t want to end up being the clueless sub that clueless authors wrote books about. Misrepresentation was never good.

“You’re good, honest.” Claude must’ve taken my silence as needing more reassurance.

I couldn’t say I didn’t.

“Okay, but…” Maybe I should’ve drank more water. I kept having to lick my lips and clear my throat because everything felt so dry. There was too much I felt self-conscious about without the need to add more to the mix. “I think I just need some more clarity on what you want from me? I know we texted about it a bit, but…”

“No, I get it.” Claude swallowed. They dropped the empty plate they’d had balanced on their lap on the table before sitting down again, knees close to their chest. “Other than what I told you, though, I don’t have like a list of yes or no areas. It depends a lot on the day, and just how I’m feeling at a specific time.”

They blushed. I hadn’t even known that was possible, but it was their turn to keep their eyes down and look self-conscious.

It didn’t take a lot of thinking to move closer. I didn’t want to crowd them, and Claude was the one who tended to get in my space, but I couldn’t not offer some kind of comfort.

“Hey.” I waited until they looked up at me. Their face was flushed, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I just don’t want to… cause harm, that’s all. You can just tell me what’s okay and what’s not. Or just move me around like a puppet if that’s what you need.”

Actually, the idea of being Claude’s puppet held a lot of appeal, but…

Nope, not going there. Not the time.

“I’m sorry.” Claude sighed. Their gaze held mine while they tried to take a breath that wasn’t too shaky. “I’m more comfortable with my body than I used to be, but talking about it is still new.”

“It can get awkward, for sure.”

My answer made them chuckle. It was the goal. I liked how that felt, the warm glow in my chest. I’d done that; cheered them up. It was silly, but it wasn’t. It felt big, important.

“Yeah.” Claude looked up before their hand found mine. “I do want to kiss you again.”

“Just kiss?” I felt the heat creep up my cheeks the second the words were out. “I’m fine with just kissing, I mean.”

“Good to know.” Claude smirked. “But… No, I wasn’t thinking just kissing.”

I bobbed my head up and down. It was the only move that made sense.

No, I wasn’t going to ask what exactly they were thinking about. Part of it was anxiety. Another part was… they were trusting me. It made sense that I did the same, right?

“Nice.” Wrong word. Wrong word, wrong word, wrong word. “I mean…”

“I get it,” Claude interrupted me.

I was about to apologize, to try and not come across as the complete mess that I was.

It was a blessing that they sat up more properly, shifting until they were on their knees. In this position, they stood taller than me. It was only a visual effect, but the imbalance made me breathe out in relief.

I always suspected if I got the courage to explore kink, it would be from the submissive side of things. I guessed I’d gotten that right—more right than I’d thought, even.

If I was home, I’d be dissecting everything about it. Here, though, it just made sense. The only thing I wanted to dissect were my reactions to them. Their lips met mine again. Claude’s kisses were soft. Teasing. Playful. Their tongue flicked out, but they didn’t try to shove it down my throat.

I always thought being tongue kissed was the end-goal. This felt more satisfying, though.

My entire body felt alive, and they were barely touching me. When they did, their hands teasing the collar of my shirt, a shiver ran down my spine.

I’d feel embarrassed if it didn’t make Claude groan.

“Wanna move to my room? Bed’s more comfortable.”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t say I had a preference for one surface or another. “Sure.”

Truthfully, I had no idea how I made it to Claude’s room. I was too focused on how their fingers felt when they grabbed my hand. Their fingers were more slender than mine, but their hold was somehow firmer—definitely more confident than anything I could’ve come up with.

“I really want to play with you,” Claude groaned as they walked me into their room.

It wasn’t what I’d expected exactly. With all the fantasy hair colors and more daring fashion choices, I would’ve thought their room would be more chaotic. It was almost zen—the kind of rooms that yoga instructors had in movies. Very neutral, woody colors. Very minimalist. Harmonious? Was that a thing?

A king-sized mattress took up the center of the room. There was a desk with a computer set up facing one of the walls, but that was the only thing disrupting the mood. It didn’t completely, though—the computer was covered in a light wooden case. The screen saver was on, too, playing some waves on loop.

“Wow.”

Ideally, I would’ve kept my impressions to myself.

Too late now, I supposed.

Claude’s eyes darted from my face to the room and then back to me. “I’ve been experimenting since I moved here.”

They didn’t elaborate more than that, and I was soon distracted when they grabbed me and twirled us around until my knees hit the mattress. I wish I could say I fell on the bed gracefully.

I did not.

Claude didn’t comment on that, either, but their lips lifted up at the corners. They had one dimple that was more pronounced than the other. It was more visible when they leaned forward.

“I’m assuming I can kiss you again?”

I nodded right away, fast. There were no thoughts involved there. My whole body was vibrating with the need for more of whatever they wanted to give me.

Claude’s words played in a loop in my head. I really want to play with you . I didn’t bother to replicate the sentiment out loud. It would be redundant.

My breath hitched when their lips met mine again. Claude’s hands rested on my body. One hand cupped my jaw while another rested on my waist.

“Let me know if you need me to move at any time,” they whispered.

A shiver racked down my spine.

“Yeah.” My hands found their thighs, where they’d said it was okay to touch earlier. “You too.”

The nod in response was almost imperceptible, but it was there. It was all I needed, so I let myself be guided down until my back hit the duvet. Claude’s lips were there as their hands explored. I squeezed their thighs.

I wasn’t used to slow, to someone taking their time.

“Tell me what you need.”

“I…”

“It won’t make me uncomfortable,” Claude hummed. For once, I hadn’t even thought of it. “I want to give you what you want.”

“You want to torture me with it, is what you mean.”

Claude tsked. “Such big words.”

They were smirking, though. I wasn’t sure if anyone had ever told them—or if I wanted to be the one who did it—but they weren’t fooling anyone.

“Bring it on, then.”

They chuckled. The sound had me frowning. That was until they spoke. “Sure thing. As soon as you answer the question.”

“Oh. Right.”

A hint of embarrassment came up to the surface, but I squished it down.

“You really are lucky I’m not a Sadist.”

Nope, not going to ask what that taunt meant.

“Just… Just more. I feel like I’m losing my mind already.”

“I’ve got you.” There was no reason for me to believe the words, except I did. “Wanna take off your clothes for me?”

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t something I needed to think about. I just scooted backwards until I could grab the hem of my dress and get rid of the fabric. There was no awkwardness. I didn’t think I could muster enough brain cells for it.

I just needed them closer. It was all I could think about.

Claude was right there, too, before I could say a word. They leaned over me. Their hand teased the clasp of my bra, and my heart rate picked up. They weren’t taking it off, just teasing with the idea of it. I thought it would be something… innocuous.

It wasn’t. My entire body was focused on their touch. I hadn’t known I was capable of that, of existing solely for the whims of another person.

“Your skin is so fucking smooth.” Claude trailed their fingers across my collarbone as they spoke.

I shivered. “You curse too much.”

Claude chuckled. “It’s a good thing I’m not a sub, then.”

“Is it?” My breath caught.

Claude kept moving, their fingers now tracing the lace patterns adorning my bra. For the first time in my life, pride filled me for all the expensive sets of underwear I spent money on.

“It is for you,” Claude retorted.

I chuckled—or I tried to. I knew people talked about laughing while having sex being the best thing. I wasn’t sure I was wired that way. I didn’t know what that said about me, either.

“How sensitive are you?”

I snorted. “You can’t tell?”

Claude didn’t respond—not verbally. No, what they did was grab one of the bra straps and let it snap against my skin. I couldn’t tell what sound slipped past my lips—half surprise, half arousal. The bite of the bra spread around the skin surrounding it, igniting every nerve.

“If you don’t want to play nice, we don’t have to.”

My mouth parted. Claude nipped at my jawline before I could string a response together.

“N-no.” I swallowed. “I can play nice.”

“Good,” Claude hummed. “Is there anything that’s an absolute no?”

“No.” My spine arched off the mattress as I spoke. My body just begged for more of Claude’s touches. “You already know everything.”

“So… if I wanted to lick your clit while I fingered your ass, that would be okay?”

More than okay. I moaned, my eyelids shutting down as I imagined it. My hips bucked up.

“Please.”

The more Claude hovered over me—touching, and kissing, and nipping—the more I forgot why this made me anxious in the first place. I just needed more of what they were doing and the things they were promising.

“Get your head on the pillows.”

I’d never complied with a command so easily. For once, Claude didn’t tease me about it. They just followed me there. It didn’t escape my notice that they hadn’t removed any clothes.

It was hot. In my head, when I watched videos or read pics, I imagined it would feel awkward.

It just made me feel more… submissive, I supposed was the best word to describe it. I was almost naked for them, for their enjoyment. I was exposed while they didn’t have to be.

I moaned. Claude quirked an eyebrow. I couldn’t form words, but I dragged them closer.

“So this is what Domms talk about when they goad about their subs being so responsive.” Claude grinned before lunging down and licking the shell of my ear. I shuddered. “I dig it.”

“Please, Claude.”

It wasn’t an honorific—even my overactive imagination knew it was too soon for that—but it felt like one. It wasn’t just me saying their name. There was a new weight to it.

I think Claude got it, too, their body tensing for a second before they straightened. There was newfound strength there. It made me want to touch myself, to put a stop to all the teasing and get the reward.

Maybe that newfound strength let them read minds. The next thing I knew, they were grabbing my wrists and locking them above my head.

“Don’t move.”

I let out a soft pant. The bed didn’t have a headboard, so I just intertwined my hands together. I could behave, even when my heart thumped loudly against my chest. It wasn’t as if Claude would do anything I didn’t want them to.

I trusted them.

They understood, too. They didn’t walk around on eggshells, either. I probably had done that more than they did. I’d have to apologize.

Later—when they weren’t intent on driving me completely mad.

This whole thing felt… sacred, the way first times felt in movies and overly romantic books. I kind of wished it was my first time.

“Claude.” Their name was the only one word I didn’t struggle to utter.

“Yeah?” Their hands snuck under my back. I held my breath as the clasp of the bra clicked open. “You look so… hypnotic.”

Hypnotic.

I rolled the word on my tongue.

I didn’t know about looking hypnotic—whatever that meant. I felt hypnotized, though, so maybe it made sense.

“Fuck me,” I breathed out. “Please.”

I needed to experience it, needed to fall into the fantasy that this was my first time, that I was giving it to Claude. I needed Claude to own my body, to show me how everything could feel as if I didn’t have a clue.

Maybe I didn’t. Every other experience I thought I’d had was shoved to the side. Irrelevant.