14. Claude

FOURTEEN

Claude

“ D o you really have to drop me off?”

“We both work tomorrow,” I reminded her, my voice softer than I’d ever admit as I tucked a few strands of dark hair behind her ear.

Truthfully, I didn’t want to leave her, either, let alone when she was still so dazed after whatever trip she’d gone on back at the club. I had so many questions about it, too, but after she’d come back to the land of the living, she’d just wanted to curl up by my side.

I hadn’t had the heart to do anything else but snuggle and praise her in an even softer voice than the one I was using now.

“I wanna see you more.”

“Good.” I didn’t know if it was Arlene talking or the needy sub she’d turned into back at the club. It should’ve been irrelevant, but something told me the distinction mattered. I wanted to honor it even when that meant not digging into what she really meant with that request. “I’ll walk inside with you, and I’ll text you first thing in the morning, okay? And you can call. Or text. Anytime.”

It was important that I told her that, and that she knew I meant it.

I did.

I’d read up on sub-drop enough to last me a lifetime over the last few days. I wanted to know about it if she struggled. Arlene was new to all of this, and while I assumed she’d done some research of her own, it still felt like my responsibility to make sure that she’d be okay.

I wanted it to be my responsibility.

Huh.

So I had a bit of Zaddy Domm in me, too? I guessed I was collecting types of Domms as if they were Pokémon. It would fit with the way I went about a million other things in life, so the revelation wasn’t too shocking. It was just funny.

I’d have to text Arlene about it—tomorrow, after checking in that she wasn’t feeling any worse for wear.

In hindsight, I shouldn’t have suggested we go to a kink club during the week—for her first time, no less. In my defense, though, the weekdays were when the clubs were emptier. My main issue back then had been to plan for a day when she wouldn’t be easily overwhelmed.

“Do you promise?”

Fuck, she sounded almost drunk. I’d given her plenty of water too, before we’d left the club with a promise to Clay that we didn’t hate him and we’d be back sometime. They’d mostly been just words, but I would not say no to going back. I’d say Arlene needed to do it, too. If nothing else, she needed to explore that fully fledged sub in her more, and being in the club seemed to unleash something she usually clung on to tighter.

Or maybe it had just been muffing?

I had no problem making her finger herself every day if that was the case. Or fingering her too, after I felt more confident about it. Watching was hotter, anyway. It was really underrated, but that didn’t change much for me.

Claude

Please tell me you didn’t snooze your alarm or something

Arlene

No, but I’ve been pretty groggy all morning

Sorry

Why is work a thing?? :(

Claude

You’re supposed to be the one about hustling and corporate BS

Don’t ask me

Arlene

PR is all about that BS too

Just saying

Claude

Fair enough

I just don’t take it seriously enough

Ugh, I have a meeting as soon as I walk through the doors

But seriously, are you feeling all right?

Arlene

Just exhausted because I’m a baby and I’m not used to going to bed so late during the week

But yeah, I’m fine

Well, horny thinking about it, tbh

Claude

Did you still want to meet this weekend?

We can also do dinner at Randy’s

Arlene

Yes, dinner, please

And weekend plans

But dinner first

Claude

A girl after my own heart

T hat was all the texting we did for the rest of the day. I supposed she was busy at work. She’d mentioned that her father was putting more responsibility on her, so it would make sense.

I still didn’t like it. I was… restless. There was a certain sense of security, and comfort, in the knowledge that I could give her what she wanted from my role as a Domm. There was also more insecurity, a need to have more defined lines around whatever it was that we were doing or building or…

Ugh.

I was so gone, it was ridiculous.

My head hurt now too, because I’d come to Randy’s early after I’d run out of things to do around the house, and I’d run into Ray. I liked him, and he was great, but ever since he’d learned my family was from Québec, he just switched to French when I was around. It wasn’t as if I’d suddenly forgotten my native language, but I hadn’t really spoken it since I graduated from high school.

Arlene walked into the diner about five minutes later. I was going to flag her down, but she spotted me quickly. It was stupid, but a part of me wanted to say it was because she was tuned in to me already.

See the part about being too far gone? I needed to clear my head, stat. No one wanted a clingy person, Domm or not. I wasn’t a clingy person.

Arlene looked good as she sat down in the booth. She was wearing a cute vintage dress and a matching headband with sneakers. I guessed she had changed clothes after coming back from the office. She might tease me all she wanted about my biases against finance people, but sneakers were not business attire. She was the kind of person to dress up for work, too.

“Sorry I ordered already.” I realized belatedly the way her eyes tracked the half-finished plate of fries. “I ended up arriving here about… two hours ago, I think?”

“Oh.” Arlene’s eyes widened before her face settled on a relaxed smile. It suited her, even though it wasn’t as common as I would’ve liked. I liked to think I was bringing it out of her, and I liked how the thought made me feel. “How come?”

“Honestly?” I grimaced. Other people being vulnerable around me? That was fine. Me, being vulnerable around other people? Not so fine. “I was anxious as fuck.”

Arlene hadn’t expected me to say that. It was as clear as day in the way she froze. One of the servers walked by to get her order before she could say a word, though. I didn’t know if I was saved by the bell, or if it was the complete opposite. I couldn’t look away from her until the server left again and she had to figure out how to get back on topic.

“I’m anxious, too,” Arlene said before she licked her lips. “At the same time, I’ve never been as relaxed as I am today. I guess I’m still riding the aftermath of last night?”

“That’s good.”

“My… you know… are sore as fuck, though.”

I chuckled. It was cute that she didn’t want to say nipples out loud. The diner was getting crowded, I guessed, but although none of the patrons here would be scandalized by overhearing something of a more sexual nature, I didn’t tease her about it.

“And they will be for a few more days.”

At least, that was my experience with clamps. It might be different for her. I got a feeling it wasn’t going to be a problem either way. There was no way she wasn’t the type of sub that got off on having physical reminders.

I was the type who got off on it, and I was no sub.

Arlene didn’t answer right away, but she nibbled on her bottom lip as if she was debating the benefits of my words.

“Good to know.”

“I bet,” I teased.

I was sure there was some kind of script I was supposed to follow. A part of me was stressed that I didn’t know for sure and already going through a list of people I could reach out to for advice. Another part of me was… settling. Arlene was fine. She was more relaxed than I’d ever seen her, soon sipping on a cherry flavored milkshake.

She looked gorgeous, too.

The world hadn’t imploded because I’d given her a mind-blowing orgasm and pulled her into subspace hard. She hadn’t said those words, and I wasn’t sure if she was aware or if she’d had time to research and look into it, but that was what it had been. She’d been delirious with pleasure, and want, and all the things I cared more about than I’d first assumed.

I’d been delirious with it, just in a different way. All my focus had been on her in a way that allowed me to just feel. I hadn’t had to worry about my body, to feel any type of way about it. It was just there to give her what she was begging for— I was there to give her that, to give her everything.

It should be scary, but it wasn’t.

“I still want you to teach me how to bake,” I blurted out. “You’re not getting out of that.”

“Oh gosh.” Arlene groaned, heat creeping up her cheeks. “I’m probably the worst person to teach you. But yeah, okay.”

“Why would you be?”

I’d eaten stuff she’d baked, and I’d listened to her go off for what felt like hours about everything baking when she stayed at my place. She knew her stuff.

“Because I turn into a mess around you?” Arlene’s voice went a few octaves too high. “I mean, into an even bigger mess.”

“Which makes it fun,” I drawled. “I don’t see the problem.”

“Of course you don’t.”

I really didn’t, but it was not worth debating over. No, I just winked at her instead. Then I flagged Zo so that she got me one of the new veggie burgers. I’d been snacking, but I’d promised dinner, and I was still starving. Ben had once joked I ate like a growing teenage boy.

I didn’t care that I did.

“Seriously, though, I know we’re probably going heavier on the D/s aspect of it than we’d first talked about? And I know we have to talk more about that part, but I don’t want to lose everything else, or make this thing just about kink.”

I hadn’t realized it was a huge part of what had been plaguing me all day until the words were out of my mouth. There was no hiding away from that truth once it was in the open, though.

“Oh, no, I get that.” Arlene nodded vigorously, her lips turned into a frown. “I know I can be… a lot, but I like all the… fluttery, messy sapphic feels when I’m baking for you or when we’re just talking about a show.”

“Okay.” I let go of the air I’d been holding until it stopped feeling like my chest was constricted by an invisible weight. “Good.”

“It’s not weird that we’re talking about all these things, right?” Arlene wondered. “My roommate said it’s a bit weird, but I don’t think so. And, anyway, he’s in a lowkey shitty relationship, so it’s not like he’s one to give out advice on anything, but…”

“I’ve been told kink dynamics tend to move faster when it comes to discussing this stuff,” I said. “But if you want to slow down, it’s cool.”

I’d figure out a way to cope that didn’t make me look too pathetic. Somehow. It couldn’t be too hard. Right? People got into relationships—or situationships, or whatever they were called now—all the time, and they tended to get messy.

The fact that I couldn’t see why our very new D/s dynamic could get messy was irrelevant. Sure, it could be wishful thinking, but…

Sue me, I liked wishful thinking.

“No, no.” Arlene shook her head for extra emphasis. “Sorry, I guess Dylan got in my head.”

“That’s fine.” It really was. “I haven’t told Ben about last night, but I bet he’s going to say the same.”

Well, he wouldn’t worry about whether or not I was moving too fast—that concept wouldn’t even cross his mind. But he’d annoy me to no end. It was probably the reason I hadn’t kept him as updated as I usually did. He tended to get over invested, and he was loud about it.

I couldn’t always handle his brand of loud, even if it made me a terrible friend. Then again, almost a decade of knowing him later, he still claimed I was his best friend outside of Julian. So, I guessed I wasn’t so terrible?

Who knew.

“I’ve just realized that the Ben knows of my existence, sorry.” So that was why she’d looked a bit frozen this time. “But anyway, yesterday was…”

“A lot.” I nodded. I didn’t want to derail the conversation to talk about Ben, or why she shouldn’t idolize him that much. Well, she didn’t, from what she’d told me. And I could understand the idea of him feeling intimidating. “Not in a bad way, obviously.”

“No, not at all.” Arlene swallowed, which told me I’d done well by clarifying. “It’s super cliché, but I didn’t really think things could feel so intense. Still wrapping my head around it.”

“Yeah. Same.” My intense and her intense were wildly different, but they were still real. I was still going through that mental list of people I could reach out to. “I want to keep exploring it. If it’s okay with you.”

“It’s more than okay with me.” Arlene sounded like she was out of breath, but she didn’t take a second to blurt the words out.

I had to take it as a good sign. She was as much into this as I was. In her head, Arlene probably thought she was much more into it than I was, but that would be a problem for another day.

“I kind of feel like a teenager going through everything all over again,” I admitted.

It didn’t escape me that I was supposed to be the calm one here. Even forgetting that I was now taking on the role of a Domm, Arlene was the anxious sunshine that didn’t know what to do with herself half of the time. I was supposed to be the soothing presence.

I was failing at it today.

“Yeah.” Arlene giggled, seemingly unaware of my inner turmoil over my state of being. “It’s like going through puberty for the third time.”

That was one way of putting it.

Actually, it was a way I really liked.

“When I started transitioning, they just talked about a second puberty,” I joked.

“Right?” Arlene laughed.

I really liked her laugh, dammit. It would be nice if she wasn’t laughing because I was an anxious mess, but I still wanted to make her laugh more.

“I’m definitely a pleasure Domm,” I groaned.

“Uh?” Arlene licked her lips.

I’d bet anything her mind had gone to last night, when I’d uttered those words for the first time.

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I was just thinking mushy shit about wanting to make you laugh more.”

At least now she was blushing, and I could pretend to have everything under control.

My burger and Arlene’s sandwich arrived at the same time—before Arlene got that blush under wraps, too. The server, César, didn’t say anything, but he looked like he wanted to ask. He was a sweet kid—with a massive crush on one of the most senior servers, too. I didn’t blame him, to be fair. But that server was working today, too, which meant César behaved more… demurely. It was that or putting his foot on his mouth. I’d witnessed some of his floundering a couple of times.

Some might find it cute, and I did feel bad for him, but… Yeah. It was probably for the best that he’d left it alone.

“You do this on purpose,” Arlene grumbled as I was getting a better hold of the burger.

I hated when the avocado slices fell off the bun.

“I do what on purpose?”

“Getting me all flustered,” she mumbled.

“I thought you liked being flustered.”

If there was innuendo there, I would never admit to it.