Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Zoey

AFTER HAVING DINNER with my brothers, Jameson and I head back to my apartment. For the first time in over a month, I laughed and forgot about everything weighing me down. My brothers seem to have that effect on everyone around them and I’m not immune to their infectious behavior. Jameson, yes I’m thinking of him as Jameson again, laughed harder than I’ve seen him laugh in a very long time. Not since we were all still in Clifton Falls and no one had graduated from high school yet. Before our lives took over and we all went our separate ways. It’s refreshing and nice to see everyone so carefree knowing the second we step through the door we’ll be facing problems in the world again. I’ll take this time with my brothers for now and let everything else fade to the background until it’s time to think of it all once again.

When we get close to the door to enter the apartment, I don’t have to pull out my keys because it seems Jameson has one of his own. Though, I recognize the keyring and know my dad gave him his copy of my key. That was one of the conditions to me getting an apartment and living on my own. My dad had to have a key so he could get in if there was ever a time I couldn’t answer the door and needed him. Now, Jameson has his key and I have nothing to say about it because that’s my dad’s way of approving our relationship or whatever the hell this is moving forward. I don’t even know other than Jameson telling me he’s not going anywhere. I guess time will tell how true those words are.

Jameson doesn’t let go of my hand as we make our way to my apartment and he unlocks the door to let me walk in with him right at my back. I know he’s looking at everything the second we walk through the door and it closes behind us. He’s not going to give anyone a chance to sneak up on us or try to get some kind of advantage on us by him not checking the apartment out as we enter. And, since he’s the only one with me, he’s not about to leave me in the hallway without someone standing with me. He’d rather have me at his side if someone is sneaking around so he can ensure my safety.

The second Jameson is satisfied no one’s been in my apartment, he leads me to the bathroom so I can pull out the pregnancy tests. With two boxes set on the counter, I wait for Jameson to leave me alone in the bathroom so I can pee on these damn tests. When he makes no move to leave me alone, I stand with my hip leaning against the counter.

“You can wait in my bedroom, Jameson,” I finally say as we start to have a stare off with one another.

“I’m fine in here,” he states, folding his arms across his chest.

“Jameson,” I groan, my voice filled with my frustration. “I am not going to pee in front of you. If you wait outside the door, I’ll let you know the second I’m done peeing so you can come back in. We can look at the results together. Either way, I’m not going to keep this from you.”

“Fine,” he huffs, making me smile as he leaves the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

I take the tests with me to where my toilet is and read the instructions of each test after laying a strip of toilet paper down on the back of the toilet. They seem simple enough to use. Pulling my pants and panties down, I sit down and take care of business, setting the tests on the toilet paper so I can move them to the counter once I’m done. After pulling up my pants, I grab the tests and toilet paper, taking them to the counter by the sink. Setting them down, I wash my hands before moving over to open the door for Jameson to come in the bathroom again.

Jameson makes his way in and his eyes zone in on the tests. I can’t look at them. I sit on the edge of my tub and slightly rock back and forth as anxiety fills me. This moment is going to change our lives in one way or another. We’re either about to learn we’ll be parents or Jameson will run out of here because he’s getting off easy by not having me in his life permanently. I honestly don’t know which way I want this to go.

Am I ready to be a mom right now? No, I’m really not. I’m still in school and have goals I want to accomplish.

Do I think Jameson wants to be a dad right now? I can’t really answer that. I know he’s the type of man who will step up and be there for his child. He doesn’t understand how to be anyone else. Not after the way Cage and Joker stepped up and raised Reagan and him when they didn’t have to. Those are his role models and I know for a fact Jameson will be with me because of the baby and not because of whatever he thinks he feels about me.

“How long do we have to wait?” Jameson asks me, standing in front of the counter while turning his head to look at me over his shoulder.

“Three minutes or something like that. I’m sorry, Jameson. No matter what happens, just know I don’t expect anything from you. I mean, I know you’ll be there for your kid if I’m pregnant, but it doesn’t mean we have to be together or anything like that. You have a life you’ve been building in Clinton City and I won’t ever keep your child from you,” I tell him honestly, biting on my thumbnail.

Jameson turns around to face me as he crouches down and grabs my hands in his.

“No matter what that fuckin’ test shows, I already told you I want you, kitten. If you’re pregnant, I’m gonna be there for every damn appointment, cravin’, tear, I’ll watch your stomach grow round with our baby as he or she grows and becomes strong enough to enter the world so we can meet them. What I feel for you won’t change regardless of the outcome of these tests. If I have to prove it to you every day for the rest of our lives, I don’t have a problem doin’ that because you’re worth it,” he tells me, his voice hard with determination.

I don’t say anything to Jameson’s words. There’s really nothing for me to say to that. I’m sure Jameson believes his words and will do his best to stand by them. Right now, I don’t believe him. He’s lived his life fucking anything with a pussy and fucking with the Fallen girls at the clubhouse. There’s no reason for him to change his ways for me. If he were going to do that, it wouldn’t have taken him this long to make up his mind about what he wants with me. He’s known, along with everyone else in our lives, for years how I feel about him. Even when I tried, I couldn’t hide the love I feel for him or how often my eyes strayed to him when we were in the same general vicinity. Now, all of a sudden, he’s decided that he wants to be with me and only me. It doesn’t add up to me. I guess for now I’ll see what happens as we move forward and take each day as it comes.

“Can I look at them now?” Jameson asks me, his voice deep as the weight of the tests rests on our shoulders.

Nodding my head, I don’t stand to look at them with him. I remain perched on the edge of the tub. By the time he tells me what the tests say, I’m not going to have a thumbnail left as I continue to bite on it. It’s an old habit I’ve been trying to get past and I thought I was doing a good job of doing so. I guess when it comes to Jameson and our new situation in life that’s not the case. I can’t even make myself pull my thumb away from my mouth as he bends over the counter and stares down at the tests.

One of them is digital so there’s no trying to read it. It will tell us one way or the other if I’m pregnant. The other one is supposed to show a positive sign if I’m pregnant. My eyes watch every move Jameson makes as he finally stands up straight and slowly turns to face me. A large smile covers his face as he takes the few steps needed to enter my space again. Kneeling down, he pulls my hand from my mouth and holds it in his.

“You’re pregnant, kitten,” he tells me as all the breath escapes from my lungs and tears fill my eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Jameson. I’ve ruined your life,” I tell him, ripping my hands from his as I cover my face with them and let the tears escape my eyes and slide down my face.

Jameson doesn’t say a word as he lifts me into his arms and carries me out of the bathroom. I don’t look up to see where he’s going as I bury my face in his hard chest and trust him not to let me fall. In a matter of minutes, I feel my mattress meet my back as he lays me down in bed and doesn’t let me go as he slides in next to me. Jameson lets me cry for as long as I need to while he holds me and rubs his hand up and down my back. There are no whispered words of assurance between us as we each think about the two positive pregnancy tests sitting a few feet away in the bathroom attached to my bedroom.

I slowly calm myself as I realize I already love this baby more than I ever thought possible. No, I didn’t let myself believe that I was pregnant since the idea took root in my mind, but now that it’s confirmed that I am in fact carrying Jameson’s child, I will do everything I can to protect and love him or her with every beat of my heart and fiber of my soul. Jameson won’t ever have to worry about his son or daughter growing up feeling unloved or made to feel less than what they are because of the circumstances they were conceived. My parents never did that to me and I won’t do it to the child I now carry.

“Are you okay, kitten?” Jameson asks me, pulling back far enough to look at my face as he wipes my tears away and presses a soft kiss against my forehead.

I close my eyes and get lost in the moment we’re having. Neither one of us move and I can pretend that there’s more between Jameson and I than what’s truly going on here. That we’re in love and just learned we’re expanding our family so it’s a happy time in our lives. Instead, I don’t know how Jameson truly feels about this news.

“Are you okay with this, Jameson? I’m not going to get rid of the baby, but I also won’t force you into a situation you’re not ready to be in either,” I ask him, my voice muffled and barely above a whisper as I try to pull away from him so I can see his eyes to see the truth of his emotions and words.

“Kitten, I’m more than okay with this. If anyone is gonna have my kids, it will be you. I wish we were farther along in our relationship and that I wasn’t tryin’ to win you over because of the pain and hurt I’ve caused you over the years. We’ll get where we need to be, Zoey. For now, we’re gonna focus on our baby and make sure we do everythin’ in our power to make sure he or she doesn’t come out until it’s time. There’s somethin’ else we need to talk about though. Somethin’ I’ve been thinkin’ about since we stepped foot on campus and I realized what’s goin’ on. Why haven’t you told anyone you’re gettin’ bullied at school?” he questions me, his voice full of anger on my behalf as he stares down at me and pushes a piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear.

“You know how my family is. How Kingston would be if he knew. I didn’t want more problems on campus than what I already have. If they showed up and went all biker asshole on the students at school, I’d be the one to suffer when they aren’t around. If you think this is the first time I’ve been bullied, you’ll be severely disappointed. All through high school I was bullied and no one knew then. Not even my brothers and they were in the same school as me. I’ve dealt with this my entire life and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it,” I answer him honestly, opening myself up for the first time in a long time with Jameson.

“Kitten,” he says, anguish filling his voice at the thought of me going through this shit for so many years completely alone because I didn’t want to burden anyone else with what was going on. “Are you happy here, Zoey? If you were given the chance to stay here or go somewhere else, would you leave here and never look back?”

I think about his question for a few minutes. I’d love to get the fuck out of Benton Falls because of the bullying I suffer daily. However, I still have family here and want to be close to them. Especially with me being pregnant now. This is a loaded question and I really don’t know why he’s asking me this. A small part of me realizes he’s not going to want to be too far from me, but there’s no way he wants me to move to Clinton City. Is there?

“I mean, other than my family, there’s really nothing holding me here. I can finish my degree anywhere if I’m being honest. The tests I took today were my finals for the semester so I don’t have to worry about classes until the next semester starts. I was planning on signing up for some summer classes, but I never got around to it. I could probably still add some if I really wanted to, though. Why?” I return, my voice hesitant as I look up at Jameson and wait for him to respond to me.

“I don’t like what’s goin’ on here, kitten. Not just with the bullies at school. I thought you were in fuckin’ college and not still in high school. Though I guess some things truly never change when it comes to insecure little bitches. They will always find someone stronger than they are and tear them down because it makes them feel as if they’re better and stronger. At the end of the day, that’s just not the case. That skank knows nothin’ about you and how truly amazin’ you are. And I really don’t like the fact that a cop is fuckin’ harrassin’ you every chance he gets. Now, you’re feelin’ as if you’re bein’ watched and hidin’ when you should be able to walk around here with your head held high and a smile always on your face. So, would you be willin’ to come back to Clinton City with me? We can get you set up with a doctor there, you can find a school that will accept your credits, and anythin’ else you want to do there. We can figure out a house. There’s some on the compound, but I don’t want to take over Pound’s house. It’s been offered to me, but that’s his house and should remain empty for him. That’s somethin’ we can figure out once we get there though,” Jameson says, his words rushed as if he’s nervous about my answer to moving with him to Clinton City.

I’ve never known Jameson to be nervous a day in his life. There’s no reason for him to think I’d turn him down. This has nothing to do with how I feel about him and everything to do with our baby. If I’m truly going to make sure that Jameson is in our son’s or daughter’s life, then I need to be close to him. Moving to Clinton City will ensure that happens because we’ll be there together. Plus, it’s not like I’ll be there alone with him. Reagan is there and I miss her more than I let myself believe or feel. She’ll be at my side no matter what happens between Jameson and me. He might be her twin, but she’s pissed at him for the way he’s treated me over the years.

“I’ll move with you, Jameson. I’m not sure I’m ready to move in with you yet, but we can figure something out once we get there. When were you thinking of heading out to go back?” I ask him, a small smile on my face as excitement fills his eyes and he leans forward to kiss me softly on my lips.

“Since you’re now done with classes, we’ll leave as soon as you can be ready. I can go out now to rent an SUV and trailer to move all of your things to Clinton City. I don’t want you ridin’ while you’re pregnant, kitten. Too much can happen and I’m not gonna risk either one of you. I’m not tryin’ to make demands on you, I just have a feelin’ the doctor will agree with me on this,” he says, a grimace on his face as I take in his words.

“I wouldn’t risk riding knowing I’m pregnant. I already feel sick on a regular basis and I don’t want to crash knowing about the life I carry within me. We can put my bike in a trailer and park it somewhere once we get to Clinton City. No one will touch it there, will they?” I ask, knowing I’ve done every bit of work on my bike since the day I bought it. The only thing I haven’t done is the wrap to make my bike the dark blue color it is now.

“No one will touch it. I’ll make sure they all know your bike is off limits and no one’s to be near it. I’m gonna go now to get everythin’ we’ll need for the trip. You start packin’ and I’ll help you when I get back. Is all this furniture yours?” Jameson asks me, thinking about what I have in my apartment.

“Yeah. But, I can have my uncle G and gramps come pick it up. They can store it until I’m ready to bring it to Clinton City or they’ll let someone else in the family use it. I’m fine with either option. Plus, if my dad is still in town, he can take anything back with him that he wants. He’s the one that bought everything in here to begin with,” I answer him, already thinking of what I need to pack for the move I’m about to make.

“Okay. I’ll be back soon. Call your dad and let him know what’s goin’ on,” Jameson says, giving me one more kiss before getting out of bed and leaving my room.

Pulling out my phone, I set it on the nightstand by my bed. I’m not ready to have the conversation with my dad that I need to. For now, I’m gonna focus on packing what I’ll be taking with me and then I’ll call him. My emotions are already overloaded and it’s time for me to take a break and not think or worry about anything else other than the task at hand. So, I put on a playlist and start emptying my dresser before moving on to my closet. I’ve got the totes and suitcases I moved here with so I’ll pack as much stuff in there as possible before figuring out what else I can use to pack the rest of my stuff in. With a plan in place, I get busy and push every other thought from my mind.