TACK

The farm is on edge. Carys could go into labor at any moment. The law has its gaze on the club. Hunter often looks lost. Indigo is in a terrible mood. Before dinner, Zoot shows up to yell at a few people before riding off. Deirdre and Kiera keep getting themselves wound up. Plus, the new foster boys—who behave erratically on a good day—feed off today's weird energy and start trying to run off.

After everyone enjoys a buffet-style dinner at the farm's communal dining hall, Aunt Fred insists the farm go quiet. No roughhousing or loud music. Extra security at the farm's checkpoints. No one wandering alone after dark.

In the city, the clubhouse is closed. Our other businesses remain open, yet security is amped up and hours are cut back. As usual, Banta City puts on its most docile vibe possible while an army of feds prowl the streets.

After dinner, Hunter and I retire to my room. As we walk past Indigo on the porch with the dogs, Sleepy doesn't follow me. He looks up at Indigo and then at me. I see the dog struggling with who to obey.

Though Indigo doesn't signal for the dog to remain with him, he exudes a depressed demeanor. Sleepy decides to stick with the sad man rather than follow me. I'd be more irritated if I were on my own. Of course, if Hunter wasn't at my side, I'd stick close to Indigo.

In my bedroom, Hunter organizes her suitcases as if they're dressers. I sit on my bed and admire how she's preparing to stay with me long term. Something big shifted between us today.

That's why I didn't trust Noble with Hunter. It's also the reason I get tense whenever she speaks to Suzanne on the phone. As our relationship finally comes together, I'm terrified someone will come along and ruin it.

I remember how I was when I arrived at the farm. I was certain these people were shady. There were so many tatted men, riding motorcycles and roughhousing. In the midst of all the chaos was sweet as sugar Aunt Fred.

Nope. Didn't buy into it at all. I knew the people at the farm would screw me over. I was just as certain the other foster boys would sabotage me. Aunt Fred would show her true colors and be a bigger bitch than even my real mom. Elvis would prove he wasn't as fun as he pretended to be. It was all a con!

Of course, I was wrong. I recall when I finally caught onto how I was safe here. I'd been following Bear all day, doing chores before sitting down to finish my history assignment. As usual, I had fucked about until the last minute with my schoolwork.

My foster brothers—even hyper Golden—sat down with me at a picnic table and helped me mold my terrible essay into something decent. During our work, Aunt Fred walked over and offered us drinks. She stroked each of our heads before letting us get back to work.

That was the first time I didn't flinch when she touched me. In that moment, I realized how I no longer wanted to run. Thanks to the farm, "home" stopped being a negative thing to me.

I changed for the better after that day. I'm not sure I've hit that aha moment with Hunter yet. A week ago, I wasn't sure if she would ever give me a shot. The last few days felt like we were walking on the edge.

I need more quiet moments and every day experiences for me to settle in and trust this relationship. That's how I roll. Big events don't cement my feelings. I didn't trust the farm when they celebrated my birthday with a party. No, it was the boring stuff like cleaning the barn with my foster brothers, running laps with Elvis, and helping Aunt Fred in the kitchen.

Hunter cuddles next to me on the bed and takes the remote. "Before we watch a movie, can I ask you a question?"

I tense, assuming she's about to test me on something. Hunter's blue-eyed gaze is filled with concern.

Once I nod, she asks, "Is Indigo always so depressed?"

Relieved to know her concern is focused on someone else, I mumble, "The thing on the road fucked with him." When guilt fills Hunter's eyes, I change gears and add, "There's another reason he's so agitated right now. But I don't know if I can share the details with you."

"Why not?"

"You're a terrible gossip."

Hunter scowls at me. With anyone else, I could hold strong and wear a hard expression. But her irritation makes her nose bunch up in a sexy way, breaking my resolve. I lean over and cover her lips with mine until her scowl transforms into a happy glow.

"The stuff I want to tell you can't end up in Siobhan's ear," I say and kiss her throat.

Hunter gently pushes me away. "Is this a real thing or are you teasing me?"

"If I share my theory, do you swear not to tell anyone?"

"I'm very good at keeping secrets. I never told anyone you were stalking me. They had to figure that out on their own."

Her words cut at my ego. "I know stalking is wrong," I mutter. "I'm not like the guy who did this shit to you."

Hunter drops her smile immediately and moves closer. "Of course, you aren't. You saved me, Tack."

The tears filling her eyes instantly act as a kick in the balls. My ego is so damn sensitive sometimes. I need constant reassurance, but Hunter's hurting right now. I ought to put my shit on the backburner like she does for me.

Hugging her, I stroke her hair and let us soothe each other. "I love you," I say as she looks up at me. "I want to be your husband and make a baby with you. That's why I get bothered by the idea of being like the asshole who sent mercenaries after you."

"I didn't realize you were sensitive like this," she says, and I frown. "You've hidden so much from me. But that's okay. We're giving this thing between us a real shot. I plan to pull back all your layers and see the parts you've kept from me. Get ready to be dissected, Tack O'Malley."

I smirk at her warning. "I don't feel like I hide anything."

"It's not a calculated thing. When you fear a bad outcome, you protect yourself by avoiding the subject. Now, tell me what's wrong with Indigo."

Hesitating, I know Hunter and Siobhan talk about everything. Indigo doesn't need Siobhan knowing he might have a crush on her. What if I'm wrong? Hell, what if I'm right?

Despite my worries, I fess up. "I think Indigo is hung up on Siobhan."

Rather than gasp dramatically, Hunter asks, "Why only think ? Haven't you asked him?"

"No, that's not how Indigo works."

Hunter frowns. "I don't get it."

"Yeah, because your friends aren't fucked in the head. But Indigo might not even know what he feels, let alone how to admit it."

"But you could still ask him."

"If I'm wrong, he'll freak out," I explain and then add, "He'll freak out if I'm right, too."

Hunter studies me before stroking my jaw and saying softly, "But he's already freaking out. He won't talk to anyone. He sat on the floor in the corner at dinner and fed the dogs. He's acting bizarre. How is ignoring that better?"

Exhaling, I hadn't even viewed Indigo's behavior as weird. He gets wrapped up in his funky habits from time to time. When people talk to him about it, he shuts down and refuses to engage. Then, eventually, he'll shift gears and act normal again.

"I think having Sync play family man is making Indigo flip out right now."

Hunter considers what we saw today and points out the obvious, "Siobhan will never get back together with Sync."

"True, but Sync once said in front of us that the only woman he'd ever love was Siobhan. She was it for him, but she wasn't enough. I assume Indigo figures Siobhan feels the same way about Sync."

"Well, he's wrong," Hunter insists and sits cross-legged in front of me. "Siobhan is lonely and wants to be loved by a man who thinks she's enough."

I've never really talked out my feelings about Indigo and Siobhan. Usually, the discussion is mere bullshitting between the guys, but Hunter actually wants to sort out what's what.

"Do you think she'd want Indigo, though? He's a fucking handful."

Hunter shrugs. "I don't know if they'd work. She's never mentioned him in a hot guy way. But she doesn't act that way with any of you."

"She loved Sync. They were great together, but he wanted to party and fuck hot chicks and be single. Except he never had the balls to dump Siobhan, so he kept cheating until she dumped him. I don't know why she'd give another club guy a shot."

"It might not matter," Hunter says and straddles my lap. "You could be wrong about Indigo."

Studying her, I ask, "Do you think I'm a moron for not asking?"

"Yes, baby, I do," Hunter says and laughs. "He's your friend and foster brother. You're always together," she says and pats my chest. "I know it's your way to avoid drama. But if you think you know what's making him crazy, just speak up. If he freaks out, so what? He's already acting weird. If he's not into her, you'll know and might get down to the problem."

"Some people think he's gay," I say and add, "And in love with Golden."

"Good Lord, let's hope it's not that," Hunter says with too much gusto. "Golden is a terrible choice for anyone's heart. Don't they still ring the bell at the clubhouse whenever he pops a virgin's cherry?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Golden might be incapable of loving right, but Siobhan could actually fall for Indigo under the right circumstances."

"Seems unlikely."

"You don't know. I thought Natasha was crazy to fall for Bear when an arranged marriage was in her future. Plus, Bear's gruff and hard to read. They didn't seem like a good match. But I was wrong."

Hunter cups my face and smiles softly. "A week ago, I thought you and I would be a mistake. Now, I'm wondering what our baby will look like. So, maybe I'm not someone with any intuition about relationships, but I still think you should ask Indigo if he likes Siobhan."

Settling next to me on the bed, she shrugs. "If he acts like you're a moron, ask about Golden. Just poke at him and make him fess up. Then, you'll know the answer."

When I don't seem sure, Hunter explains, "I was pissed at Natasha when she didn't contact me for two years, even though she was talking to Siobhan. That shit hurt my feelings so much. I even considered cutting Natasha and Siobhan off for leaving me out. But they're my friends, so I pushed past it. Indigo is capable of getting upset and then forgiving you."

"Is he, though?" I ask and scratch my jaw. "He holds grudges. And let's say I'm right about Siobhan, that means he's kept his dick dry for years over a woman who was within reach all this time. So, if I piss him off, I feel like he could hold a grudge for a decade or two."

"No, because he knows what it's like to be your friend. If you're right about his feelings for Siobhan or if he's got a thing for Golden, he hasn't felt what it's like to be with them. It's easy to hold back when the alternative is the unknown."

I consider how I was willing to wait for Hunter for years. I knew what other women felt like, and I understood how Hunter was special. Waiting made sense. But now, that I've gotten a taste, I couldn't step back and be patient again. This woman is mine, and I can't pretend otherwise.

Indigo is a weird guy, but he's my friend. We're brothers. He trusts me. If I piss him off, he won't cut me loose.

"I'll do it. I mean you were right about how I should have mentioned Sleepy. I need to be smarter with the people who matter."

"Tack, if you really love me, just be you. Don't hide," Hunter says as her fingers dance across my jaw. "I don't hide from you. You've seen me crash and burn during improv. I've gotten lost in the middle of a song and completely fucked my band. I was useless out on the road. Oh, you likely remember my dyed black hair train wreck. But you still love me. And I'll love you, even if you share an embarrassing, lame, or scary thing about yourself."

"You're all-in, right?"

"One hundred percent. Like, how I lived at home for a long time and felt no need to push myself. Then one day, I decided I wanted a high-rise condo. No hesitation. I picked a place, bought it, and moved in within a month. No regrets, either."

"But you're giving up your condo."

Hunter frowns at me. "You're so messed up, Tack."

I share her scowl. "What's that mean?"

"You know what it means. Your parents fucked you mentally. You ended up on the farm, and they helped you feel right, but you're still wired all wrong."

"I think I'm reading shit correctly here. You wanted me but said no. Now, you're saying yes. What's to say you won't say no again?"

Hunter's expression goes soft and her tone is tender when she replies, "Nothing. Life isn't constant. It ebbs and flows. One day, you might wake up and realize you don't love me anymore."

"No," I mutter, irritated by even the suggestion.

"Tack, you don't know what forty-year-old you will be like. Or what sixty-year-old you will want. And that's okay. You love me in this moment in time. I love you, too. But life's messy. I've wanted you for a long time, but I didn't want your dangerous life. One day, my life also became dangerous. I wasn't protecting myself by being away from you. I was just suffering. So, I changed gears. But I've always been honest with you. I never lied about why things were happening."

Going rigid, I dare to ask, "What happens when your life isn't dangerous anymore?"

"I'm more worried about what happens years from now when we're older and have kids. Can we keep our relationship sexy and fun like Aunt Fred and Elvis do? Or will we be like my parents who got bored and moved on? You and I have never been put to the test, so I don't know the answer. But if we're honest with each other, we'll be okay."

Exhaling hard, I don't want Hunter to be reasonable. I need her to tell me how we're in this shit together forever. My twisted parents loved each other until their last breaths. That sounds more romantic than Hunter and me growing apart and parting ways like rational adults.

"You are a lot like your mom," I mutter.

Hunter smiles despite my meaning. "At my age, she was on her second husband and had two kids. She's far more passionate and fearless than I am. But I want you, and I believe we can be happy."

I stare into her eyes and demand, "I want you to say more."

Hunter studies me before offering a patient smile. "I can see us at our kids' high school graduations. We'll take them on summer trips before they start college. Your hair will be thinner up here," she says and runs her fingers through my currently thick hair.

"And your belly won't be so hard and trim," she adds, stroking my gut.

Hunter takes my hand and says, "Age will catch up to me, too. I'll have a wider butt and saggy breasts. No doubt some nips and tucks will be in my future. By then, we'll have remodeled our house a few times since I'm easily bored. Your friends will regularly come over to hang out in our tricked-out garage. I'll have new hobbies. Maybe gardening or I'll fancy myself a painter again. You'll need to pretend to enjoy my art exhibits like you did my plays."

"But I do like your plays."

Hunter grins at my bullshit. "Would you sit through them if you didn't get to look at me?"

Chuckling, I admit, "No, not in a million years."

Hunter shares my laughter. "I want us to get old and saggy and lame together. That's the dream, but I can't pretend life is written in stone."

"I can."

"Because we're different. You see that, right?"

"Yeah, I can't imagine you'd have ever stalked me."

"Uh, I kept coming to the clubhouse to see you. I stalked you plenty, but I was more subtle. Apparently, you never even noticed."

"I figured you were there to hang out with Siobhan."

"That's her work place. Why would we choose to hang out there all the time when we could go somewhere she doesn't have customers thinking she's on duty?"

"No," I mumble, having never really considered Hunter stalking me. I knew we were friends. That's what she was doing. "Why stalk me if you didn't want to be together?"

Shrugging, Hunter admits, "I just needed a fix. If I approached you somewhere else, you'd think I was encouraging you."

"And you didn't want that."

"I thought we couldn't work."

"But now you think different."

"Honestly?" Hunter asks and leans away. "I still don't know what will happen. But I love you, and I've fantasized about what might happen between us. That's why I have these ideas already about kids' graduations and a big garage for your motorcycles."

Realizing how much Hunter wanted me all this time leaves me edgy.

"What's wrong?" Hunter asks and cups my jaw. "Don't think. Just tell me."

"I want something."

"What?"

"I don't know."

Hunter studies me while still cupping my jaw. "Then, you don't know, and we'll leave it at that."

"Shouldn't we want to know?"

"Maybe it's nothing. Or you're reacting to the last week. All these new emotions might have gotten muddled in your head and made you feel unsatisfied. If that's the case, we shouldn't analyze it to death. We'll just hang out and watch a movie. Later, we'll get sweaty together. I might want a quick shower to cool down. We'll choose to be together without thinking or worrying. Can you do that?"

"Is it enough?"

"It is for me." Resting my hand on her chest, Hunter watches me with her beautiful blue eyes. "It'd be easy to let the fear, guilt, and pain swallow me up. Or I can strip away everything except you and me spending time together. That's all I want for tonight."

Hunter is a practical woman. That's one reason I fell so hard for her. She's worldly and educated. When everyone else is losing their shit, she acts as the voice of reason.

Right now, Hunter offers me only the truth. I want more, but I also know if she swore we'd be together until our dying breaths, I wouldn't believe her.

That's why I give her what she wants and turn on the TV. We find a mindless action movie to watch. After "Time Cop" is over, we leisurely fuck before fooling around in the shower. As we spend our third night together, I promise myself this uneasy feeling will fade.