Odette

26

J osephine Marcus is the most exhausting woman I've ever known. She's gone now, though. She begged me not to end our working relationship in the end, but it was too late. The comments she made about Fallon were unforgiveable and I'd never put an employee, let alone a partner, through such mistreatment.

She called me a cunt when I said I wouldn't change my mind. I told her I embraced that because cunts are warm and have depth, two things she sadly lacks.

That sent her out the door and Fallon into a fit of laughter. Then we celebrated over a bottle of rose′ before I crashed in his spare room and caught an early flight back to Seattle this morning.

Mostly, the celebrities I've worked with have been pleasant enough. You get a diva attitude here and there, but usually, they're congenial enough because they want what I offer.

Fallon and I will be weeding out the problematic ones and thoroughly vetting any new clients, so as to avoid situations like this in the future.

I text Gavin that I landed safely but I don't go straight home. Instead, I go to the school. I missed yesterday, I don't want to miss today, too.

Gavin asked me to let him know of my flight status while I was gone, and I've done that. Though we haven't talked about much else, besides how he feels. He consistently assures me that he's fine. There's been some guilt on my part. It started as a small voice telling me I shouldn't have left him.

Tori took time off school to stay with him. I made sure he was in good hands before I ran. Because that is what I did. Firing Josephine could have been a phone call.

Gavin was right to accuse me yesterday morning. We're at some kind of crossroads, I think.

He wants me to finally place my trust in him.

I want him to set some boundaries with Caroline. Even though I haven't asked him to. Their relationship isn't normal and none of us know how to navigate it. Yet, I think he is the one that needs to take the reins there. If he won't, if he can't, I don't know how I can ever feel like I'm the woman he loves.

When I get into my office, I check for any voicemails and emails that need to be returned. I've called in a ton of favors for the end of the year designer spotlight we have planned. I want all the best stylists and buyers to get these kids the most exposure I can. They're hard workers and so damned creative, they deserve every bit of attention the industry has to offer.

One email, however, is not industry related.

Can we meet for coffee? I'd like to apologize, if you'll let me.

Regards,

Caroline

My initial response is to ignore it. Then it's to tell her no. Then I realize that it's not my gut that needs to answer her, it's my heart. Building a life with Gavin will be impossible if Caroline and I aren't amicable, at least.

We're not enemies. I don't hate her. I don't even know her, honestly.

I can meet this afternoon. Par La Main at four.

She thanks me as if I've done some magnanimous thing instead of just accepting an olive branch.

The rest of the afternoon passes quickly, the only student coming into the workroom is Benji and I spend time with him as he explains his vision for his future brand. He speaks without doubts, confident that everything he's dreaming of will come to fruition.

I keep his attitude close to my heart when I walk into Par La Main to meet Caroline. She's already waiting for me at a small table in the back corner, a French press pot and two mugs in front of her.

"Hi," I say as I approach. "Thank you for this, I was up too early today."

"I figured. Tori said you were on an early flight," she says, pouring me a cup. "Thank you for meeting me."

"Does Gavin know we're here?"

"Only if you told him. He's upset with me, rightfully so. I fucked up the other night," she says, then pauses. "It's not the first time. I fucked up with you when I found out I was pregnant, too."

"Is that why you asked me here? Because Gavin is upset?"

"No. I've wanted this opportunity for a long time. After my behavior the other night, I thought it was best to just ask for it." She takes a sip of her coffee before she continues, "Let me start there. My boyfriend wanted to see a game; he'd never watched hockey until we started dating. I didn't tell Gavin or Tori I'd purchased tickets, but Tori texted to tell me you were at the game with her, and I thought I'd use the opportunity to meet you again. It was stupid and I made a worse decision when Gav got hurt. I was operating on old habits, not new situations. I took care of him for so long, I forgot that it's not my place anymore."

"You love him."

"He's family, . He's been family since before we knew the meaning and he's the father of my daughter. I'll always love him, but not how you're meant to love a spouse or a partner. That isn't something we've ever shared between us."

"He's said the same," I say. "How is that possible?"

"How did we spend so much time married? Necessity, at first. I'm sure he's explained why we got married," she says, and waits for my acknowledgment. I nod. "It may have seemed like we'd have a support system back home, but that wasn't really the case. Neither of our mothers would have been very helpful. They could offer some financial help, but I would have been on my own in most ways. Plus, the toll it would have taken on Gavin being away from the baby. It wasn't an easy decision, but I think I underestimated the long-term impacts. For both of us, and for you. I was selfish enough at eighteen to pretend that you wouldn't be hurt by it all. That you'd move to Manhattan and live a wonderful life and forget all about us. I believed that because it was easier for me to believe it. It let me live without the guilt that I'd come in between two people in love. After a while, we became complacent. We moved through every day completing all the tasks we had to, flashing smiles for friends and family. Putting on a believable show that crumbled to nothing every night when we were alone. Then one day, I met a man. Only then did I realize just how fucked up our life was."

"Even then you didn't end it," I prompt.

"It's hard, you know? Regretting our marriage but also not, because it gave Tori the childhood she had. I don't know how to reconcile it, . I imagine it's the same for Gav. What I do know is that I'm glad you have each other now. That I don't want to get in the way of that, and that I'm sorry for what we put you through. What I have put you through."

"Reconciling was hard for me, too, until I met Tori. I adore your daughter, who I know wouldn't be the same person if she wasn't raised the way she was," I say. "I understand the reasons you got married. I don't harbor any hate there."

"She loves you, if you didn't know already. She thinks the world of you." She takes another sip of her coffee. "We both hope it works out for you and Gav. If it does, I don't want things to be strained between us. Do you think that's possible?"

"It comes down to this, Caroline. I won't ever step on your toes as Tori's mom, or Gavin's friend," I say. "But when you needed him the most, I walked away without drama. I respected what you both needed even though it fucking broke me to do it. Now, we have a second chance and I need you to give me the same level of respect. I'm not asking you to disappear from his life, not like I had to do. You'll never have to live a day without his friendship and support, you'll never have to know the loss of that. But I am saying that you no longer get to step into the roles that are now mine. He's not yours to comfort and care for after a game, he's not yours to touch, or say you love him. Not anymore."

Caroline wipes a tear away. She'll never understand what it was like for me, and I hope she never experiences heartbreak like that. But maybe she at least sees that it wasn't easy for me. That it still isn't easy for me.

After I meet with Caroline, I go to Gavin's. He called to say that Tori left after he took his final cognitive test and passed with flying colors. He's officially off concussion protocol and cleared to skate in the morning.

There are still things we need to figure out, of course. While my conversation with Caroline was productive, it's not her that I need to know is committed to seeing Gavin and I work. We both need to be. So far, I've been too scared to. And he, well, he hasn't taken the control I need to feel safe.

It's not flowers and baked goods that I need from him. Though, I appreciate both. It's certainty that I want, the knowledge that I only come behind Tori. That when he needs to be taken care of, it's me he wants to do it. That I'm more than just the woman he likes to fuck.

Gavin meets me at the door when I get to his house.

"Hello, Mr. No Concussion."

"Hi, Ms. Boss Bitch." He pulls me in for a hug, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. "Did you get it handled?"

"Of course." He picks me up off my feet, carrying me inside and kicking the door shut behind him. Not stopping until we're in the kitchen and he's setting me on the counter so we're eye to eye.

"Do you want to tell me about the flowers?"

"I don't like yellow flowers."

"I'll make note of it if you explain." He tips my chin up with a finger when I try to avert my gaze.

"There were yellow flowers at your wedding."

"I don't remember that," he says. "I remember being depressed and worried that I was making the wrong decision. I remember wishing it was you standing in front of me. Pretending it was you because that's the only way I could get through the day. I remember missing the fuck out of you. And I remember feeling guilty as hell for those thoughts. All of that I remember like it was yesterday, but if you'd asked if there were flowers there, I would have said no."

"I remembered that detail for you, I guess."

"I'm sad you do. I hate that you've lived with that, and I'd take it away if there was any way I could," he says. "I'm sorry you came home after a hard night to them. I handled some business yesterday, too."

"What business?"

"I called Caroline. I told her that the only woman who has that kind of access to me is you. Nothing like that will happen again, Ode. I promise, and I'm sorry I didn't set some parameters before something like that happened. That, like so many other things, is my fault. I'll own them, and I'll learn from them. Okay?"

"I'm sorry I've been so…fragile."

"You're not fragile, Ode. You're cautious in one area of your life. Only one. Otherwise, you're as strong as any hockey player I know. You're passionate and you care, and you don't let people get walked over or taken advantage of. How could you ever see yourself as fragile?"

"Because yellow flowers send me over the edge."

"Give me all your triggers and I'll steer us clear of them."

"All of them?"

"Every single one, Ode."

"I hate the color navy blue."

"Okay," he says, grinning.

"I can't eat cilantro. I have that gene that makes it taste like soap."

"Fuck, that might be a deal killer."

"Asshole," I grumble, and he laughs. "I prefer rainy locations to sunny ones. The sun is the devil and I'll wilt under it."

"I'm definitely breaking up with you over that," he teases.

"Can we break up before we're even together?"

"You wound me, Quinn," he says, gripping his chest. "It's a wound I earned a long time ago, though, isn't it?"

"I don't want to cause any more wounds, Gavin. I can't take any more, either."

"I know, Ode. I said I'd protect you with my life and I meant it. Okay? I mean it." He brings his face close to mine. Seeing me, seeing through me. "I love you, . I think I've been in love with you since our first date. Since the first time you gave me the time of day. I'll be in love with you until I'm in my grave."

"Gavin…"

"Shh." He silences me with a quick kiss. "Don't say anything. Not until you're ready. I haven't had enough time to prove myself to you yet. But I swear I will. I'm still only asking you to try to keep giving me that time."

If he's by my side, I can give him all the time this life has left for us.

"Okay."

"Yeah? You mean it?"

"I mean it," I reassure. "But can you try not to take any more hits like that on the ice? I've never been more frightened."

"I'll try," he says, pressing kisses to my forehead.

"Can I call you my boyfriend? I've never had one before."

"Yes, Ode," he says, then fuses his mouth with mine. His tongue pushes past my lips. Again, he lifts me with ease. This time, hauling me into the primary bathroom. When I'm back on my feet, he steps away to run water into his large garden tub.

"We're taking a bath?"

"Yes, and I'm taking that ass."

"Oh, are you?" I ask when he turns back to me.

"Do you have a problem with that?" His hand finds the chignon at the back of my head and pulls. "Girlfriend."

"No," I say, pulling my dress over my head, then unclasping my bra and letting it drop. When we're both bare and the tub is full, he helps me in.

"Stay put," he barks as he hurries back into his bedroom. He returns with a bottle of lube that he places on the edge.

"You just happen to keep lube handy?"

"Listen, my hand was getting quite the workout until recently."

"That's hot," I purr.

"Yeah? You wanna watch?"

"Yes, please," I say, resting my chin in my palms. Gavin is already hard. "But you won't need the bottle if you stick that cock in my mouth first."

"Fucking hell, woman." He steps into the tub with me. "You're first, though. If your mouth touches me right now, I'm going to explode."

I smile, scooting up on the ledge and arching my back so my rear pops out of the water.

"Go ahead, boyfriend." Gavin wastes no time in burying his face, and tongue, in. "Oh, fuck."

His fingers expertly play at my pussy as his tongue works my ass into a frenzy. It's not an area I've let men venture. The sensation is almost new, exciting, and holy shit…so good. Especially when his fingers graze my clit, my own grasping to the tub to keep from moving too much or coming too soon.

I can't stop myself when he pushes his tongue in and hums with pleasure, sending a vibration straight to my core. I gasp and grind against his fingers as the orgasm rocks through me. It's so easy for him to make me come.

If I had any ego with sex, I'd be disappointed in myself with how quickly I crumble under his ministrations. But I don't, and I'm not fighting it. It only means more orgasms to come because he doesn't tire easily.

I flop over onto my back, stretching my arms out to the sides and moving my legs as far apart as the tub allows so Gavin can nestle between them.

He kisses me, hard and a little sour. I don't mind it, since he doesn't, either. I like that he wants every part of my body, it makes me feel powerful and alive. Wanted and desired.

"Fuck me until you're close, Gavin. Then finish in my mouth," I say against his lips.

"It's like you're in my head with me," he says as he thrusts in so hard my head falls back. His palm is there, holding me up. Holding me close. He's relentless, water sloshing over the sides and onto the floor, all while he tethers me to his body. I wind my limbs around him, holding on and sighing with each slide of his hard cock inside me.

I love this. Our connection, our union. Hearts throbbing skin to skin. Bodies slapping without a care other than more, more, more.

I love him. But I keep it to myself. It's not the time for the words. I think he knows anyway. I think he feels this as strongly as I do. There's no way he couldn't.

Pressing kisses to his neck, I lay the words there. Silent and invisible but marked forever. A promise to grow stronger for him, to learn to give him my whole heart without fear, to build a life together. To love him until death.

It's our turn. It's our time.

I pull at his curls and nip at his jaw as his rhythm shifts. He's close now.

"My mouth, Gavin. I want to taste you."

"Fuck," he groans, but then he's standing and holding my head where he wants me with one hand. The other stroking his cock. So tantalizing my eyes blur from anticipation. "Open."

When my lips part enough, he shoves it in and holds it deep. I moan around him, gripping his thighs, the muscles tensing under my fingers.

In and out, he starts a slow glide. I lap at him. Waiting and wanting, tasting the pre-cum. Then he's coming, and I'm swallowing him down like it's the only sustenance I'll ever need, while he keeps thrusting until he's totally satiated and so am I.

After he's cleaned us up and dried us off, he wraps a blanket around me and props me back up on his kitchen counter while he cooks me dinner in the nude. It's a nice view, nicer than my lake at home.

"I had coffee with Caroline today," I say. He pauses the knife chopping the onion.

"Why did you do that?"

"She asked." I shrug. "She wanted to apologize."

"That's good, she owed you that. How did it go?"

"Okay, I think. We found some common ground, anyway."

"I'm glad," he says, stepping over to press a kiss to my lips.

"But you should know that if you ever let her touch you again, you'll be missing more teeth than Letty."

"Noted," he says with a huge grin.