Odette

22

Y esterday was the best day I can remember having in a long time. Gavin stayed over after our fight that wasn't much of a fight at all. We're too old for those theatrics, I guess. We're still quite good at cutting each other with words, though. Or maybe that's just me.

Regardless, he spent the day with me by waking me up with breakfast in bed. After, we took a walk around Gasworks Park, since it wasn't raining. He said I should get a dog, something tiny, yappy, and that looks like a hairball. I laughed off the suggestion, but honestly, it's an appealing idea.

I told him I've never had a pet. I've never had a relationship.

He held my hand and said that the last part wasn't true.

I changed the subject to Tori. When he had the chance, he changed it to Preston.

"You and me," he said. "Just you and me."

To which I said, "You'd have to tell me when you're planning on seeing your ex-wife."

And I hated myself for speaking it, for the pettiness it made me feel, and how insecure it made me sound.

"That's the very least I'd need to do," he said without judgment, then he kissed me, and I forgot what I had been so concerned about moments before.

When we got back to my house, he stripped me naked.

"Are you ready to give up your side piece?"

"I thought that was you," I teased, but he didn't find it funny.

"Drop to your knees, pumpkin. Take your punishment for that remark."

"You shoving that cock down my throat is hardly punishment," I'd snarked back. What was punishment is how he edged me for forty-five minutes before he let me come. Gavin has fucked me ruthlessly every time, but something changed in him yesterday. He was possessive and I liked it more than I can admit.

He left before lunch, needing to get to the iceplex. But not before he said he wouldn't be fucking me again until I stopped my "play dates with the stuffy dude". I missed him minutes after he left.

So now, I'm meeting Preston.

A breakup, of sorts. How do you break up with someone you are casually seeing? I typically stop accepting invites. That doesn't seem sufficient enough for this situation. Gavin wants definitive. Though, I've made him no promises other than that I would try. It's all I can do.

Try with Gavin and cut it off with Preston.

As a child, I thought love made you stronger, happier, a better human. It was like that when I fell in love with Gavin. And then it wasn't anymore, and I lost a lot of that little girl. I no longer dreamed of wedding dresses and happily ever after.

Yesterday I felt some of that youthful euphoria again walking through the park. It was the first time I thought that a second chance might not be out of reach. I'm holding on to it with every ounce of strength, even though my instinct is to run as fast as I can to the nearest airport and board the longest flight I can find.

Preston is already seated at a table in the café when I walk in. His face lights up when he sees me approach, which only makes me feel like a bitch. Though, I never made promises to him, either. And really, he's the one who is married.

He stands to greet me, leaning in to press a kiss, but I step back. Confusion dawns on his features.

"? What's wrong?"

"Sit, please. We'll talk."

The server comes by and Preston orders himself a glass of wine, while I opt for tea.

"I had something I wanted to ask you," he says.

"What's that?"

"A French artist, Colette Durand, is doing a pop-up exhibition next week in Paris. I bought flights."

Well, that's…awfully fucking presumptuous of him.

"I can't go with you," I say. "In fact, I can't see you anymore. Not like that."

"Are you friend-zoning me, ?" he asks, sitting back in his chair.

"I am," I tell him, then thank the server as she sets my tea in front of me.

"Because of the hockey player?"

"Because we were never going anywhere, Preston. It's been fun, but it's run its course."

"And if I don't agree?" he asks, taking a sip of his wine. He doesn't thank servers. It was something I noticed right off but thought it was more of a distraction thing than rudeness. Over the course of the past couple of months, I've realized it's a personality trait. Preston is somewhat of an elitist. A snob. The more comfortable he was with me, the more he let that show.

"You're entitled to your opinion," I state calmly. "You aren't entitled to me."

"Noted," he says. "The ticket is yours anyhow. You can come as a friend."

"I'm not sure I can squeeze Paris into my schedule next week."

"Well, keep it in mind. Just in case something frees up," he says, and I get the feeling he's not taking me seriously. As if he thinks I'll be inviting him back to my bed in a matter of days.

Here I was thinking I didn't take rejection well.

"No, not the Armani," I say, opening the door to Gavin. I wave him in while I try to finish up the conversation. "Stacia, no. Trust me, you want the Wun. I promise you, it is not too much, it's perfect."

"Fallon said the same," she says.

"Trust him, too. He's got a better eye than I do."

"That's bullshit, but fine. I'll wear the Wun."

"Perfect, you'll look gorgeous in it."

"Thank you, ."

"Anything for you, darling," I say before ending the call.

"Stacia Carmichael?" Gavin asks.

"Mmhmm," I confirm as he wraps me in a hug.

"The hottest thing in pop music Stacia Carmichael?"

"How much do you know about pop music?" I ask, wrinkling my nose at him.

"As much as Tori tells me, she's a big fan. I took her to a Stacia concert when she was twelve."

"She puts on a great show, I bet you had a good time."

"I did, actually," he says, lifting me off my feet and walking us into the living room. "Did you take care of that thing?"

"By thing, do you mean Preston?"

"Is that stuffy dude's name?"

"You know it is," I say, raising an eyebrow. He sits on my sofa, arranging me on his lap. I love that he's so much bigger than me, that he's strong enough to manhandle me to his heart's delight. It's nice to relinquish some control for once.

"What did you tell him?"

"That it was over."

"And what did he say?"

"He asked me to go to Paris with him next week."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"He bought me a ticket already."

"Presumptuous of him," he says, circling my waist, his calloused fingertips grazing the skin between my trouser waistband and the slightly cropped shirt I'm wearing. It sends a shiver up my spine, and he grins at my reaction.

"That's what I thought," I say. "How was practice?"

"Good, we're ready for tomorrow," he says into my neck, nuzzling it. "Caroline and Brock fly in next Monday. I don't expect to see them. It's just a heads-up."

"You know I wouldn't expect you to never see her, right?"

She's Tori's mother and has been Gavin's friend his whole life. Only, with how new this situation is, I'm not sure how I'll react to seeing her and Gavin engage with each other.

"I know, it's more that you don't want to be blindsided or left out of the loop," he says, his thumbs rubbing circles on my skin. "I understand."

"Okay, then," I say and pull my shirt over my head.

"Holy fuck, woman," he growls, taking in my barely there strappy black bra. "We doing this, Ode? You and me, we trying for real? I need to hear you say it."

"If you can be patient with me. I don't know how to do this and when I give it too much thought, anxiety still blooms in my chest."

The apprehension that's been settled deep down inside for so long is only slightly diminished. Something Vaughn said the other night struck me, though. He knows what he's been missing. I've been missing out, too, on him. The only man I've ever wanted. He's been offering me what I used to dream about, and I've been too fearful to take it. I don't live any other part of my life under fear, I'm not going to let it take over this part, either.

"This chest?" he asks, placing a hand over my heart.

"That's the one," I answer. He looks at his own hand, almost sadly, but not fully. A little hopeful, too. "It's worried this is too good to be real, and that at any moment the other shoe will drop."

"I'll protect it with my life, Ode." He presses a kiss to it. "I don't want you to go to Paris with him."

"No? I really love Paris. It has the best vintage shops," I say, leaning into his palm that's now massaging my breast.

"I'll take you for your birthday," he mumbles between the kisses he trails over my skin. "Buy you all the beautiful old stuff you want."

"My birthday, huh?"

"Mmhmm, I'll be retired so we can spend as much time there as you want."

"You remember my birthday?"

"Of course, I remember. You made me take you skinny dipping because you said it was a childhood rite of passage that you never accomplished."

It was the most fun we'd ever had, and we almost got caught by the elderly couple that lived on the small lake we dove into.

"We had a lot of fun that summer."

"We can have it again," he says. "I vote we start now. Once I can figure out how to get you out of this contraption, anyway."

"You want to have fun with me, Gavin?"

"I want a life with you, but that includes fun. The dirtiest fucking kind you can imagine, Ode."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I've been holding back. I'm not going to do that anymore."

"Holding back? Why?" And how? Holy shit, the man can already fuck me like a piston with no end in sight.

"There is a long list of things I want to do with and to you, Ode. I just wanted you to be all in, first."

"What kinds of things?" I ask, pushing his head back so I can lick up the column of his neck.

"I want to fuck you on every surface in this house, which is going to take a while since it's so big."

"Too big," I moan.

"I want to tie you up to your headboard, tease you endlessly while you can't touch me back," he says, then strains up to kiss me. "Then I'll let you do the same to me."

"That could be fun."

"First thing I want to do is eat that plump fucking ass of yours, though."

I burst out in laughter. "I did not expect you to say that."

"It's been on my mind for a minute," he says, winking.

"What else has been on your mind for a minute, Gavin?"

"That I don't want to fuck this up."

"Then try not to, and I'll try, too," I say as he finally finds the clasp of my bra and pulls it off me. "Britton is gone again tonight. She and Hugo are having a lot of fun, too, I think."

"So, we can fuck right here?"

"If you get naked." His tongue finds my nipple, and I lose thought for a split second. "I like the new flowers."

Gavin is still sending them regularly; I'm starting to think he's never going to stop. The latest bouquet is a huge spray of baby's breath. Delicate and feminine, nestled between hardy greens, it's unlike anything I've seen before.

"I'm glad," he says, switching breasts. "Let's get naked."

Gavin strips me of my clothes before he takes off his own. Bare, we stand in the middle of my living room eye to eye. The world stops around us. An invisible bubble forms, protecting us from the outside, silent and still.

It feels right. Like the first time I dressed Britton. Instinct told me it was the choice that would change my career. This feels life-changing, too. As if I'm not making the wrong decision by giving us a second chance.

"You are devastatingly fucking beautiful, Quinn."

"I could say the same about you," I tell him, raking my sight over his ridges. He's so incredibly built. No fat anywhere in sight, just muscle layered on muscle, down to thick lines that seem almost like directions to his cock, which is already hard and proud.

"Why did you change your mind?"

"Do you want me to change it back?" I tease.

"No, you brat," he says, reaching around to give my ass a swat. "Call me curious."

"It's what I always wanted," I say after a moment. I'm not quite as composed as I thought I was, and tears well as I spill some truth. "I've done stupid things, Gavin. I let men fuck me the way I imagined you were fucking her. I fuck men imagining they're you, that it's one last time before they walk away to their pretty wives."

"Ode." He pulls me into his chest, cradling my head in his strong hand.

"I made up so many make-believes about you that I couldn't trust reality anymore. But it's what I've always wanted, so I'm trying to be brave enough to listen to my heart telling me it's real."

"It's real. I'm sorry things weren't different, I'm sorry about so much. But you and me? We're real."