8. Blaise

Master.

Never in a million years had I expected to be agreeing to refer to someone else as my master, let alone desperate for it to happen. I'd felt so adrift for so long, so fucking alone, and here was this gorgeous man offering me everything I'd ever longed for in a neatly tied package.

Who was I to say no?

"I don't expect you to call me it in public," Toby continued, "but?—"

"Why not?" I interrupted him, wincing when he raised a brow. "Sorry. I just meant, do you want to hide what's going on between us?"

Are you ashamed of me?

"No." He reached over to grab my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I just assumed you wouldn't want the others asking all sorts of inappropriate questions. Not that I'll let them if I'm around, but I don't want one of them getting you alone and badgering you into revealing things you're not comfortable sharing. I've spent enough time with River to know that he shares the same foot in mouth syndrome as Harlow."

I grunted, trying to ignore the familiar flood of guilt and shame that accompanied any mention of Harlow or Bailey. "Yeah, you're right. It's none of their business."

"Just to be clear, I have zero issues with them knowing about our contract. For the next year, you belong to me, and that's something I'll own with pride."

I know he didn't mean them to be, but Toby's words were a mind fuck. He was offering me everything he had, but there was an expiration date. I had to remember that. Had to remember that this would end, and I needed to be prepared when it did.

"I would like you to use a specific word if other people are around and you need me to step in. Something innocuous so you don't hesitate to use it—perhaps a term of endearment?"

My mind went blank. "Umm, can I just call you Tobes?"

He grinned. "I love it. Only the people closest to me can call me that, so it works perfectly."

I ducked my head so he couldn't see my smile. Close to him. I was going to have someone…well, for the next twelve months, at least.

Which is more than you deserve, my subconscious whispered. My smile faded. I didn't deserve this, not really, but I wasn't walking out on Toby. I couldn't. For the first time in months, I was doing something that had the potential for peace.

I'd do almost anything to have that again, even temporarily.

Toby continued going through the contract line by line, checking from time to time to see if I had any questions. It wasn't until we reached the section titled ‘Sexual limits and kinks' that I started to squirm in my seat.

I couldn't be considered inexperienced, not by a long shot. But by supe standards, my sex life had definitely been more vanilla than most, my partners few and far between.

"Colour?"

I glanced up at Toby in surprise.

"You're easy to read," he said. "You're fidgeting in your seat, and as soon as you saw this section, you couldn't meet my gaze. So, I'll ask you again, colour?"

I swallowed. I wanted to say green, but Toby couldn't have been clearer about the need for honesty. "Yellow."

Toby surprised me by giving me a broad smile. "Thank you, Blaise. I know that wasn't easy. Come on, let's sit somewhere more comfortable."

Grabbing the iPad that the document was on, he jumped to his feet. Rounding the corner, he took my hand and marched me into the living room. Once there, he pushed on my shoulders until I was on the sofa. Then he put something squishy in my hands. It was multicoloured and had several bubbles you could push from one side to the other.

"It's a fidget," he said. "I want you to focus on that while you talk. It might help."

I'd half-expected him to sit beside me, but instead he took the armchair. At my questioning look, he smiled. "You might feel better with a bit of space during this. Correct me if I'm wrong though, it'll take me a while to learn all of your tells."

My skin heated at the thought of how well Toby could already read me better than anyone else I'd ever met.

"I'm going to ask you some questions, Blaise, and I want you to answer them as honestly as you can. Trust me when I say there's nothing you can say that will shock me. Regardless of what your kinks are, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

I scowled at the fidget. Toby was assuming I had kinks, when the opposite was true.

"Ah, okay. I see. Let's start with this one. Have you had a sexual relationship before?"

I pushed the bubbles through to the other side. "Yes."

"More than one?"

"Yes."

"Do you want sex to be part of our arrangement? I've been assuming you do, but if you don't, that's completely fine too."

I felt my skin heat as my power rippled. The rubber became too soft between my fingers, making me toss it onto the coffee table before I ruined it completely. "It's not that. I want sex to be part of this, but…"

When I didn't continue, Toby quietly prompted me. "But what?"

"But what if I'm not what you need?" The words burst from me in a torrent. "I don't even know what most kinks are. My experience, if you can call it that, has involved one-night stands where we don't even take our clothes off. I can't keep you satisfied, and yet you're expecting me to be with you for a year? Exclusively? How is that fair when I can't give you what you need?"

When I finally ran out of steam, Toby's lips were thin. My heart sank. Great. Looked like he hadn't realised that and was now waking up to the reality.

"Finished?"

I nodded miserably, resigning myself to having fucked this up before it even started. Status quo, really.

Suddenly Toby was in front of me, his fingers wrapping around my throat in a light, possessive hold. "Look at me."

I blinked up at him in surprise, trying to ignore the way my cock was stiffening.

"Listen to me very carefully, Blaise." The note of warning in his voice was probably meant to intimidate me, but all it did was turn me on more. "All I need, as you put it, is your submission. I don't give a fuck how much experience you have. Don't know what kinks you like? Then we will have lots of fun exploring them together. And if it turns out you're completely vanilla? That's also good. I'll still be able to drag orgasms out of you in ways you haven't even dreamed of."

"Okay," I said, dazed by the intensity in his eyes.

"Okay, what?"

I swallowed. "Okay, Master."

He shivered, dusting his thumb over my lip. "That's all I need, Blaise, just that."

Well, that I could do. I barely knew the bloke, but something told me I'd spend all day on my knees if he asked me to.

I wanted to please him. Maybe if I could do that, I wouldn't feel like so much of a failure.

"Do you want to discuss anything else before we continue? Ask any other questions? I'm happy to reassure you about anything."

I shook my head, my small smile returning.

Toby thumbed my lip once more before retreating to his armchair. I was disappointed by the distance, but maybe having him over there would stop me being so distracted. For some reason, things as simple as remembering to breathe were challenging when he was close.

"Colour?"

"Green."

"Good." He picked up the iPad. "Now, we'll continue with the traffic light system unless you have a preference for different safe words?"

"No, the colour thing works. Less for me to fuck up."

"Your negative self-talk is going on your list of rules. Consider it rule number one." His finger moved over the iPad as he literally typed it in. "From this point on, if you speak about yourself in a way I deem unsuitable, you'll be punished. Do you consent?"

I stared at him for a long time before nodding. Not because I was afraid of punishment, but because I didn't actually believe I could do what he was asking. That was fine though. I was going into this hoping for a fucking tonne of punishment. Maybe then I'd be able to sleep, knowing someone was holding me accountable.

Toby went through a list of kinks and sexual activities, pausing to explain any I didn't understand. By the time we were done, I was as hard as a rock. Some of the things definitely didn't appeal, but they were seemingly in the minority.

The vast majority were things I might not have thought of, but that suddenly seemed appealing if Toby was the one doing them. Spanking, restraints, and using toys…my reaction to those didn't surprise me.

But people watching us have sex? Cock cages? Cock warming?

Yeah. I hadn't expected my pulse to start quickening at the thought of those.

"I've organised them into three groups," Toby said, passing the iPad over to me. "The first ones are ones you're keen to try or already comfortable with. Soft limits are the ones you're unsure about but willing to try, and hard limits are the ones we won't ever try."

There weren't many on the hard limits list. Scat play and anything involving urine. Sounding. Figging. Toby had also added ‘extreme pain.'

I looked up at him questioningly.

"I'm not referring to things like spanking," he explained. "I'm a Dom, but not a sadist. I'm not comfortable dishing out a punishment with anything harder than my hand."

"That's fine," I said quickly. "I don't think I'd like anything more than that anyway."

Toby looked satisfied. "See, our interests are aligning perfectly. I've got a good feeling about this, Blaise."

I didn't say anything, but I felt the same. I could barely believe this was happening, let alone that it might actually work.

Then my gaze fell on the final entry, one I definitely hadn't added. "No kissing?"

"Yes," Toby said, smoothing out an imaginary crease in his trousers. "It's a hard limit for me. Don't worry, it only refers to your lips. I've got no issue using my mouth on any other parts of your body."

That hadn't even occurred to me. I couldn't lie though, I was disappointed. I wanted to feel Toby's lips against my own. Wanted him to dominate me with his kiss. For him to make me forget everything else in every conceivable sense.

There had to be a reason why he didn't like it. Did he have this rule for all his subs? Or was he introducing it just for me?

I pushed aside my disappointment. It didn't matter why Toby wanted this as a limit, just that he did. I had to respect that, the same way he'd be respecting mine.

Once we'd both signed that section of the agreement, Toby laid down his ground rules for me. They mainly centred around a routine, one that required me to eat three times a day and only work out for three hours max a day.

That made me a bit twitchy. "What am I supposed to do with the rest of my time?"

"I have a list," he replied. "Don't worry, Blaise. I won't let you get bored."

I bit my lip, debating whether I should ask this question or not. "Does that list involve me touching you?"

A slow smirk tilted Toby's lips. "I believe you've touched me already."

"Not how I want to."

He swivelled his lip ring as he sat back in his chair. "Don't worry, Blaise, there will be plenty of that on the agenda."

After we'd both signed the contract, Toby got down to planning out the next seven days. Some list it was too. He'd scrawled it in a small notebook for me, his tongue twisting his lip ring as he concentrated.

I tried not to stare too hard at him. If I did, I'd be reminded how out of my league he was. How painfully, beautifully out of my reach he should be.

But it was fine. As Toby kept reminding me, this wasn't a relationship, it was a contract. One with a specific end date.

"Here," he said suddenly, pushing the notebook towards me with a grin. "How does this sound for this week?"

I scanned down the list, my lips twitching. Every day he'd put a new activity he wanted me to try. They were oddly specific too.

Today - Watch a Marvel movie featuring the character Bucky

Friday - Do a puzzle (I will send you the one you're to do)

Saturday - Take a soak with a pomegranate bath bomb

Sunday - Rock climbing with Master

Monday - See a therapist

Tuesday - Attend the book club meeting at The Closet

My amusement held until the last two. I flinched, throwing the notebook on the table and shaking my head. "No."

Toby tilted his head. "Can you explain which one you're saying no to? And why?"

My head swung vehemently from side to side. Was there a ringing noise coming from somewhere? Shit. Why were my hands tingling?

Getting to my feet, I searched blindly for the exit. Where was it? Why couldn't I think?

Toby was in front of me. I hadn't even realised he'd moved. His mouth was forming words, but I couldn't hear him.

"I c-c-an't…" I stammered. How was I failing at this so fast? I should've known I'd be a failure. I was fucking weak. So fucking pathetic. I should just end it all. Just give it all up and?—

Toby's hand was around my throat. His grip was tighter than earlier, his eyes calm. He spoke again, and this time, the word pierced the chaos.

"Kneel."

I dropped hard, but Toby's hand managed to stay around my throat. Both my hands wrapped around his arm, not to remove him, but to keep him there.

"I've got you, boy," he said reassuringly as his other hand went into my hair. "Breathe. Now."

I sucked in air noisily.

"Again."

The tingling started to ease.

"Again."

My brain started to quiet. I closed my eyes, still clinging to Toby like he was my safe port in the storm.

"Your pulse is slowing. Keep breathing for me. In and out."

I did as he instructed, focusing on nothing but his voice.

When my breathing was back to normal, everything else came slamming back to me. Oh god, I'd freaked out. What the fuck must Toby think of me? Maybe I should leave before he could kick me out.

I started shifting on my knees, but the pressure on my throat stopped me. Toby was glaring down at me. "Unless you're going to safe-word, you're not going anywhere. You're going to stay exactly where you are until I allow you to get up. Understand?"

It took a few seconds for me to find my voice, but when I did, the words were some of the easiest I'd ever spoken.

"Yes, Master."