6. Blaise

Iblinked awake and realised three things simultaneously.

One: I wasn't in my own bed.

Two: I was naked.

Three: I'd slept until the sun was up without a single nightmare waking me.

I think it was that third thing that stopped me springing up from the bed. That hadn't happened in a long time. Not since before the day I ran away, leaving Bailey bleeding to death on the classroom floor.

The night before came rushing back as the fog of sleep left my mind. Going to the bar. Toby. Him taking me home. Promises of things I'd never thought of but which sounded damn appealing.

Toby touching me. Massaging me. Fingering me.

Lifting my head, I glanced around for him but found the room empty. Before the anxiety over what to do could rise too high, Toby appeared holding a heavily laden tray.

"I thought I heard you stirring," he said cheerfully, putting the tray on the dresser. "Now, I wasn't sure if you took tea or coffee so I brought both. There's also some pastries and fruit."

I pulled myself into a sitting position. "What's happening?"

Toby swept over, using his fingers to tilt my head this way and that. "You still look peaky. I don't like the look of these bags under your eyes."

I ducked my head down, scowling at the duvet. "Good to know I don't meet your standards."

My head was whipped back up in an instant, Toby's hold unforgiving. "That wasn't my personal opinion, Blaise, but my professional one."

"What, as a bartender?"

His lips twitched. "I forget that you haven't been part of our little group for very long."

"I'm not part of it at all."

He released my chin and tapped the end of my nose. "That's what you think."

Striding across the room, he poured tea from a pot into a dainty china cup. I bit back a smirk. Not at all what I'd been expecting to see a vampire with a lip ring drinking from, but whatever floated his boat. "I'm not a bartender. I mean, I am. But if you want to be technical about it I'm a…doctor."

"A doctor?"

He waved a hand in the air. "Well, the title changes every few decades, but essentially yes. I have medical degrees from prestigious universities all over the world. Every few years I go back and study it afresh to ensure I keep up with new developments. The subject fascinates me."

"Why do you work in a bar then? Why not just be a doctor full-time?" Surely he didn't need the money. I'd yet to come across a supe who wasn't ridiculously wealthy.

"While I enjoy the study of medicine, the application doesn't appeal as much. Working with humans, seeing them dying and knowing you can't save them, it takes something from you. It's not something I can do for long."

That sounded hard. I hadn't cared about many people in my life, but all of those that I had had died. Except River, of course. Trying and failing to save humans must take its toll.

Toby continued. "Anyway, more than anything else, I like people. I crave the company of supes as well as humans. Working in the club gives me both things."

I pulled a face, something Toby picked up on with a chuckle. "Oh, not a fan of people then?"

"Not generally." I fiddled with a loose piece of cotton on the bedding. "Being around people increases the odds of fucking up."

There was a gentle clink as Toby put the cup on the saucer. "Is that how you approach everything? By deciding how much you might ‘fuck up'if you do something?"

I gave a half shrug, keeping my gaze lowered. "I guess. After what happened with Bailey, I think I've proven that I can't be trusted to make good decisions."

Toby's lips twisted. "Or you've learned you need to put more thought into your decisions. Do you know what the most successful people have in common?"

I shrugged again.

"They've made poor decisions in the past, but they've learned from them. They used them to become better people."

"I don't want to be a success," I said hollowly.

Toby sat beside me on the bed, his gaze intense. "I didn't think you did. But tell me, Blaise, what do you want?"

He'd asked me the same question last night, and I'd told him I didn't know. Which was true. But after a few hours in his bed, just being around him, I had more of an answer than I had before.

"Peace," I whispered. "I just want peace."

"I can help you find that."

I stayed quiet. I wasn't sure anyone could, but I was willing to let Toby try. Anything had to be better than going through this the way I had been.

Alone.

"Okay, this is what we're going to do," Toby said briskly, getting to his feet. "You're going to have some breakfast, followed by a shower, then you're going to go back to bed and try to sleep some more."

I rubbed my hand over my chin. "Not sure I'll be able to."

"You're going to try." He leaned down, his hand skating over the scruff covering my face. "Now, tea or coffee?"

Iput away three pastries, two cups of tea, an apple, and a banana before Toby was satisfied. I hadn't even realised I was hungry, but obviously I must've been. My stomach felt satisfyingly full for the first time in…well, months, if I was being honest.

Toby sat on the bed opposite me, watching me cryptically as I ate. He didn't eat anything himself, claiming he'd eaten earlier. I was curious though. While I knew vampires could eat human food, it was blood they both needed and preferred.

Had Toby fed from a human this morning? Or did he use a blood bank?

Why do you care?

When I couldn't manage another bite, Toby cleared away my plates.

"You don't need to wait on me."

Toby tutted as he loaded the tray back up. "You're about to learn that I don't do anything I don't want to, Blaise. If I'm looking after you, it's because I want to. And your job, should we enter a contract, is to let me."

I rubbed at the scruff on my chin uncertainly. Was I going to do that? Did I want to?

The answer to the second part was unequivocally yes, but it was the first question I kept getting stuck on. Could I open myself up to this man? Let him see all my broken pieces and the shame I couldn't stop on the best of days?

Toby interrupted my thoughts, lightly touching my beard. "Do you like this?"

I paused. "Like what?"

"The hair. Did you have this before that night with Bailey?"

I winced at the mention, something he instantly noted. "I'm going to keep bringing it up, Blaise. Continued exposure is the best way to get over a mental block such as this. It won't be normalised until you're used to hearing it."

"It can't ever be normalised," I said, batting his hand away with a snarl. "What I did wasn't normal. It was evil."

His eyes were stormy as he glared down at me. "It wasn't evil, Blaise. It was a mistake. One Bailey has forgiven you for, and I'm going to make damn sure you forgive yourself too."

Doubtful, but the familiar exhaustion rolled over me, stopping me arguing further.

"Now, do you like having a beard? Or do you prefer to be clean-shaven?"

I grunted, unsure as to where he was going with this. "Clean-shaven."

"Thought so. Right, into the bathroom."

Alarmed, I stared up at him. He must've read something in my face, because his gaze softened. "Same rules as last night. Safe-word if you need to. We can stop at any time and I won't be offended."

Now I was even more confused. "Wait, are we doing something…sexual?"

"Nope, but like I said last night, safe words are for all the time, not just when sex is involved. Something tells me that what I've got planned might have you wanting to safe-word more than any sexual act I can imagine. And, believe me, I can think of many."

A shiver went through me at that. "What do you have planned?"

He strode to the bathroom door, holding it wide. "I'm going to take care of you. Now in you go."

Every decision he took away from me had my shoulders falling by another inch.

Shuffling into the bathroom, I purposefully didn't look in the mirror. It'd been a long time since I'd liked the man reflected back at me.

Toby didn't make me wait, closing us in the small space. Instead of making me feel trapped, I felt protected. Like he'd put us in a bubble and wouldn't let anyone else burst it.

This. This was what I wanted.

"Hmm." Toby tugged on his lip ring as he studied me thoughtfully. "Usually a bit of size difference is a turn-on for me, but it'll make this more difficult."

I looked at him, confused. Make what difficult?

He snapped his fingers. "Got it. Wait here a second."

Like I was going to do anything else. Right now the thought of having to make any kind of decision, including moving under the shower and turning it on, felt like way too much.

Toby dashed out of the bathroom, returning seconds later with a small wooden stool. "Sit on this for me."

It wasn't until my bare arse met the cold wood that I remembered I was still naked. "Shit."

"Whoops." Toby grabbed a towel and tugged on my arm. "Up."

He folded the towel, putting it on the stool before indicating that I should sit back down.

"I would've been fine."

"We're not aiming for fine," Toby said mildly, pulling a variety of things out of a drawer and arranging them on the counter. "We're aiming for good."

I rolled my eyes when Toby's back was turned.

"You know I can see you in the mirror, right?"

My gaze flew up to meet his in the reflection. There was a dangerous gleam in his eyes as he hummed. "I'll let that slide for now, but once that contract's signed, your arse will be mine. Both literally and figuratively. Roll your eyes at me and I'll have you over my knee before you can blink."

Goosebumps rose on my skin at that image. I shifted on the stool, trying to hide the effect his words were having on my body. From the way Toby smirked as he turned, I failed.

"Ah, I forgot that you're intrigued by the idea of spankings. Don't worry, Blaise, I have no issue turning your behind red even without you doing anything wrong."

Fuck. Why was that so hot?

Steam was clouding the room now, the hot tap running to fill the sink. I'd been so distracted by Toby that I hadn't even noticed him turning it on. My attention fell to the objects in his hands—a shaving brush and an old-fashioned tub of shaving cream. It was the kind that had been our only option up until a few decades ago. Now it was mostly just popular with barbers.

Or, apparently, vampires who'd been around for a few centuries.

Did he want me to shave? Or was he going to do it?

He answered my unspoken question with quiet words. "Tilt your head back and close your eyes."

When I'd done so, I heard the sound of the brush swirling around the shaving bowl. Toby hummed quietly as he spread the cool foam over my skin. My brain emptied as I focused on nothing other than the sensation of Toby moving around me.

Once I was covered, there was a quiet click. Then Toby was behind me, his deft fingers touching my chin. "You ever had someone shave you with a cutthroat razor before?"

"No. Never trusted anyone to."

Toby paused. Even with my eyes closed, I knew he was staring at me intently. "You're letting me do it."

It wasn't a question. "Yes."

"Because you trust me? Or because you don't care enough about your life to worry about it?"

I didn't reply, but apparently that was answer enough in itself. Toby sighed, making a strange sense of disappointment bloom in my chest. "Okay, well we can work on that. For now, just relax. You can trust me. I'll take care of you, Blaise."

My throat thickened. When had anyone ever taken care of me? River had, I guessed. But not like this.

He wouldn't have commanded me into a bathroom because he recognised there was something I wanted but couldn't bring myself to do. Wouldn't have got me a stool so I felt less awkward. Wouldn't have grabbed me a towel to make me more comfortable.

I mean, as my twin, it would have been weird if he had done any of those things. In fact, if he told me to do anything my instinct was to rebel.

But when Toby told me to do them, I didn't want to rebel. I wanted to obey.

Toby was silent as he shaved me, his skilled movements telling me this wasn't his first time. My stomach flipped as I remembered the photos covering his wall. Did he do this for all his subs? Was this part and parcel of what you got with Toby as your Dom?

It had to be. I wasn't special, just another sub for Toby to try and work his magic on. That was all.

My head rested against his chest as he shaved me. There was nothing sexual or romantic in his touch, but somehow it was making me feel more than I had in decades.

"All done," Toby said quietly, patting my face lightly with the towel to remove the last few drops of foam. "How does that feel?"

I looked into the mirror before I could stop myself. My mouth fell open. When was the last time I'd looked like…well, like me? Patting my cheeks, I marvelled at how close Toby had got the shave. "Good…it feels good."

"Perfect." Toby shot me a quick grin and gestured for me to stand. "Now it's time to shower. In future, I'll get you to shower first, then I'll shave you."

I stumbled. "In future?"

"Yep. Shaving will be my responsibility while we're in contract," Toby said over his shoulder as he leaned into the shower and turned it on. "Assuming you sign, of course. Now, do you like your shower hotter or colder than the average person?"

"Colder," I murmured in a daze.

"Figured, what with you being a fire mage. Jump in and tell me how this is."

He stepped back so I could move around the glass. The cool water hit me, relaxing knots in my muscles I hadn't even realised were there.

"Need me to shower you?"

Toby asked like it was a perfectly normal question. Like he often came across men who struggled with even the most basic of tasks.

Perhaps he did. Still, it felt like a step too far to let him do this. It was bad enough that he'd had to shave me. I wasn't prepared to let him wash me too.

Not today, anyway.

Shaking my head mutely, I grabbed the shower gel from a small caddy and squirted a generous amount into my hand.

"Okay." Toby gave me a gentle smile. "I'll wait in the bedroom for you. Just shout if you need me."