3. Blaise

If I could bottle up Toby's confidence and sell it, I'd be a millionaire by tomorrow.

The difference between us couldn't have been clearer. I was a shaking, sweat-drenched mess. My fingers were clamped tight on my jeans and I was on the edge of the seat, my legs tensed to lift me at a second's notice.

Meanwhile, Toby was sat back against the cushions, an ankle crossed over a knee. He radiated peace and stillness, like relaxing was the easiest thing for him in the world. Studying me with eyes that saw too much, he seemed to be cataloguing me in all the same ways I was doing with him.

What was I doing here?

Honestly, I had no idea. I didn't even understand what Toby meant by "let's get started." Get started with what? Usually men would just take me straight to the bedroom and start removing clothing.

This whole concept of having a conversation first was…new. Foreign.

I wasn't sure I liked it.

The only thing I was sure of was that I didn't want to leave. Something about this tiny vampire gave me a sense of peace I hadn't felt in…months. Maybe even longer.

"Perhaps it would be easier if I started?"

Enormous relief washed over me and I bobbed my head rapidly.

"From what I've seen, you're struggling. Your clan has been wiped out, and the person closest to you now has a relationship that is more important than the one you share with him."

"I don't begrudge River his happiness," I said, rubbing my thumb over my lower lip. "He deserves it."

"But you don't. That's what you believe, yes?"

How the fuck did he see to my core without even trying?

Toby smiled kindly, unfazed by the fact that I was glaring daggers at him. "You believe you don't deserve happiness because of what happened to Bailey. Correct?"

My blood was thrumming in my ears. "I don't want to talk about that."

"But you need to. It's leading you down a dark path, Blaise. If you don't deal with this then you're going to be too far away for anyone to reach."

My walls went sky high. I didn't want to hear this. This wasn't why I'd followed him up here.

"You don't know me." I shot to my feet. "This was a mistake."

"Sit down."

I fought against the instinct to drop back into my seat, the command in his voice difficult to ignore. "This isn't why I came here. "

Toby's gaze was piercing as he moved his ankle off his knee and sat forward. "Yes, it is. You might not be ready to accept that right now, and that's okay. I won't push it any further this evening."

"I thought I was getting off, not getting a therapy session."

He smirked. "Why can't it be both?"

Giving in, I sat back down. Toby gave me a small, satisfied smile that I tried not to preen over.

Jesus. Was I so far gone that the simple act of someone smiling at me was enough to make me giddy?

Apparently I was.

"I might not know you properly yet." Toby leant forward. "But I've known a lot of men like you. Men who are lost. Hurting. Confused. They come to me, and I help them find the right path again."

"How?"

"By being their Dom," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I work with them to figure out what they truly desire in life, then we establish a set of rules together. For some that's something as simple as setting up a routine. For others it might be stopping them from negative self-talk."

That final part felt pointed. "What happens if they break the rules?"

Toby smirked again. "I think you already know the answer to that."

Punishment.

I cleared my throat, pulling at the edge of my collar. "So you, what, spank them?"

"Sometimes. Depends whether my sub likes to be spanked. If it's something he enjoys then it's not really an incentive to follow the rules."

"Some people like to be spanked?"

Toby's eyes sparkled. "Yes. I've been told it's something of a talent of mine."

I tried to imagine laying myself over Toby's lap. I was significantly bigger than him, but something told me he'd make it work. How would it feel to have his hand cracking down on my flesh? To feel him soothe it before letting another hit fly?

I fidgeted in my chair as my cock started to plump. Yeah, that was surprisingly easy to imagine.

"Of course, there are also rewards for following the rules. I like to find out exactly what makes my sub fly, and then I do it to them. Again. And again. And again."

Fuck. There was no way to hide my erection now. I should've grabbed a cushion before embarking on this conversation. In my defence, this wasn't at all what I'd been expecting.

To his credit, Toby didn't comment on it. Didn't even let his gaze flicker south. "Do you have any questions so far?"

Only about a thousand. I went for the most pressing one. "Isn't being a Dom about having your sub serve you? This doesn't sound like that."

"It's a variation of that idea," Toby said carefully. "But I'm more of a caretaker Dom. Not quite a Daddy, that's not my kink, but close enough. For me, it's more about seeing my sub following the rules I've given them and punishing or rewarding them accordingly. Don't get me wrong, I love a good scene as much as the next Dom, but my focus is always on the lifestyle rather than individual scenes."

"What do you get out of all this?"

"Well, there's the obvious sexual satisfaction. Being a Dom is as big a part of me as being a vampire. Nothing brings me greater joy than having a sub kneeling for me, waiting for my orders." For the first time, Toby was the one to break eye contact. He stared at the wall opposite, spinning his lip ring for a few revolutions before he continued. "Other than that…I get the satisfaction of seeing a broken man become whole. Seeing him walk away and find what truly makes him happy."

"Wait, you don't want a relationship with them? You go into these things knowing there's an end date?"

"Yep." He still wasn't looking at me. "This isn't a relationship, Blaise. It's a contract with clear expectations for each of us. There'll be boundaries in place to protect us both."

I stared at him. "But don't you want all the other stuff a relationship brings with it? The dating? The romance? A chance for the future?"

He took his lip ring between his thumb and pointer finger, tugging it gently. "No."

His hesitation told me everything I needed to know. Toby did want those things, but obviously not with me.

Which meant if I was going to do this—whatever this was—I'd have to guard my heart. I couldn't be falling for this gorgeous man who promised to make me happier than I'd ever been in my life.

I might not have been the brightest bulb in the box, but even I could see that this had disaster written all over it. Was it enough to stop me doing it though?

I thought back to how I'd felt as I sat perched on the edge of my bed, the nightmare ricocheting around my mind. How I'd been torn between feeling like I deserved it and desperately wanting it to stop.

"The key to this whole thing is trust," Toby said quietly. He was finally looking at me again, his keen eyes missing nothing. "We have to be able to trust each other fully. And that requires honesty and communication. That's all you need to bring to the table, Blaise. Honesty, communication, and trust. If we have those things, the rest will fall into place."

"You've got a lot of experience with this." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

I squirmed, hating that I was about to ask this but needing to know the answer. Even though this wouldn't be a relationship, I couldn't be doing this with Toby if he was also doing it with someone else. "Do you have any subs at the moment?"

"No. I only ever commit to one contract at a time with no overlap. It's not fair to myself or my sub. Whoever I do this with gets my full attention."

What would having his full attention be like? I wasn't sure I'd survive it. "And you want this person, this sub…to be me?"

"I do. But Blaise, if you do this, I expect exclusivity from you for the duration of the contract too. Will that be a problem?"

I shook my head absent-mindedly. I couldn't remember the last time I'd hooked up, so that wasn't even a concern for me. "This has to be the most clinical and professional discussion I've ever had before getting off."

Toby barked a laugh. "Probably, but I find it's best to lay everything out on the table before we get started. That way no one goes into this confused. We'll both know what's expected of us, and how long this will last."

Toby's meaning couldn't have been any clearer. He was willing to help me, but there would be an end date. This wasn't going to lead to a happily ever after for us. It didn't matter how drawn I was to Toby, that wasn't where this was going to end.

"How long do you expect this…this contract between us to last?"

"That's something we can discuss. Usually I wouldn't recommend anything less than a year."

"A year?"

Toby nodded thoughtfully. "It takes time to ensure that the habits we build are long lasting. Besides, a year is nothing to us."

That was true. Supes tended to measure time in decades as opposed to years.

I rubbed my hands on my jeans. "I'm still confused about why you're doing this. Why me?"

Toby was silent for so long that I thought he wasn't going to answer. "There was someone I couldn't reach once. A person who went through the most traumatic event possible and slipped straight through my fingers. I tried to be there for him, but I didn't try hard enough. He pushed me away and I let him. I should've fought harder to be there for him. I was all he had left, and I let him lose me too."

My chest constricted painfully. "You loved him."

"Yes." He gave me a tight smile. "But not in the way you're thinking. He was my family. Still is, I suppose. By the time I realised I'd given up too easily, it was too late. He'd gone so far down a different path that I couldn't find him. The man I once knew doesn't exist anymore."

I frowned, wondering who he was talking about. Before everything with the ghasts, I'd kept out of the supernatural community as a whole, preferring the safety and comfort of my clan. "So that's why you do it? You help others because you couldn't help him?"

"I think that's how it started, but I came to find that it brings me joy and peace in a way nothing else does." He reached out to gently touch my knee. "And as for why you? I think you know the answer to that already. You're lost, Blaise. You're already on the same path. I think I can still reach you though, if you're willing to let me. There's good in you, even if you're not ready to admit that to yourself."

I grunted. Good. I was fairly sure Toby was the only one who'd apply that word to me. Even River was more likely to go with ‘fuck-up'or ‘tries his best'over good.

"I've given you a lot to think about," Toby said, his fingers lingering on my knee. My cock, which had deflated during the conversation, suddenly took interest again. "I don't want you to answer now. Take some time, write down any questions you have for me. And most of all, think about what you want from all of this. If you spend this year with me, where do you see yourself at the end of it? What does that version of Blaise look like?"

I frowned. He wanted me to think about things first? What about what he'd said in the club?

"What's wrong?" Toby's thumb smoothed the corner of my mouth. "Why are you frowning?"

"Nothing," I muttered. "I'm fine."

"Remember what I said about honesty and communication?"

"We don't have a contract yet," I snapped back.

Toby's grin stretched wide. "Oh how I love a bratty boy. I may not be able to punish you yet, but don't think I'm not making note of this for later. Now stop being defensive and tell me what's wrong."

I fought myself for a second before blurting out, "I thought we were going to do…somethingtonight. What about what you said about relaxing and…inappropriate touching?"

His grin stretched wider as he got to his feet. "Oh, that's happening. Don't you worry about that. Think of this as a test drive. Tonight I'm going to show you what it feels like to be mine. After that, you can decide whether it's what you want for the next twelve months."

"Be mine."Had I ever imagined anyone saying that to me? Even in the temporary sense?

I didn't think so. But fuck, did I like the sound of it coming from Toby's lips.

Not too much, my brain warned me. We need to tread carefully, remember?

Toby extended his hand to me. "So, are you ready?"