19. Blaise

Sebastian, Toby's cousin, showed as little desire to be introduced as I was feeling. Not wanting to upset my master, I'd extended my hand for the other vampire to shake.

Sebastian dismissed me with a sneer, pulling out a dagger and tossing it in the air. Beside me, Toby tensed. That, coupled with the way he'd reacted when he'd seen his cousin, had me deciding one thing.

I didn't like Sebastian.

Dropping my hand, I took a cursory look around the room. Bailey was sat on the sofa, Harlow huddled on his lap. They both smiled widely, throwing me off balance. I tried to smile back, but my muscles didn't seem to be working right. There was so much tension running through me that I couldn't seem to release it enough to control my expressions.

"There you are." My twin appeared at my side, clapping me on the shoulder. "Didn't think you'd come."

"Wasn't given much of a choice." I shot a glare at my master, unable to stop myself. From the way he winked and straddled a chair, he'd been expecting it.

River chuckled, but I was saved from his retort by Mori's appearance. As always with the two of them, it only took a few seconds before they were too wrapped up in each other to remember anyone else existed.

The sting hit, as it usually did, but I didn't acknowledge it. I wasn't alone—well, for now at least. Like he could read my mind, Toby inclined his head, nodding towards the chair beside him.

Right at that moment, River laughed as Mori tugged him to the floor. He tumbled onto the demon, everyone grinning at them affectionately as the two of them tussled. Mori won, pinning my twin on his lap. Not that River was complaining. The look on his face was that of the cat who'd got the cream.

Harlow immediately began giving them shit while Bailey shook his head at their antics. A lump formed in my throat as I was once again torn in two.

I was happy for my brother, that went without saying. But I was also jealous. Jealous that he fit with this group in a way I never would. Jealous that he'd found his mate.

That he'd never be alone again.

Toby cleared his throat, again nodding towards the chair. It was too late. All my defences had slammed back up.

Ignoring my master, I strode instead for the kitchen doorway. Leaning against the frame, I folded my arms over my chest and decided to survey the scene from there. It was safer here. I could learn what was needed of me without actually being part of it.

From the glint in Toby's eyes, I knew he didn't agree.

"Anyone know why we're here?" Toby asked, turning his attention to the others. "Cal's message wasn't exactly forthcoming."

Everyone fell silent, all lightness leaving the room as darkness crept in.

"Oscar was attacked earlier today," Harlow said bluntly, looking more demon than human. "Cal was there within minutes, as was I, but he's still injured."

Toby was rigid in his seat. "By who?"

"Higher demons," Harlow said. "Don't worry, we took care of them, but there's other things to worry about."

"Like who's going after your mates? Quite amusing to consider that even the sons of Lucifer can't stop their humans from meeting untimely ends."

Harlow was on Sebastian in a flash, pinning him to the wall. "Wanna say that again?"

My brows shot up. Sebastian was psychotic if he thought taunting Harlow was a good idea.

"Babe." Bailey tugged on Harlow's arm, throwing a filthy look at Sebastian. "Leave it. It's okay."

Harlow snarled in Sebastian's face. "Another word like that and I'll cut out your tongue."

Sebastian's response was to smirk. "Would love to see you try."

Toby got up and approached the pair. My power started to pull at me, wanting to wrap Toby in a wall of fire so his dickhead cousin couldn't hurt him.

It wasn't needed though. Toby just grabbed Harlow's other shoulder, wrenching him away from Sebastian. "Leave it. He's not worth it. He lives for this bullshit."

With both Bailey and Toby pulling at him, Harlow finally let go. Sebastian readjusted his shirt with a huffbefore turning his withering glare on his cousin. "Like you know anything about me."

A muscle jumped in Toby's jaw as he returned to his seat. He stared at the floor, deep in thought. Conversation broke out as everyone returned to their seats, but I only paid attention to Toby. To the tense line of his shoulders. His white knuckles. The small wrinkle between his eyebrows.

It hit me then, exactly who Sebastian was to Toby.

"There was someone I couldn't reach once. A person who went through the most traumatic event possible and slipped straight through my fingers. I tried to be there for him, but I didn't try hard enough. He pushed me away and I let him. I should've fought harder to be there for him. I was all he had left, and I let him lose me too."

The realisation that this stony-faced fucker who spoke in barbs and taunts was that person had me reeling. My hands itched to pull Toby into a hug. To reassure him that he wasn't responsible for the person his cousin had become.

For the first time, I wanted to reverse the roles between us. To be the one offering the comfort instead of taking it.

But that wasn't what we had. We weren't in a relationship where there was a natural give and take. Toby wasn't mine to support.

Even if I was starting to wish he was.

Everyone fell silent as heavy thuds sounded from the roof.

"Dimitri, Dagon, and Lucky," Harlow informed Bailey. "Hopefully they won't take too long."

The three of them had vanished after that night at the club. I'd been too busy basking in Toby's attention to think too much about it.

After a few minutes, Harlow's patience snapped. He strode for the door leading to the roof. "I'll go hurry them along."

When they entered, it was obvious the three of them were mated, their matching dopey grins giving it away.

I tuned out the conversation as everyone greeted them, only paying attention when I heard the front door of the building open.

"Cal, stop fussing. I'm perfectly capable of walking."

"I'll stop fussing when this is dealt with."

A deathly silence fell over the room, breaking as the pair entered and everyone spotted the various injuries covering Oscar's face.

I flinched internally as chaos erupted around me. It took a lot for a human mated to a supe to be hurt that badly. Cal explained the attack in more detail, everyone else jumping in with questions or comments. But when Bailey added that he'd almost been kidnapped again, the fire in me turned to ice.

Right then and there, I vowed that I'd do whatever it took to protect those in this little group. I might have been on the fringes of it, might never be fully part of it, but I was damn well going to keep it safe.

That was the price I could pay to fix my past wrongs. Dr. Tyler and Toby would be proud of me.

Actually, they'd probably drone on about how I didn't need to pay any price. But it made me feel better, so I was going with it.

Oscar was explaining how the demons had tripped the wards, which was how Harlow had known he was being attacked. As with Bailey, the attack had happened in a heavily warded building. I knew better than most how impenetrable Harlow's wards were.

"How is that possible?" Dimitri voiced the question nagging at me.

"Ghasts," Harlow said with a grim face. Fucking great. The half-demon, half-spirit cunts who'd wiped out most of my clan and held me captive for several months. "Their magic does something to the wards that allows others to cross them. Maybe it's because they take their powers from mages? I can't be sure, but given mages ward in a similar way to us, it makes sense that they can counter them."

"And isn't that a bucketful of fun information," River muttered darkly. I grunted in agreement. It was bad enough that they were successfully eradicating us one at a time, but stealing our powers too? That was just rubbing salt in the wound.

More conversation broke out, but I was too distracted. With everything that'd been happening with Toby, I'd successfully put the threat of the ghasts to the back of my mind. With River protected by Mori and Toby standing guard over me, the threat of them had retreated to nothing more than a shadow flickering at the edges of my subconscious. These attacks had slammed them back into the front and centre.

When I tuned back in, everyone was teasing Lucky and his mates about their new bond. I added my own congratulations even as my stomach twisted at their easy joy.

Would I ever have that? Did I even deserve that?

I ignored the sensation of Toby's eyes burning into the side of my face. My feelings were too close to the surface. I didn't want him to see how much I yearned for a love like that. It wasn't something I felt comfortable admitting to him. Hell, it'd taken me a few weeks before I'd fully admitted it to myself, and that had been the work of Dr. Tyler.

But if I admitted it to Toby, there was no way of knowing how he'd react. What I did know was that he wasn't looking for a relationship. At least, not with me.

If he knew I wanted more, there was a chance he'd end our contract early.

That wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

I stuck to the doorway as they figured out the demons seemed to be targeting the mates, thinking that if they kidnapped them, they'd be able to control the sons of Lucifer. Apparently there was a group called the Uprising who were trying to stage a coup to knock Lucifer off his throne. They seemed to be labouring under the delusion that his children would fight for him.

I didn't know them well, but even I knew that was bollocks. There was no familial love lost there. The brothers had built a life for themselves here—I didn't imagine any of them gave a fuck who ruled over Hell, so long as it wasn't one of them.

Then Oscar dropped a bomb. "I mean…what if it isn't the Uprising at all? What if it's Lucifer?"

A heavy silence descended. I tried to puzzle it out. Why would Lucifer try to kidnap his sons' mates?

Harlow's question echoed my thoughts. "Why though? What does he stand to gain by kidnapping one of you?"

Dagon was the one who answered, horror in his voice. "Because he wants us back in Hell. To fight on his side."

"Bullshit," Harlow said. "There's nothing he could do to entice us to take up weapons to defend him."

Cal looked at his brother wearily. "Nothing? Not even if he held Bailey's life in his hands?"

My stomach roiled. Harlow would do anything for his mate. He'd proved that by walking into Hell to retrieve his lover's dead soul before binding it to his own.

One by one, the demons left the room, refusing to let any of their mates accompany them. Dimitri assured them the humans would be safe, the rest of us nodding in agreement.

We wouldn't let anyone near them.

"What are they doing?" Lucky asked.

"Their demons were too close to the surface," Toby answered. "They needed to work off some of their temper."

"How are they going to do that?"

River hissed suddenly and I tensed in response. "Well, judging by the pain through the bond, I'm guessing they're beating the shit out of each other in a nearby field."

My mind zoned out again now that I knew River wasn't in imminent danger. This meeting had been a massive fucking wake-up call. Toby was right, I couldn't avoid this group any longer. What was more, I couldn't ignore that there was a race out there trying to wipe my kind from the face of the earth. Whatever battle was about to go down, I was going to fight it alongside all the others.

But the biggest wake-up call was also the most unexpected. Seeing everyone with their mates, happy in the knowledge they would spend eternity loving and being loved, had hit me hard. It had uncovered the aching void in my chest, the one that used to be filled by my clan and my twin. Toby had patched it over, but he hadn't filled it in.

And he wouldn't ever be the one to do that.

I think that was what I was struggling with the most. That made me selfish, and I fucking hated it, but it was the truth.

"Are you going to continue standing there?"

Toby's question had all eyes snapping to me. All my emotions were bubbling too close to the surface.

I shifted on my feet, staring at the floor. "Yep."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Toby smirk. He loved it when I was bratty, goddess knew why. Springing from his chair, he grabbed another and put it next to his. "Sit."

My jaw tightened. Today had shone a light on everything I'd been ignoring. The last thing I wanted was to spend another moment here, let alone sit down. "No, I'm fine here."

I should've known better than to challenge my master. If I thought he wouldn't put me in my place in public then I was mistaken. The next words out of his mouth proved that. "Do you want me to come over there and put you over my shoulder?"

My eyes flashed up and I felt my ears heat. I didn't respond, just stared at my master.

Toby continued, straddling his chair again as he smirked up at me. "Or would you rather I put you over my lap?"

My face flamed as I remembered him doing just that. How much I'd enjoyed it.

"La, la, la," River sang, putting his fingers in his ears. "Gross. I don't need to hear my brother being propositioned."

Yeah, that wasn't what was happening here. But Toby's words had clearly shown he wasn't to be fucked with, even if we were in public. It didn't take much to bring me to heel.

Because I wanted to be brought to heel.

I wasn't going to go quietly though. My feelings were too raw to be contrite in my obedience. "He's not propositioning me," I grunted, shoving off the doorframe and walking to the chair. The whole time I was wondering how to phrase this to throw River off the scent. He might be my twin, but he was a nosy fucker. The last thing I wanted was him sniffing around what was going on with Toby. I'd had enough of that from him already. "He's antagonising me. Besides, I have to listen to you and Mori fuck way more often than is natural."

Approximately every time I went to River's house. They often forgot they'd invited me, and I'd have to sit outside and wait until they'd finished.

River shot me an indignant look. "We use compulsion nets."

"That doesn't work on mages," I said flatly, sitting beside Toby.

"Bugger." River cringed. "Forgot about that."

Quiet conversation started again but I couldn't concentrate on any of it. Being in the centre of the room like this was meant everything I'd been feeling had been dialled up to eleven. They screamed in my mind, these sometimes-contradictory thoughts that all wanted to be heard at the same time.

You don't deserve to be here.

You will never be part of this group.

See how happy they are? You won't have that.

You don't deserve that.

No one will ever love you the way they love their mates.

I was spiralling. That was nothing new. I'd been spiralling before Toby had forced me into the room.

My fingers were digging into my thighs as I contemplated leaving. Would Toby stop me?

Suddenly he was leaning over, his mouth close to my ear. He whispered the two words guaranteed to settle me.

"Good boy."

It was like he'd pulled the plug, letting all the negative thoughts wash down the drain. What was I doing? I didn't need to overthink everything. I didn't need to worry about anything with my master beside me.

I just had to obey.

Words from weeks ago echoed in my mind. "If you're in a contract with me, you come first. It's that simple. Doesn't matter if I'm working, sleeping, or even doing some world-saving shit that crops up occasionally. You. Come. First. Always. If you need me, I'll be there."

He'd meant that. He really had. Toby could see that I was struggling and was pulling me back the only way he knew how.

By giving me orders to obey.

He didn't care that everyone was watching. Didn't care that half our group was out kicking the shit out of each other.

He cared about me. About how I was feeling. He'd made me sit beside him so I'd have an order to obey. So I'd be close enough for him to sling an arm over my shoulders if needed.

All of this was erupting around us, and Toby had been paying attention to me. To how I was feeling.

Suddenly, everything else didn't seem important. This thing with Toby was going to end, but until then, I was going to make the most of every damned second.