Chapter 19

A s I look down at Maci, I hate to wake her. She looks peaceful, and I have no doubt she so badly needs the rest she's finally getting. But I was up with Amelia most of the night, and she isn't getting better. In fact, she's getting worse. She won't drink or eat anything, and I can't keep her fever down. Her cough also seems much deeper now, and since her doctor left to go to Massachusetts to visit family right after he swung in and saw her two nights ago, the emergency room is really my only option.

"Mace," I whisper, brushing a few loose strands of hair away from her pretty face.

Her eyes flutter open, and immediately, she looks panicked, and I'm sure it's because she's in my bed.

"Sorry we're both in your bed. She just really wanted to sleep in here. And then we dozed off together." She stops, looking around quickly before sitting up. "Is she okay? Where is she?"

"She had a rough night. I slept in the recliner with her because I wanted you to get some rest." I keep my voice low. "I'm going to take her to the ER. I just want to get her checked out. Her cough is worse, and her body is on fire."

Within seconds, she's out of bed and shuffling across the room toward the door. "Just let me throw on some leggings and a sweatshirt, and I'll ride with you," she calls over her shoulder. "Can you let Clyde out to pee real quick?"

"Already done," I toss back. I knew she wasn't going to let me go alone, so I tended to him before waking her.

"And feed—"

"You know Clyde. The big guy wouldn't even go outside to pee before I fed him." I stop her. "It's all taken care of. I'll load Amy in the truck. Come out when you're ready."

Nodding, she quickly rushes toward her room to change.

Hanging on to Amelia with her head resting against my shoulder, I follow Maci toward the emergency room doors. She seems a little off, but then again, she's been off for days. And ever since we pulled in here, she looks like she's seen a ghost or something.

Who knows? Maybe when her dad died in a car accident, they brought him here. I never did ask her where that happened. I just assumed it was probably in Boston, where she grew up.

"You all right?" I ask softly as the doors open for us and we walk inside.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she assures me before patting Amelia's back. "Just ready to get our girl feeling better—that's all."

Amelia coughs a few times, which, just like all night, turns into her gagging. Thankfully, the waiting room isn't entirely full, so nobody looks at me like my kid's spraying the plague through the emergency room, infecting everyone. Then again, we're in a fucking hospital. We might as well go to McDonald's and lick the doorknob in the children's playground area because this place isn't any better.

I walk toward the desk, where a woman who appears in her fifties asks me about thirty questions, and finally, we're checked in.

"Should we go in the corner, opposite of Gertrude over there?" Maci mutters over her shoulder as I follow her, looking over at the old woman who's glaring at us. "She doesn't seem to like kids too much."

"Gertrude can suck my dick," I utter, and Maci whips around to look at me, her eyes wide as she glances down at Amelia. "Relax. She's sleeping." I shrug.

She rolls her eyes but continues walking until we're in a corner by ourselves. Sitting down, I adjust Amelia in my arms to make sure she's comfortable. She stays asleep, and I fucking hate it. Out of her three and a half years on this earth, this kid has never slept this much. Ever.

Maci takes her phone out of her pocket and begins furiously texting. Once she's done, she glances over at me. "My mom has been asking for nonstop updates on Amy. I just let her know we're at the hospital."

"Your mom asks about Amy?" I ask the question, but it's more of a thought.

She looks surprised, her eyebrows pinching together the slightest bit. "Of course. Why wouldn't she?" The corner of her mouth turns up. "She knows Amelia is special. We FaceTime with her every now and then."

I have no idea why, but, fuck, I love that. I guess it's because Amelia doesn't really have much family. The day she was born, her mother's family told me that they didn't wish to be in her life. All they wanted to know was that I would care for her. I promised I would, and that was that. I've never really understood why they didn't want to stick around even though their daughter was gone. But maybe they hoped it would make things less confusing for Amelia.

Before I can answer, Maci stands. "Hey, I'm going to use the restroom, okay? If they come out to get you guys before I make it back, I'll find you. Okay?"

"Sounds good, sweet thing," I drawl before watching her walk to the restroom.

Her yoga pants hug her ass but flare out at the bottoms of her legs, and her hair is in a messy bun. She's still the most beautiful woman in this room by a mile though. Well, she and Amelia both.

Two doors slowly open, and a woman dressed in scrubs walks out, looking down at the clipboard in front of her. "Amelia Sterns," she says, finally looking up.

She looks so familiar, yet I can't figure out why. As soon as she spots me, she gives me a warm smile. I always hate this feeling, like I'm supposed to know who someone is and yet I have no fucking idea.

"Oh my word," she whispers, coming closer. "I wondered if I'd ever get to see this sweet baby again."

It hits me that this is the nurse who brought me to my daughter. The woman who assured me it was all going to be okay. I thought she was lying at the time, but it turns out, she was right.

"Judy?" I say, only half sure that's her name. I mean, it's been three and a half years since I saw her the day Amelia was born, and I didn't really expect to see her in the ER.

She gives me a slight nod before kneeling down and putting her hand on Amelia's back. "Yes, sir. I move from the OB department to the ER every so often. I hear we have a sick little princess. Let's get her fixed up." She stands back up, waving toward the doors she just came from. "Right this way."

I glance at the restroom as I stand. "My … friend is in the restroom. Can someone show her where we are?"

"Sure thing," she says quickly. "Follow me, and I'll get Connie to bring her back."

As I trail behind her through the doors, Amelia coughs harder—this time gagging more severely, causing Judy to glance back at us.

"Poor sweet baby. We will get her feeling better soon, promise."

God, I hope so.

A woman dressed in colorful scrubs leads me toward the double doors. When she holds her badge up to the metal reader, slowly, the doors open, and I follow behind her.

"They are just down here," she says, looking back at me and smiling. "Poor little lady is coughing up a storm, huh?"

"Yeah, she isn't herself—that's for sure," I answer, trying not to look into the rooms we walk past, though I hear people in them.

One man is crying out in agony, and it seems as though the nurse's feet move quicker to get us away from the sound.

Finally, she stops outside the second-to-last room and waves her hand toward the door. "Right in here, love."

"Thank you," I say before she turns and walks back toward where we just came from.

Peeking into the room, I see Logan sitting on the bed with Amelia in his arms. She stirs, rubbing her eyes slightly, but not fully waking up.

"Thank you," his deep voice whispers. "For being here. For staying with her while I was gone." He stops, glancing down at her and swiping his thumb over her fist. "I couldn't do this without you."

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," I say honestly, taking a seat next to the bed just before another nurse comes into the room.

At first, her head is down, and I don't notice it. But when she looks directly at me, my stomach drops, and my heart lurches. Today is about getting Amelia feeling better, and I just pray she doesn't recognize me.

As she heads to the corner of the room and opens a cupboard, she grabs a few things before studying me and shifting her eyes to Logan.

"I haven't seen the three of you since Amelia was born. How have you all been?"

Right away, I can see Logan's head turn toward me from the corner of my eye, but I refuse to look directly at him. Now is not the time to get into the past. This day is stressful enough for him and Amelia without adding my big pile of shit onto the top. But as Judy stares at me, waiting for an answer, I don't know what to do.

Not in a million years did I think this would be a risk, coming here with them today. I never even gave it a thought that the same woman who had assured me the baby in the accident was okay would be the same nurse at the emergency room. And yet I should have expected it. Because I guess karma will always catch up to you.

"We've been good," I peep, knowing that if I say nothing, I'll look more suspicious. "Just ready to get Amelia feeling better."

She slides an oxygen reader to the end of Amelia's tiny finger, holding it in place and watching the small screen as it reads numbers. "I bet you are. It's good you guys brought her in. There are a lot of nasty sicknesses going around right now. Seems as though they've hit earlier in the season than normal," she says, but there's no mistaking the sudden worry on her face as she reads the oxygen level.

I make a mental note of the numbers so that I can ask my mom if it's normal. With her being a nurse and all, she'll know better than me.

Removing the small machine from Amelia's finger, she gives us a look of reassurance, though it's clear she's concerned. "Dr. Cashman is in tonight and will be in shortly. He is amazing with kids—in fact, probably the best in the entire hospital as far as I'm concerned. She's in good hands."

"Should we be worried?" Logan blurts out, looking down at his daughter. "I mean … she's going to be okay, right?"

Judy thinks about her response for a moment, which I'm sure only makes Logan more anxious. But eventually, she pats him on his shoulder. "We're going to run some tests just to see what exactly is going on. This little lady has been through far worse, but I think it's good you brought her in. Now, she can get the medicine she needs for her body to fight off whatever this is."

After taking her temperature and doing a few other things, she heads toward the door, stopping on the way out to sanitize her hands. "The doctor will be in shortly."

Once she's out of sight, I can feel Logan's eyes on me.

"What did she mean by that?" His voice isn't its normal carefree tone, but instead, he sounds confused and maybe … angry? "That she hasn't seen the three of us since Amelia was born. Not two, but three. "

I feel like I'm going to puke. I've wanted to tell him for over a week now, but he wasn't ready to hear it. And then Amelia got sick. But the truth is, I should have told him the second I connected the dots. And when he told me to lie to him, I'm sure he didn't know what kind of secret I was keeping. The right thing to do would have been to blurt it out right then and there. Instead, I held it in, afraid to lose him.

I give him one last look, watching him hold his sick daughter in his strong arms.

Logan Sterns isn't a book boyfriend; he's so much more than that. The type of Prince Charming I've always tried to write about, but never knew existed. Yet here he is. Right in front of me.

Amelia coughs again, this time making her cry. Lifting her up, he puts her head against his shoulder and rubs her back until she quiets down, dozing back off.

"Talk, Boston," he utters, looking at me. "Now."

"I should go," I say, standing. "You need to be here for Amy. She needs you right now."

Tears blur my vision. As much as I want to stay here for Amelia, it isn't right. I have no business being here for her. Hell, the nurse thinks I'm a relative when, really, I lied the day she was born just so I could see with my own eyes that she was okay.

I didn't know it was Logan Sterns's kid back then. I had no idea. The only thing that has gotten me through the past three and a half years was knowing that the baby lived. When the walls caved in and I felt like I didn't deserve to be here on earth anymore … I'd remember that the baby survived.

"Maci," he says in warning as he watches me get closer to the door, "don't walk out that door."

Giving Amelia one last look, I shake my head and swipe some tears away. "I can't do this, Logan. Not right now," I croak. "I … I have to go."

Before he can say anything else, I do the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I walk out of the room, leaving behind a child I have come to love like my own and her dad, who I truly believe is the love of my life.

But there is no room for selfishness in the name of love. And staying and continuing to hide the truth would be the most selfish thing I could ever do.

The sound of beeping machines is enough to drive me insane, but I keep it together for the only person who truly matters in my life. The one person who I know will always have my back and be by my side. Amelia.

"Daddy, I want to go home," she whines, holding my phone in her hand as she watches Blippi on his excavator.

I keep my arm slung around her in the bed, nodding. "I know, babe. Soon, okay?"

The truth is, I don't know when they'll send us home. And while I hate this place and its sounds and smells as much as the next guy, I just want her to get better. So, for now, this hospital is exactly where we need to be.

"I want Clyde," she whimpers. "And I want Maci."

"I know," I say again, this time in a whisper. "For now, Daddy is the only person allowed in here. You know, because the room is so small," I lie, not wanting to tell her the truth that Maci ran out of here with no explanation. "She'll be back as soon as she can. Promise."

It's the most out-of-character thing I've ever seen the woman do. Ever since she became Amelia's nanny, she's put my daughter first. But now, I don't know what the fuck is going on.

That was three hours ago. And since then, Amelia has had a chest X-ray, a few breathing treatments, a swab of her throat, and a stick shoved up her nose. Oh, and a few Popsicles offered, all of which she refused. As much as I wish Maci were here, my only concern is my daughter and getting her better.

I haven't seen Judy since Maci was here, but the entire staff has been pretty great. A few have poked their heads in to tell me they are big Sharks fans, but for the most part, they have kept it professional.

Suddenly, as if reading my mind, Judy comes back into the room, looking at Amelia and smiling. I swear she hasn't aged in the three years since I've seen her. In fact, part of me wonders if she's even wearing the same damn scrubs.

"Glad to see her awake," she says, waving to Amelia. "Hey there, beautiful."

She comes over, puts the oxygen reader on her finger, and waits for the result to appear on the screen. "I don't want to panic you, but it looks like we're going to need to give her an IV drip. She's very dehydrated." She speaks low, like she's trying to keep the conversation between the two of us.

I give her a look, letting her know I heard her, before pulling my arm from behind Amelia's back. I slowly scooch my body off the side of the bed. "Be right back, baby. I'm going to go talk to my friend Judy in the hallway, okay? She has some boring papers for me to sign."

Amelia's tired eyes don't look up from the screen, and she doesn't answer. Instead of repeating it and risking her wanting to come, too, I walk toward the door. Standing just outside the doorway, I make sure I can still look in and see Amelia.

"An IV? Like … a needle?"

"It sounds worse than it is, I promise." She pats my shoulder. "It'll help her feel better though. Her chest X-ray indicates she has pneumonia, which likely is the result of a nasty virus. But she's also severely dehydrated."

"It just came on so fast," I utter. "A few days ago, she didn't even have symptoms."

"It always does with our littlest patients." She gives me a sad smile. "Anyway, I'm going to get everything ready so we can get that IV started. I heard her when I was in the hallway. I know she's ready to go home. The sooner we start this, the quicker that'll happen." She cringes. "Although I'll be honest with you, I think it could be a day or two before the doc lets her leave."

"However long it takes is fine," I say, but before she can turn to leave, I don't let her. "Judy, um, earlier, when Maci was here … you said you hadn't seen the three of us since the day Amelia was born."

Confusion tugs at her brows. "Well, yeah? The brunette with you swung in on the day Amelia was born. I can't remember her relation to the child, but she said she was a relative and wanted to see how the baby was doing. You know, given the circumstances." She pauses. "I can't remember all the details—my memory isn't what it used to be, dear. I'm sorry." Her eyebrows pull together. "I've been around when hundreds of babies were born. But your daughter's story is quite unique. I could never forget you all."

Giving my shoulder another pat, she smiles. "I'll be back in a few to get that IV started. I promise, she's going to do great. Your little girl is going to be just fine. She's been a tough cookie since the day she was born, and this isn't going to slow her down for long. I know it."

As she walks away, I lean against the doorframe, dragging my hand over my neck. Because I just learned something.

Maci McKenzie has known me and my daughter for much longer than she ever let on.

And because I'm a professional athlete and a public figure … I don't know how the fuck to feel about that. Maybe Maci isn't who I thought she was after all. Maybe she never has been.

But if that's the case, fuck, she's a good actress.

I hate when I feel like I'm the last to know something. I'm instantly angry, wishing for answers. But when I really think about it … do I actually want to know the truth?

I'm not even sure at this point.