32. Chapter Thirty-Two

Traffic through Lincoln had slowed us down, and it's just about two thirty when we pull into the parking garage of our apartment building. I'm trying not to get anxious about the time and the fact that I haven't been able to call Coop yet. But it's not really working.

Brenna and I climb out of her car, and it's a little awkward as I help get our luggage out of the trunk. I'd brought my stuff home too, since I'd decided to check out of the motel early. I figure I can run a load of laundry tonight and then repack to head back to White Hills tomorrow.

But as I close the trunk and see Brenna staring at my suitcase, I realize we haven't talked about so many things.

"I'll stay in the extra bedroom tonight, if you don't mind. And then tomorrow, I'll head back, but, um, only if you're sure you'll be okay?" That's the scenario that's been playing out in my head anyway, and we're usually on the same page about these things, so I'm really surprised when I see Brenna hesitate.

She looks up at me with a half-smile, but there's a little pain in her expression. She shakes her head.

"You should just drive back now," she says, and she steps closer to me and then wraps her arms up around my neck and gives me a hug.

Brenna gives the best hugs. All warm and comforting. Somehow, even with everything that's happened the last few days, that hasn't changed. But I can feel her shaking just a little, and my heart aches for both of us as I pull back.

"I can't leave without knowing you're going to be okay," I say.

There's something that passes between us as she looks up at me with another soft smile. And I love her even more. She reaches up and touches my cheek.

"You've already risked a lot, just taking the time to bring me home. I know that. I saw your expression when you came out of the diner earlier, and I've felt how anxious you've been all day." She lowers her eyes as her hand slips down to my chest. "I'll be okay. Really. And maybe it's even better this way? I mean..."

Her hand drops away from me, and she steps back with a finality that rattles me. Maybe it shouldn't. After all, my deception and lies were what brought us here.

"Bren—"

"I mean," she interrupts, "I could use the time alone to think. And when you're in a more solid place—with yourself and with Coop—then we can talk again. You can tell me what you want to do..." She lets out a shuddering breath and looks back up at me. "Have you thought about that?"

"Have I thought about what?" God, I'm slow today, I guess, because I'm not really sure what she means. She gives me another gentle smile.

"About what's going to happen now," she says. "Are you going to stay in Omaha and have some sort of long-distance thing? Or will he move here? Or will you move there? I know it's really soon for you to be talking about those things, but I feel like long distance isn't going to be your thing. Or his. And that's not even considering..." She trails off and then crosses her arms over her chest.

I have thought about all of that. I had a lot of time to think about it on the drive. And she's right. I'm not sure I'm a long-distance-relationship kind of person. Coop surely isn't. And that means...

"I-I plan to talk to him about it this weekend." I glance around the parking garage and then end up staring down at my feet. "That is, if he'll... let me."

"Good. And that's why you should go back. Today." She sounds so certain and hopeful, and when I look up again, she's started to gather her luggage. "I know you're worried about me, and I appreciate that," she says. "But I'll be okay here. And it'll give me time to think about what I want too. And... and I guess I... also need to know all this heartache isn't for nothing. I don't want you to miss this chance, Josh. I want... I want you to be happy."

I really hope she doesn't mind, because I can't not hug her again. I'm not sure I'm breathing for a moment as I move to her side and pull her back into a tight embrace, burying my head in her hair.

"Thank you, Bren. Thank you so much."

She's tense for a moment before she relaxes into my arms. "You should call him now," she says as we step back again. And I nod.

"Yeah, I should. Um . . ."

"Come on."

She grabs her luggage again and starts to lead the way toward the elevators. I pick up my own stuff and hurry after her.

***

He doesn't answer. Not on my first attempt or my second or third. And I finally opt to leave a voicemail message, hoping that I was just too late and he's already back to work. It's short, and I'm stammering and not even entirely sure what I say. Probably something about how I'm in Omaha but just wish I was already back with him. And definitely something about how much I love him and how much I miss him already. And also something about how I'm about to leave because Brenna's basically kicking me out.

When I'm finished with my stuttering ramble, I hang up and stare at the phone for another minute or so, wishing he'd call me right back. But somehow, I know that's not going to happen.

Brenna sits next to me on the couch and wraps one arm around my shoulders. "It's starting to rain harder. You should get going. The temperature will drop as soon as it gets dark."

I nod, but I feel sort of numb. "What if..."

"What if you get there, and he doesn't want to see you?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, that."

Her breath catches, and she squeezes me gently and then kisses my cheek. "Then you'll have another week to convince him otherwise?"

I let out a small laugh, but I don't feel it. Brenna's right though. I should definitely get back on the road.

"You're sure you'll be okay?" I ask, because I really need to know.

"Yeah, I will. And I've got enough friends here. If I really need someone—"

"I feel like I'm abandoning you," I cut in, guilt rippling through me as I straighten up and turn to face her. "I feel terrible, and I hate this feeling, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Bren. You don't deserve any of this. You don't... I'm so sorry."

Her eyes are kind, as always, and her smile grows into her wonderful, silly smile as she shakes her head lightly. "I know you're not abandoning me, Josh. In fact, I'm kicking you out, aren't I?" She obviously overheard my rambling message to Coop, and she's totally joking now. But when she stands up and offers me her hand, her expression turns more serious. "You do know Coop might see things a little differently. And I know you don't want him to feel like he's been abandoned a second time..."

"God, no. That's the last thing I want." I take her hand, and she tugs gently, pulling me to my feet.

"Then get out of here." She's trying to be playful still, and she turns me and then sort of shoves me toward the door, following as I go. "Drive carefully, though, please."

I stuff my phone back in my pocket and stop in front of the door to pick up my duffle bag. I hesitate one more time as I turn around to face her. Her expression is different this time. Encouraging, maybe, but there's also a touch of sadness. And I wonder again if I should stay. But she shakes her head.

"Go, Josh. He'll be happy to see you. I know it."

I blink back tears, because she's just too wonderful to me, and I nod. "Thank you, Bren."

She smiles. "Text me when you get there. Just so I know you're safe."

"Of course."

And she hugs me one last time before I grab my other suitcase and take off back to the parking garage.

It's just after three by the time I'm on the road again, this time in my own car, which unfortunately is not nearly as nice as Brenna's. The rain is coming down harder and harder by the second, and although Google Maps is telling me the drive is going to take me at least five hours because of traffic and road conditions, I see the time start ticking up as I pull out of the garage.

Shit.

I wish I knew whether Coop had gotten my message. Or the flowers. Or the note I'd written him. I wish I knew what to expect—whether he's looking forward to seeing me or whether I'm going to get shut right down. Kicked out. Sent back to Omaha.

But most of all, what I really, really wish is that when I see him next—whether it's in five hours or later—I'll get to hug him, tell him I love him, show him I mean it.

I hope he'll give me yet another chance.