Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

SASHA

This morning, I drew a tarot card to help guide my day. It was the Justice card, which told me I needed to tell Rio about my past. The card is about being good and truthful, and while I haven't exactly lied to him, he deserves to know about my past to understand why I am the way I am. It's not going to be easy, but it has to happen.

I'm finishing up cleaning my room, making sure it's in decent shape when there is a knock at the front. I quickly rush down the stairs, knowing it's going to be Rio, and smile when I open the door.

"Hey, handsome," I greet him while stepping to the side to let him in.

"Hey yourself," he replies then kisses me as soon as I've shut the door.

"Ready for the movie marathon?" I ask, and he nods.

When I was inviting Rio over, I didn't want to say hey we need to talk, since no one wants to hear those words, so I came up with the idea of a movie marathon night. And at least if I chicken out on telling him my story, we'll still have something to do.

"I still can't believe you haven't seen any of the Final Destination movies," he says while shaking his head and following me up the stairs to my room.

"I told you I don't love gore," I mumble.

"They aren't really that gory, but you'll definitely get lots of good jump scares," he assures me.

I shut the door behind him, then sit on the bed and wait for Rio to join me.

"Before we start, I kind of want to tell you something," I say while fiddling with my fingers.

"What's up?" he asks and tilts his head.

"I think it's time that I tell you about my ex," I tell him, and his brows shoot up before he schools his expression.

"Are you sure?" he questions, and I nod.

"I pulled a tarot card this morning and I'm pretty sure that's what it was telling me to do. I know we've only been dating for about a week, but I really like you, and I think we have the possibility of a real future together. But the only way to make sure we start this off on the right foot is by me telling you about what I went through."

He grabs my hand and brings the knuckles to his lips to kiss gently. "I appreciate you wanting to tell me. If you believe you're ready, I'm here to listen."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before telling the story I wish never happened.

"My mom passed away when I was fifteen, and I had to move in with a friend of hers. The lady was nice enough, and I knew her pretty well, but she wasn't my mom. We didn't talk a lot, mostly because she was trying to give me space. She didn't know how to deal with a grieving teenager, and I did my best to push her out of my life."

I take another deep breath because that wasn't even the hard part of my teenage years.

"Thankfully, my mother left me a decent amount of money in her will, and we were able to access some of those funds to cover things like my ballet fees, so I didn't lose another thing I loved. I put my all into dance and pushed my mom's friend even farther away. She tried her best, but I wanted nothing to do with her, and since she didn't know what to do, she let me have as much space as I wanted. When I was sixteen, the ballet studio I attended hired an eighteen-year-old instructor in training. His job was to shadow the main instructor and learn the ins and outs of being an instructor. He also worked one-on-one with a few of the students who needed or wanted extra help. I was one of those students."

My hands shake as the memories start coming back.

"At first, Lux was very professional, but he could tell I had a crush on him and used that to his advantage. He became my friend and got me to tell him everything about my life. When he asked me out six months after meeting, I thought I was the luckiest boy alive. Of course, we had to keep it a secret since the studio wouldn't have looked fondly on our relationship, but I didn't care because I was already head over heels for him. Since I really didn't have anyone in my life it was easy for him to become my everything. He hooked me in so easily, and I fell for every single one of his lies. He convinced me to change who I was so that I would be able to get a job at the New York City Ballet once I was old enough. But in reality, it was just because those were his personal preferences. He took control of every aspect of my life, and I became just a shell of myself."

I pause again, taking a shaky breath. Damn, this is hard to get out.

"By the time I turned seventeen Lux had me lying to my mom's friend so much I almost started believing the lies myself. I would tell her that I needed money for dance things or school when in reality, it was just to give to Lux. I don't even remember anymore how much money I gave him that he blew on only God knows what. But I thought I loved him, so I just kept giving him more and more money.

Eventually I moved in with him even though my mom's friend tried to stop me. I just screamed at her that she wasn't my mother and never would be. She eventually let me go, but I could tell the decision was hard for her. She knew that Lux wasn't a good man, and I should have listened to her."

Tears bubble in my eyes as I remember all the hurtful things I said to Anna because I was young and stupid.

"Things went from bad to worse, but I had no way out, at least, that's what I thought. I was crying myself to sleep every night, praying for a way out that seemed impossible. The emotional and verbal abuse started pretty early on. He loved to tell me how stupid I was and point out all my flaws. He thrived on making me feel small, and he was so good at it. It wasn't until after I was living with him that the physical abuse started." Rio rubs my shoulder but doesn't say anything, allowing me to continue.

"He warned me time and time again that if I left him, he would hunt me down and kill me, and I believed him, so I stayed. I stayed until one day he beat the shit out of me so badly that I'm still surprised I'm alive." Rio gasps this time, and I take a shaky breath before continuing. "As I was lying in the hospital bed with a wired shut jaw, I figured if I was going to die anyway, I might as well take the risk and run away. And I could do it while Lux was in jail. Although I knew he wouldn't be in there for long, so I had to act fast. I spent hours looking online for a place where he would never look for me, and I stumbled upon Green Spring, Michigan. As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, I booked a plane ticket and left on the next available flight. But before I left, I sent an email to the ballet studio where I danced and told them everything that happened. I have no idea how he took that or what happened, but I can't imagine he was pleased about it.

Not only was he losing me, his cash cow, but also probably his job. But I couldn't find it in me to care anymore. When I left, I only took what I could fit in a backpack because I didn't have time to pack more. Thankfully, I was already eighteen when this happened, so I had a credit card and was able to make all the bookings myself. I spent my first few months here looking over my shoulder, but eventually, I realized he wasn't coming and that this was the fresh start I needed. The homeless shelter I was staying at gave information about the college and was able to help me sign up for classes. The only smart thing I did when I was with Lux was not tell him exactly how much money my mom had left me.

Thankfully, I still had enough to pay for my first few years of college, and after that, I got student loans. That's why I have to keep working because I didn't have a free ride, but it was a start, and without that money I doubt I would have gotten my life in order like I did. I kick myself in the ass every day for Lux's lies and believing that he loved me, but I also thank my lucky stars just as much that I was able to get out alive."

Rio pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly and rocking me. "Fuck, baby, I'm sorry you had to go through that."

I sniffle back a tear and nod into his shoulder. "It's why I always question the nice things you do for me because Lux wasn't like that. And if he ever did do something nice and caring, it was for a strategic reason."

"Thank you for telling me all of this. I can understand your hesitations more now," he whispers, continuing to rock me. "Your ex was a grade-A asshole who took advantage of you and should be in jail for the shit he did to you. But I'll never stop thanking the universe enough that you got out alive and were able to show up in my life."

"I don't deserve a man as sweet as you," I tell him, but he shakes his head.

"You deserve this and so much more. If your mom was still here, I know she would tell you that. And I'll spend every day until I can't talk anymore, reminding you of it as well. You are an amazing person, Sasha, and I'm in awe of you. I'm the lucky one in this relationship."

I take a shaky breath and wipe away the few tears that managed to break free. "Okay, it's time to cuddle and watch those ridiculous movies," I say, grabbing my tablet off my nightstand.

"I'm so on board with that plan," he tells me and kisses my cheek.

I really hope that whatever the universe is going to throw at me doesn't take Rio away from me.