Chapter 7

7

Benji

I take the stairs two at a time, hurry down the hall to my room, and shut the door before I can think better of it.

I'm an asshole.

I plop down on my bed and punch my pillow.

Fuck.

I bury my face in my hands and tug on strands of my hair.

I should've never let our little hook-up happen in the first place.

What the fuck was I thinking?

Now it's even worse because Grace has enough problems, and I just scarred the poor girl. She's probably down in the kitchen crying because of me.

I stand up and pace the floor.

On the other hand, maybe it's better it's over instead of going on and getting her hopes up that I'll change. She'll cry for now, but she's a sweet girl. She'll land on her feet and find a guy who's worthy of her.

Miles will come home tomorrow night, talk to her, comfort her about her roommate situation and take her back to her dorm. Once she's out of here and her scent isn't lingering in the air, I'll get my focus back where it belongs.

Grace had me talking about things and opening up about stuff I hadn't thought about in years. She had me laughing.

I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling fan with a silly grin on my face.

I feel differently about Grace than I've ever felt about any other girl I've been with.

My cell phone rings. I check caller ID and answer the call.

"Hey Rachel."

"Hi Oll. I'm just checking in. I got your payment. Thank you."

"You're welcome. How's Ava?"

Rachel giggles. "I agree with her stage of development being called the terrible twos, but she can also be so dang funny sometimes. She keeps me laughing."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I got the pictures you sent. Thanks. She looks just like you."

"She has your curls."

"Looks like she loves her kiddie pool. I had a print made of that picture and it's on my desk in my room." I sigh. "I wish I could see her every day."

Rachel clears her throat. "Let's not go there, okay? I don't want every phone call to end up in an argument. We did what we did. We made our choices, and we need to make things as good as we can for our daughter."

"My folks still helping out when you need it?"

"They do and I appreciate it."

"I plan to come back for the summer so I can get a job, catch up on the support, and hopefully spend some time with Ava. You'll let me see her, right?"

"Of course I will. She loves you. I promised you from the start that I'd never keep her from you. Why would you think I wouldn't let you see her?"

"Not sure how Eric feels about that."

"Eric loves Ava and he's good to her. I wouldn't be marrying him if he wasn't good to her or if he wanted to shut you out."

"I appreciate that. You know I do."

"I know." She pauses. "Just try not to get a job and work yourself to death this summer. Honestly, I would like you to spend time with Ava."

"I'd like that."

"I'm coming," Rachel calls. "Hey, I need to go. Eric and Ava just got home from the store. I need to get supper started."

I swallow hard. "Give her my love."

"Bye."

She ends the call before I can say anything else.

Just another punch in the gut and not so subtle reason why I can't be with Grace. She told me in no uncertain terms that she could never be with someone like her father— a deadbeat dad. I'm sure that's what she'd consider me to be. I'm not exactly sure I qualify as deadbeat as I do make sure Rachel gets money to raise Ava.

I can't have a job with school and football, but when summer comes, I always go home and work a full-time job. I work all summer so I can keep my payments up. I'm thankful for my parents. They take Ava a few days a week and that reduces the cost of daycare for Rachel to pay and was part of our court agreement.

Rachel was the first girl I was ever serious about. I got her pregnant the summer before our senior year of high school. When I got the scholarship at Tennessee to play football, we had originally planned for Rachel to come here and have the baby. That all changed when she didn't want to leave her family in South Carolina, and I had a choice to make. I took the scholarship. Rachel and I broke up.

I get lost in my thoughts and realize it's almost six o'clock. I've been up here over an hour— hopefully enough time for Grace to have a good cry and be back to her happy self.

Doubtful, asshole.

I pad past her bedroom and the door is open. I peek inside and she isn't there. I head downstairs and it's quiet. I check the living room, dining room, and when I step into the kitchen, I see a piece of paper on the counter.

Benji,

I realized I needed some resources from the library so I'm going there. I'll pick up my dinner in the café. Go ahead and enjoy Chinese without me. I won't be home until later.

Grace

Oh great. I've really done it now.

I pace the kitchen as I try to decide what to do next. I could go to the library, find her, and bring her back here but that'd make me look like some caveman. Or I could just let her deal with this however she needs to deal with it.

I've lost my appetite for Chinese, so I make myself a sandwich and plop down in front of the television. I find a baseball game, but I can't focus on it.

I can't get Grace off my mind. The blanket we were under this afternoon is right beside me on the couch and Grace's scent permeates my senses.

I'm not sure what it's going to take to get her out of my mind. Usually, the way I get over someone is by getting under someone else, but right now, that's the last thing I want to do.

I hope she makes it back here soon so I can talk to her.

On second thought, what am I even going to say? No matter how many ways I turn everything over in my head, there's only one option— leave Grace alone and get on with my life. She'll be gone tomorrow night once Miles is back and most likely, I won't have to deal with her in my sight. She goes back to her life, and I go back to mine. Easy.

Who am I kidding? Not easy.