Chapter One

Chapter One

Kendell

MY SISTER, NEPHEW, and I have been in Clinton City for a few weeks now. I go to the warehouses to see my sister and Gideon every single day. So far, my sister isn't making any progress on coming out of her shell and getting past this latest attack from Martin. It breaks me to see her as nothing more than a shell of her former self, but there's nothing I can do to help her. When she's ready to open up and let others in, she'll let us know. At least that's what the counselor at the warehouses who sees her every day told me when we met yesterday. My sister gave her permission to talk to me about her progress and what the plan is for moving forward. Right now, there's not a lot to the plan because of my sister's reluctance to come out of her room and get out of bed each day. So, I do what I can to help her and spend hours every day with Gideon. We don't leave the safety of the warehouses, but I'm still there for him and get him outside for a while each day while enjoying lunch and dinner with him.

Today, I'm not going to the warehouses. Kelsey's counselor let me know that they're going to try something very intense with my sister today while starting Gideon in his own counseling at the same time so he's not in the room with his mom. So, I've been trying to find something to do at the house Hawk and his club put me in. There's really only so much I can do when I literally have nothing with me other than a few changes of clothes. The house I'm in is at the back of the clubhouse. It's a single story home with an open floor plan. Every room inside the house is painted in white and all of the appliances are stainless steel and brand-new. The bed I have to sleep in is the most comfortable thing I've ever slept in and I might have to steal it when I can leave here. I've got three bedrooms, an office, a large kitchen with an attached dining room, a large living room, and a laundry room. There's three bathrooms including the one in my bedroom and everything is immaculate. I have hardly anything to clean so there's really nothing to do during the day.

I've tried listening to music, watching a movie, and reading. Every book I tried to get into hasn't held my attention for more than a few pages. Getting off the couch, I make my way outside. The house I'm in isn't too far from the pond that's out behind the clubhouse. There's a large pavilion that would be perfect for parties and a gazebo. When I'm here, I tend to sit in the gazebo and stare out over the water as I contemplate my life and what I'm going to do once we can leave here. The only thing I know for sure is that I won't be leaving Clinton City without my sister and nephew. They're the only family I have left and I'm not going to leave them behind for any reason.

Walking toward the gazebo, it doesn't take me long to hear the sound of moaning coming from the place I've claimed as my own. Stopping in my tracks, I can make out a woman getting fucked hard by one of the guys in the club. He's still wearing his cut and his pants are down far enough to expose his cock as he fucks the girl. She's got her head thrown back with her long hair covering her exposed chest. Looking closer, I can see her hands tied by a rope above her head as she yanks and tries to get them loose to touch the man in front of her. I can't take my eyes away from the scene in front of me as the man's hips piston faster and harder while he buries his face in the neck of the woman.

"Fuck me harder, Hawk," the woman moans out, her voice echoing in the still air around us.

I gasp and capture the attention of Hawk. He turns his head toward me and I can't decipher the look in his eyes from the distance between us. Hawk does nothing to take his eyes off of me though. It's like we're locked onto one another and are lost in our own world despite him fucking another woman. I know I should turn away and head back to the house, but my feet are rooted to the ground beneath me and there's no way I can move or stop watching Hawk. I don't even care about the woman he's with. All of my attention is on him as I watch him wrap one of his hands around her throat. His hand is tattooed and I can't help but wonder what it would feel like wrapped around my own throat as he fucks me hard.

In seconds, my panties are soaked and I'm so turned on. If I were alone, I'd take care of the ache settling in my core. Instead, I just keep my gaze locked on Hawk as I can sense him nearing his release. His hips are moving frantically and becoming more erratic with every thrust. My eyes drag down his body to find his other hand gripping the woman's hip tightly. The kind of grip that will no doubt leave bruises behind. I'm so used to missionary sex that barely lasts long enough for the guy to stick his dick in me and Hawk clearly doesn't have that problem.

"Hawk!" the woman screams out, her body thrashing against the post of the gazebo.

With my gaze still locked on Hawk, I watch him thrust into the woman a few more times before his body stills and he roars out his release. He doesn't say a name or anything as he finally breaks the connection between us and throws his head back while his eyes slide closed. Finally, I can move my feet. Turning around, I race back toward the house I'm staying in. I've never once watched another couple have sex and I feel disgusting for doing so now. The way Kelsey and I were raised, that's not something that's done. At the same time, I'm so unbelievably turned on that I can't focus on anything other than the need to know what Hawk fucking me would feel like. So many questions fill my mind and a hundred scenarios play out like a porno. This has never happened to me before.

My body feels like it's on fire as lust roars through my veins. The aching at my core is only getting worse with every picture and scene I let play out in my mind. Rushing through the front door of the house, I close it behind me and make sure it's locked before heading straight for my room. I strip on my way to the bathroom so I can take a cold shower and hopefully calm this raging need filling me. I've never touched myself and wouldn't know what to do now in order to take away the ache. Kelsey might be younger than me, but she has more experience and she's usually the one I'd talk to about this kind of thing. Yes, we talk about everything and it doesn't matter what it is. At least we used to before Martin entered the picture.

I let the water remain as cold as I can stand it before stepping under the shower and letting it rain down over me. The scenes in my head don't stop or even begin to slow down. My hands trail down over my body for a few seconds before I pull them away and clench them into fists at my side. I'm a slut for even thinking about touching myself. It's bad enough I've had sex twice when I'm not married. If my father were alive, he'd beat me senseless for just thinking about touching myself. Grabbing my shampoo, I begin to wash my hair just so I have something to do with my hands. I make quick work of cleaning myself before getting out of the shower and drying off.

After getting dressed and brushing my hair before tossing it up into a messy bun, I make my way out to the kitchen to see what I can find to make for dinner tonight. One of the many perks about living here right now is that I don't have to go get my own groceries. Once a week one of the Prospects comes over to get a grocery list from me and he goes to buy what I need before dropping it back off. He won't even take money for it either. The first time it happened, he told me it was being taken care of by the club since I was here with no choice in the matter because of my sister's situation. The Prospect had a sinister smirk on his face and it made me feel uneasy. That's the only time I've seen that particular guy though.

I manage to find the ingredients I need to make pork chops, a potato salad, some fresh fruit, and corn on the cob. Yes, I can eat and I don't let myself go hungry. That's why I'm bigger than what's fashionable and why I can't ever seem to capture and hold a man's attention. I don't honestly care though. After what I've seen of relationships and how horrendous men are to the women in their lives, I don't know that I want a relationship with anyone. I'm perfectly content on my own and finding someone to scratch an itch when I have one. Even if I don't really get anything out of it. I guess that's why I've only been with two different guys in my entire life.

After making myself dinner, I grab a bowl of cut up strawberries and make my way back outside. This time I won't be going anywhere near the gazebo. I honestly don't see myself going back there for a long time. The last thing I want is to catch another show from Hawk or anyone else in the club. I've got my tablet in my hands as I take a seat on the swing sitting just outside the front of the house. With the sun going down, I can read without a harsh glare on my screen. It helps that the swing has one of those canopies over the top of it as well. Pushing off with my foot, I set the swing moving slowly so I can eat and try to get into a book.

I don't know how long I spend outside with the gentle breeze blowing over me before a shadow covers me. Looking up, I see Hawk standing in front of me with a smirk on his face. I can feel my face heating with a blush as I remember what I saw earlier in the day. This is not a conversation I want to have with Hawk. Not now or any time in the future. I'm so embarrassed about how I acted and that I watched such an intimate moment between him and his girlfriend.

"Whatcha doin' out here?" he asks me, his voice deep as it washes over me and sends a chill through my body.

"Reading and eating some strawberries," I answer him, lowering my eyes as if I'd rather read than worry about him standing over me.

Hawk is a gorgeous man and he knows it. He's got short, dark hair that's cut short on the sides and longer on the top. His brown eyes remind me of warm, melted chocolate on a hot summer's day. I can seriously get lost in their chocolate depths. He's got that five o'clock shadow thing going on all day long and I see more than a few piercings on him. It only makes me wonder what the hell else is pierced on his body. So far, I've never seen him in anything other than a pair of jeans, bike boots, and either a tee-shirt or tank top with his cut over top of it. The man is every woman's sexual fantasy and I'm here for it. I can say with a hundred percent honesty that he's starred in more than a few of mine since the day I called for help and he showed up at my sister's house.

"What do you read?" he questions, not moving or leaving me alone.

"I read smut. Porn for women in book form you could call it," I tell him, my blush deepening as I still don't look up at him.

Hawk starts laughing and it startles me enough to look up at the man in front of me. His head is thrown back much like it was earlier today and his eyes are once again closed. Hawk's laughter lights up his entire face.

"I was not expectin' you to say that," he finally says after laughing for a few minutes at my expense.

"There's no point in lying about what I'm reading," I tell him, my hackles rising because I know plenty of people that have teased me for what I read. "I like what I like and I'm not about to change that shit for anyone."

"I don't blame you at all. I've got nothin' against you readin' all the smut you want, Kendell. About earlier," he begins as I raise my hand to stop him from continuing.

"We don't have to talk about it at all. I'm sorry I intruded in a private moment between your girlfriend and you. I've never run into anyone out here before and spend time sitting in the gazebo when I start going crazy from being inside the house. It won't happen again. I've honestly never done anything like that before in my life," I tell him, looking down once more as embarrassment floods my body.

"First of all, that wasn't my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. Honestly, I don't know that I've ever had one in my entire life. Secondly, we're very open with our sexuality here. I've seen more cock, tits, and ass than I ever thought possible. You'll walk into the common room during a party and find couples or groups fucking out in the open. It's nothin' to us. I just wanted to make sure you were okay because I could tell that you were embarrassed and there's nothin' to be embarrassed about. If you like watchin', that won't be an issue around here. If you like bein' watched, there's no reason to be ashamed of that either," Hawk says as if we're talking about the weather and not sex.

"That's not how I was raised. I was taught that sex is between a man and a woman and it should be kept to the privacy of their bedroom. We were also taught not to have sex before we got married and I've blown that out of the water," I tell Hawk as my face flames with an even hotter blush than the conversation was already causing me to do.

"Kendell, it's okay to explore your sexuality and find out what you like, don't like, and all that shit. There's nothin' wrong with it and don't let anyone ever try to tell you there is. Sex is dirty, messy, and fun as fuck if you let yourself go and enjoy the experience. So, I'm not pissed or anythin' else that you caught me havin' sex in the gazebo. I'm also not pissed that you stayed to watch either. The only time we don't have sex out in the open is when the kids are in the clubhouse. Alex would have all of our balls if one of them walked in on that," Hawk says, leaning forward and lifting my head with a finger under my chin.

"I'm not here for guys, sex, or anything else, Hawk. I'm here because of my sister and nephew. They're my priorities and that's how it will always be. I've never had a relationship because there's no point in being with someone who's only going to cheat, lie, or abuse you. Yes, I know the same can be said of women as well. I'm not an idiot. I will be here as long as it takes for Martin to back off of my sister and her to get on her own two feet. When she moves on from Clinton City, I will too," I tell Hawk, grabbing my empty cup from the strawberries and my tablet so I can make my way back inside. "I'm all for everyone doing whatever it is that makes them happy, but that will never be me."

"You never know until you try, Sparky. I'll be here when you're ready to test the waters and experiment. I'm not goin' anywhere," he says, laughter filling his voice as my steps quicken and I lock myself inside the house where no one can get to me.

My breathing is escalated and I can feel the heat covering my chest, neck, and face. I can hear my heartbeat forcing every other thought away from my ears as I slump against the door. Again, I've got that ache in my core that's just begging for me to do something to make it go away. More images flash in my mind from Hawk's words. The thought of walking into the clubhouse, where I've never been, and seeing people have sex out in the open when they have parties is enough to blow my mind. Like I said, that's not how I was raised and I wouldn't even know where to begin if I wanted to explore my sexuality at all. And I'd definitely never go to Hawk to learn anything about sex. He's clearly not a man who has sex with a girlfriend and I'm sure the woman I saw him with earlier is just one in a very long line of women he's been with. I'll never live up to his expectations or requirements in that department. I might have a high school crush on him, but that will easily go away if I don't leave the house.

With a plan in mind, I push off of the door and make my way over to the kitchen so I can take care of the dishes from dinner. I want to soak in a warm bath and read for a while longer before I climb into bed. Tomorrow I want to be at the warehouses as early as I can get there so I can spend time with my sister and Gideon. I'll meet with the counselor to find out how their sessions went before I even get to see them. My only hope is that neither one of my remaining family members are hurt even more by what was done today. That will remain my focus moving forward. I can't afford to think of sexy men or anything else. Kelsey and Gideon will be my entire focus so we can get even farther away from Martin and start our lives over somewhere else.