Chapter 7

How isit that silence can be so suffocating?

After the lunch date with Jasper, I went back to work and finished out my day. The time passed by quickly, but the minute I walked into my house, I felt uneasy.

All around me, there are small projects for me to do, but for the life of me, I can"t get the motivation to actually start them. Nothing about the place screams me. I feel like a stranger in my own home.

After a quick shower, I sit on the couch and just look at the four walls, willing for something to do, someone to talk to, something to get my mind off the mess I"m in.

Soon, that silence turns into sounds of me sobbing. It was a grade-A pity party.

"I need to stop this," I mutter, wiping my hand across my face hard, drying the few tears that had fallen down my cheek.

Reaching over to the small side table, I pick up my phone and scroll through Facebook, which was apparently the wrong thing to do.

Photos upon photos of people I don"t personally know popped up on the screen. In all of them, they looked happy.

Some of them were posing with friends, others with children, but the ones that hurt the most were the ones of the happy couples.

The ones that remind me of what Giancarlo and I used to be.

"Stop it!" I hiss in the empty room and throw my phone down on the couch. It bounces off the orange plastic-covered fabric and lands on the ground with a thud. I take a deep breath, trying to get my emotions under control. It"s being stuck here by myself that"s getting to me.

I could go out, but I don"t know anyone around these parts.

I could try to go to sleep, but I know the minute my eyes close I"m going to be having dreams about Giancarlo, and I"d rather hold that off for as long as possible.

The only other thing I can do is reach out to a friend. I don"t have many; my life was all about Giancarlo. I didn"t need any friends when he kept me so busy being his woman.

I regret that now.

Maryellen is out of the question. The woman barely looked at me when I was at work, I can"t imagine her wanting to spend any time with me out of it.

There"s only one other option.

"He did say that I should call him whenever I wanted."

I pick up the phone from the ground and scroll through the contacts until I find the newest number in the bunch: Jasper.

Part of me knows that I"m playing with fire. Especially after I went through so much trouble making it clear to him that I didn"t want a relationship, but the loneliness is going to be the death of me. I need a friend, and he"s the closest thing I have to one right now.

With trembling fingers, I swipe on his contact, pressing the call button. My heart leaped up into my throat as I place the phone to my ear and listen to the sound of the call ringing back.

I can"t believe I"m doing this.

After the third ring, he picks up the phone.

"Hello?"

His voice pulses through the phone like an electric current, and suddenly, my anxiety becomes a distant memory. It"s as if his voice were magic and cured me of everything wrong.

"Hey. Sorry to bother you," I bustle out. When he doesn"t respond right away, I add, "It"s Rosie, we met today at the library."

Jasper chuckles softly, "I know who it is. Like I could forget someone like you."

My cheeks heat up, and I lean back against the couch with the phone still pressed to my ear.

This is undoubtedly what I need.

"What"s going on?" He asks, and I hesitate to tell him the truth. I don"t want it to seem so desperate, but I don"t want to be dishonest. After all, he"s only a friend; I"m not trying to impress him.

"Nothing really. I just... well, I"m not used to being alone."

He sighs, and I hear him moving around in the background, possibly trying to get comfortable himself. "Ah, I understand. This is the first time you"ve lived alone in a while, right?"

"In forever, really. I left my parent"s house and moved right in with my ex. I"ve never been by myself. I guess that says a lot about me."

"Nothing bad. It just means you"ve always had someone who cares about you to share space with. That"s a good thing."

"Not anymore, though."

"Nah, not someone like you. I"d bet you"ll find someone quicker than you think. Who knows, you might have already found them, but you don"t know it yet."

I bite my bottom lip, not wanting to go down that road. I can recognize the underlying flirtation in his statement.

"Maybe, who knows," I offer in response.

"So, what plans do you have for the night?" Jasper asks, and I glance around my small house once again.

"Nothing but staring at the four walls."

"That"s all? I mean, no shows you want to watch? A movie? Books?" He asks, surprise lacing his tone.

"No, when I moved, I didn"t bring any of that stuff with me. I should"ve brought some books. I"ll have to buy a TV after I get my first check." I know that won"t be happening. My money is already accounted for.

Bills before leisure. Right now, a TV was the last thing on my mind.

"Wow, that sucks. Sounds pretty boring."

"Oh, it is," I laugh.

There"s a break in the conversation, and the silence weighs heavy on me once again. I don"t know how to do this. I don"t know how to carry a conversation with someone who isn"t the man I love.

"Well, what about this? I was on my way to a friend"s house, but I don"t absolutely have to go. What are your thoughts on getting out of the house for a little while? Just for a walk?"

"A walk? It"s getting late." My eyes drift to the window and I see the twinkle of porch lights and car headlights passing by on the street.

"True, but on the other hand, you"ve got nothing but time, and you don"t sound like you"re going to sleep anytime soon."

He"s right about that. There"s no way I"ll be going to sleep anytime soon. It"s only a walk.

"Okay, where do you want to meet?" I ask and listen as he gives me the address of the place, and we settle on a time. I"m hoping I don"t make a fool of myself. After all, this is the first time I"ve had to do something like this. First-date jitters without it actually being a date sucks ass.

* * *

Wow, I had no idea this park was here. I look around the large public park and see a few people either on their nightly runs or just hanging out the way Jasper and I are doing. "Yeah, I come here for exercise at least three times a week. It really helps with the stress."

"I bet it does." I nod and look back up at him. His clear blue eyes twinkle under the streetlights, and I have to stop myself from sighing whimsically. The man is absolutely gorgeous. "What do you do?" I push on with the conversation as to not get lost in his appeal.

"Oh, I work for a security firm. It"s all really boring stuff." He gives me a shrug, and I see what looks like a small twitch under his eyes. Of course, he wouldn"t want to talk about work. He just told me that he had a lot of stress.

"I"m sorry, I didn"t mean to pry."

"No worries... Besides, I"d rather talk about you. I"m sure you have had plenty of adventures in your life that you are keeping to yourself."

Adventures? Me? The most adventures I"ve ever had were in the confines of my home. "No, I"m as plain Jane as they come. It"s sad, I really need to get a life."

"There"s no time like the present." He juts his hands outward, and a goofy grin crawls up his face. He really is going out of his way to make me feel at ease. "I wish it was that simple," I reply, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What about with your ex? What fun things did the two of you used to do together?"

Fun with Giancarlo? As much as I didn"t want to go back there, my mind zooms to the memories of my time with him. It was like it"d all happened yesterday. It was the happiest time of my life, all before a father decided I wasn"t good enough for his son.

"We stayed in, mostly. I could talk to him about everything. That"s probably what I miss the most, just being able to lose myself in conversation with him for hours on end." My heart clenches hard in my chest as I try to fight my way out of the memories of Giancarlo and me.

"Any topic in particular? Was he close to his family?" Jasper asks, but just before I open my mouth to answer, I hear a branch crack behind us.

With a whip of my head, I turn to look behind us, but I don"t see anything.

Jasper and I have been walking for a long while, much longer than I thought, and all of a sudden, instead of being surrounded by other people enjoying the park, we were alone in the ever-growing darkness.

The at-ease feeling I had moments ago slowly started to shift to panic. Little alarm bells began sounding in my head, and even though I was sure Jasper would be able to protect me, my mind screamed something was wrong.

"Rosie?" Jasper"s voice jerked me out of my mind.

"I thought I heard something," I whisper, in his direction.

"There"s nothing there, maybe a squirrel or something." Jasper grabs hold of my hand and tries to continue tugging me down the path. "You were telling me about your ex"s family."

"Oh, yeah, they"re close," I answer, but now my senses are piqued. I"m listening for every sound out of the ordinary. A reason to explain why I feel like this.

"Did you take any vacation with them or something like that? What do they do?" Jasper continues to question and finally has my undivided attention. He seems overly interested in my ex. I may not know much about how men court women, but I always assumed they didn"t want to talk about the man their interest was still hung up on.

"Actually, I"d rather not talk about them." I give him a tight smile, hoping that he takes the hint.

"Oh, come on. I"m sure you"ve got some dirt on the family that basically forced you to break up with your ex." He chuckles, and dread drops in my gut like a bowling ball.

As much as I hate the fact that Giancarlo was forced to marry someone else, I"ll never go against his family. Not only because I don"t have a death wish, but also because besides his oldest sister and his father, that family has been nothing but good to me. My loyalty just won"t let me.

"No, nothing like that." I stop walking and look around my surroundings once again. I don"t want to be here anymore. "Actually, you know what. I think I"m more tired than I thought from work. I should be heading home."

"Already? We just got here." Jasper"s face turns to one of disappointment.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

I wait for the anger. It never comes.

"Okay, no problem. Whatever you want to do." Jasper turns on his heels and, giving me just enough space, gestures with his hand that we should start walking the way we came.

I"m on edge all the way back to my small house. Jasper continues to try to get me to talk more about myself, but I"m not very good company. When we get to my house he walks up the few steps to get to my front door.

The panic I felt early quadruples, and I feel the very intense need to vomit all over the front of his shirt.

"I guess this didn"t go to plan." Jasper smiles brightly and runs his hand through his dark hair.

"I"m sorry. I would"ve never called to hang out with you if I"d known I"d be so bad at it." Looking down at my feet, I swallow the frog in my throat.

"You"ve got nothing to be sorry about, Rosie." His voice is soft and soothing. I look up at his face and once again it"s like a warm blanket wrapping around me. "You told me from the first time we met that you weren"t as available as I"d like. I knew what I was getting into and still, I"d give up my night to spend some time with you. I know it"s going to take a while to break down your walls, I don"t mind waiting."

Of course, he"d say all the right things.

Giancarlo was gone.

He isn"t coming back, and no amount of pining or feeling sorry for myself will bring him back. I"m holding myself back in an attempt to stay true to someone who isn"t mine. It"s ridiculous.

Jasper, on the other hand, has proven even if only after one day that he"s exactly the type of man I can explore my newfound freedom with. It"s time for me to take a step in reclaiming my life. Starting with opening myself up for a chance at love again.

"I appreciate that, and I"m sorry I"ve made this so hard. How about this? As long as we don"t make it a big thing, I think we can start off slow?" I question Jasper, making sure to keep my eyes glued to his face so I can gauge his reaction. The smile that brightens his features confirms I made the right choice.

"I can do slow. I can do whatever you need from me, Rosie. I meant it when I told you earlier that I want to get to know you. I"m ready to do that in whatever capacity you let me." He moves in closer and grabs my hand, "So how about we go on an official date? Dinner?"

I nod, trying my best to hide the nervousness. "When?"

"Tomorrow evening, say eight?"

"Sounds good. I"m looking forward to it."

Jasper leans in and presses a gentle kiss on my cheek. I nearly swoon because I"m holding my breath. "I"ll call you tomorrow when I have everything set up. Have a good night, Rosie."

I turn and open my door, giving Jasper one final glance, "Good night, Jasper."

I close the door and look once again into the nearly empty living area. I might not be where I want to be, but at least I"m taking steps in the right direction.

Gotta celebrate the small wins.