Chapter 9

The saying is,"get another one to get over the old one."

The sage old advice wasn't working out for me as well as I hoped it would.

The date with Jasper was good. He was a complete gentleman, the same way he had been when he was on the phone and when he took me for our walk, but no matter what he did, I just couldn't stop myself from comparing him to Giancarlo.

Every time Jasper said something I wondered if it's something Giancarlo would've said. If in another life it could have been Giancarlo on the other side of the table with a different woman.

Still, it was nice having Jasper around to help with the loneliness. I felt bad about using him, but he knew what he was getting into when he started talking to me.

He said he wanted to get to know me, and I told him that I wanted to keep the loneliness away. So far, the arrangement was working out for the both of us.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see it"s a message from Jasper.

"Are you thinking about me like I"m thinking about you?"

I giggle and rub my stomach to quell the butterflies flying around inside. I have to admit, Jasper is smooth.

I wanted to meet up with him tonight, but work came first.

Maryellen was supposed to have been reshelving books through the week, but just like everything else, she couldn"t be bothered.

She left it all for me to do, claiming it was a good learning opportunity.

Now I have an overwhelming number of books to put away in the stacks.

With a sigh, I look over at the second cart full of books. I"m going to be here forever.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

It"s been a while since I"ve heard that question. Being with Giancarlo, my life was already set. Now that he was gone, things were different.

Before, if someone were to ask me about my ambitions I'd have said I wanted to start a family, maybe get a house on a lake somewhere. Live a safe and quiet life. But now that I'm on my own, I can see myself going back to school, possibly becoming a career woman. Anything is possible.

I send Jasper a quick message and shove the phone back into my pocket while I push the large trolley deeper into the stacks. If I don"t focus on getting these books back on the shelves, I really will be here all night.

The seconds ticked by as I slowly put the books back where they belonged. Nothing but the sound of my shoes clicking on the hardwood floors echoing in the silence. I'm not sure how long I lose myself in my work, but when I look up through the window again, the sun has set and the sky is dark.

"Only a few more now." I say to myself and grab the second cart, pushing it into the back room where all the special editions and rare books are located. The space was large, but extremely cramped and not well-lit. It seems like it was a different building once upon a time that was attached to the main building of the library.

I'm focused on the shelf in front of me as I rearrange the books so I can fit in the ones on the cart that belong here.

My eyes itch from all the dust in the air and I squint trying to see the bottom shelf. Out the corner of my eye I see a shadow move, but when I turn my head I don't see anything there.

"Great, now I'm going crazy." I mutter to myself, looking down the narrow walkway for anything out of the ordinary. Taking a deep breath, I grab another book and focus on the shelves in front of me. Just as I lift the book to put it away, I hear what sounds like something brushing against the shelves.

My skin breaks out in goosebumps and I drop the book in my hand to the floor. The sound bounces from wall to wall in the tight space.

"Who's there?" I call but get no response.

My eyes dart from corner to corner, looking for any reasonable explanation for what I heard. It's way past closing time, and Maryellen left a long time ago. I was alone here, at least I was supposed to be.

"If there's someone here, show yourself." I call out again to the same response.

Slowly, I make my way down the aisle, doing my best to keep from knocking anything over. I don't see anything out of the ordinary. Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not here alone.

A cold sweat pricks my neck and my breath echos in my ears. It's coming too fast.

Gulping down hard, I hold my breath for a second before I turn the corner to walk down the next aisle. "Hello?" I call again, this time my voice breaks. I haven't been this scared in a long time, and it dawns on me that it's the first time I don't have someone around to protect me.

I pull my phone out of my pocket but curse myself when I see I've let it die. "Great, just fucking great."

My heart is galloping in my chest faster than a racehorse as I turn my head to look down another aisle. The hair raises on my forearms, and before I can turn my head to look behind me, a book falls to the floor. Like a starting gun, the sound vibrates through my body and I take off like a horse out of the starting gate.

I fly through the narrow aisle, hoping to get back to the front door. The sound of heavy footsteps pound behind me as I zig and zag through the room.

Skidding to a stop, fear laces through me as I look at the dirty stone wall in front of me. I was running in the wrong direction, and now I'm lost in the back of a room full of boxes and books.

"No!" I whisper shout. I'm out of options and out of space. In a last ditch move, I quickly dive behind a small mound of boxes and pray that I'm hidden enough to avoid being spotted.

I press my hand to my mouth to silence the sound of my breathing and wait for whatever is going to happen next. But nothing does.

There's no more shadows, no more books falling and, more importantly, no more footsteps. Maybe whoever it was left. There's nothing of value here in the library. Maybe they figured that out and left.

My entire body shakes as I sit there hidden.

I can't stay here. I need to get out of here and call the cops. Peaking through the space between the boxes, I make sure once again that there's no one around. It's as empty as it was when I first walked in.

Standing slowly, I move from behind the boxes and tip toe in the direction of the door, doing my best to stay in the darker areas.

If I don't make a sound, I'll be sa-

My thoughts cut off as an arm wraps around my midsection and a hand clamps down over my mouth.

I scream as loud as I can, but it's muffled by the man's palm. He pulls me against his body, my back against his front, and leans down to speak in my ear.

"Did you really think you could get away from me?"

The neurons in my head fire like lightening and my heart seizes up in my chest. My emotions are at war right now.

I know that voice. I know this body. This is home.

I crane my neck and look over my shoulder to see Giancarlo staring down at me with a sinister grin on his face.

Tears stream down my face as I nearly collapse back against him. All the fear and adrenaline comes to a sudden screeching halt, taking my strength right along with it.

"Oh my god. Oh, God!." I mutter and turn into Gian's hold.

Having his arms around me once again feels like heaven on earth but I quickly realize that I've just stepped into hell.

This is wrong. He doesn't belong here. He's a married man. Not mine.

I push him away, and the rage builds up inside of me at a record pace. Pulling my hand back, I swing it forward, connecting as hard as I can against his perfect face. "What the hell is your problem? Why did you do that? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I yell at him and cross my arms over my chest.

My once still heart has resumed its race horse like speed and I take a few deep breaths trying to calm it down.

"What are you doing here so late? You were supposed to be off hours ago." Gian pins me with his gaze, not even acknowledging the fact that I'd just smacked him.

"I had to stay to reshelve….wait, how the hell do you know when I'm supposed to be off? How did you figure out where I was to begin with?"

I spent so long trying to find a place as far away from Giancarlo and his family as I could. I didn't want any reminders of him. He was supposed to be in the city with his new wife, so what is he doing in Croton on the Hudson in the small library I work at?

"Rosie, don't play dumb. You know nothing can stop me once I've made up my mind about something." He tilts his head and takes a step in my direction.

I can feel the tension and desire coming off him in waves. He's intoxicating. It's always been like that between him and me.

"I'm not playing dumb about anything, Gian. You don't belong here, so why are you?"

"I'm here because you are." Gian reaches his hand out to grab mine, but I yank away.

"Maybe you should be more focused on your wife." I snarl at him. My words are rough, but my soul is breaking to pieces all over again.

"I didn't come here to talk about her." Gian shakes his head and looks off in the other direction, as if by ignoring the fact that he was married would make it go away.

"No, you didn't come here to talk to me about anything. You and your family made it quite clear, I'm no longer part of your life. I've accepted that. You need to do the same." I bite my lip and force myself to stay strong.

Giving in isn't an option, not when there's no way to move forward.

"No, Rosie, I won't accept that. And even though you say you have, I know you haven't moved on either."

I lift my head as he gets closer, trying to keep my eyes locked on his, "What makes you think that? Last time I checked I was free to do whatever I wanted."

"You're mine Rosie. Deny it all you want, but I know you." Giancarlo lifts his hand and trails the tips of his finger down the side of my face, down my throat and over the swell of my breast.

I gasp at the feel of his hands on my body. As much as I hate to admit it, Jasper will never make me feel this way.

"Gian… stop." The words had so much authority in my head but they came out of my mouth as nothing more than a whisper.

"You don't want me to stop. You need this as much as I do." Gian pulls me even closer and presses his body tightly against mine.

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

I can do nothing but drown in him. The tears threaten to overflow but I know once I start I'm not going to have the strength to stop again. As it stands, it's taking all I am not to give in to what he wants from me.

"You don't know what I want." I have to stay strong, "No, I'm not going to do this." I push my hands against his chest to get some distance from him. Pulling my shoulders back, I walk around him determined to get to the door so I can leave, but Giancarlo has other plans.

He grabs my hair and yanks me back before spinning and pinning me against one of the heavy bookshelves. There's no getting away from him.

"You want to walk away from me. Walk away from everything that we have?"

"I'm not the one who walked away, remember? You have a wife." I hiss at him and feel his body tense up behind me.

"She's nothing to me but a burden. A fucking disease." He snaps back at me.

With his hands still buried in my hair, he turns me around so I'm looking at him. My eyes lock with his, and I notice something I didn't while I was still trying to come down from the fright he gave me.

His dark eyes are hard and angry, but deeper than that, I can see how weary he is. This man is breaking apart from the inside out, and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Burden or not, she's yours to bear." I whisper.

"No, she's not mine. You are and you always will be." His free hand goes back to my waist, and he lifts my shirt slightly so his fingertips can graze the sensitive skin there.

"Tell me you still want me." He orders.

It'd be so easy to say the words, they're true but he doesn't need to know that.

"I don't want you."

He growls and pulls my hair harder, causing me to gasp and grab hold of his wrist to alleviate some of my discomfort, "You're lying to me. Always making things so hard for me." Leaning forward, he runs the tip of his nose along mine. The feather-light sensation, a clear contrast to the harshness of him pulling my hair. "Don't you want to be a good girl for me?"

My eyes roll to the back of my head before I squeeze my eyelids shut. He knows how much I love to hear him talk like this. How badly I always want to be his good girl.

"I can't. You're married. You have a wife. You didn't want me." I rush through all the reasons why even though my body is already gearing up to accept him, I know I shouldn't.

"I always want you. I'm suffocating. You walked out the door that night and took my breath with you. I'd rather you put a bullet in my heart than to have you stay away from me." He says, voice rough with emotion.

"Gian, please." I beg, my will power draining by the second.

"No, I can't let you go, Rosie. You're my fucking life and I intend to stay alive."

I gasp but before I can say a word his mouth slams down on mine. An earthquake rumbles inside of me as the walls I'd forced myself to put up around my heart come tumbling down.

Giancarlo is linked to my soul. Everything he is screams to the baser parts of me. Like a newborn taking my first breath, his lips bring everything alive inside of me.

My arms wrap around his neck and I clutch tighter to him as he continues to ravage my mouth with his. I can't get enough of him, and I know we've only just started.

"I need you. Save me Rosie. Bring me back to life." He mutters as he pulls his lips away from mine only to drag them down the column of my neck and suck hard on the skin beneath my ear.

My body shivers, and for the life of me I can't think of why I was fighting so hard in the first place.

It's wrong on so many levels, and dangerous to boot. If his father were to find out that Giancarlo and I were messing around there's every chance that he'd kill the both of us. Gian knows this, but from the way he's holding me, it doesn't seem like it matters to him.

If death is the consequence of what we feel for each other, it just might be worth it.

Quickly, he pulls my shirt out of my pants and over my head, his breath panting out of his mouth as he yanks my bra from my body and descends like a starved animal on my breast.

"Oh God." I moan and run my fingers into his long hair. He growls in response and the vibrations seep into my pores.

There has never been another man like him, and I doubt there ever will be.

Throwing all caution to the wind, I let my hands skate down his body as best as I can and start my own efforts at getting him undressed.

I'm shocked by what I see when I peel his shirt off. He's lost at least ten pounds. As if he hadn't been eating or taking care of himself the time that we were apart. "Gian, what happened to you? What's going on?"

"You're gone." He replies and bends down again to pull the other breast into his mouth. All thoughts of his body or if he's taking care of himself disappear from my train of thought.

I might not be able to keep him, but I can be with him for right now. Even if that's all I'll ever get again.

In a storm of touches and kisses, we drop to the floor and explore each other the way we used to when the world was simpler.

"You're so fucking perfect."

"I'm perfect for you." Pulling his pants down, I reach into his boxers and grab hold of his cock, squeezing just the way I know he likes. A sharp hiss burst from his lips, and he lets his head fall back. I pump my hand softly over the tight skin of his manhood, enjoying the feel of the pre-cum that comes dribbling out of the slit and coating my fingers.

This strong, powerful man is near putty in my hands. If he had the resources, I'm sure he'd scorch the earth if I asked him to, so long as I continued to play his body just the way he loved me to.

"Stop." He grits through his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. His mouth opened slightly as he struggles to catch his breath.

"You don't want me to stop. This is what you came here for."

His hand flies down to my wrist to keep me from moving, "I didn't come here for this. I came here to remind you who you belong to." His eyes darken with anger. Anger at me.

I've done nothing that I can think of that would cause him to be cross with me.

"Remind me who I belong to?" I question while still going over anything new that's happened in my life that would piss him off.

I got a job. I moved away.

The pin drops in my head, of course that's what he's talking about. My dates with Jasper. He's seen me with another man.

But how?

"How? You've been following me?" Trying to pull away from him is useless as he has a tight grip on my wrist.

He hooks his leg around mine and flips me so my back is on the floor, and he is pinning me down from above. "Who do you belong to?" He asks as he reaches down to pull my pants the rest of the way off.

"No, you can't do that. I have to move on. You have to let me move on." Once again, the words don't come out of my mouth as strong as I'd like them. I'm too focused on the way his hand feels between my legs. It's been too long since I've felt him inside of me, too long since I've had this release.

My back arches off the ground as he slides his two middle fingers inside my soaking wet pussy. "Who. Do. You. Belong. To?" He punctuates every word with a thrust of his hand.

"Gian!" I moan loud. My thighs trembling from the force of the building orgasm. The pressure of my release makes my stomach cramp.

"Don't make me force it out of you." His fingers massage my g-spot perfectly. He knows exactly where it is. Knows exactly what to do to make me crazy with pleasure. After all, he's had years of practice on my body.

"Gian." I mutter again, feeling the last parts of my will power drifting away.

"Tell me!" He orders pressing up and keeping pressure on that usually elusive patch of nerve endings deep within my core.

"You! I belong to you!" I yell, and he moves his hand quickly in response.

"Good girl. Such a good girl." The praise shoots straight to my head and between my legs as everything inside me breaks to pieces. My body contracts hard, I come all over his hand.

Lights flash behind my eyelids as he pulls his hand out of me and presses his fingers to his mouth. "Mmm, I haven't had my desert in a long time."

A deep hum resonates in my throat but before I have a chance to say anything, Giancarlo positions himself between my legs. My knees drop outward, ready for what I know comes next.

He pushes slowly inside me. The stretch of him filling me up burns slightly. He's the only man I've ever been with and no matter how many times we have sex I still have to get used to him.

"My life." He mutters and buries his face in my neck, inhaling deeply as if he's trying to capture my scent.

"My everything." I whisper and wrap my arms around his neck, holding on while he begins to thrust inside of me.

Our lovemaking is intense and primal. Both of us losing who we are in each other.

Giancarlo pounds into me hard. The brutality of the thrusts shaking the bookcases around us. He pulls my legs up higher so he can arch himself over me more completely, protecting me from the books as they fall from the shelves one at a time.

It doesn't take long for me to get back to the edge of the cliff.

"Yes, don't stop. Oh, Gian…" I whine and dig my nails into his back as I crash like a meteor into another orgasm.

"Fuck. I can't…. Rosie. Fuck." Sweat drips down the side of his face and his muscle flex with every movement. He's trying to hold back, but that's not what I want. I want all of him. It's all I've ever wanted.

I lift my head and seal my mouth with his. Surprising him at his most vulnerable. He sucks in a quick breath before his body melts into mine. His lower half jerks hard as he comes hard deep inside of me.

"I miss you so much." He mutters as he pulls away from my mouth.

"I miss you too."

He leans back in and continues kissing me.

Everything feels so perfect.

But perfection is only fleeting. Even as the exhaustion creeps up on me, I know nothing will have changed when we get up off this floor.

Giancarlo will go back to his wife, and I'll go back to my house, alone once again.