Chapter Five

Zara

I look up from my folder to see that the teachers' lounge has filled considerably while I've been concentrating on other things. It seems wise to put the file away and at least look sociable and interested in my colleagues, and I'm just getting up to do that when the door opens and Russ Whitehead comes in. This is the man I was telling my mom about, and looking at him again, I can definitely confirm he's not my type. Sure, he's handsome enough, and I'll admit I feel kinda sorry for him, being surrounded by so many women, but there's no way I'd want any kind of romantic involvement with him.

At the thought of romance, my heart does a little dance and my mind instantly switches to Tanner, and I smile, timing it badly as Russ picks that moment to approach and obviously assumes I'm smiling at him.

"Hi," he says, grinning and flopping down in the chair beside mine, even though I was about to get up. It would be rude to do so now, so I lean back in the seat again. "How are you?"

"Nervous," I say, and he nods his head.

"Me, too."

It's his first job, just like it's mine, and I wonder if that's why I'm not attracted to him. He's too young. I've never been interested in boys or men of my own age, and my mind is once again drawn to Tanner, and those lines around his eyes that spoke of years of wisdom and experience.

"Do you think it's silly of us?" I say, remembering to make conversation, even if I'd prefer to think about Tanner.

"No. The prospect of having to control a classroom of children is daunting."

"I suppose I have the slight advantage that for most of my students, today is gonna be their first experience of education."

He frowns. "Is there no nursery school here?"

"No." I lean a little closer to him. "I was kinda surprised by that when Miss Montgomery told me, but evidently most of the working parents who live here either rely on family to look after their young children, or use a child-minding service, or drive to Willmont Vale, where there's a pre-school nursery."

"I didn't realize," he says, shaking his head.

"Neither did I, but from what I can gather, at least half of the kids walking through my door today won't have set foot in a classroom before."

"And you're okay with that?"

I nod my head. "So long as I can get them to sit down long enough to learn something, I'll have done my job."

He chuckles, just as the door opens, and the room falls into silence. Miss Montgomery has that effect, and while she dressed a little more casually during the workshop last week, today she's in full Principal mode, wearing a buttoned up navy blue jacket and matching skirt.

She glances around the room, nodding her head occasionally at some of the older teachers, although she ignores Russ and me completely and steps over to the window, clearing her throat.

"Now that everyone is here, I just wanted to say a few words." She pauses for dramatic effect. "It's a new semester," she says, with a slight smile and as she continues to talk, I glance around the room myself, my stomach churning when I realize that, regardless of Miss Montgomery's opening line, Margot Ashton isn't here. She's my teaching assistant and a veteran of ten years' service at the school and, frankly, I know I'll be lost without her.

"What's wrong?" Russ whispers.

"Margot's not here," I murmur back.

"Is she sick?"

I shrug my shoulders as someone standing beside us coughs, letting us know we shouldn't be talking during the principal's speech.

I guess it's possible that Margot's sick, or – more likely – that one of her kids is. She couldn't make it to all the workshop sessions because one of her three daughters had a severe cold and Margot had to stay with her.

"With that in mind," Miss Montgomery says, her voice filtering through my thoughts. "I'm sure we'll all work hard to have a successful semester."

I'm not sure that was the most inspiring rallying cry, but everyone applauds loudly and the noise level decreases as they grab their things, and slowly but surely, leave the room.

"We'd better get going," Russ says, getting to his feet. He holds out his hand and I take it, letting him pull me to my feet. He looks down at me, a smile etched on his lips as I pull my hand free, but before I can say anything, Miss Montgomery appears by our side.

"Ready to start the day?" she says with bullish enthusiasm.

"We certainly are," he replies before I can say a word, and she nods her head, turning to me.

"Can I have a quiet word, Miss Howell?"

"Of course."

Russ takes that as his cue to disappear, which he does, and while I wonder for a second what I've done wrong, Miss Montgomery's still smiling, so I guess it can't be anything serious.

"I forgot to say, as it's the first day here for your students, you'll need to greet them by the door to the classroom when they come in. It helps to break the ice, and it means you can meet the parents at the same time."

Meet the parents? "So the children don't come in by themselves?"

"No." She looks shocked by my suggestion. "From the fourth grade onwards, children may be dropped off and picked up at the gate. Before that, we prefer the parents to bring them into the schoolyard in the morning, and collect them in person in the afternoon. Today is the exception to that rule. This morning, all children may be brought into the building by their parents… although obviously some of the older ones prefer to make their own way in. The other teachers don't have to meet and greet like you because their students aren't new to the school." She sighs. "You don't need to fret about the logistics, my dear. We've been doing it this way for years, and everyone is used to it."

I feel like I've just been told off, and severely patronized, even though she admitted she was the one who forgot to tell me about this tradition, although before I can say a word, Miss Montgomery is called away.

She leaves the room, and rather than stand here by myself, I follow her, surprised when I discover Russ waiting outside. He's got no need to be here, but as I close the door, he pushes himself off of the wall and looks down at me as we start down the hall.

"Is everything okay?" he asks.

"Yes. Miss Montgomery just wanted to explain that I have to greet the children at the classroom door, that's all."

"Do we all have to do that?"

"No. It's just me. For today, all the kids can be brought into the school by their parents, but ordinarily, those in fourth grade and up can be dropped off at the gate."

"And what happens in the afternoons?"

"The older children can just leave. But the younger ones need to be handed to their parents… although how I'm supposed to remember which student goes with which adult, I honestly don't know."

It's something else to worry about, and I feel like my throat is closing over at the prospect of what could go wrong.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Russ says, trying to sound reassuring.

"I'd feel a lot better if Margot was here. She probably knows at least some of the children, and most of the parents."

He pats my arm. "At least you won't be dealing with a bunch of unruly nine-year-olds."

"How do you know they'll be unruly?"

"I remember being nine," he says. "Trust me. They'll be unruly."

We both laugh and I turn toward my classroom, which is the first one in the corridor.

"Have a good morning," I say, looking up at Russ.

"I'll do my best. Maybe we can compare notes over a coffee later?" he says and I hesitate on the threshold. He's tilted his head and is looking a little wistful, but I don't want to commit to anything. I don't want him to get the wrong idea.

"I'll see how it goes," I say, and he nods his head, spinning around and heading further down the hall.

I feel my shoulders drop, and I wonder if I should duck out of that coffee somehow, when I hear the main door open. This can't be the children arriving already, can it? I'm nowhere near ready yet, and I glance down the hall, letting out a sigh of relief when I see Margot rushing to toward me.

"I'm so sorry," she says as she approaches, her cheeks flushed.

"Was your daughter unwell again?" I ask, smiling with relief.

"No. They're all fine." She stops right beside me, looking flustered, her short dark hair a little out of place, and her blouse not properly tucked into her skirt. "It's just that my youngest is starting high school today, and anyone would have thought it was the first time any child had undergone such an event in their lives." She rolls her eyes, pulling her cross-body bag over her head. "Honestly… the fuss."

She waves her hand, letting me enter the classroom ahead of her, and I glance around, taking in the bare pale green walls, yet to be filled with paintings and artworks, and the window that overlooks one side of the school.

"Do you want to take your purse to the teachers' lounge and freshen up?" I ask, glancing at her blouse.

She looks down, trying to tuck it in, and nods her head. "I won't be a minute."

I smile as she leaves, because now she's in the building I feel a lot more relaxed, and I put the folder on the desk at the front, and wander around the classroom, taking in the small chairs, arranged around the square tables, each one seating eight.

One of the things Margot and I did together during the workshops was to make name tags and stick them on the tables, so the children would have a designated place to sit, rather than it being a free-for-all on the first day. It seemed like a good idea, although looking at them all now, I'm just glad I'll be able to use the tags to remember all the children's names, and hopefully put faces to them before long.

There are cabinets along one of the walls, and I open a few of them, finding books, papers, pencils, paints and all kinds of things that are supposed to help me inform the young minds in my care. The other long wall features hooks for the children to hang their coats and bags, and at the back of the room, there's a bookcase, and an area with a huge multi-colored carpet on the floor, where the children can sit when we're doing group reading.

"Ready to start the day?"

I turn at the sound of Margot's voice and nod my head, even though I feel anything but ready. She's looking much tidier now, her blouse properly tucked in and her hair combed into place, and while she's still a little rosy-cheeked, it suits her.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I say, and she smiles.

"Don't let them see your fear." She nudges her elbow into me and leads the way through the door, stopping just outside. "We won't need to stand on ceremony like this every day," she says.

"I gathered that from Miss Montgomery."

Margot rolls her eyes. "She likes the personal touch… just so long as it's not her having to go the extra mile."

I have to laugh, although my stomach churns when I see the door open beyond her, and watch the first child enter, holding her mother's hand. Margot turns and right at that moment, Miss Montgomery appears by the reception, as if by magic, offering smiles and encouragement, as the little girl by-passes her and approaches us.

"Hello, Iris," Margot says, leaning down, and the little girl smiles.

"Hello, Mrs. Ashton." Iris looks kinda shy, but clearly knows Margot, who stands and turns toward me.

"This is Miss Howell," she says. "She's gonna be your new teacher."

"Hi, Iris," I say, and she nods her head at me.

"Do you wanna come see the classroom?" Margot suggests, and Iris looks up at her mom.

"Off you go, honey. Mrs. Ashton will look after you."

I feel like I'm on the outside… the new kid in town, the stranger in their midst. But what can I say? I can hardly yell at her that Miss Howell will look after her, too. It's more important that Iris should feel comfortable than that the locals should accept me, and I let Margot lead Iris into the classroom while her mom waits for a second or two and then turns and leaves, without saying a word to me.

I wonder if I should have introduced myself more formally. But she didn't really give me a chance, and before I can ponder over that for too long, a little boy arrives with his mother.

"Are you the new teacher?" she says, and I take in her auburn hair, which is tied back in a neat bun behind her head, showing off her perfectly made-up face. Glancing down, I also spot her tight skirt and open-necked blouse, which do everything to enhance her figure. As for her heels, they're enough to make my eyes water, although I have to say, she's a very ‘together' woman, to look that good at this time of the morning.

"I am. I'm Miss…"

"We'll go on in, shall we?" she interrupts before I've even said my name, and rather than waiting for my reply, she drags her scowling son through the door.

Charming.

A few older children walk past, chattering and looking me up and down, and then Margot comes out.

"You've met Mrs. Knox, then?"

"Have I?"

"Yes. Alexander's mother."

"Was that the little boy with the black look on his face?"

"That's the one. He was born like that, I think."

I laugh out loud and she chuckles, returning to the classroom.

A steady stream of children are coming through the doors now, some with parents and some without, and a few of them stop by my classroom. Many of them look even more nervous than I feel, and I do my best to remember this is a big day for them, too. Now we're in the swing of things, I greet them all warmly, telling most of them my name, and they all seem a lot more friendly than Mrs. Knox, who I notice still doesn't seem to have come back out of the classroom.

None of the other parents go inside, but hand their offspring over to Margot at the door, and I hear her showing them where to put their coats, and telling them which desks to sit at.

I'll bet those name tags are coming in useful now.

I check my watch, noting that it's just a few minutes before eight-thirty. I've tried to keep count of the number of children who've filed into class, but it's been difficult, although I think we must be close to capacity now.

Even so, I think I should wait here just a little longer, especially as Miss Montgomery is still standing guard. It wouldn't do for me to disappear into my classroom ahead of time, and Margot seems to be coping without me. I certainly can't hear any noise from behind me.

I glance down the hall just as the door opens and a young boy comes in, looking over his shoulder and saying something, before he turns his blond head, a grin formed on his face. There's something vaguely familiar about him, but as I contemplate that, a man steps through behind him and my breath catches in my throat, almost making me choke.

It's Tanner.

He's talking to the little boy, and reaches down, taking his hand, the two of them engrossed in conversation.

"It wasn't my fault we had to rush around this morning," the little boy says. "Mom didn't put my things in my bag last night."

"And you don't think you're old enough to put your things in your bag yourself?" Tanner replies, shaking his head.

"We were busy all weekend, Dad. Remember?" the boy says, and I let out a slight yelp, which Tanner obviously hears because he stops walking and looks up, his eyes meeting mine.

Dad?

This little boy is his son?

I wish I'd ignored Miss Montgomery's presence and gone inside the classroom. Such a move might have incurred her wrath, but I'd have risked it. I'd have endured anything to avoid this.

How could I have done what I did, thought what I thought, and said what I said? The man I was thinking of and whispering to in the privacy of my bedroom, is married. He's got a child, or maybe even children, and even if I wasn't to know that, I feel so ashamed.

"Hi," Tanner says, moving a little closer as a woman dodges past him, pulling her son behind her. "A—Are you okay?"

"I—I'm fine, thanks."

"You're not still in shock, or anything?"

He blushes and I frown at him. "In shock?"

"Yes. You said you were in shock last night, if you remember?"

"Oh, yes." I feel like such an idiot. "No, I'm a lot better today, thank you."

I wish he'd just move on and take his son with him, but he doesn't. In fact, he steps even closer. "This is Nash," he says and I glance down, nodding my head and giving the little boy a smile. He's cute, just like his dad, but I need to stop thinking like that. Even if I can still remember every sordid thought that went through my brain last night, he doesn't think of me like that. Why would he? He's got a wife at home. To him, I'm just the woman who he barged into in the street. Nothing more. "Do you work here?" he asks, and I realize he was probably waiting for me to reply to his introduction.

"Yes. It's my first day."

He glances over my shoulder. "You're teaching Kindergarten?"

"Yes."

"Be grateful you don't have this one in your class," he says, roughing up his son's blond hair.

"I'm sure he's very well behaved."

Tanner smiles. "To be fair, he is… most of the time."

Nash tugs at his dad's hand. "Come on. We're gonna be late, and there's someone I wanna see before class."

Tanner frowns down at his son and opens his mouth to say something just as a couple appear beside us. We both turn to face them at the same time, and I notice they're accompanied by a beautiful little girl. She's clearly the right age to be in my class, and has light blonde hair, tied up in pigtails, and sparkling blue eyes. She's standing between her mother and father, who look both adoring and petrified. The mom has similar coloring to her daughter, although her hair isn't perhaps as blonde, while the father has dark brown hair, and is so tall I have to crane my neck to look up at him. He's wearing the uniform of a sheriff, although I notice his holster is missing, which makes me smile. Did he remove it to bring his daughter to school, or… oh, wait. This isn't his daughter. This is the little girl Miss Montgomery was telling me about, whose father died at the beginning of the year, and whose mother is engaged to be married… to the sheriff.

"Hey, Brady… Laurel," Tanner says, and then crouches down in front of the little girl. "Are you looking forward to your first day at school, Addy?"

She nods her head, although she looks worried. "She's kinda nervous," the sheriff says, and Tanner stands again.

"And you're not?" He's smiling, and the sheriff smiles too.

"Dad. We need to go," Nash says, sounding desperate, and Tanner rolls his eyes.

"Duty calls."

He takes a step back, and although his son is dragging him down the hall, he continues to walk backwards, his eyes fixed on me. I can't look away, although it seems odd that he's staring like that when he's married, and when I mean nothing to him.

A deep male cough snaps me out of my trance and I turn to face the couple before me.

"I'm sorry we're late," the sheriff says. "It's been one of those mornings."

"You're not late yet," I reply, holding out my hand to the little girl, who seems reluctant to let go of him. "Do you wanna come with me?" I ask, trying to sound encouraging.

"You'll be fine, Addy," her mom says, although I can hear a tremor in her voice. The little girl still doesn't seem convinced, and the sheriff crouches down before her.

"You're gonna have such a good time, sweetheart," he says. "And I promise I'll be here with Mommy to collect you this afternoon."

"You promise? No matter what?"

"No matter what. Even if the bad guys do something really wrong, I'll be here."

She throws her arms around his neck, and while I expect that to cause a problem and to have to peel her off of him, she lets him go just as quickly and turns to me, giving me her hand, her confidence restored, it seems.