Chapter Seventeen

Zara

I blink away my tears, or try to, as Tanner's eyes flick from my suitcases to me, his bewilderment increasing.

"What's going on?" he asks.

Why did he have to come over now?

I let out a sigh, wondering how I'd hoped to get packed and out of here before he arrived, and I feel my shoulders drop, the fight ebbing out of me.

I can't speak, and as though he senses that, he steps inside the house.

That's not a bad idea. I doubt this will be pretty, and although I don't know my neighbors yet, I don't want them to witness our break-up.

I don't want to witness it myself, but what choice do I have?

I step back, leaving Tanner to shut the door, which he does, dropping his overnight bag before he turns to face me, opening his mouth to say something. He closes it straight away, though, his eyes alighting on the box I'd started packing. "What's happening, Zara?" A tear falls onto my cheek, followed by another, and he steps closer, looking tortured. "Don't cry, baby. Please."

"H—How can I do anything else?"

"A—Are you leaving me?" he whispers, and I nod, noting how quickly his face pales. "Is there someone else?"

I stagger slightly and although he reaches out to help, I pull away from him, anger getting the better of my tears.

"Someone else? Of course not. How could you think that of me?"

"Sorry," he says, pushing his fingers back through his hair. "After everything Sabrina did… after all the years we spent…"

"I'm not Sabrina," I yell and he jumps. "I thought you trusted me."

"I do, and I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "I've just been telling Dawson how much I trust you… and that it came so naturally to me."

"In that case…"

He holds up his hand, and I stop talking. "What do you expect?" he says. "You've just told me you're leaving me. You're packing your things, and I don't have a clue why. What did I do wrong? You said you loved me."

"I do. But I can't stay."

"I can't let you leave," he says, stepping closer. I don't move away this time, and I look up into his eyes.

"You'll be okay, Tanner."

"No, I won't. Not without you." I step back now, but he shakes his head and reaches out, taking my hands and pulling me close to him, his eyes boring into mine. "Please don't do this. I need you, Zara… more than ever."

What's this? What's he talking about?"

"Why ‘more than ever'?" I ask. "Has something happened?"

"Yes." He tips his head back, staring at the ceiling for a second or two, before he looks down at me again, the glistening sadness behind his eyes taking my breath away. "I just got an email from Ezra."

"Who's Ezra?"

"He's my lawyer."

"What did he want?"

"To tell me he'd heard from Sabrina's attorney. She's applying…" He stops talking and swallows hard. "She's applying for full custody of Nash."

Oh, God. It's like my worst nightmare coming true before me.

"Tanner, I…"

He shakes his head. "There's more. The reason she's given is that it's not safe for Nash to be around you."

"Not safe? Why?"

I feel his hands on my waist and he pulls me nearer to him. "She's claiming you've been fired for negligence, and she's saying she won't let me have access to Nash as long as I'm with you."

I push against his chest, and he frowns. "Let me go."

"No."

I push a little harder. "Tanner… let me go."

He relents, releasing me, and I take a step back. "This is my fault," I murmur.

"No, it's not. She threatened me the other day when I told her she couldn't stop me from telling Nash about us. I didn't take her seriously, but it seems I should have done."

"Maybe. But I knew something like this would happen. That's why I have to leave."

I try to duck around him, to get back to packing, but he dodges one way, and then the other, so I'm forced to stay where I am, and then step back.

"What do you mean?" he says. "You don't have to leave at all."

"Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because not everything your ex-wife said about me was wrong." His face pales a little more, and seeing the hurt and confusion in his eyes, I stumble backwards, hitting the wall behind me and sliding down it, incapable of standing for a moment longer.

"What are you saying, Zara?"

"I'm telling you I've been fired… although it wasn't for negligence. I'd never neglect a child in my care. You have to believe that."

"I do. But if that's the case, why the hell have you been fired?"

"Because someone complained to Miss Montgomery about us."

He stands above me, then drops to his knees, tilting his head to one side. "Us?"

"Yes. Miss Montgomery doesn't approve of us seeing each other. She said she didn't want her teachers to become the subjects of gossip and asked if I'd be willing to stop seeing you. I said I wouldn't, so she fired me."

He leans back on his ankles, and stares at me, like he's thinking. "If you weren't willing to give me up, why are you leaving?"

"Because of Nash, of course. He's your son. He's your priority… and look what's happened? Look at the outcome of me being here… with you. Sabrina obviously got me fired, and now she's trying to take your son away from you. I c—can't be responsible for that, Tanner. I can't come between you and him."

He kneels up again and shimmies closer, sitting right beside me, his back to the wall, his arm pressed against mine. "You won't. You're not the one causing the problem here. Sabrina is." I stutter out a breath, struggling for control, but before I can say a word, Tanner lifts me into his arms, pulling me on to his lap and holding me close to him, our heads touching. "You can't leave me, baby. I need you too much."

"But how can I stay, knowing what she can do to you?"

"Stop panicking. She can't do anything to me, as long as you're here."

"Yes, she can. She can take Nash from you."

"She can try, but with you beside me, I can fight her. I can't do that without you. C—Can't you see?"

I lean back and stare into his tear-filled eyes. "You really mean that?" I say, struggling for control.

"Every fucking word." He grabs the back of my neck, crushing his lips to mine, my heart overflowing with love for him. "Tell me you love me," he whispers between frantic, desperate kisses.

"I love you."

"Tell me you're not leaving me."

"I—I'm not leaving you."

He kisses me again, harder and deeper, until eventually we both pull back, breathless.

"Don't ever do anything like that again," he says, sucking air into his lungs.

I lean in to him. "I'm sorry. You were right. I was panicking… and not thinking straight. It just seemed best for me to put some distance between us, so you could prioritize your relationship with Nash."

He nods his head. "I don't need distance to do that. I just need you."

"Hold me," I whisper, shaking as I realize how close we came to losing it all, and he pulls me close, like he gets it, too.

"It's gonna be okay, baby. I've got you."

I'm getting kinda stiff down here, so I dread to think how Tanner must feel, sitting on the floor beneath me. Even so, I don't feel like moving. Not yet.

"I know you said it'll be okay," I murmur. "But I don't have a job anymore. How am I gonna pay rent, or eat, or run my car?"

"Hey…" He leans back, as far as the wall behind him will allow, and holds me away from him, looking into my eyes. "I'm here. My love for you isn't going anywhere." He smiles and dips his head, kissing my lips just briefly. "You've got nothing to fear."

"Other than being homeless, you mean?"

"You won't be homeless… not if you move in with me."

I pull away, catching him unawares, so he lets me. "Move in with you? What about Sabrina? What about Nash?"

"I don't care about Sabrina," he says, grabbing me and pulling me close again. "And Nash is my son too, not just hers. She can't call the shots just because she doesn't like the fact that I've fallen in love with you."

"How does she know you're in love with me?"

"Because I told her… right before I said I'd be telling Nash about us, whether she liked it or not."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I feel like I'm the cause of all your problems."

"But you're not."

"How can you say that? If we weren't seeing each other, none of this would have happened."

"No… none of this would have happened if Sabrina hadn't made it happen. This isn't your fault, Zara," he says, gazing into my eyes.

"Maybe not. But do you really think it's a good idea for us to move in together?"

"I think it's a perfect idea. I was gonna talk it through with you tonight anyway, but the fact is, thanks to my ex-wife, you're now unemployed, and you're scared. It's my job to make you feel safe again."

"And what's my job?"

He smiles, and glances around. "Well… as you've already started packing, I guess we might as well move…"

I deflate, flopping against him. "Please don't suggest we move my things in to your place tonight. I'm too tired."

"Okay. I'll stay here for tonight, like we planned. Then you can finish your packing tomorrow while I call on Ezra." He tilts his head. "Unless you wanna come see Ezra with me?"

I shake my head. "No. I think it's best if I stay on the outside. If Sabrina knows I'm involved, it'll just make her mad."

"She's the one who brought you into this, so she couldn't complain. But if you're happy for me to go alone…" I nod my head and he smiles, putting his arms around me and somehow getting to his feet. I don't know how he managed that, but it's nice to be held, and I look up into his eyes, just as he lowers his lips to mine and carries me through to the living room.