24. Jared

24

JARED

J ared stood on Cora's front porch, shaking from the cold. One of his hands was balled into a fist by his side, the other hovered an inch from the wooden front door. The cold breeze cut through his saturated clothing like a knife.

Get out, and don't ever come back…

Her whispered words echoed in his head like a scream, but he swallowed hard and knocked on her door one last time anyway.

Some things were too important to leave undone.

When it opened a moment later, he wasn't prepared for the wild look in her eyes, or how beautiful her tearstained face could be to him.

"Jared—" she began.

"I know," he told her. "I know you don't ever want to see me again. But I just needed to bring you this, and then I'll go."

He opened his fist to reveal the tiny, silvery football keychain. It didn't look like much, but he knew that was important to Sylvester, so that made it important to him.

Her expression changed, eyes widening with emotion, lips parting.

Jared braced himself, knowing she was rightfully furious with him, expecting that she was really going to yell at him now, and that he deserved every syllable. And also knowing that it was worth it to get the keychain back to the boy.

"You went back in the dark, into the freezing water to find that?" she asked softly, taking in his wet clothing.

He blinked at her for a moment, thrown by her soft tone.

"It's important to Rocky—uh, to Sylvester," he said. "I couldn't just leave it there."

Suddenly Cora was crying, hands covering her face as her shoulders shook.

Seeing her cry made his heart ache even more. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he was afraid it would upset her, and besides, he was drenched in freezing water, from his shoes to his thighs and his hands up to his elbows from searching the creek bed.

Light footsteps on the stairs drew his attention and he glanced up to see Sylvester's face light up to see him and immediately collapse into sadness when he saw his mother crying.

" Mama ," he called to her, sailing down the rest of the stairs and latching himself around her waist. "Don't cry. What's wrong?"

"Jared found something for you," she said, dropping her hands from her face to wrap her arms around him for a brief squeeze.

Sylvester looked to Jared, who was still holding the keychain in his open hand.

"My football," Sylvester cried, snatching it up and curling his fist around it protectively, then pulling it to his chest. "You found it."

"It's important to you," Jared repeated, smiling in spite of everything.

"Run back upstairs and get back in bed now," Cora said to Sylvester. "I need to talk to Jared for a minute, then I'll be up to check on you."

"Thank you," Sylvester said solemnly to Jared before he turned and scampered back up the stairs.

They both watched after him until the sound of his door closing had Cora turning back to Jared.

"It belonged to his father," she said quietly.

"I thought so," Jared said. "I've seen him fiddle with it, especially when he's nervous or excited."

"Arthur ran every day," Cora said. She glanced toward the window, her eyes seemingly set on her memories. "He wasn't big and muscular like you and your brothers, but he was very healthy. He was steady, calm, and kind. He loved us quietly, with everything he had."

Jared nodded, his chest aching for her loss.

"It happened suddenly," she said, her voice breaking a little. "A tiny blood vessel burst in his brain when he was out for his morning run one day. A neighbor found him on the sidewalk, but he was already gone. They told me it was painless…"

She broke off, inhaling slowly in a way that looked to Jared to be born of the practice calming herself quietly. She had been the mother to a small child when they had lost Arthur so suddenly. She would have needed to be strong for him.

The control and restraint she always showed suddenly made a lot more sense to Jared, and he wondered who and what she had been, before losing her husband.

He clenched his fists by his sides, hating that she had to bear her sadness alone, that she had ever needed to hold anything in, even for Sylvester's sake. He wished he could soak in all her pain and carry it himself for a while.

"Losing him like that," she went on after a moment. "I think it changed me. I'm stronger now, but I'm also scared. I'm so scared…"

"You don't want to lose Sylvester," Jared said, nodding.

"Arthur was perfectly healthy," she said. "But Sylvester has asthma, and I think… I think I've been using it as a reason to keep him close, to stop him from taking risks, and to stop myself too..."

Jared waited, watching the wheels turn in her head.

"He needs to have his inhaler with him and avoid allergy triggers, obviously," she said. "But I can't keep him locked in this house for the rest of his life. And I can't lock myself up with him."

She took a step closer to Jared, a tremulous expression on her face and hope in her eyes.

"And I don't just mean staying safe physically," she said softly, her eyes dipping a little. "I mean I've been protecting our hearts, too. I don't know how either of us could ever deal with another loss like that. But I realized something tonight. You're already in his heart."

Jared felt tears prickling his own eyes now.

"That little keychain would have seemed worthless to anyone else," she said. "But you understood its value, because you understand Sylvester."

He nodded, unable to speak.

"I want you to understand me too," she whispered. "I want to let you in. But I'm so scared."

"We'll take it day by day," he heard himself promise her. "I know I can be a little unpredictable sometimes, but you make me want to be the steady man you need. And I'll show you it's safe to live like you have nothing to lose once in a while."

"You already have," she told him.

He held his breath as she went up on her toes, placing her hands on his chest, and paused only an instant before she pressed her mouth to his.

Her lips were even softer than he'd imagined. Emotion roared through him like an engine, and he kissed her back, wrapping his hands around her upper arms to stop himself from losing control, and wishing he could communicate all his feelings to her through a simple kiss—how much she had taught him already, and how badly he wanted to make her feel all good things in the world—happy, beloved, and safe.

"Mom?" a little voice said from the top of the stairs.

He let go of her immediately, loving the flush on her cheeks as she composed herself.

"I'm coming up now," she called up to her boy, before turning back to Jared. "I know you have holiday things planned with your family?—"

"Can I come by tomorrow?" he asked before she could finish.

"Of course," she told him, smiling at him with shining eyes. "We'll be here."

And just like that, what had been shaping up to be one of the worst days in Jared's life turned out to be one he'd remember forever as one of the best.