24. Elliot

My session this morning with Dr. Bash was good. Didn't think I'd ever say that shit, but it was.

We've been back from the cabin for a week, but the sunshine and open-air feeling have mostly lingered with us. Life is still hectic, but I guess it always is. Hunter returned to work on Monday, and Sadie's been up and about more. I'm sleeping nightmare-free again, and my head feels less noisy. I'm cautious but feeling hopeful that my body is returning to a new normal.

The pack has been hanging out together in the evenings, settling into routines. I've been joining in more, sharing stories about my first pack and my life before Knotty Pines. It's getting easier every time, though some stories cost more than others to share.

I've also been making progress on my mate-recipe. My notebook is half full. I've got all these little observations about acts of love. It's not only how I witness my pack loving Sadie, though there is plenty of that. But I'm seeing it in all the small kindnesses we share between us. Sometimes, I've even managed to take note of the things I contribute, and that feels good. It's still hard to write my actions on the list next to theirs, but I'm recognizing that I've already learned more than I think.

Logan has made good on his promise too and is living out his dream of being Dr. Love. He's compiled a college class worth of reading material for me. It's not porn. More like instructional videos on pleasure and anatomy from sex therapists. The first link I opened at work. Never again. I should have known better with Logan, but my coworker Tate had a good laugh.

Lo slipped in all these other resources too, about sexuality and healing. He's not slick, but all the info has been eye-opening. Red has been the recipient of several reading-inspired test sessions. I haven't gotten up the nerve to make any more moves on Graham or Tristian, but I'm feeling more confident with Red.

Today, Dr. Bash helped me come up with a plan to try to put those observations into practice. Now all I have to do is manage to make the phone call I've been avoiding for the last ten minutes.

I'm doing this for my pack. For me.

I dial and wait for Sadie's cousin's mate, Mateo, to answer as I pace outside the back of the gym.

"Elliot?" Mateo asks, confusion clear in his tone. "What's wrong?"

My neck heats even though he can't see me. Of course he assumes there's a problem. I'm not known for being sociable. I try to find the words to ask for help, but they get jammed in my throat.

"Man, you good?" he asks again.

I nod, but he can't see me. I roll my eyes at myself and clear my throat. "Yeah. Nothing is wrong. I was calling to see if I could ask a favor."

"Shoot," he agrees easily.

The pit in my stomach lessens and I remind myself he's a good guy. "Yeah. I was hoping you could rope your guys into helping me sometime this week with a small project?"

"Sure, man." He sounds surprised but genuinely excited. "What are we doing?"

"I need to build a movie screen in my backyard, but it's a surprise."

Mateo whistles. "Fuck, yes! You got plans for the build?"

"Yeah. Got everything I need but the labor. Should only take a few hours."

There is a rustling of papers. "All right. Jacob and I have off Thursday. We could do it before our afternoon class at the gym."

"Thanks, man. I'll be ready."

"Don't thank me yet. What are you guys doing next Saturday?"

After getting the pack roped into a softball game for the sheriff's office next weekend, I finish my call with Mateo. I don't know whether to put that in my notebook or laugh at myself for being suckered in.

I've got another thirty minutes until my next client, so I open my browser and work on the next part of my plan. Logan and Doc always play this word game together, constantly keeping score of who solves it faster. It's about the only time Doc gets heated. And that gave me an idea.

I meant what I said to Doc. I'm ready. I don't know exactly what I'm ready for, but I know that I want things between us to change. That starts by giving him my words.

I send him a text with the link for the custom game.

His response is immediate.

Doc: What do I get when I solve it?

My chest flutters.

Elliot: Dance lesson date tonight?

He sends me back a custom wordle in response.

It takes me longer than I want to admit, figuring out how to actually play the game and solve his puzzle, and it only spells "Accept." Doesn't stop me from grinning like a fool through my afternoon classes though.

Sadie makesa noise of appreciation when I step out of the closet. "Damn, baby. You're wearing that shirt."

My cheeks heat at the compliment, and I brush it off. Most of the time I wear athletic shit. It's easy, and it makes me feel less like a beast busting out of my skin. For my date/lesson tonight, I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt. But her reaction tells me I might be wearing them more often.

I lunge for her and tug her to the end of the bed. Leaning over her, I tease her lips until she wraps her arm around my neck and seals her lips to mine. The kiss is playful. She nips and I bite back, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth.

Her fingers trace that spot on my hairline that makes me purr, and I pull back to suck along her neck. When I get to my mate-bite on her shoulder, I nurse the spot, relishing the way it makes her bond flare with need.

"I do wear regular clothes," I murmur.

"So well," she says breathlessly.

I trace her curves until I land on that strip of skin between her jeans and shirt. I brush my hand back and forth along that soft skin, dipping below the waist to tease along the edge of her panties. My mouth follows, and I map her freckles, lifting her shirt to expose each new spot I kiss. I lick a circle around her nipple through the sheer fabric of her bra, watching with satisfaction as it stiffens under my attention.

I love Red's body, want to drown myself in her.

Sadie sucks in a breath, her perfume swirling all around us, making the nest bed smell like a lush garden. I kiss back down to her stomach and pop the button on her jeans. I shimmy them down her legs, exposing her panties, the wet patch down the center making my cock swell with pride and need. Yanking the panties aside, I breathe her in.

Sex. Slick. Sweet honey.

My tongue darts out and I feast on her.

Her hand lands in my hair. "Shit, so good Bear."

I lick and flick her clit, sucking it into my mouth.

"You coming, beautiful?" Logan shouts from downstairs. "Because it feels like you're about to."

Sadie freezes beneath me. "Shit."

I go back to my mission, desperate now to send her over. It doesn't take much. I sink a finger inside and suck on her clit, fucking her in hard strokes until she comes on my tongue. She stifles her moan, her nails digging into my skin.

I fucking love it.

I kiss her down from her orgasm, then pull up her jeans.

"Gods, Bear, what was that?"

"I had to taste you."

She throws her head back, letting lose a moan-laugh hybrid that travels straight to my balls. "Shit. You're too sexy and distracting."

I smile into her neck, and my bond surges with a primal kind of pride. I kiss her skin until she squirms from under my hold, hopping off the bed.

"You're going to distract me again! I came up here to tell you Lo and I are going to pick up Hunter from the garage. We're headed to the bonfire."

"You guys getting dinner out?" I ask, following her.

On the landing of the second floor, she turns to look at me over her shoulder. "Yeah. I figured we could have a throuple date? Split date? I don't know. But I thought you might like to have the house to yourselves tonight."

My stomach swoops with nerves. I told her earlier when I got home that I was planning to practice dancing with Tristian this evening, but that didn't mean I needed her to leave. What if I fuck this up? What if she thinks I don't want her around? Or what if I mess up my friendship with Doc and?—

She climbs back up to the step I'm on and hugs me around the waist, nuzzling against my chest. "Bear, I'm rooting for you. I want you to have the space to explore whatever feelings you're having. Whatever you decide is happening between you and Doc, or you and Graham, or whoever in this pack, I'm going to love you, okay?"

I hate that I need her reassurance, but it acts like a balm to quiet all of the thoughts racing around in my head. "Gods, I love you and I'm damn lucky you're mine. I'll try not to spend the night worrying." I'm so fucking grateful for her unwavering support. I kiss the top of her head, sending back in the bond what I can't say with words.

She goes to her tippy toes and kisses my jaw. "I think the three of you together are sweet and hot."

"Beautiful, I'm walking out this door in two minutes," Logan grumbles.

"Coming, Lo!" She spins around and races down the stairs, throwing another kiss at me over her shoulder. "Have fun!"

I head to the kitchen, wash up, and prepare to finish dinner. I seasoned the meat earlier and put in the sweet potatoes, so all I need to do now is get the grill going and assemble the salad. There will be leftovers since the whole pack won't be here. I try not to think too much about that before my nerves return.

Not long after I've lit the grill, Graham joins me on the patio, freshly showered and smelling of soap and his unique earthy blend. He's in jeans worn-in so smooth that they look molded to his strong thighs. I swallow and look back at the grill.

"Where's everyone?" he asks, sitting at the patio table and pouring himself a glass of the lemonade I put out.

"Red, Lo, and Hunt are heading to the bonfire."

I feel Graham's eyes on me as I work. It causes the hairs on the back of my neck to stand and a heat to start in my limbs.

"So, it's just us tonight." It's a loaded statement that he follows with his heated gaze.

It makes my body hum with a low, buzzing anticipation. That tingling awareness lasts as we work together to finish preparing dinner.

By the time Doc strolls into the backyard ten minutes later, I'm hard and dizzy with both nerves and desire. He's coming in straight from work, wearing these tailored pants and a vest that make him look like a sexy professor straight out of a fantasy.

He greets me with a smile. "Smells good, El."

His eyes follow me for a moment, then he leans down over Graham's chair to kiss him. It isn't a quick kiss either. It's a proper hello. I've noticed that he does that with both his mates. He kisses them hello as if he's missed them, as if they're being reacquainted. It makes my heart ache.

I turn and pull the meat off the grill, feeling like an interloper. Pretending to fiddle around with the grill, I bide my time to let them say hello.

I can do this. I want to explore what's between Doc, Graham, and me. I just don't know how to move from being packmates to something romantic. I can admit that the reason I'm feeling left out is probably my own making. I've created walls, and it's going to have to be me who tears them down. Decision made, I grab the tray and bring it to the table.

Dinner is relaxed, though I'm nervous about what comes next. They both compliment my cooking, which embarrasses me but makes me feel good. I intentionally made their favorites, and it feels nice to let myself enjoy their praise instead of brushing it off. Graham updates us on his work in town, and Doc reports that he's almost through grading finals.

When it's time, my stomach is a riot of dancing nerves, swooping with anticipation. I get up and round the table to Doc, holding out my hand. "Did you solve it?"

"The word was ‘crush.' I got it in two moves." He tilts his head and gives me a secret smile. His eyes seem to ask for confirmation.

I give it, eager to build the connection between us. "Yeah, Doc, I have a crush on you."

In the fading evening light, he seems to glow with joy. He places his palm in mine and steps into my space. "That means you owe me a date."

"Mind if I join after dishes?" Graham asks, sitting back in his seat as he watches the two of us with heat. "Because I have a crush too, El."

My stomach dances with a swell of nerves and anticipation, along with something sweeter. I nod at Graham. "Me too. And I'd like that."

He gets up and pecks Doc's lips, then mine. "I'm proud of you, El."

His words buzz along my skin.

Excited, I tug on Doc's hand and pull him toward the fire pit. I cleared out the chairs around it earlier to make a space for dancing.

Doc cocks his head, his blond hair falling in his eyes as he watches me go to the speaker I connected to my phone earlier and get it set up. He smiles when one of his favorite albums turns on. I return to him and sneak my arm around his waist, sliding him into the position he showed me. He sucks in a breath, his hand grabbing hold of my bicep.

"You've been practicing," he says.

"A little," I admit.

We move to the music. I fumble at first, but soon the atmosphere in the garden and the feel of Doc's quiet strength helps me to relax into my body. I pull him closer, losing the formal pose. Our cheeks almost touch. I'm so close that if I turn slightly, my lips will find his.

"What are we doing, El? Because I'm not sure what's okay and I never want to cross your lines," Doc says, voice trembling.

"I don't know if I know all my boundaries yet. But I know I want us to be together."

Doc pulls back enough to look me in the eye, and what I see there steals my breath. He cups my cheek, giving me a soft smile. "We can go at your pace, El. But I want you to know that whenever you give the okay, I'm all in."

"That's what I meant when I said I'm ready, Doc. Don't hold back." I lean in.

He answers me, his lips connecting with mine. And this, this is a fucking kiss. His lips are firm, but somehow still gentle. The light scratch of his end-of-day scruff sparks against my skin. He tastes of smooth espresso and a hint of something sweet, like cinnamon and sugar.

His kiss is intoxicating. It's slow but full of a buzzing heat that sends tingles through my body and makes everything but the two of us fall away. His tongue flicks and dances with mine, our mouths moving together until I'm breathless.

My dick presses against the confines of my jeans. His hand squeezes the nape of my neck, and he pulls me to him. Tristian slots his leg between mine and flutters open-mouthed kisses along my jaw. I feel the bulge in his pants, hard against me. My hips move without thought, and I grind into him.

Graham's scent joins ours, then his body heat is behind mine. I know who it is, and I want him here, but my body tenses anyway.

"It's me, El. Can I touch you?" Graham's rich, deep voice murmurs near my ear.

"Please," I grit out the word. "Teach me what to do."