1. Elliot

The crash of metal and grinding brakes startles me awake, my heart pounding. The sound throws me back in time to a dirt road in a foreign city. I'm frozen in the memory, caught. My head spins with fuzzy, blood-stained images of our smoking Humvee and the wreckage of the blast. We were on a routine night patrol when an anti-tank mine went off. One second, Stokes, our driver, was laughing his ass off after telling a joke about Bono's horrible card playing the night before, then boom.

The bomb sent us tumbling. My body is stiff, everything clenched, but my memory feels the sharp and painful silence, the smoke burning my eyes. I can taste the sweat and the blood in my mouth and feel the fire blazing up my legs.

I don't know how long I'm caught in the memory before my breathing returns to normal. When I can see straight, I sit up, blinking in the bluish morning light.

It's Thursday, garbage day.

I hear the rumbly county truck on the next street, brakes screaming as it stops and goes. Up here in our nest, I normally don't notice with all the purring. But the house is unusually quiet this morning without those sounds. Everyone was so tired last night all we did was pass out in the nest. I scrub my face with my hands, my breath still shaky.

Beside me, Sadie doesn't stir. Her bond is as dark as mine, the two of us lost in personal storms. The guilt of my shit adding to hers nearly wrecks me. This was why I was so afraid to bond. The last thing my omega needs right now is my trauma. I do my best to mute my link, drawing in as much of myself as possible.

In the shallow light coming through the break in the curtains, I see her hair fanning against the pillows. She's curled up in Graham's arms as she sleeps. She looks beautiful of course, but delicate and so fucking sad. Her face is pinched, the stress of the last few months carried in how her muscles are tensed, even now in her nest and surrounded by our pack.

I massage my forehead where a headache has formed, worried—as I have been for months—about my fierce omega and the horrific shit-show she's found herself in. I wish I knew what to do, but the answers always elude me.

I watch my pack sleep for a moment, hoping for divine insight. Tristian lies next to Sadie and Graham, limbs tangled together. And on Tristian's other side, Logan lies half across Hunter. These people are my family, but sometimes I still can't believe they're mine. I keep expecting someone to show up to collect me and explain I've landed here by mistake, dragging my ass back to that shitty trailer and dead-end life. Even with all the trouble hounding our pack, I'd never trade it.

It's weird how a series of choices can turn into a life. What part of it is fate? What part is mine to own? If someone had told me when I was eighteen and about to join the army that I would end up here, I never would have believed it possible. But then, I never could have imagined the costs either.

Carefully, to avoid disturbing them, I make my way out of bed, down the stairs, and into the backyard for my morning stretching before my run. As I move through the motions, it takes longer than usual for my body to cooperate and my mind to clear itself of memories. They hover outside my vision, threatening and menacing in the shadows of Graham's blooming backyard.

It's been a long time since I've had such an intense episode. It happened regularly when I first came to Knotty Pines, days after being released from the VA hospital. I was supposed to serve a third tour, but the accident left me unfit for battle and my mind in ruins.

I spent months in the hospital, recovering from the shrapnel in my thighs. Then my life was measured in pain, changed bandages, and therapy. Physically, I recovered, and when I was finally released, I headed south to Knotty Pines to wait for my best friend, Lance, to join me after his last tour.

We'd met in basic, and he plastered himself to my side, talking 24/7 bullshit and generally causing mayhem. I've never been a big talker, even before the war, but Lance talked enough for four men. Like his cousin Hunter, Lance had a way of adopting us strays. That, however, is where the similarities end.

Tall and lanky, with a buzz cut and too much energy, Lance was larger than life. After endless hours of hounding, blowing smoke, and generally talking shit, Lance convinced Bono and me to come back with him to Lance's small riverside hometown. We were going to form a pack.

Lance never made it home. Bono either. Bono, the burly alpha with too much bravado, had been a lucky fuck during that first bombing. He walked away with nothing more than surface wounds. But their numbers were called up only two months after I arrived in Knotty Pines and moved in with Hunter.

Those were dark days that I plan never to relive. I wouldn't have made it without this pack of men who took me in. Hunter, Logan, and Tristian never forced me to talk. They just surrounded me with their quiet chatter and easy acceptance. Then Graham came, and there was more laughter but that same easiness, until one day we were a pack.

Eventually, I made it to the other side. I got certified as a personal trainer and fitness instructor, went to more therapy, found a job at the gym in town, and lost myself in remodeling our pack house. Then Red came, and it was blissful for a while.

But this shit hits in cycles. The chaos in the wake of Sadie's father's death has been wreaking havoc on everyone in the pack, and I'm guessing this morning is connected to all that turmoil. This isn't the first time my progress has slipped. It was rough when our pack decided to court omegas, but I managed. I'll deal with this latest setback too.

The constant time in the city, with its loud sounds and crowds, has me on edge. That's all. The threats to Sadie have meant my alpha instincts have been blaring the alarm for months. I would protect her with my life, but the never-ending need for vigilance is wearing on me. I can feel all my pressure points bowing under the weight. One more strong push, and I'll crack.

I finish another flow, knowing what I must do but dreading it all the same. Before I leave for work, I make the call to the therapist's office and schedule an appointment. For Sadie, I would do anything. Even dredge up the past.

"Good workout,man. You kicked our asses like usual." Mateo Edwards, one of Sadie's cousin Lizzy's mates and a friend of our pack, pats my shoulder, and I bristle at the contact. The alpha backs away with his hands up, but he retains his laid-back manner. "Sorry, man, sometimes I forget how touchy-feely I am."

I busy myself taking a swig from my water bottle, telling myself to chill the fuck out. He's been coming to my Thursday afternoon functional movements class for first responders for the last year, and he's over with his pack at our house often enough. I know he's good people.

I'm usually fine at work, but I've been jumpy all day. The guy isn't a threat, but my alpha is riled up all the same. Mateo doesn't give me any grief though. He knows how I am and doesn't seem affected by my less-than-welcoming demeanor.

"I wanted to check in. How's everyone holding up? We haven't seen you guys much since the funeral. Are y'all planning to come out tonight?"

I grab some gear, hauling it across the lot where we've set up an obstacle course and into the back of Pumped, the gym where I work. Mateo follows, helping lug in some of the equipment. Together we make several trips, working to put it all back to rights in the storage room of the old building.

When I don't have any equipment left to hide behind, I turn and face him. The alpha is large but unassuming. He crosses his arms and waits, eyes kind.

"We're tired, is all. I don't know about tonight."

He nods, taking it in. "I'm sure Lizzy will text Sadie later." He hesitates, then says, "Truth?"

I cock my brow at him.

"You look like garbage. Maybe you guys need to take a step back. When shit goes down in a pack, you gotta put everything aside. Let us help. You got a town full of people itching to be put to work."

I scratch my head and look at the concrete floor of the closet. "Yeah, maybe. I'll talk to Hunter."

He moves as if to touch me again and thinks better of it, tapping the door frame on his way out. "Take it easy, man. I'll see you next week."

I take a minute to calm my shit. I've got about fifteen before my next client, and I need to get my mind right. Sadie and Logan should be joining me for the kickboxing class this evening, and I don't need either of them worrying about me when the focus should be on her.

When I feel less like a bull ready to charge, I return to the employee locker room and check my phone. I've got two missed calls from Sadie. I dial, panic bubbling in my chest until she answers on the fourth ring.

"Bear." She sounds tired, her voice thin on the line.

I get my words out, calmer than I feel. "Hey. You guys on the road?"

She and Logan started coming to the Thursday evening kickboxing class before all this mess with her father started. We made it a routine to finish class before heading to the Wooden Pony for salsa night with the rest of the pack.

I don't dance. Ever. But Sadie loves it, and the big barn has seating separate from the crowded dance floor, so I cope. It's been a long time since we've been out as a pack, at least for something for us. Our pack hasn't been doing much but surviving since December.

Sadie sighs. "That's why I called. We're running late. I'm not finished at the hospital, and Logan is stuck at the courthouse."

"Where is Tristian? You're with security?" My jaw tics. I should have escorted them today.

Since the funeral three weeks ago, we've been rotating who goes to Lux with her and Logan. Half the time we end up having to stay part of the week in the city. At first, after the Kings showed up, everyone took time off work, but we've burned through our financial reserves. The Kings would cover it—the smooth alphas have been annoyingly generous—but Sadie insisted that we return to normal as much as possible by going back to work. It's been working out fine, except that I hate it.

This time around, Tristian volunteered since he needed to meet with some colleagues in the city, but I don't like that he's the only alpha from our pack with her. He's excellent at keeping everyone calm and I have no doubt he's taking care of our omega, but I can't help but worry. He's a lover, not a fighter.

"It's okay, Bear. He's here. And so is the team. We're safe," Sadie says, trying to reassure me.

I force myself to take a deep breath. There's no sense stressing her when I can do nothing now. "If it gets too late, I want you to stay at the safe house. Nobody needs to be driving tired."

Sadie makes an amused sound. "All right, Bear. I promise." The tiredness leaks into her voice. "I'm sorry we're going to miss it. I'd rather be there with you."

"Don't worry about me, Red. I'm fine. Can you put Tristian on for a minute?"

"Love you," she whispers, voice choked.

"Love you more." I pace the locker room, restless. My ongoing headache from this morning has settled into a full-on pounding.

There's a shuffle, then Tristian's smooth voice. "El, what's up?"

"No problems today? You got a plan for staying in the city?"

"It's been the usual chaos. I'm sure Logan is in the thick of it over there, but it's been mostly quiet at the hospital. Security has already coordinated with the Kings if we need to stay. We're okay, El. Are you?"

"Yeah. Promise you'll keep her safe."

"I'll do my best." He chuckles, but there's no humor in it.

My coworker Tate pops his head through the swinging door, signaling time is up. I say my goodbyes and end the call, not any more reassured than I was.

Somehow, I make it through my next client—a beta dad of three who sees me three times a week and is as quiet as I am—and my kickboxing class before driving home. At the pack house, I find Hunter staring into an open fridge.

The big alpha looks annoyed. He's 6'2" of scowling mechanic, covered in tattoos and looking every bit the grump. He turns when he hears me, his face gruff. "Come on. This shit ends today."

I don't know what crawled up his ass, but I recognize the look of an alpha on a mission.

"Where we headed?" I ask, grabbing a bottle of pain reliever from the cabinet and taking three dry.

"To fix this."

I don't know what this is, but I follow him when Hunter bangs the fridge closed and walks toward the door.

"Finally," Graham hollers from the top of the stairs. "I'll drive."