53. Reese

I’m sitting in the airport when I get the email.

I punch the air. “Fuck yes.”

An older woman looks up at me from across the waiting area.

“Sorry.” I mouth.

She chuckles to herself and turns her attention back to her book.

I glance over at Skyler. He’s waiting in the world’s slowest line for coffee. At this rate, he may miss our flight. He’s the first person I want to tell the big news, but then my joy immediately fizzles.

He’s the last person I should share this with.

Because if I take this job in Boulder, the job that is quickly becoming the dream job, that means I’m choosing it over him.

Which should be fine. We’re not dating.

We’re not a thing.

But tell that to my silly, clingy heart.

I decide not to tell him, not right away. Because there is one response from him that could be worse than a bruised heart.

And that’s indifference.

If this whirlwind that’s been spiraling between us was one sided, I don’t want to know.

If it was real, I don’t think I want to know that, either. Because what if this is one of those once in a lifetime deals, one of those, the one who go away, type of deals?

The heart can heal. Jonah taught me that lesson. But starting over takes time. Getting ahead, especially as a woman, takes a level head. I put my big, squishy heart on mute and fire off a reply to Michaela. It’s not an acceptance, but a request for more information. And then, by the time Skyler has returned with two coffees, I’ve got my big-girl panties on. I know what I need to do.

He sits next to me, handing me a coffee. “Tastes like an ashtray, but pretend it’s good for me. I worked hard for this coffee.”

“So good.”

I wince as I sip the sludge. Setting it by my feet, I hold my phone out for him to see. “What do you think?”

He glances down at Leah’s Instagram profile and looks up at me with an unimpressed expression. “What am I looking at?”

“A person.”

“I can see that.”

“Remember Leah? From Halloween?”

He sits back, tilting his head like he’s trying to think. He glances at me, a twinkle in his eye. “I remember bunny ears and a white dress. A very nice morning that got interrupted, which is kind of funny in retrospect.”

“Stay on topic.”

He tilts his head, a stubborn expression settling on his features. “What topic is that?”

“Leah.”

“Why are we talking about Leah?”

“Because you’ve graduated to phase two of your training.”

He narrows his eyes. “My training? Oh.”

I don’t miss the way his expression falters. I can relate. My heart is thumping painfully and I feel slightly nauseous. But I need more from life than Silver Bend can offer, and he won’t move. If we won’t bend, we’ll have to be brave. “What’d you think of her?”

He frowns. “I thought she was vapid, and I didn’t like the way she was talking to you.”

“Talking to me?”

I frown, trying to remember what he’s referring to. I shake my head. “She got her degree in nursing, which means she can basically live anywhere. She’s sweet and outgoing and loves kids. She’d make a great mom.”

“Whoa.”

He holds up his hands. “Who’s talking about kids?”

I pause, scrutinizing his face. “You want kids, don’t you?”

He lets out a frustrated huff. “Yes.”

“You realize you need a female for that.”

“Yes. I’m aware, Reese.”

I navigate to more pictures of Leah. “Then you better start looking.”

“Maybe she’s not the kind of woman I want to marry.”

“Okay, describe your ideal woman.”

He studies my face, tapping my arm with a thick finger. “I’m looking at her.”

There’s a heavy pause between us. Thick silence. A hyperawareness of his proximity. Were his eyelashes always that long?

My heart starts beating wildly in my chest. “I got the job.” I blurt.

His expression remains neutral. The news doesn’t surprise him. “I knew you would.”

I feel like a bird trapped under a lion’s paws. “So, unless you plan to move, that’s a big commute just for a date. Silver Bend to Boulder.”

My palms sweat and my breath feels fluttery. “Come with me.”

Who said that?

It’s like an out-of-body experience, watching words tumble off my lips without my permission.

He’s so sweet. Kind. And true to form, he lets me down gently. “You know I can’t.”

Why is that so easy for him to say?

I knew that would be his answer. It’s why I plunged headfirst into finding him a wife. Fake it ‘til you make it. But some small, silly part of me hoped he’d choose me over the monkey on his shoulder. “Why can’t you? I saw the way you looked driving through these mountains. You’re happy here.”

“There’s more to life than happiness.”

He pauses, keeping his voice gentle and low. Like he’s talking to a skittish horse. “Reese, you know how it is for a farmer’s son. It’s a legacy and, like it or not, somebody has to carry it on. That farm’s been in my family’s care for over a century. Do I love farming? Honestly? No. But I don’t want to be the broken link.”

He won’t move. I always knew that to be the case. There is an alternative. Another option. I could pass on the job. Stay in Silver Bend with him.

I try to picture it. We’d fix up the home place. Join the alumni association. I’d give him a few sons so that he can pass that double-edged sword on to the next generation. It’s a life that would come at a cost, but I’d also get to wake up next to him every morning.

His gentle voice breaks into my thoughts. “You should take that job, Reese.”

Maybe he could tell what I was thinking. It feels like a rebuff. A gentle one, but a rebuff, nonetheless.

Pasting on a smile that is only skin deep, I put my phone back into his line of view. A snapshot of Leah smiles up at us. “And you should give her a chance.”

“Fine.”

I sigh. “Not her, though.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“We told her we were dating.”

“Oh. Right.”