31. Reese

I almost didn’t come out to watch the game at Josh’s.

But I was going nutty sitting around in my apartment, so at the last second, I shuffled into my car and hit the road.

It’s so strange pulling down this long gravel drive. For the entire length of my adolescence, this was home. But that’s in the past. This is Josh’s house, now.

I park next to a long line of gleaming pickup trucks, proof that Josh’s buddies are already here.

Skyler’s truck is there, too. My heart pulses weakly at that. Maybe he can soothe some of the ache in my heart.

I stop on the sidewalk, watching that old tire swing sway in the breeze. There’s this sense of yearning that makes me almost nauseous. I have this feeling of want so strong it hurts, but I can’t put my finger on what it is I’m longing for.

I’m homesick, I know that much. Nostalgic for a place that doesn’t exist anymore, to a place I can’t go back to.

Under that tree, our favorite dog Bella is buried. And up in that bedroom, I taped boy band pictures to the wall, singing while I worked on my homework.

It’s funny. I’m an independent woman, struggling to make it in this world. Putting up a fierce fight. But the second I come back here, I’m thirteen again. Braces and everything.

Mitch swings the front door open. “You coming in or what?”

Of the two brothers, Mitch is probably the prettier one. He keeps his jaw clean-shaven. His hair is cut close, a buzzed scalp with artfully styled length on top. He leans against the railing, watching me climb the last few steps.

He looks minty fresh, while I look like I just crawled out from under a bridge. Oversized zip-up hoodie, jean shorts, and a messy top bun. No makeup, because I could not gather up my give-a-shit to bother with it.

I push my glasses up on my nose, leaning on the railing across from him. “Has the game started?”

“Would I be out here if it had?”

I wrinkle my nose, pretending to glare at him. “Where’s your evil twin?”

“Cody’s in there, double-fisting it already.”

“Sounds about right.”

Josh had the older Thomas cousins in his class, and I had both of the younger cousins. Cody and Mitch. Miniature, slicker versions of their older brothers. And even though I was the same age as them, they inherited the ‘big brother’ attitude from Bo and Skyler. That ensured the fact that our relationship was only ever platonic. Even now, the idea of kissing Mitch is borderline repulsive.

He slings an arm over my shoulder. “Come on, kiddo. We’re going to miss kick off.”

I let Mitch shepherd me into the living room, where everyone is gathered around the TV. Erin waves at me from across the room. I smile at her, gaze trailing over to Skyler. He’s sitting in his customary spot on the couch, sandwiched between Dusty and Bo. He glances at me, gaze flicking down to the arm Mitch still has around my shoulder.

It would be nice to see a spark of jealousy, some sort of acknowledgement that we’re not just casual friends anymore, but his gaze slides away completely neutral.

It’s just another stone. I let it hit me and fall away. What’s another disappointment? Jonah. Losing my so-called friends. The dream job slipping through my fingers. I can’t keep track of them all.

Mitch tugs me into the oversized recliner to the left of the couch. I’m practically sitting on his lap, but the alternative is sitting on the floor. Cody is sprawled out across the rug, so either way, I’d be up against a Thomas brother.

Cody hands Mitch a beer, winking at me. “You want anything, Sunshine?”

I smile at him. “You got any beers left for me?”

“You bet.”

He climbs to his feet, trotting off to the kitchen.

I glance at Mitch, who’s focused on the pregame show. “How’s Denver treating you?”

“Fucking fantastic. I can’t wait to get back. My buddies say there’s fresh snowfall.”

“Still skiing?”

“Yeah. It’s half the reason I live in Denver. You’d love it, sis.”

He calls me by my old nickname. “Remember that ski trip we took in high school?”

I grin. “Yeah. All you boys were shocked when I wanted to go down the big mountain with you all instead of staying on the bunny slope.”

“You were quite the little snow bunny.”

“I wish I could get out there more often. Not a lot of skiing around these parts.”

“You should come out.”

Cody hands Mitch a beer, who passes it to me. “I’ve got a spare room. You can stay as long as you like. I think you’d like hanging out with my friends, too. Give you a chance to get away from all these hicks for a while.”

I glance at one of the hicks in question. How can Skyler just sit there with such a placid, unaffected expression? I know we agreed that it was just a friends-with-benefits thing, nothing romantic, but he was also very clear about being exclusive. Just give me a sign. It doesn’t have to be jealousy. A conspiratorial grin. Anything.

But no, he stares at the screen, chatting with his buds like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Like I don’t matter.

The game gets started, and I lose my conversation partner. He focuses in on the TV, but my thoughts have me going round and round.

I’m thinking about Jonah.

And dirty secrets.

And feeling like a dirty little secret myself.