3. Reese

There are four Adirondack chairs around the fire pit. Red, blue, yellow, and green. I chose the green one. That color sings to me, it always has. It represents life. Growth.

New beginnings.

Parker sits in the blue one. I wonder if she was unconsciously drawn to it. She’s always had a wistful personality. The heart of a poet. Quiet and thoughtful. She’s a year and a half younger than me and we’ve always been polar opposites. She’s quiet and reserved. A tomboy.

I’m the cheerful one. The girly one. The dancer.

What happens when a dancer doesn’t feel like dancing? When she just wants to hide?

This is one time when I really appreciate Parker’s quietude. We sit side by side, watching the party ebb and flow in the distance.

I spot Charlie, the youngest of us and the most fiery, stomping our way and know without a doubt that things are about to get more lively.

She stops in front of us, shoulders tense and up by her ears. “Some fucking party. Who invites a bunch of geriatrics to a five-year-old’s birthday?”

Parker shrugs, unconcerned. “I think Erin’s just trying to appease mom.”

“She’s part of the family now. She should do what the rest of us do. Ignore her.”

Charlie flops down in the red chair.

I huff a laugh.

She narrows her eyes at me. “And you! You’re supposed to be our buffer. What are you doing hiding way out here?”

I laugh. “Hiding.”

Charlie’s gaze lowers to my beer. “You better have spares.”

I pass her a bottle from our stash. “It’s Bud Light Lime.”

Charlie shrugs. “Beer is beer.”

“Don’t let Josh hear you say that,”

Parker says, a quiet smile on her lips.

“Oh god,”

Charlie rolls her eyes. “I mentioned the words gluten-free, and he about had an aneurism. Made me go look at his home brew in the basement. Smelled like vomit.”

Parker smiles, pressing the bottle to her lips.

I sigh. “Fucking weird being back here.”

“Right?”

Charlie glances up at the house. “It’s still the same house, but now that Josh and Erin live there, it’s like a whole different place.”

Parker nods. “And mom and dad’s condo in Clark is too small.”

Charlie slumps in her chair, pulling the collar of her jacket up to cover her face. “Crap. Aunt Shirley. She didn’t see me, did she?”

She peeks over her jacket.

“Why are you hiding from Aunt Shirley?”

Charlie taps her nose. “She wasn’t quite done telling me off about the nose ring when I split. I think she had more to say.”

Parker grins. “Hell of a time to come home with a nose ring, Chuck. Dad’s face was pretty good, though.”

“That was no accident.”

Charlie responds primly. “I figured he couldn’t murder me in front of a crowd.”

I think about the tattoo healing on my ribs and wonder what they’d all say about that. Maybe it’s cowardly to keep quiet and let Charlie take the heat, but I learned long ago to let Charlie pick her own battles.

“Aunt Shirley told me it makes me look like a druggy. And dad said it makes me look loose.”

She puts the last word in air quotes. “Who even says loose this day and age?”

She tips her bottle back. Studying Parker, then me. “I know why Parker’s hiding. She ain’t a social butterfly. What’s your deal, Sunshine? You’re usually all about these shit shows.”

I grimace. “Everyone keeps asking about Jonah.”

“Ah.”

Charlie says, sitting back.

“They don’t know we broke up.”

I look up at the house. “I just don’t feel like explaining. Not that anybody ever liked Jonah. Or his tattoos.”

“We liked that he made you happy,”

Parker says quietly.

“But Jonah…”

Charlie wavers a hand in front of her. “Kind of a prig.”

I frown. “If you thought he was a prig, why didn’t you ever say so?”

Charlie pulls her legs up. “Would you have listened?”

“Yes.” I say.

“Liar.”

Parker’s voice is soft.

My shoulders slump.

Charlie leans on her elbow. “He was just too legalistic, you know? It was just a weird contrast. For a guy who looks painfully good in black eyeliner, he’s surprisingly old-fashioned. You take one look and think you’re going to get this easy-going rocker dude, and you get a fist full of fundamentalist bullshit instead.”

“And he was always correcting you,”

Parker adds.

Charlie throws a few sticks on the fire, and we watch sparks, we call them rabbits, dance into the night air. “So, what was it? What made you finally decide to dump him?”

I haven’t talked about it yet with anyone, not even my sisters, because I was hoping it was just a hiccup. A temporary issue we’d get over. I chug the last of my beer and twist the top off another. “Other way around, Chuck. He dumped me.”

“What?”

both sisters respond in unison.

“He. Dumped. Me.”

I repeat, digging into anger so that the tears don’t find a way out of my tear ducts. “He found out I wasn’t a virgin.”

They stare at me in stunned silence. We talk about everything. Periods. Runny noses. Pimples. But we don’t discuss our sex lives. My parents were firm supporters of abstinence over sex education. They made it crystal clear to us at an early age that good girls wait until marriage. And the bad girls? Well, they weren’t worth protecting, apparently.

I’ve uttered a taboo word and I’m regretting it. Now they know I’m not as sweet and innocent as they always thought. I’ve sunk in Jonah’s esteem and now I’ve sunk in theirs, too.

Parker sits up. “That fucking asshole.”

Charlie nods sharply. “Let’s kill him.”

“I mean, I did lie about it in the first place.”

“Of course, you did,”

Charlie says. “He’s a legalistic asshole. Who’s safe from his judgement?”

Parker’s shaking her head. “I can’t believe he dumped you over that.”

“Well, shit.”

Charlie sits back with a grin. “There goes my hope of being the lucky rebound girl. He wouldn’t take me, either.”

Parker’s lips pull into a lopsided grin. “Me either.”

I stare at them. “You guys aren’t virgins?”

Parker smiles that mysterious smile of hers. “No.”

I glance at Charlie.

She tips her head back and laughs. “Fuck no.”

I’m… relieved. But also, a little angry.

Why?

Why do we have to hide this part of ourselves?

I set my beer down and grab the hem of my hoodie. “Hey… can you guys keep a secret?”

I pull my sweater up and show them who I am.

Who I want to be. No more fucking hiding.