20. Skyler

I do not want to hear Reese talk about the next guy.

I do not want to hear her reduce what we shared last night into one small, sticky word.

Fun.

Is that what that was?

I would have said mind-bending. World-shifting.

But, yeah. Okay. Let’s call it fun.

Let’s just not talk about the next guy while I’m still sitting here.

That’s just insulting.

She turns her coffee mug one way, and then back the other way, obviously gathering her thoughts. No doubt thinking of new and exciting ways to put me in my place. This ought to be good.

“I know you’re trying to be supportive, and I really appreciate that. But I need you to just listen. I’m still working my way through all this, so I probably won’t say it right, but I’m going to try.”

She peers up at me. “There’s a power dynamic in bed. Men have it, women don’t.”

“I beg to differ.”

Her eyebrows knit together. “Skyler.”

“Sorry. I’m listening.”

“I’m just telling you my side of things. You don’t get to mansplain my point of view. I’m telling you I feel a power difference.”

“Between you and me?”

“No.”

She sighs, exasperated. “But that’s different. I trust you. I can be vulnerable and honest with you and still feel safe. It won’t always be like that.”

My heart twists at that statement, anger and sadness lacing through the veins. I want to tell her not to sleep with someone she can’t be open and honest with, but it’s not my turn to speak. My impulse is to scoop her up and fix things for her, but that’s not what she wants.

She fiddles with her mug. “I don’t want to miss out on good experiences just because I’m afraid of what could go wrong. But that’s why I want to go out there armed and ready.”

“Armed and ready?”

She meets my gaze. “I want to know what I’m doing. In bed.”

When she puts it like that, I can’t really argue. “Okay.”

She worries her bottom lip. “And if you’re up for it, I want your help with that.”

“Why me?”

“Because I trust you. And you’re hot.”

She bites her lip, trying to keep a grin under control. “And you have a big dick.”

A laugh tumbles off my lips. “Laying it on real thick, Kitty Cat.”

She shrugs. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“How?”

She scrunches her face up. “Besides the easy sex?”

“I get the feeling nothing with you is going to be easy.”

She glowers at me, and I realize it sounds like I’m saying she’s tough to deal with… sexually. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. “I mean, it’s a complicated situation. We have a lot of history. And there’s your brother…”

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t know who else I could ask.”

“I don’t want you asking anyone else.”

The words are off my tongue before I can stop them, surly and bossy.

“I hate to say it, but it doesn’t matter what you want. This is happening with or without you. I need a change, Skyler. I’ve always molded myself around the men in my life. My dad. My brother. Boyfriends. I let them tell me how to think. How to act. I’m fucking tired of it. I’ve got this opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start over. Be who I want to be. And I’m going to do it.”

“And that involves sexy things?”

“God damn right it does.”

She pauses. “How about this? You help me with this side of things, and I’ll help you with dating.”

“Who said I need help with dating?”

She gives me a flat look. “Everybody.”

“Judas.”

She tilts her head. “Well, do you?”

I sigh, letting a slow breath flutter between my lips.

In the last year, I’ve probably been on two dozen dates. Not a one of them led to a second date.

I convinced myself there was something wrong with each of those women, but there is only one common denominator.

Me.

I’m doing something wrong. There is something damaged about me that’s getting in my way. Apparently, everyone else has noticed, which makes me want to shrivel in on myself. I hate pity.

Hate.

It.

This is why I keep to myself, but apparently, that’s not been enough. My problems are too big. Too obvious.

I want what the guys have. Unconditional love. A home that I actually want to come back to. Someone like Reese, who isn’t Reese. Because among other things, she’s trying to find her independence and I don’t want to be the asshole to chain her down to Silver Bend.

But if Reese could wave her adorable fairy wand and fix me, would I let her?

“No.”

The word falls between us, harsh and cold.

Her eyebrow slides up. “No?”

No.

Because I have my pride.

Because I don’t want to be a temporary fill in until she finds a better, less dysfunctional man.

Just… no.