Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Pemberley, the next day

Maria didn't know how long she had lain awake in anguish, or that she'd fallen asleep at all, until Elizabeth herself entered her room, looking concerned.

"Maria, I came to see how you were feeling. We missed you at breakfast and the maid didn't know whether or not she should wake you."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to have worried you." Maria sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, embarrassed to have caused any concern.

"Maria! There is no need to get up. Please, rest." Elizabeth stood next to the bed until Maria had dutifully laid back again. "There are no expectations of you today, all you need to do is take care of yourself and recover."

Maria nodded, relaxing into the pillows.

Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed and continued, "Before I leave you, would you consider staying with us another few weeks and attending the annual Harvest Ball? It would be so good to have your company, and the Harvest Ball is a great Pemberley tradition. Please say you will stay? "

Maria pressed her lips together, unsure. If only she could know the consequences of last night's assignation. Staying at Pemberley could give her the chance to find out once and for all if there was anything sincere that had motivated Colonel Fitzwilliam's affection. She decided she owed it to herself to put her mind at ease and potentially put an end to this infatuation. She would not call it love today.

"That is very kind of you to offer. Yes, that sounds lovely. Oh! But I do not have anything with me that would be appropriate to wear!"

" ‘Do not make yourself uneasy about your apparel, dear cousin'," Elizabeth said in an affected male voice. She laughed, "I shall never forget Mr Collins' address to us before that first visit to Lady Catherine. I was so relieved to have you with me. But in all seriousness, do not worry about a gown. We have time for one of mine to be altered for you, if that is acceptable?"

Maria nodded, smiling. "It never got any easier, you know, dealing with Mr Collins or Lady Catherine."

"Well, any future visits to Charlotte shouldn't be as daunting, as I imagine Colonel Fitzwilliam will be a much more comfortable and gracious host. I believe he finds Mr Collins immensely amusing!"

Maria smiled weakly, then ventured, "Have you seen the Colonel this morning?"

Elizabeth seemed to scrutinise Maria's face before answering. "No, he was not at breakfast either. Why do you ask?"

"No special reason. Only that he had mentioned your Harvest Ball yesterday. I should have liked to tell him that I will be attending as well."

"I'm sure he will be pleased to hear it." Elizabeth's expressive eyes sparkled, and she looked oddly excited by this trifling news.

Oh dear. She must suspect something . But Maria did not have the energy to confide in Elizabeth, and doubted whether speaking of her feelings for Colonel Fitzwilliam would ultimately do any good. Most likely she would just cause herself more embarrassment and unease .

"Well, I shall leave you to rest, and check on you again before dinner to see if you are well enough to join us. Please ask the staff for anything you need or have someone find me if anything turns serious."

Maria nodded and smiled her thanks, and, after one long meaningful look from the doorway, Elizabeth quietly left her room.

Alone again with her troubled thoughts, Maria wished she had something to read, but was not about to set foot in the library any time soon. She could always take out her embroidery but was uninspired to work on anything specific.

A luncheon tray was delivered to her room not long after, and she tucked into it with relish. Maria felt revived enough to wash and dress, and then realised she was out of excuses to continue hiding away in her room. Well, yes, she could continue to pretend to be physically unwell, but she was getting awfully bored and restless. Perhaps she could venture out?

Did she wish to run into Colonel Fitzwilliam and get the awkward meeting over with, or could she continue to avoid him for a while longer?

He was a mature, confident, affable, and experienced man of the world. Why wouldn't he kiss a young woman who pressed herself against him in the middle of the night? She could place no blame on him or his actions. Neither did she feel any shame for her own behaviour. She had the chance to be close to him, experience the thrill of his touch, and she took it. It would never happen again, and indeed, she may never feel that kind of stirring intimacy from anyone else in her lifetime. If she married at all, it would likely have to be a marriage of convenience, since no romantic suitors had presented themselves in her sleepy village.

Yes, it would be better to see him and reassure herself that it meant nothing and had changed nothing between them.

Maria crept out of her room, hoping to avoid awkward questions about her health from other house guests or servants. Perhaps the gardens would be best? Maria went outside and enjoyed the carefully tended flower beds, landscaped greenery, and stunning views of the house. But she did not happen to see Colonel Fitzwilliam. Oh well , she mused, there was always dinner.

Elizabeth spotted Maria re-entering the house and rushed over. "Maria, what are you doing out of bed?"

"I assure you Elizabeth, I am feeling much recovered. Thank you for sending a tray to my room. I was so revived that I took a stroll for some fresh air." Maria grasped Elizabeth's hands to emphasise her sincerity.

"Well, I am glad to see you feeling so much better. There is some news I must share with you. Firstly, that my mother and father have left for Hertfordshire this morning, and my sisters were not far behind them in returning home. So, for a few weeks, you are at liberty to rest and relax here as our only guest."

At the crinkle of confusion on Maria's face, Elizabeth continued, "That is the other bit of news. Colonel Fitzwilliam was called away this morning on urgent business for Rosings. Well, to see his solicitor in London about this business at any rate. He promised he would return in time for the ball to ensure we had enough gentlemen in attendance. I would have told you sooner, but Darcy forgot to pass the message on in his haste to visit some tenants this morning. And apparently Colonel Fitzwilliam left something for you in the library."

Maria tried not to let her face reveal her journey of emotions, from confusion and despair to curiosity and elation. Elizabeth was watching her carefully. It seems she had no choice but to revisit the scene of her turmoil.

"How intriguing. I shall have to go see what that is. He often recommends something interesting to read."

Elizabeth nodded her head and turned to leave, but Maria thought Elizabeth's mouth was twitching slightly at the corners, as if she was trying not to laugh. Oh dear. My face was not as composed as I hoped.

As soon as Elizabeth had rounded the corner, Maria rushed to the library, and there, on the same table near where they had stood, was the book of poetry she had left behind last night. She stared at it for a long moment, wondering why he would want her to have it today.

She sat on a plump leather chair and thumbed through the volume of poetry, her eyes passing over the words but not really absorbing any of them. Until suddenly there was a small purple flower pressed between two pages. A Clematis viticella ! It had flattened easily, and the six-petaled star shape was perfectly preserved. Maria carefully slid the flower off the page and onto the nearby table. She had the girlish notion to dry and preserve the flower forever. What could Colonel Fitzwilliam mean by leaving it for her, in the book from last night?

On the pages that the flower had marked was a sweet poem called ‘To a Mouse'. She read the first stanza:

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie,

O, what a panic's in thy breastie!

Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

Wi' bickerin brattle!

I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee

Wi' murd'ring pattle!

Maria smiled, imagining herself as that mouse, running away in a panic last night. Had Colonel Fitzwilliam thought the same? Had he too been loathe to run and chase her?

A warm and delicious feeling spread through her core. Hope? Suddenly inspired, she was eager to get back to her room and take out her embroidery.