Chapter 13: John

Chapter 13 – John

After taking a hot shower and swallowing some more over-the-counter pain pills, I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. I can’t sleep, and it’s not because my leg is still throbbing like a bitch. I tried not to let Gabrielle see me limping today—both in Denver and here at the lodge this evening—but I’m sure she did. There’s no way in hell she could have missed that.

I hate to show any kind of weakness in front of anyone, but especially in front of Gabrielle. I wish she could see me as I was before the explosion that ruined my military career and nearly destroyed me. I wish I was still the man I used to be.

After lying here for an hour, I get up, put my clothes back on, and my boots, and head to the barn. It’s dark and cool inside the barn at night. It’s my own private sanctuary. I walk down the corridor between the stalls and check each of the horses. They’re all sleeping comfortably. I end up in the tack room, where I put away some of the equipment that Nora cleaned right before she left for the day.

Finally, my body is dragging from physical exhaustion, so I lie down on the old leather sofa and close my eyes.

Gabrielle’s coming with us on the ride tomorrow, but honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m trying hard to keep my distance from her, at least emotionally, and I keep failing. It’ll be a lot harder if we’re spending another day together. Of course there will be three guests with us—three socialites from L.A. I’m sure I’ll be so busy tryin’ to wrangle them that I won’t have time to think about Gabrielle.

* * *

I’m up early the next morning, just after dawn. After I fill my thermos with coffee and grab a bite to eat, I get the horses ready while Nora runs up to the restaurant to pick up five packed lunches and water bottles for our trip.

“Good morning.”

I turn to see Gabrielle standing just five feet away. She’s dressed for the occasion—blue jeans, a T-shirt, a hoodie wrapped around her waist, and boots. “What’s in your pack?” I ask. She’s got a small backpack strapped over her shoulders.

“The basics. A couple of water bottles, some protein bars, bug spray, and a small first-aid kit. And my phone, of course.”

“Your phone won’t work where we’re going.”

“Then how do we call for help if there’s an accident?”

“I have a sat phone.”

“A what?”

“A satellite phone. I can call the lodge if there’s a problem.”

She looks relieved. “Oh, good.”

Finally, I’ve got all five horses saddled and ready to go.

Gabrielle smiles when she spots Odin standing at the end of the line. “Good morning, Odin.”

Odin shakes his head and whinnies softly.

“You’ll take it easy on me, won’t you?” she asks as she makes her way down to him.

I follow her. “You aren’t nervous, are you?”

“No, of course not.” She glances at Odin. “It’s just that Odin’s at the back of the line, and you’ll be way up at the front. You won’t be beside me.”

Hearing her say those words makes my chest tighten, and for a moment I consider rearranging the order of the horses and putting Gabrielle right behind me. But no. This is the best order. Odin’s my most dependable horse. I know Gabrielle will be perfectly safe with him. “You have nothing to worry about. He’s a seasoned professional.”

Gabrielle speaks softly to Odin as she approaches his left side. When she reaches his head, she extends her hand and lets him nuzzle it. Lucky horse. After he’s sniffed her a bit, she strokes his forelock. He blows air out of his nostrils—a horse’s greeting—and leans into her touch.

I don’t blame him. If she touched me like that, I’d want to get closer, too.

Nora returns then with a backpack, which she sets on a wooden bench near the barn door. “Here you go, boss. Five lunches, plus water bottles.”

“Thanks, Nora.”

The three women scheduled for the ride today arrive at the barn.

“Good morning, Burke,” the tall blonde says with a smile.

I nod. “Ma’am. Good morning, ladies. This is Gabrielle,” I say, planning to introduce them to each other.

“Oh, we’ve met,” the blonde says coolly. “We’re practically old friends.”

I look to Gabrielle for more information.

“In the restaurant yesterday evening. At dinner.”

“I see. Okay. That’s good. You all know each other.” I check over everyone’s attire and footwear. Everything looks in order.

I go over the safety rules with the group, and then Nora and I help them all mount their horses.

“I’ve got this,” I tell Nora when she approaches Gabrielle. “I’ll help her.” I step up beside Gabrielle. “Ready? Just like you did the other day.”

She nods. “It’s now or never, right?” She grabs the reins and the horn in her left hand and the back of the saddle in her right. She slips her left foot into the stirrup, and I help her up. She swings her right leg over the saddle and settles into her seat.

“Good job,” I tell her.

She takes the reins in both hands.

“Easy on the reins, remember? Odin knows what to do. Just let him do it, okay. Sit back and relax.”

She nods. “Got it.”

“And Gabrielle, if you need anything, or you have any concerns, just call for me, all right?”

She looks down at me. “I’ll be okay.”

On impulse, I pat her thigh, then rest my hand on her leg for a moment. I’m still fighting the urge to move her up in the line so that she’s right behind me. “You’ll do great. Okay, ladies,” I say to the group. Let’s go.”

I slip the supply backpack on and mount Zeus. “Hold down the fort, Nora.”

Nora salutes. “Have fun, boss.”

I take the lead. The three guests fall in line after me, with Gabrielle in the rear. I glance back at her one more time before we leave, just to make sure she’s settled and comfortable.

“We should be back around three,” I tell Nora. “If we’re not back by five, and you haven’t heard from me, come look for us.”

“Got it,” Nora nods. “Break a leg.”

“Please don’t say that,” I tell her. It has always sounded like a bad omen to me.

* * *

Everyone’s pretty quiet on the ride up to Pine Lake. That’s fine with me, even preferable. The less talking, the better. Everyone’s keeping pace and following the rules.

I keep looking back to check on Gabrielle. I’m not worried about her—she’s on Odin. I’d put my hundred-year-old grandma on Odin without a second thought. He’s solid and reliable. If a rattler crossed paths in front of him, he’d step on it and Gabrielle would never even know what happened.

Still, I keep looking back to check on her. Every time I do, Brittany waves at me, and Krista winks. These women are barking up the wrong tree.

It’s not that I don’t like women. I do. A lot. I just keep to myself now. No one needs to sit across a breakfast table and stare at this face.

I’m not sayin’ I’ve been a monk for the past decade. I haven’t. I’ve had sex plenty of times. But it’s always been quick and impersonal, and always in the dark. I can’t stand the idea that some woman is starin’ at my face.

“Hey, Burke!” Brittany yells loud enough to wake the dead. She certainly alerted every black bear and cougar within a ten-mile radius.

“Whoa.” I pull up lightly on the reins and Zeus stops on a dime. I turn in the saddle and glance back at the tall blonde. “Yes?”

She smiles sheepishly and cocks her head. “I need to use the ladies’ room.”

Her two friends snicker at that.

I notice Gabrielle rolling her eyes, which nearly makes me laugh out loud, but I manage to hold it in. “Okay.” I nod toward the trees to the south side of the trail. “Have at it.”

She gives me an exaggerated pout. “Can you help me down?”

“Sure.” I suppress a sigh because I know this is bullshit. Nora told me they have plenty of experience riding, and she confirmed they did really well on their lessons yesterday. They know how to mount and dismount a horse. Nevertheless, for the sake of expediency, I dismount and walk back to Brittany.

She holds her arms out to me, and I have no choice but to take hold of her waist and gently lower her to the ground. She grasps my shoulders and leans into me so that she practically slides down my body until her feet hit the ground.

I take hold of Loki’s reins and nod toward the trees. “You can go far enough into the woods for privacy, but not too far. You should still be able to see and hear us, even if we can’t see you. Got it?”

Krista chuckles. “Maybe you should go with her, Burke, so she doesn’t get eaten by a bear.”

“It’s not a bear she wants to eat her,” Andrea says.

All three women laugh.

I catch Gabrielle’s gaze, and again she rolls her eyes, then looks up to the sky and shakes her head.

“I think Brittany can manage her business on her own,” I say, nodding toward the trees. “Watch out for poison ivy.”

Brittany gives me a tight smile before she walks around the front of Loki and steps into the woods.

I drop Loki’s reins because I know he won’t go anywhere and walk down the line to check on everyone.

“You ladies doin’ okay?” I ask Krista and Andrea.

“I’m starving,” Krista says. “When do we get to eat?”

“When we reach Pine Lake,” I say. “How about you?” I ask Andrea. “You doin’ okay?”

She shrugs. “Other than having a sore butt, I’m fine.”

When I reach Gabrielle, I pat Odin’s back flank and gaze up at her. “How’re you doin’?”

She nods. “Fine. How much longer until we reach the lake?”

“We’re halfway there.” I stare up into her green eyes, which are framed by thick brown lashes. Her hair is secured in a single braid. Her cheeks are pink from the cooling air. The higher the elevation, the cooler the temperature.

Gabrielle unties her hoodie from around her waist and slips it on.

“You were smart to bring that,” I say. “It’ll be a bit chilly up at the lake.”

Andrea turns to look back at us. “Brittany’s been out there a while, Burke. Maybe you should go look for her. She has no sense of direction.”

“Yeah,” Krista says. “Seriously, Brittany could get lost in a paper bag. She got lost in a Neiman-Marcus changing room once. I kid you not.”

Both Krista and Andrea laugh. I glance at Gabrielle, who shakes her head.

I rest my hand on her thigh. “I’m glad you decided to come along.”

She gives me a small smile. “Me, too.”

Finally, Brittany comes traipsing out of the woods, frantically running her hands over her hair. “I think I walked through a spider web.” She makes a disgusted face. Suddenly, she pales. “There aren’t tarantulas in Colorado, are there? Please say no.”

“Actually there are,” I say. “But we really don’t see them in these parts. They’re mostly in the southern regions of the state.”

Her blue eyes are wide as saucers as she mounts Loki and picks up her reins. “I’m never getting off this horse again.”

I refrain from laughing at her. “Besides, they don’t make webs above ground—not the kind you’d walk through.”

The trail starts climbing now as we head up to a higher elevation. I can feel the change in the air.

“You’ll notice the landscape changing a bit,” I tell the group, “the higher the elevation. The trees will start to thin out a bit, and you’ll see more evergreens. You’ll also see more outcroppings of rock.”

“We don’t have to climb any rocks, do we?” Krista asks, sounding horrified.

I shake my head. “No. That’s a different outing entirely.”