11. CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11

It had been a week since Dorsey's panic attack. Mercury had been working with him to help him overcome the nerves that seemed to rise at a moment's notice. Well, at least anytime, he felt he wasn't behaving the way he thought the world expected him to.

Unfortunately, it was a challenge for Dorsey to ignore what society believed was normal and let himself be who he actually was. Mercury's sub. It was easier for him when it was just the two of them but much harder when they were with others. Even though most of their friends were in similar relationships. The difference was that in all of those couples, either the sub was smaller or of equal size. None were the larger of the pair like Dorsey was.

To challenge his sub, Mercury planned on taking his boy for a night out. Dinner and some time at the casino. Then he hoped to bring Dorsey home with him and fuck him through the mattress. It was time. He had been patient enough, and Dorsey was ready. Well, he'd been ready since that night at Mercury's house, but Mercury felt it important to wait in case his sub had changed his mind again. The last thing he wanted was for Dorsey to regret having sex with him too soon.

Knocking on his boy's door, he smiled when it opened almost instantly as if Dorsey had eagerly awaited him. "Damn, sweetness, you look gorgeous."

Mercury wouldn't be able to take his eyes off his boy that night. He wore an emerald green button-down with formfitting pants that perfectly showed off his strong thighs. Green eyeshadow made his eyes sparkle. But he had to admit, it was the cherry lip gloss that enticed him the most.

Unable to hold back, he leaned in and kissed that delectable mouth. Pride filled him when he saw he'd smeared it. It was as if he'd marked his boy for the world to see. "Since I plan on doing that a lot, you might want to bring that lip gloss with you."

Dorsey shook his head and twirled around. "I don't have any pockets."

"I can hold it for you," Mercury offered. He might love the fact that it had marked his boy, but sooner or later, the lip gloss would be gone, and none would know he'd been kissing his sub. That just wouldn't do. "While you get the lip gloss, I want you to pack an overnight bag. Tonight, you're sleeping with me."

He couldn't help smirking when Dorsey shivered at that announcement. He chuckled when his sweetness raced to his room to do just that.

He stepped inside and shut the door to wait. Not that it took Dorsey long. He couldn't have taken more than a few minutes before racing back and practically bouncing while waiting for Mercury to open the door for him.

Damn, but he was falling hard for this wonderful man.

After shutting the door behind them, he held out his hand. Dorsey handed him the lip gloss and his keys. After locking the door, Mercury shoved both items in his pocket and led Dorsey down the steps to the parking lot.

Once he helped his boy into the vehicle and buckled his seatbelt, Mercury got behind the wheel to head to the casino. "You don't seem as nervous tonight to be out in public," he commented, hoping it meant Dorsey was starting to come to terms with who he was.

A second later, he was kicking himself for bringing it up when his sub went stiff as a board. Mercury reached over and took his hand reassuringly. "I'm right here, sweetness. Talk to me."

Wide mocha eyes stared over him with too much panic for Mercury's peace of mind. Pulling over, he put the SUV in park and pulled his boy into his arms. "I've got you, Dorsey. I'll be with you the whole time, protecting you."

Dorsey held onto him for dear life for several minutes as Mercury kept repeating those words. Slowly, he loosened his grip, and his breathing evened out.

"Sorry," his sub mumbled. "I didn't mean to do that."

Pulling back enough to meet that still somewhat panicky gaze, he cupped one cheek, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. "You don't need to apologize for your feelings, sweetness. You have a right to them."

"But I shouldn't keep freaking out. I'm not some little kid afraid of strangers. I'm a grown man who is supposed to have his shit together." Dorsey huffed out an exasperated sound.

That right there was what the problem was. He just wished Dorsey didn't have to go through it. He didn't quite understand how Dorsey could go to the casino that first day they'd met in a skirt. He wouldn't have thought his boy would have been able to stand the eyes that were on him.

"That first night together, you were wearing a skirt. Is there a reason you didn't seem to care about it then, but you worry about what people will think about the dynamics of our relationship?" he asked.

Dorsey gave a half-shrug. "Because lots of guys wear clothes like that, so it doesn't really matter if I do too."

Mercury wasn't certain he liked that answer. "Are you saying you're ashamed to be with me?"

Dorsey's eyes widened dramatically as he shook his head. "No. Not at all. I'm ashamed that I willingly submit to you. Hell, I crave doing it. I'm the bigger guy, but I would gladly kneel at your feet."

That was marginally better than he'd originally thought, but it still didn't solve the issue. "I'm not certain what height has to do with being a submissive. And, I promise, I'm not belittling your concerns. I'm just not certain what your line of thought is."

He could see the worry coming back as Dorsey fidgeted. It wasn't what he'd wanted to happen, but until he knew exactly where his head was at, Mercury wasn't certain he could help. Hell, he honestly didn't know if he could anyway, but it would be impossible to get his sub past this if he didn't know the problem.

"I'm not judging," he promised his boy. "I honestly just want to know why you believe being a sub to a smaller man makes a difference."

And fuck, if he didn't pray it wouldn't be something they couldn't overcome. It might have only been two weeks, but he needed his boy like oxygen. There was no denying it, nor was he entirely certain he could move on from Dorsey.

The words hadn't exactly relaxed the tension pouring off Dorsey, but they had helped him start talking, which often was a feat in the middle of a panic attack.

"In many ways, I know this sounds stupid, but my father and grandfather were relieved when I'd grown up bigger than most of the kids since elementary school. They were determined I would be a leader," Dorsey told him. "Someone everyone looked up to. In part, it had to do with my grandfather going through the civil rights movement in Mississippi. He'd been beaten more than once. Told he would always be subservient to white men and even jailed for daring to be on the white side of the tracks after curfew."

Oh fuck.

It sucked on so many levels. Intellectually, he got why Dorsey's grandparents and parents had told him what not only had happened, but what could happen if he didn't act a certain way. Conceptually, he understood as a gay man in this country. And yes, he also knew there was still a huge difference. Unless he told someone he was gay, they hadn't necessarily known. Whereas, a black person couldn't hide his skin color.

But there was a fine line between cautioning your children and scaring the crap of them to the point where they were terrified of every situation.

"It got to the point in middle school that I cried every damn day not to be forced to go to school," Dorsey admitted, which confirmed Mercury's suspicion that he'd been terrified by the stories.

He was certain his sub's family hadn't meant to do that, but it's what happened. The question was, could Dorsey find his way past it? Mercury sure as hell hoped so.

If not, he feared there would be no hope for his boy. He'd never be truly happy if he couldn't live in his own skin.

"When my dad suspected I was gay, my grandfather had thankfully already been dead," Dorsey admitted. "It was bad enough dealing with my father's berating me that a black man couldn't be gay as that would mean certain death, for the bigots in the world would never allow me to live."

Mercury wanted to wrap his boy up and never let him go. He'd deserved so much better. The thing was, he couldn't even blame his father for saying that. After what Dorsey's grandfather had apparently gone through, it was no wonder he'd felt that way.

"In the beginning, I tried to hide it," Dorsey confessed. "But my father died my freshmen year of college, and I started to spread my wings. I wasn't able to finish because he wasn't around to pay for it, but I'd found it easy to make friends with other gay men, many of who were black."

He was glad to hear that Dorsey hadn't been forced to hide every aspect of his life.

"Living with roommates made it even easier to deal with the fact that I was not only gay, but I liked to dress up and wear makeup." His boy shrugged. "By the time I moved here, I had been going to clubs and wearing everything from skirts to dresses to high heels and never left home without some sort of makeup."

Dorsey ducked his head as if ashamed. "But I never told anyone about my need to submit. Ever. "

Believe it or not, that gave Mercury hope. Not about the fact he'd never told anyone about his kink, but the fact that, with time, he'd been able to find a way to admit he was gay and he loved to dress up.

After that confession, Mercury had one question and he would completely leave it up to Dorsey to decide. "I'm very proud of you, my boy. And thank you for having the courage to be honest with me. I will let you decide if you'd rather go to dinner and the casino or go back to my place."