Chapter 13

13

Tank

E ventually, Beck's cum began to dry on our skin, and he was shifting uncomfortably in my arms as my leaking cum cooled between his ass cheeks, becoming sticky and uncomfortable. Grunting, I eased away from him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead when he made a small noise of protest.

"Where are you going?" he grumpily asked as I moved off the bed and stretched my arms above my head. He ran his eyes over me, and my dick perked up the slightest bit at his attention. I ignored it. We needed to clean up because Clarke could wake up any minute now, and I didn't want her stepping into this room while it smelled like sex and while we were both naked.

I didn't want to trigger her and send her spiraling.

"We need to clean up," I told him. "And change the sheets and open the windows to let in some fresh air." He frowned at me in confusion, not understanding why I was requesting the sheets be changed and the windows be opened. I scrubbed a hand down my face before looking at him again. "I loved every fucking moment with you, Beck, and while I would love to just lay in bed with you for the next few hours and cuddle you, Clarke could wake up at any moment. And the smell of sex in the room, on the sheets, and seeing us naked and covered in cum could trigger her."

His eyes widened in horror before he sprung out of bed, almost crashing into me. I gripped his upper arms to steady him. His cheeks were flushed, a panicked look entering his eyes. "I didn't—I don't want—oh, God," he moaned, scrubbing his palms over his face. My heart clenched in my chest for the boy. Pulling him into my arms, I held him tight against me, hoping I could soothe his rising panic. "Ash, I never want to hurt her like that."

I pressed my lips to the top of his head. "We won't," I assured him, my voice low and gentle. I ran my palms down his back. "You go hop in the shower. I'll clean myself up real quick, and then strip the bed and open the windows. Sound good?"

He nodded and leaned up like he wanted to kiss me, except he hesitated at the last moment. I slid my fingers into his hair and pressed my lips to his in a kiss I hoped expressed everything I didn't put into words. How much I still wanted him. How I wished we could just lay in bed together all day and pretend the outside world didn't exist. How I didn't want to be apart from him for even a moment.

How hard I was fucking falling for him—his softness, his cute ways, how much he loved Clarke.

Beck was selfless, and he clearly loved deeply. Felt everything even deeper. I wanted to wrap his soul and heart in bubble wrap and then put a wall around it. I would stand guard in front of that wall, refusing to let anyone else close so I could protect him and his tender center.

Beck eventually pulled back from me and headed into the bathroom. I followed and grabbed a wash cloth from beneath the sink before wetting it and cleaning the cum off my skin. I would get a shower in the bathroom I'd taken over once I had the bedding changed.

After getting dressed, it only took me a mere couple of minutes to strip the bed, add clean sheets, pillow cases, and a comforter. The windows opened easily, and I nodded at one of the men standing guard before poking my head into the bathroom, where Beck was bathing.

"I'm going to get a shower," I told him. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

He looked at me through the glass shower door, the skin around his eyes looking a bit pinched, but he smiled easily—a real smile—so I knew he was going to be okay. He nodded at me, and I slipped back out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me before quickly heading out of the room and into mine. After grabbing some clothes, I headed into the bathroom and quickly stripped. The water was icy on my skin for a minute, but I didn't mind all that much.

I needed to cool the fuck down anyway. Because I'd been just a bit hard after seeing Beck naked and soapy in the shower. A shower I couldn't fucking join him in.

Goddamn, hiding this from Clarke was going to be torture. But until I knew how she coped with the knowledge of people having sex under the same room she was living under, Beck and I had to tread carefully. Especially since stopping this was not an option. I wanted—no, I fucking needed —Beck.

He and I would just have to be very careful.

Beck had food set out on the table when I got out of the shower. He'd taken the time to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and damn, they looked good. He smiled at me before looking at Clarke as she moved around me, coming into the dining room.

"Oh, thank God," she groaned. "I'm starving."

Beck chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before dropping down into the seat next to her. I took a seat across from him—on Clarke's other side. "Sleep well?" I asked Clarke before I bit into the sandwich. Damn, they tasted even better than they'd looked. Beck had used the perfect amount of grape jelly so I wouldn't be overwhelmed with peanut butter.

He just kept turning out to be more and more perfect for me.

But fuck, I wanted Clarke just as badly. I just didn't know where I stood with her. How much could she handle? What did she want? Some people came out of those environments and never wanted relationships. Some were too traumatized to ever have personal relationships like that ever again.

Where was Clarke at on that spectrum?

"I did," she said, smiling at me. It reached her eyes, making the gold in her eyes stand out more than the green. "Thank you for taking us into town yesterday and buying what we needed."

I rested my hand on hers, and she flipped hers over, linking our fingers together. My heart skipped a beat in my chest, and I swallowed thickly, my Adam's apple bobbing. Her hand was much smaller than mine, and it wasn't easy for her thin, smaller fingers to weave between mine, but I liked it. I liked it a fuck of a lot.

When I glanced up at Beck, he was watching us, a small smile on his face. There was no jealousy in his gaze—just hope.

Hope for the three of us to be together, maybe? Fuck, that would be fantastic. It would be a dream come true for both of them to be mine. To share them with each other. To see them together. They were already so beautiful, but I knew they would be fucking magnificent if their relationship went from step-siblings/best friends pining after each other to actual lovers.

I hoped one day I would get to witness it. But even if I never did, I would be content with this. Just so long as they stayed with me. I couldn't lose them. Even if I never got all I wanted, I knew I couldn't live a life where they weren't in it.

We continued to eat in silence, but Clarke never released my hand. I didn't mind. I liked feeling her smaller hand in mine, knowing she trusted me. Knowing she wanted to cling to me.

"What do we do when this is all taken care of?" Clarke suddenly blurted, breaking the silence. Beck and I both swung our heads to her in surprise. She swallowed thickly, a haunted look entering her eyes. She looked at me, her face a little too pale for my liking. I tightened my fingers around hers. "I don't want to go back home, Tank. I'm scared to."

"Ash," I gently corrected her. "My real name is Ash Grave. You and Beck are the only ones who can use that name." It brought a smile to her face, returned some color to her cheeks. I gently squeezed her hand. "If you and Beck don't want to go home, you don't have to. We can figure out everything else when this is all over, or we can figure it out along the way. But just know, you two never have to go back home."

Clarke relaxed, her shoulders slumping in relief. "Thank you," she whispered.

I smiled at her. "I swore I would protect you," I reminded her. "That vow won't end just because the ring is torn down. That vow is until death."

Beck sucked in a sharp breath, drawing my eyes to him. His eyes were wet with tears, and he was clutching Clarke's other hand. "We haven't…" His voice trailed off, but what he left unsaid broke my fucking heart.

They'd never had someone who cared enough to make that kind of vow to them. Not even their parents.

"I'm yours," I promised them. They could interpret that however they wanted, but I was truly theirs. I belonged to them. And they could use me however they wanted.

Beck looked up, a cookie held to his lips as I made my way through the living room, the burner phone in my hand. He frowned at me, and Clarke turned to see what was going on, her eyes zeroing in on the flip phone in my hand.

"What are you doing?" Beck finally asked, his voice slightly trembling with fear. Like he was afraid I would betray them.

"Checking in with River," I told him. "He's the president of the Fathers of Mayhem, and he was one of the men in the basement with me when I came to talk to you. He asked me to call and check in every day, and he may have an update for us."

Beck relaxed but looked down at his lap, no doubt feeling like shit for thinking I might do something to betray their trust in me. I didn't like it. He and Clarke both had a shit ton to work through, and they had no reason to feel bad about anything they may be feeling as they healed.

"Beck," I gently called, drawing his eyes back to me, "don't," I warned. "You're allowed to feel everything you're feeling, you hear me? I just ask that you don't feel guilty for it. You have a lot to work through. You both do. And you're allowed to do that."

He nodded at me before wrapping his free arm around Clarke, drawing her against his side. Clarke smiled at me. "Will you let us know if there are any changes?"

I nodded. "Of course."

When I got outside, I dialed River's number and pulled the phone to my ear. He answered on the third ring. "River?" I asked.

He sighed. "Nothing new. Not yet. Alejandro is digging. His men are still infiltrating. But there's still nothing."

I leaned against the porch railing and stared down at my bare feet. "What about their parents?"

"So far, squeaky clean," River answered me. I made an aggravated noise. "Alejandro put out a surveillance team on them yesterday, so we should have something soon."

Just how many men did Alejandro have working under him, for fuck's sake?

"If you hear anything before I call again tomorrow, will you reach out?" I asked him, looking over at the sight of one of the bushes rustling. I momentarily tensed, but it was only one of Alejandro's guards getting more comfortable in his position.

"Yeah, brother. I'll reach out." He paused for a moment. "How are Clarke and Beck?"

"Hanging in there," I told him honestly. "Not much else they can do, but they're handling everything pretty well, all things considered." I didn't bother telling him I'd fucked Beck six ways from Sunday. "Clarke's only had one nightmare so far. Could get worse the longer she's away. Only time will tell."

"Can you handle that?"

A rough chuckle escaped my lips. "Yeah, I can handle it." I was a goddamn expert at handling it, though I knew he didn't know that.

"We'll speak tomorrow," River told me before ending the call. I pocketed my phone and stared out over the landscape, hating that more hadn't happened. That Alejandro hadn't found out something . I knew patience was a huge player in this game, but my patience was running thin.

Clarke and Beck needed closure. And I was getting agitated that they didn't have it yet.