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Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ivy

T he paper sheet beneath me crinkled as I sat on the bed in Dr. Shaundry's office, swinging my legs back and forth as I tried to settle my nerves. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, and I didn't mean the ridiculous paper gown that was supposed to somehow protect my modesty when my ass was literally hanging out in the breeze.

Today marked seventeen weeks. I was into my second trimester, and had the tiniest little pooch to show the growing baby in my belly. Most of the time it looked like I'd eaten a giant burrito, but I knew what the little bump was. Nearly the instant it popped, Connor had become obsessed.

He was constantly touching my belly, caressing it lovingly, placing a kiss every chance he could, or leaning down to talk softly to our chickpea. Now that he finally had a visual representation of what we had created, he couldn't seem to get enough.

He couldn't seem to get enough of me either, and the feeling was more than mutual.

That was the problem. That afternoon in the tack room had flipped a switch. We were going at it every chance we got. I couldn't seem to get enough of him. Every time I thought I might finally be sated, he'd do or say something that would get my engine going all over again. I told myself over and over it was pregnancy hormones driving me crazy, but deep down, I knew better. It was him.

He was the man I'd fallen for when he first came to Hope Valley all those long months ago. The man I couldn't help but confide in. The man I wanted to know everything about. And that terrified me. I tried to keep the things between us as straightforward as possible. We were friends. We were going to be co-parents. We just happened to like ripping each other's clothes off and going at it until neither of us could walk. It didn't mean feelings had to get involved.

Only, no matter how many times I told myself that, I'd find myself tangled up in those pesky little feelings all over again. I was so tangled up with Connor I wasn't sure where he ended and I began. I could play aloof all I wanted, but inside, I was a wreck.

He'd stomped my heart to smithereens the first time, and I was recklessly opening myself up to that again, only I wasn't the only one who would suffer if he freaked out again.

It wasn't just my heart I had to protect this time around.

A knock sounded on the door, pulling me from my thoughts right before the doctor poked her head inside. "Momma Young," she greeted with a smile that instantly put me at ease.

"Hi."

She looked around the room as she moved to the sink and washed her hands. "No Daddy today?"

"No. He had to go out of town for work." That was what felt so off about the appointment. Connor wasn't there. He wanted to be. He was actually really upset about missing it, but I assured him it would be okay. There would be other appointments that wouldn't fall on the same day as a big rodeo. He was in Tennessee right now and wouldn't be home until later tonight. I tried to reschedule for another day, but Dr. Shaundry was apparently the most sought-after OB in the area, and this was the closest appointment I could get.

It was his job, and it required traveling, even with Hope Valley being his new hometown. I understood that. I just... missed him.

"That's okay. Happens all the time, believe me. We'll take plenty of pictures for him to look at once he gets back."

She instructed me to lie back on the reclined bed. Now that I was in my second trimester, she didn't have to use that creepy, uncomfortable wand. She squeezed a dollop of jelly onto my stomach and placed the transducer against my belly. She slid the controller around for a few seconds before the room filled with the sound of that lovely heartbeat. "Ah, there's baby."

My heart squelched as I watched the monitor, seeing the perfect little profile of my baby. I could see the forehead and the nose. As I watched, I could have sworn I saw it lift its tiny little hand to pop its thumb into its mouth.

She let out a little laugh as she started clicking buttons near the monitor, taking picture after picture that I couldn't wait to share with Connor. "Oh, wow. Looks like it wants to show off today."

"What do you mean?" She tilted the device and squinted at the monitor. "Well, most of the time I'd wait to try and tell the gender, but your little one has decided to make it known. If you want, I can tell you what you're having."

I looked to the screen, trying to see what she was seeing, but it was just a bunch of floating clouds. "Right now?" I asked in amazement. "You can really see it?"

"Yep." Her smile grew. "Right now. Your baby is not being shy, that's for sure."

I let out a little giggle. "That's from its father's side." I wanted to know so badly, but not having Connor here was holding me back. This was something I wanted to share with him. I didn't want to find out what we were having without him.

"Do you think you could write it down and put it in an envelope? That way we can open it together tonight."

"Absolutely." She tucked the transducer away and wiped my bump clean before helping me sit up straight. "Why don't you go ahead and get dressed? I'll take care of that for you and print those pictures for Dad."

By the time I left the office I was downright giddy. I couldn't wait for Connor to get home.

I was soaking in the bathtub, using the warm water to ease some of the round ligament pain that decided to creep up on me when I heard Connor's truck drive up. A smile pulled at my face as I pulled the plug to drain the tub and climbed out. I quickly dried off and scurried to my room to get dressed, throwing on a pair of cotton lounge shorts and a matching cropped hoody.

I expected to find Connor in the living room or kitchen when I came down the stairs. Since we started sleeping together he spent most of his time in the main house with me. He curled up on the couch with me every evening to relax in front of the TV, and when I inevitably fell asleep, he carried me upstairs to bed and crawled in with me. Other than his trip out of town, we hadn't slept in different beds in weeks. I figured he'd come right here, but as I rounded the landing, the house was quiet.

"Con, you home?" I called, looking out at the window that overlooked the driveway to see if he was still in his truck. I didn't stop to consider if he went to the carriage house first. I knew from our phone call earlier he'd come in first place again, so it wasn't like he was in a bad mood or something and wanted to lick his wounds in private.

I moved into the kitchen, noticing the lights were on in the carriage house. Excitement was still fizzing in my veins when I snatched the envelope off the counter and bolted out the back door, practically skipping down the stone path that cut through the garden and led to the carriage house.

I rapped my knuckles against the wood quickly but didn't wait for a response before barging in. "Connor, you aren't gonna believe—" The words died on my tongue when I saw him stretched out in the reclining chair in the living room, dressed in nothing but tight black boxer briefs. That would usually have been enough to stop me in my tracks, but it wasn't the distinct bulge behind the cotton that had my attention this time.

"Oh my, God! What happened?" I rushed to him and dropped down to the floor beside the chair.

"It's fine," he said, but I saw the clench in his jaw and the tense lines around his eyes as he said it. He was in pain. "I just need to ice it, is all. It'll be good as new in a couple days."

My jaw dropped as I looked at the knee he was referring to. "Connor, that's... there's no way in hell your knee will be good as new in a couple days. It's the size of a grapefruit!"

The damn thing was swollen to twice its normal size, the skin around it bright red and angry. It looked like it was agonizing.

"It does this from time to time. Just need to get the swelling down, and it'll be good to go for the next rodeo in Hampton in a couple weeks."

I sputtered, my gaze darting behind his obviously seriously injured knee and his face to see if he was joking. He had to be joking. He couldn't possibly think it was okay to climb on the back of a bull in the condition he was in.

I closed my eyes and took a few calming breaths so I didn't lose my shit completely. "Connor, you can't ride in a couple weeks. This looks really serious. You're going to hurt yourself."

The muscle in his jaw ticked and his eyes went flinty. "See, that's why I came here first. I knew you were gonna make a big deal out of nothin'."

I shot to my feet and jabbed my finger toward his knee. " That is not nothing! And of course I'm making a big deal out of it. You ride another bull with your knee in this condition, you're going to seriously hurt yourself. Or worse!"

It was the or worse that had my stomach bottoming out. "Connor, please." I tried a different tactic since yelling and arguing wasn't getting me anywhere. "Please, be reasonable, okay? You have two weeks before the rodeo in Hampton. Can't you try and get in to see a doctor before then? Maybe they can give you something to help."

He shoved up in the chair like he wanted to storm out of it and start pacing, only he couldn't, because his knee was completely fucked up !

"I can't go to a doctor, Ivy," he clipped at me, using a tone he'd never used with me before. "If I go to a doctor, he'll tell me I can't ride."

I threw my hands out at my sides, shrieking, "Then don't ride!"

"I have to!" he shouted back. "Fuck!" He reached up and dragged a hand down his face, and I noticed the exhaustion there for the first time. "I have to, okay? I don't expect you to understand, but this is all I am. I'm a bull rider. That's it."

I crouched down and reached for his hand, but he snatched it away before I could grab it. "That's not true," I said gently. "Connor, you're so much more than a bull rider. It isn't who you are. It's what you do."

"I have to ride," he gritted out, his jaw working back and forth.

"Why?" I stood tall, frustration warring with concern. "What could possibly be so important that you'd put your own safety at risk?"

"I have to show them they were wrong about me." All the air expelled from my lungs on a single exhale. "I have to prove to them that I'm better than what they thought. That I'm the best." He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. "I can't quit now. When I go out, I have to go out on top."

I stood frozen, trying to understand the pain in his heart that would drive him to do something so reckless, just to prove himself to people who didn't deserve a second of his time.

"Is that the only reason you're riding? To stick it to a few miserable people whose opinions shouldn't matter?"

"They matter to me," he grumbled, and I felt a piece of my heart break off.

I sniffled, giving my head a shake. I could feel the tears coming, but I refused to let them fall until I was in the privacy of my own home. "Then I feel sorry for you," I whispered, placing a hand on my belly. "Because you're so wrapped up in the past that you're putting them before all the good you have in your life now ."

With that, I placed the envelope on the table beside his chair and turned to leave.

"What's this?"

With my hand on the knob, I cast a look at him over my shoulder. "It's the baby's gender. The doctor was able to tell at the appointment today. I was so excited I had her write it down and seal it so we could open it and find out what we're having together. Because while you were out there hurting yourself"—I pointed at the envelope—"that's what mattered to me ."

With that, I walked out of the carriage house and closed the door behind me.

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