Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

MELANIE

D riving down a scenic route with snow-covered farm pastures and trees should be therapeutic. It’s not. Heaviness settles in my chest.

I want things to go back to the way they were months ago. When I was blissfully ignorant of the things happening within my home. When I ignored all the red flags that told me things needed to change.

But I can’t, and I have to live with that.

Which is why I’m returning to my hometown with all my shit smashed into my white sedan.

I’m ashamed of how I got here. It feels like all my years of pushing forward were for nothing. No one dreams of moving back in with their parents in their late thirties.

Yet here I am, simply because my ex-husband couldn’t get over his many, many issues. His drug addiction and selfish tendencies were more important than the life we built together. Almost twenty years of marriage out the window.

I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. I fought to keep us together, but you can’t change someone who isn’t willing to change themselves. I did everything I could, but in the end, it wasn’t enough and I had to walk away. There’s only so much trauma and disappointment a person can take.

I turn off the sparse highway and into a residential neighborhood right outside the city limits. While residents call the town small, its population of ten thousand makes it a decent-sized county in Montana. When I was younger, the streets would have been filled with kids on bicycles and golf carts, but today, it’s quiet.

Memories of playing with the neighbor kids fill my mind: climbing trees, playing baseball in the street, imagining we were Power Rangers and fighting evil. It was a simpler time that I now miss.

Three of my playmates are in every memory I conjure: Kent, Simon, and Oliver. My long-lost best friends, my gang. The four of us were inseparable in our younger years. It wasn’t until after high school graduation that our bond broke. We went our own separate ways and eventually lost touch.

I’d give anything to go back to that time when I was na?ve and innocent enough to think anything was possible.

Now I know better.

Love isn’t enough to keep people together. It takes a lot more than just that, like trust and growth. Understanding and communication. Eventually, my relationship ran out of all those things and more. When the thought of him not being around was more comforting than having him present, I knew it was time to let go.

I pull into my mother’s driveway and park my car. While a feeling of home washes over me at the familiar surroundings, I’m also hit with a wave of sadness. The only things I have to show for my years away are a broken heart and more clothes and shoes than what I left with.

With a deep sigh, I shut off my engine and step out into the cold. Snow clouds above mimic my internal turmoil, cloudy and depressing.

My gaze travels to the homes nearby. To my left is Kent’s parents’, to the right is Simon’s, and across the street is Oliver’s. As per my mother’s last gossip, Oliver moved back a few years ago, but she hasn’t seen Simon or Kent. They were the adventurous types, so I’m not surprised they never came back.

I’m nervous about seeing Oliver again. While it would be nice to reconnect and get back to a time when my life made sense, I’m embarrassed to tell him why I’ve come home. He’d never judge me, but I’m ashamed of it all the same.

As I walk to the front door, my steps falter when my mother comes out to greet me.

“You’re late,” she accuses in a playful tone. “You said you’d be here around noon. It’s three.”

“There was traffic.” I rush up onto the porch to hug her. “I thought you’d be asleep, so I wasn’t in a hurry.”

My mother works nights at the local hospital as a CNA, so she sleeps during the day. I didn’t want to wake her by showing up too early.

“I can sleep anytime.” She squeezes me tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too.” All my earlier apprehensions disappear with her affection, and I’m feeling much better about my choice of coming home.

“Are you okay?” My mother steps back with a frown.

I shrug. “Yeah. I still have moments when I struggle with it, but it doesn’t last too long anymore. I can get through most of the day without being sad, you know?”

“That I do.” She purses her lips.

My mother once had to make the same hard choice to divorce my father when I was a teenager. It’s nice to be with someone who supports my choices and understands my struggles with starting over at an older age.

Patting my shoulder, she says, “Let’s get your stuff out so you can settle in.”

With a nod, I follow her back to the car. We unload the boxes and trash bags I have stuffed within and drop them off in my old room. It’s nostalgic being here. Homey.

My room is how I left it when I went to college, minus the sheets and blankets. My mother informs me those are in the dryer where she washed them for me.

I head back outside to shut my trunk. A black four-door truck pulls up next door at Kent’s parents’ house. I close my trunk and turn to greet them, but pause as Kent gets out.

“Hey, stranger.” His lips curve in a bright smile, giving me a glimpse of the dimples that had many girls swooning back in the day. Even the new addition of scruff on his face doesn’t diminish the beauty of them.

Kent closes the driver door of his vehicle; the echo of it jars me out of my shock.

“What are you doing here?” I blurt out.

“Nice to see you too.”

“I…” I stammer. “I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was your parents.”

He chuckles. “No. They’re traveling the world for retirement. I moved back a few months ago to take over the hardware store and their house.”

“Oh. Mom didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t?” As if on cue, my mother comes out to join us. “I thought I did.” She shrugs. “Sorry.”

Kent and I share a look of amusement at her apology that doesn’t sound very apologetic.

“It’s fine.” Kent assures her. “It’ll be nice having everyone back together again.”

Furrowing my eyebrows, I ask, “Simon’s here too?”

“Yeah, he arrived last night. We’re having a little get-together in about an hour if you’d both like to come?”

Before I can decline, my mother asks, “Will there be food?”

I roll my eyes, but laugh at her predictability. She’ll go anywhere for free food.

“Of course,” Kent says. “I’ll be grilling hot dogs and hamburgers out back, but the party will be inside since it’s so cold out here. There will also be alcohol.”

“You had her at food,” I grumble, making them laugh.

My mother nudges me with her hip. “I do love to eat.”

“Come over anytime. I will always feed you.” Kent winks at her.

I snort. He’s such a charmer. So were Simon and Oliver back in the day. I’m sure that hasn’t changed. It’s a comforting notion with how upside-down my life has been in recent years.

Kent points to his truck. “I’ve got to get things going, but I’ll see you two soon. If I don’t answer the door, just come in.”

“Good seeing you.” My mother calls after him as he walks off.

“You too,” he replies. “And I’m glad you're home, Melanie.”

“You four can play hide-and-go-seek,” my mother teases.

“Mom!” I scold.

She throws her head back and laughs as she heads inside. Following, I can’t help laughing with her. I haven’t felt this lighthearted in years. For the longest time, I’ve felt like a lost, broken woman. Nothing like the confident, lively girl with goals and a bright future I was growing up.

I could never figure out what I needed to get back to her, but maybe this was it. I needed to come home.