Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

ADIRA

T he Kelly brothers went above and beyond for me today. The closet I’m sitting in is now more of a vocal booth, with acoustic foam tiles to dampen sound. It feels as if I’m sitting in a cloud, my instincts happily singing as I look around.

I’m resting in a comfortable chair with a laptop in front of me that Duncan is letting me borrow. I can record directly into the computer, and a boom arm allows me to sit my microphone in front of my mouth, without having to strain due to my short stature. Taking a breath, I hit record, using the voice changer to ensure no one will be able to tell who I am.

There’s something liberating about being completely anonymous.

“I’m no one,” I begin, the fidget spinner in my hands silent as I mess with it. “I may be the only one who ever hears this, but that’s okay. There are so many people out there who are sitting in their homes with questions about who they are, or what to do with their lives. There are organizations who will tell you there’s only one way to live your life, however I call bull hockey on that.”

I’m trying not to curse, since it’ll be easier for ROWS to toss out anything I say if I do.

“Omegas are amazing. Our instincts are more than hyper focusing on knit fabrics, scents, and the perfect nest. Those are things that help us feel safe, quiet the noise in our lives, but our instincts also keep us alive,” I say.

“It’s the feeling along the back of your neck when you’re walking that says someone may be following you or dangerous, and it’s not your imagination. Listen to it always.”

“It’s so easy to look for direction from someone else, because the world is so large, but it also limits you. If you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or an astrophysicist, go out and do it,” I say passionately.

“Don’t play it safe. Being an omega is more than waiting for a pack, a scent match, or someone to tell you what to do. It’s more than slick or the embarrassment that comes when you can’t control your body. Embrace yourself, because it’s so much better than numbing yourself to be able to function in society. I’m not here just to talk, though I know it seems like that.”

Stopping the recording for a moment, I think about where I want to go next. I didn’t want to cut myself open with my story, but maybe this will help.

It’s just the microphone and I, no one is watching me as I speak. They certainly won’t psychoanalyze me either.

It’s just me here.

Hitting record again, I take a leap. “The Boogeymen of our world are auctions and kidnappings, sex traffickers and criminals who want to breed or sell us,” I say.

“If your parents are anything like my father, they may say the outside world is too dangerous to live in. While the dangers exist, I also think you should be able to walk out your door and not worry if you’ll come home or not.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. I was kidnapped from my home, my life blown sky high. The auctions are real, and I was sold at one,” I say. “These people dehumanize you, it’s a business, and it makes you feel as if you’re skin and bones, a piece of meat. Your instincts and needs are used against you, which makes you wonder what’s real. While it would be better to never be in this position, have these memories of touches, screams of the crowd for more, the knowledge of how much alphas think you’re worth, maybe it’ll help someone, somewhere.”

A single tear slides down my cheek as I speak and I don’t bother to push it away. The words are flowing, so the liquid in my eyes will too, it seems.

“Afterwards, it feels as if you’ll never smile again, since everything is so dead inside of you. How could you possibly feel anything else when you’ve been ripped apart so thoroughly?” I whisper.

“There’s no timetable for trauma, sexual or otherwise. Instead, every minute is spent simply surviving, trying to tell yourself the world is better with you in it.”

And then it clicks. I’m surviving and finding things to enjoy in life. I am a survivor.

Holy shit. A full body shudder comes over me and I gasp.

“I just had a little epiphany,” I admit, sniffling. “When you’re in the slog of life, it’s easy to be really hard on yourself. I’d love to caution you against it, but we all do it. Today, I realized that I’m more than just swimming through from one hard moment to the next, I’m finding experiences that are enjoyable too. There are things I love, and people I’m finding I like too.”

The other ‘l’ words are too big to say right now.

“Before I go, I’ll say one more thing. We are ruled so much by fate and biology, and it feels as if we don’t have a choice sometimes. What if though, we stopped seeing it as something happening to us?” I ask.

“People do really shitty things when their backs are up against the wall. The way that fate tells us we need to have those people in our lives reminds me of a giant bully who refuses to take ‘no’ as a complete sentence. But if we can accept that those people deserve love too, then we can also accept that fate may be right. Maybe they aren’t the best people, but they’re the best people for us. Those awful things that live inside of them are also the ones we respond to in some way. The insanity inside of them speaks to ours as well.”

Well, so much for not cursing. Oh well.

“These are the ramblings of an omega who has had enough, but I hope something spoke to you if you’re listening to this,” I say. “At the end of the day, healing looks like whatever you need it to be. There’s no time clock on it, either. The same goes for how you live your life. No one should be able to control that. Doctor, stripper, or whatever else, get the job that drives you toward your ultimate goal. Until next time, if there is one.”

Clicking the end record button, I gaze blindly at the computer screen as I feel a quiet in my mind that I haven’t felt ever. There’s always been a constant buzzing, and after the auction it was so much worse.

I may have found my own kind of way to trauma dump without destroying others in my path. Biting my lip, I stand brushing off any residual tears.

Duncan and Callum built this room out in the early hours of night while I dozed on the couch. Now, I have to ask them how to upload this. I feel like I need to.

Stepping away from the audio recording setup, I walk the two steps to the door to open it. That’s how small the room is, but I don’t feel claustrophobic here. The space feels secure.

On the floor across from me in the hallway are Callum and Duncan with earphones in their ears as they work on their laptops. I thought they were somewhere more comfortable, but apparently they felt the need to be closer and I appreciate that.

Walking closer to them, I tap my foot against Duncan’s socked foot. We are taking Sunday easy, and we’re all in pajamas.

“Done?” he asks as he glances up, pulling off his earphone.

He doesn’t ask if I’m okay, despite the tear tracks down my face, a fact that I’m grateful for. I’m not sure how to explain why I feel invigorated and excited about the podcast. Even if they go nowhere, I may continue to do them simply because they help me.

“Yeah,” I tell him, smiling. I feel lighter, a piece of my soul finding a way to rearrange itself into something new. “I really want to upload it, but I don’t know where to put it, and need a little moral support before I launch it out.”

“Well you got it,” Callum says, putting his things to the side to stand with his brother.

“Okay,” I say with a nod. I’m not going to second guess this, just going to do it.

Walking back into the room, it feels much smaller with two large alphas inside here with me.

“The site ROWS posted their podcast, Omega Link, seems to get a lot of traffic, let’s post this one here, and then we can go from there,” Callum muses as he types on the keyboard. “I’ll make a new account for you, we want to keep you anonymous, but the website needs a username. What would you like it to be?”

Something comes to mind as I think about it, and my lips twitch with mirth.

“How about The Little Rabbit?” I ask. “Only Kane calls me that. He’d get a kick out of it.”

“Caring what Crazy Kane would like, that’s a change,” Callum murmurs. “I know he gets your gears running, but do you like him too?”

“The alpha made her come like a waterfall,” Duncan grunts playfully.

“Lalala, no thank you,” I complain. “We will not be talking about that. As for whether or not I like Kane, yeah I do. There’s no filter to his thoughts, he tells you things the way they are. I’m going to let the guys?—”

“Court you,” Callum finishes. “Thank fuck. They’re serious about you, I just want them to crawl on glass and through fire for you. I’m a sadistic bastard like that.”

“Courting?” I ask. “Isn’t that old fashioned?”

“It’s normal,” he says. “Dating, wooing, buying you a house to make yourself a place of your own. That’s what this is. I love that you feel comfortable in our home, but you can’t stay at the shelter anymore. It doesn’t feel safe to me with the way ROWS infiltrated it.”

“Even with the money I have saved, I don’t have enough to buy anything,” I remind him.

Another few keystrokes, and my podcast is out in the wild.

“Done,” Callum grunts, satisfied. “It’s a good thing we have fifteen million dollars in an account in your name then, huh? Shall we go look at houses on the market or do you just want to build it?”

“Jed mentioned this, but I didn’t believe it,” I mutter. “You can’t just give me fifteen million dollars!”

The room fills with the scent of burnt cookies, and Duncan chuckles as Callum carefully maneuvers me into the hallway. My arm feels better after the salve Duncan used on it. I'm still using my sling to keep it from moving too much, but for the first time in a week, I’m pain free.

“Yes, we can,” Duncan says. “The money was used to buy you from a goddamned auction, Short Stuff. If anyone deserves it for pain and suffering, it’s you. It’s financial freedom, though to be honest, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to what your father signed over to his sister.”

“She must have threatened him with something,” I mutter. “They were going to take everything from him anyway, why go through the effort? It makes sense that Cassia and Rock were working together though. He wasn’t worried about any of the money in banks, since it was signed over to Cassia.”

“She won’t have it for long,” Duncan growls. “When you go after Rock, I want to take all that money back from her. Force her to attack, so you can get rid of her too.”

“I have really bloodthirsty friends,” I say, pretending to swoon.

Snorting, Duncan shrugs. “This is clearly my sign to feed you, Adira,” he murmurs. Callum bends down to grab his computer as we walk toward the living room and my favorite spot.

“Plan your dream house and let’s make it happen. I know you liked staying at the shelter, but you were almost kidnapped. It was too close for comfort.”

“I know,” I sigh. “Aisling was shot at too. I’m glad she chose me to be obsessed with. It was random. Emilia didn’t target me, guys. Not yet anyway.”

“You’re stirring the pot, kiddo,” Callum says. “I’m all for chaos reigning, but I want you to be with one of us or the Dresmond pack when you go out.”

I never would have thought they would be considered one of my protectors, but they’re quickly earning that spot.

Getting comfortable in the corner of the cushion, I get lost in the various homes on the market, unconsciously being drawn to all the ones that can accommodate us. The tide is turning, my heart opening, God save us all if they break it. I wouldn’t be able to take it.

The men with red hair, dark locs, broody gaze, and bottomless green eyes all have me ensnared in their web. Escape doesn’t seem to be an option I want.

JED

“You’ve been holed up with my girl for long enough,” I remind Duncan, standing on his front steps with my pack. I’ve been calling her that more, enjoying the way it sounds. I don’t know if she’ll agree yet that she’s our omega, but as I said, I’m done waiting.

She’s going to find out we are serious about our intentions of forever.

“Ugh, it’s not even been twenty-four hours,” he groans. “Come on in then, worrywarts.”

“I’m not worrying, I miss her,” I grumble.

“Aww, you have feelings and shit for her,” Duncan teases me.

“Jed, we can’t kill him,” Kane says with a wistful sigh. It sounds more like he’s trying to remind himself that, than me. “The little rabbit likes him too much.”

“Damn straight,” Duncan says as he leads us through the house to Adira. Their house feels way too large for the two of them. It reminds me of an estate gifted to you in a will by someone instead.

“Why do you live in this huge place?” I blurt out, apparently channeling my younger brother today.

“My Grandma Diedre gave it to Callum and I when I turned twenty-one,” he explains, showing my suspicions were correct. “She has several homes and is now in her eighties. She wanted us to have a place of our own as we grew into our britches. That’s what she said anyway.”

It’s clear they’re very loved by their family, even if their father may not always understand their decisions. They seem to butt heads often.

Adira is eating oatmeal cookies when we walk into the living room and is working on a computer. She’d left hers at the rental, so I wonder what she’s working on.

“Apparently you’re missed, Adira,” Duncan says, amused.

Glancing up, she smiles as she sees us, appearing more relaxed than I’ve ever seen her before. Is it because she’s staying with the Kellys or is there another reason?

“Hey, I’m looking at houses,” she says as if that’s not a big deal. “I’m finding myself drawn to one by the university. It’s still close enough to downtown, but easy enough to jump on the interstate too to leave the city.”

“That sounds nice,” Morris says, jostling me out of my thoughts.

“It does,” I say hurriedly. “What prompted the search?”

“Duncan came clean about the money you told me about,” Adira grunts.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Duncan says with a smirk. “Be sure to check the website, I want to know what your views are like.”

As he leaves, Adira groans. “It could be zero!”

“Is this the podcast you told me about?” Kane asks. At her nod, he grins. “I really want to know what your views are too.”

Adira softens, opening another tab on her browser to pull up a website.

“What podcast?” I ask, wanting her to tell me about it. I value her words, all the ones she’ll give me.

“Emilia Richardson is a giant twatwaffle,” she announces. “I’ve never had the displeasure of meeting her, but her views leave a lot to be desired. She has a podcast talking about how omegas should act, down to what they should wear and what job they should have.”

“The woman is vile,” I mutter, moving to sit next to Adira. “I’ve met her a few times, and I think she has a permanent stick up her ass.”

“Her voice sounds like it,” Adira murmurs, smirking. She doesn’t move away when I pull her legs into my lap, and I begin to idly rub her feet.

My hands need something to do. The omega curls further into her corner of the large couch she’s on, allowing me access. “Her podcasts made me so angry, I decided to create a podcast of my own. Callum and Duncan made me a room to be able to record in, and I went with it.”

I appreciate how strong their friendship is, and I’m trying to respect her boundaries as much as possible.

This is making me want to surprise her with a house, but that’s not going to help anything. Omegas are very particular. It needs to be perfect.

“So how did it do?” I ask gently, watching as she glances back at the screen.

“I… woah,” she whispers. “There’s over several million views. The comments are mixed, though.”

“Mixed how?” I ask her.

Morris, Damon and Kane drop to the floor near us, not wanting to be far from her.

“Ah, well, a few people said only stupid omegas get kidnapped and sold,” Adira says, her tone almost robotic. “Others said it’s rage bait, because I posted anonymously. It’s the internet, I know people troll accounts just to get attention.”

“How is it stupid to have your house broken into and kidnapped?” Kane asks darkly. “Maybe this person needs a lesson in her or his own stupidity.”

“Down boy,” Adira says absently, her fingers tangling in Kane’s hair gently. “I’m not necessarily hurt by it, just taken aback by the level of vitriol attached to it. There are others saying they hear me and think that I should post more.”

“The most important question is how did you feel after you finished making the recording?” Morris asks. His eyes haven’t left her face, and I hold my breath as I wait for her answer.

“I felt lighter,” she replies. “It’s the first time my mind has ever been that quiet.”

“It gets really loud in there, huh?” Kane mumbles, arching into Adira’s fingers, sighing as she rubs his scalp.

I’ve known for years that my younger brother suffers from voices that tell him to do really bad shit. Most of the time, he doesn’t try to fight them. “Mine get loud too. They only become quieter when you’re around. They snap and growl, but it’s not as bad.”

Adira gazes at him for a moment, tugging at his hair before pulling him down to kiss his lips. “Do you think they like me?” she purrs.

Fuck that’s hot. The little omega just took his crazy in stride. Damn.

“They fucking love you, baby,” he groans. “Ever since you got interesting and strangled me in the back seat in December, they’ve wanted to keep you.”

“It figures a little strangulation would do it for you the way blood does it for me,” she murmurs, smirking. “I think I may let you keep me.”

My jaw drops as Kane freezes, his fingers resting in her hair. “Do you mean it?” he growls, dropping his mouth to kiss up her neck. Adira writhes on the couch, and I grunt as her foot accidentally brushes over my cock. Fuck me, she’s killing me.

“Tell me why.”

“I’ve been looking at houses, but every house has to have a magical number of rooms or it doesn’t seem to feel right,” she rasps, looking up at him. “Things aren’t perfect by a long shot but?—”

“Perfect doesn’t exist,” I mutter. “Adoring you, protecting you, teaching you to raze the earth if you have the need, that matters. You’re not the fragile flower I thought you were. Mistakes were made, I’ll be the first to admit that.”

“You had your reasons,” she reminds me, her midnight blue eyes cutting over to gaze at me. “We’ve all punished each other enough as it is. I can either walk or see where this goes.”

“Even me?” Morris rasps. “I don’t mean anything sexual, I know you don’t trust me.”

“You earn trust,” Adira murmurs. “So do it.”

As if she didn’t just flip our world over on its axis, she turns the computer around to face us and Kane sits down again. Damon looks smug for some reason, making me wonder why he looks like the cat who ate the canary.

“This is the home I found. It’s on a private road near the university,” she says, showing us.

Leaning forward I see the gorgeous home with the black trim and high peaked roof. The photos show that there are beautiful high ceilings as well, but it’s the split attic that gets my attention.

“This would make a really great nest,” I murmur. “The ceiling is low, it’s easy to hang any curtains you may want, and this window here can be changed out for stained glass to mute the amount of light that comes through instead of using blackout curtains.”

Adira gazes at me in surprise, her eyes appearing lighter somehow. “Yeah?” she whispers.

“Yes,” I murmur. “The other thing I really like is how the porch railing goes all the way around the back of the house and up the sides, yet you can’t see that from the front.”

“There’s windows all through the house, keeping everything just bright enough that we wouldn’t have to use lamps and such,” she says excitedly. The lamps in this room as the sun goes down are on the lower settings, so it won’t affect her eyes.

The Kelly boys know all her little needs and quirks, while I’m behind on them. I need to catch up.

“It looks like it’s not on a main road because of all the trees,” Morris says, his mind working to make sure it’s safe. “There’s eight bedrooms, six bathrooms, including the guest bath, and plenty of wildlife surrounding it based on these specs, Adira.”

“Mmhmm. It’s in a neighborhood, but the houses are pretty far away from each other,” she says. “It has a basketball court, movie theater, and woods, creeks, and even a bridge in the back. One of my favorite parts of the house are all of the crystal chandeliers.”

“Perfect for a mafia princess,” Damon murmurs. “What about security, little omega?”

“I will agree to a gate at the front,” she says primly. “An armed security system instead of guards is fine too. I don’t want people I don’t know on the property.”

She doesn’t want to feel unsafe the way she did with her father.

“You can walk in the backyard at any point you want because it’s your fucking house,” I growl. “You want to dance naked or fuck in a hot tub on your porch, do it. The four of us are more deadly than an entire team of guards.”

“We saw that last night,” Duncan says, walking in with an apron around his waist. It’s utterly ridiculous and says ‘Kiss the Alpha.’

No one is kissing him in this house.

“Rock was surprised that his team was taken out,” Callum says, following him into the room with a yawn.

“You barely slept today,” Adira admonishes him. “Did you fix the fence?”

“Too much to do to sleep, Adira,” Callum complains. He’s wearing a sweatshirt and joggers, and looks as if he’s been outside. “Yeah, there was a short in one of the wires. The fence is now fully live, boys. If you’re going to jump it, please do so with that knowledge.”

“Don’t get me going with a good time,” Kane says. “Thanks for the heads up, though.”

“No playing with things that will light you up like a Christmas tree,” Adira says, pulling the laptop to face her again. “How do I go about scheduling a walk through?”

“I’ll see who the realtor is for the property and schedule it,” Duncan says, walking over to her. “Are we experimenting with if this person will be nice to you or letting these assholes go with you?”

“Excuse me?” Damon asks. “Why wouldn’t someone be nice to you?”

“Omegas don’t get the same treatment sometimes when they’re working with people,” Adira says. “Aisling has horror stories. It’s why I want to make that referral website of preferred vendors. It won’t happen right away, but I’m down for an experiment.”

“I don’t like this,” I mutter.

“What if I take a gun?” Adira asks, fluttering her eyelashes at me.

“You have a gun?” I ask. I know Damon mentioned he was going to give her one, but I’m starved for every word she’ll give me.

“Yeah, the guys keep it for me, since I’ve been living at the shelter,” she says. “I’m still really pissed off that I don't feel safe there anymore.”

“I’m sure Aisling will figure out how to fix the breach in security,” Callum says. “I think we’d all prefer it if you could let your body heal before you send Rock off to a well deserved death. Okay?”

“Fine,” she pouts. “I don’t like it though.”

“I get it,” I murmur. “We have an extra room in the rental, do whatever you’d like to it. Fuck the deposit, alright? You need your space to study and do things.”

“Really?” Adira asks, eyes lighting up.

I would do anything possible for her to always look at me like this.

“Absolutely,” I promise her.

As the conversation drifts into another direction, I recognize there’s a lot I still need to do to make Adira happy, but it’s not a chore. It’s my greatest honor to give her anything she needs.

Adira Firestone is going to set the world on its ear, and I can’t wait to watch. They aren’t ready.