15. Oria

15

ORIA

S he has to die. I know that. It shouldn't be a surprise but why am I acting like this? She ruined my life. She and Taylin robbed me of a life, kept me hidden, fed me fear just so they could use me.

Why was I feeling sad? She didn't deserve my tears, she didn't deserve anything, I just didn't know if I really wanted to see her die. A small part of me still saw her as my mother or at least the only mother I had ever known.

Now it made sense why she was so cold to me, and didn't show me affection except on the rare occasion. Tears fell down my cheeks as I wondered what it would have felt like to have someone who loved me as I was growing up, or to love me without a hidden agenda.

"Sol?" A soft knock came from the door.

"Yeah," I said, wiping my face aggressively, hating that I was crying for her and for a man who just used me.

"You ok?" Max asked, coming into the room.

As soon as our eyes connected, my emotions gave in again.

He said nothing as he crossed the room sitting on the bed and grabbed me. I straddled his lap, crying into his neck.

"Why do I feel like this?" I hiccupped. "Why do I care?"

He didn't say anything at first and I wondered if he had heard me.

"You're a really good person," he murmured against my hair. "You've always been good, thinking of others before yourself and accepting people for who they are. You're the kindest person I know."

"Fuck being kind, where has it gotten me?" I sighed.

I jerked away from him, my sadness transforming into anger.

"All it's gotten me is being used," I said, wiping my face, pacing in front of the makeshift bed. "I can't be this girl anymore, Max. I can't be the soft fragile girl who needs protecting. She's sheltered me, taken my memories and I don't even know what's happened to my family. This has to stop."

"Sol."

"I can't, Max, it's not fair. I?—"

"Sol," he said sternly.

"What?" I snapped.

He stood in front of me, cupping my face. The moment he touched me, it immediately eased the hurricane of emotions that was stirring. "Your feelings are valid. You spent almost two centuries thinking she was your mother. Your feelings aren't going to magically disappear."

"I wish they would magically disappear," I cried.

"I know, Sol. There have been many times I wish I could make my feelings go away too," he said, pulling me against his firm chest.

I'm so selfish. Of course, he knew what it was like to deal with betrayal; his own brother captured him and forced him into the form of a cat.

"You're not selfish," he murmured against my hair.

I pulled away abruptly, my eyes were open wide as I realized he had heard me talk to myself in my head.

"You're not selfish," he repeated, like he thought I needed convincing. "You are?—"

"Max," I interrupted him. "I didn't say that out loud."

He scoffed, but immediately his eyes grew wide. "The bond?"

"Is it coming back?" I stammered, blood roared in my ears, hoping that it was because we deserved what had been stolen from us.

"I don't know. Your voice sounded just like you are talking now," he said, looking hopeful before a big smile graced his face.

A smile almost bloomed on my face, but the thought of getting excited to just be disappointed held me back. This might have been nothing and there was no point in getting excited if all there was, was disappointment.

"It's not much, but it's a start and if you can't believe it, I'll believe it for the both of us," he said, cupping my face with his hands, leaning down so his baby blues looked into my hazel eyes. "Nothing is going to stop me from believing our bond can come back to us."

He kissed me softly before deepening the kiss. Max tasted like hope, except it had a bitter taste when I thought of what was going to happen next. What I wouldn't give to be his, to stay in this bubble. He slowed down the kiss before sucking on my bottom lip.

"Lay with me, please?" he asked.

I nodded my head as he pulled me to our makeshift giant bed. He settled down, pulling me so I laid over his chest wrapping our legs together. My mind raced with good and bad things until his steady heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

The sound of soft murmurs pulled me from sleep. I took a deep breath, rubbing my face on whoever I was lying on, wanting to keep sleeping because that meant I didn't have to think about anything. The gravity of our whole situation left me exhausted and all I wanted was another few hours of freedom from my toxic thoughts.

Mate.

My eyes opened quickly as I looked up to see Ryder lying there and not Max. I was surprised when my grumpy mate was in his place.

"Don't look so shocked," Ryder said, with his eyes closed.

"I just thought you were Max," I said, debating if I should get up.

Even though we had kissed, I didn't know how to act around him or where we stood. He had been less grumpy, talking to me more, and healing him felt like it had brought us closer. There was still a part of me that wondered if this was just to placate me while we figured out what to do with me.

"You're too loud," he grumbled.

"I'm not saying anything," I said defensively.

"I can see that crease in between your brows, and I think it's getting deeper with every thought that is going through your head," he said, as his eyes never opened.

"You aren't even looking at me," I scoffed.

"I don't need to, when you're thinking about bad things you get this adorable pout and that crease," he chuckled.

I wasn't pouting, but as soon as those words conjured in my mind, my lips had moved into a pout.

"I like your pout," he said, running his hand down my back. "It makes me want to bite it and lick it to soothe the pain."

My body shivered as my thighs clenched, imagining him doing just that.

"Ryder, don't say things if you don't plan to deliver," I said, attempting a sultry voice when all I heard was a breathy one.

When he didn't respond, I grew nervous that I had ruined our playful banter. Shame blanketed me in a cloud. I had gone too far, and I wouldn't be surprised if he got up and left me… again.

"I'm sorry," he said, making me tense for the rejection. "I have been so worried about Serena and me that I have been a complete asshole to you. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment from me, it wasn't fair to you."

I didn't know what to say.

"I—"

"You don't have to say anything or even forgive me if you don't want to." He sat up bringing me with him so we were face to face. "Being so close to you, but too stubborn to be with you was a hardship I deserve to endure. I feel like I will go crazy if I don't touch you. I crave your kindness, your soft smiles and your touch. I thought I could live in a world with you and not mate you, but I was wrong. You are the sun in my galaxy. I rotate for you; I'll orbit around you in hopes of getting close to you even if it's just for a moment. I know when my days are dark, you'll always be the light that shows me home. You're the slice of heaven I've been waiting for."

"Ryder," I whispered.

"You don't have to say anything," he said, pulling me closer, but giving me a moment to decide if I wanted to come to him. Who was I kidding, being without Ryder had been getting harder and harder. I got as close to him without sitting on him. "I just want to apologize that it took me so long to get here. I don't deserve you, Heaven, and I don't know if I ever will, but please let me try and show you how much you mean to me because you are everything to me. In every lifetime it will be us."

I shivered, remembering those words said by Soren and Gray. I knew in my soul we were all destined to be together. Our tangled hearts beat for one another in every lifetime. It was always us.

I didn't think about it. All I wanted and needed was Ryder and my mates. I straddled his legs, wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me.

"In every lifetime," I whispered against his lips, before I kissed him.

It was soft and unsure at first, just like our first kiss, until it wasn't. Ryder licked the seam of my lips, and I opened for him. My toes curled as the rush of emotions and pleasure burned through me.

I ran my hand through his hair pulling at the strands, eliciting a groan from him that made my thighs clench. He growled, kissing my cheek making his way down. He sucked on my neck hard enough to leave a mark, appeasing the side of me that wanted everyone to know I was his.

He licked his mark, making me gasp as he kissed further down my neck and onto my shoulder.

"More," I groaned. "I want… I need more."

"Tell me what you want," he said, resting his forehead against my shoulder. "Tell me to stop or tell me to keep going. I need to hear you say it."

"You, Ryder. I need you." I kissed his ear. "I need you inside me."

He growled, pushing my shirt up.

"I want you to kiss me more and I want you to make me yours," I said, pulling him in for a kiss as I pushed his shirt up.

"Heaven, you better know what you're asking because once I start, I won't be able to stop," he said, stopping until we were both looking at each other.

His honey-colored eyes were full of desire, only cementing what I needed.

"Fuck me, Ryder," I growled.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, pushing me onto my back.

He leaned over me, capturing my lips in a kiss, settling his weight over me until I felt his hardness against my core, rocking his hips into me. I gasped at the friction.

"Goddess," Ryder said, with a harsh breath against my lips.

He rocked against me again and we both groaned. I ran my nails down his back until I gripped his ass pushing into me again. He rested his forehead against mine rolling his hips against my core, but it wasn't enough. I wanted more.

Ryder kissed down my collarbone, down the valley of my breast, sucking, kissing his way down until he reached my leggings. His tongue traced the band along my waist, nipping at my hips before sliding them down. I lifted up so he would get them off, expecting him to dive right in, but he kissed up my leg slowly until he reached my aching pussy only to kiss up my other leg.

When he reached the apex of my thighs, I spread my legs as an invitation, but he kissed above my underwear, up my stomach and my breasts. I huffed my annoyance as he bit my neck before kissing me. Our tongues danced along with each other as he hovered above me. I made another impatient sigh as he kept kissing without touching any other part of me.

"Ryder," I whined in between kisses, until I had had enough.

I cupped his cock through his sweats, making him break the kiss.

"Don't rush me," he groaned. "I want to worship you, pray at this altar with my tongue until you call out my name, chanting for me."

"Worship me later." I stroked him over his pants.

He grinned against my lips. "Needy girl, you want this cock in you?"

"Don't tease me," I said. "You've made me wait long enough."

He stopped suddenly, pulling away so I could see his face. "Oh no, Heaven; you will enjoy this even if you think you will die without an orgasm."

"No," I whined.

He pulled my hand away from his cock, grabbing my other hand and pinning them above my head.

"Don't make me tie you up," he said with a smirk. "Better yet, keep pushing me. I'd like to see you tied up."

Desire rushed through me at the thought of being tied up at his mercy.

"I can see it already." His voice was gravelly from desire, thrusting his hips against my core. "I tie your hands up, making these perky breasts push up as I lick and suck on every surface of your body, making sure I leave this pussy for last. I want you to beg for me to touch you."

"Do it," I whimpered.

He chuckled against my lips. "So fucking needy, Heaven."

I rolled my hips up to meet his hard cock, wanting him to do…something.

"Naughty girl," he groaned.

"Ryder, please," I gasped, when he thrusted against me. "I need you. I need something."

He captured my lips in another searing kiss. I attempted to pull my arms down, to touch him, needing to feel him closer. His thrusts grew more forceful as he gained a rhythm that had us both panting.

"Can I make you come like this, Heaven?" he moaned. "Can I make you scream like this?"

I was at the precipice of my orgasm, just a little more and then he stopped.

"No!" I cried out.

Ryder was smirking when he let my arms go, lifting me up just around the waist to unclip my bra and slide down my underwear. I expected him to tease me again, except when his tongue licked me from hole to clit, I moaned loudly.

"Goddess, Ryder," I whimpered.

He began sucking on my clit, making my back bow from pleasure, as he inserted a finger in me, ever so slowly. I rolled my hips, craving more. He was making me go crazy with need.

"I knew you'd taste good," he groaned against my pussy. "Guess I know why Gray calls you Sunshine."

I blushed at the comment, wondering what the hell sunshine tasted like when he made my eyes roll backwards and my orgasm came barreling through my body. He kept licking and sucking as my orgasm subsided. I threaded my fingers through his hair, trying to pull him back when I became too sensitive. He sucked on my clit again, my sensitivity was amplified as I felt another orgasm start again.

"Ryder," I gasped as he doubled his efforts. "I can't… I can't."

The tingle started at the base of my spine as he pulled away, stopping another orgasm. I glared at him as he knelt before me, wiping his glistening lips with the back of his hand. The heat in his gaze had me clenching my legs already for another orgasm, it felt like any caress might make me tip over the edge.

When he didn't move, I pushed myself up, reaching into his waistband and grabbing his cock. He tried to look unaffected, but I saw the molten heat in his eyes. I stroked him softly, taking in his long member. My cheeks flushed from the intimacy of looking at him, even though he was up close and personal with my pussy.

When he closed his eyes, I pulled away, spitting in my palm before I picked up my pace. He looked down with half closed lids and it only made me want to watch him lose control. I got up on my own knees, pushing him back. When he didn't move, I pushed him harder and he went back willingly.

"Are you going to ride me, Heaven?" He smirked.

"I mean, your name is Ryder," I said, sliding my pussy along his shaft.

He shivered when I noticed him at my entrance.

"Heaven, wait," he looked out of breath, holding me by the hips.

I stilled as I wondered if this was the time when he rejected me. He couldn't be with me, he regretted it because he was still in love with Serena. My chest tightened at the inevitable hurt that was about to ensue, but if I left before he said anything, maybe I could save myself from hearing the rejection… for now.

Blood was roaring in my ears when I scrambled off of him. I heard him speaking, but I didn't want to hear it. My lip trembled as I grabbed my clothes so I could leave the room, but I couldn't find anything except my shirt.

"Oria!" he shouted at me, making me flinch. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"Please don't say it," I said, not daring to look at him.

"Heaven, what happened?" He looked genuinely concerned. "I'm sorry, I thought you were ok with what we were doing. I'm sorry."

He looked panicked and like he was ready to throw up.

"What?"

The look of panic looked like it matched my own.

"I didn't mean to take it so far. I'm so sorry, I misread the situation, and I thought you were ok with it," he said, looking utterly heartbroken.

"Ryder," I said, stopping his ramble.

We stared at each other for a moment as I realized I had misread the situation. My cheeks grew red with embarrassment.

"Oh no, Ryder," I said, feeling like a jerk. "When you stopped me, I thought you were regretting what we were doing and I panicked."

Ryder studied me before taking a deep breath. "No, my love, no. I was stopping you to get a condom or ask you about birth control."

I put my face into my hands as embarrassment made me feel like the biggest idiot.

"I'm sorry, I just thought?—"

"Don't apologize, it's my fault. I placed that doubt in you, and this is the consequence of that." He moved closer to cup my face. "I won't regret this ever. It will always be you. In this lifetime and in the next. I will never regret you."

I felt the sincerity of his words and I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

"I promise I will show you that I am all in, no regrets or doubts," he said, kissing my forehead.

"I'm sorry," I said, still feeling embarrassed.

"Don't be," he said, putting his forehead against my own.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "I took a contraceptive potion, but if you feel more comfortable wearing a condom, go ahead" I said, pulling him in for a kiss, needing to erase what had just happened.

He kissed me slowly like he was savoring me even though everything in me screamed to make him mine.

"I don't want anything in between us when I make you mine," he growled, picking me up and pushing me up against the wall.

The rough contrast from his kiss made my blood sing with desire.

"Fuck me, Ryder," I said, in between kisses, wrapping my legs around him. "Make me yours."

His eyes flashed yellow before he kissed me slowly again, teasing me with his cock at my entrance. I tried to wiggle against him to encourage him to slip in me, but Ryder was intent on making me die from neediness.

"I'll fuck you when I'm good and ready, don't make me tie you up and leave you a needy mess," he snarled. His voice was so other-worldly that it gave me chills along my spine.

The danger in his voice added to my arousal.

"Don't, please," I gasped, when he slipped an inch inside me.

My arousal made it easy for him to glide in, but he didn't move as he kissed along my jaw. I tried staying still, enjoying his caresses, kisses and the anticipation. It was fun until it was not.

I rocked my hips forward, feeling him slide another inch inside me. My body welcomed him as I gasped, wishing he would enter me all the way.

"You're so tight and warm," he said through a strained voice, his hips bucking another inch further.

The stretch was torturous and delicious at the same time. My head fell back, hitting the wall as he pushed a little further in. My body shivered in anticipation, I wanted him to fuck me hard, but also take his time.

"Ryder," I whimpered, as he sunk further in.

"I better hear you scream my name," he growled, as he thrust all the way in.

I moaned loudly, feeling so full and it felt so right.

"You will be the end of me, woman, but I am yours." He snapped his hips back and thrust hard into me. "Where you go, I will follow. Always."

He thrust into me hard, stilling when he was fully seated in my dripping wet pussy.

"One lifetime will never be enough," he groaned, thrusting into me again. "I need every lifetime with you and then some."

I cried out when he slammed into me again.

"I will never have enough of you," he snarled, as he snapped his hips again.

His controlled slipped and he fucked me with long hard strokes. Every other thrust, he ground against me giving my clit attention.

I cried out as waves and waves of pleasure ran through my body as he kept a punishing pace. Each thrust sent my body into overdrive. I wasn't ready when he pulled out, setting me on my feet, pushing me forward, entering me from behind in one quick thrust. He wrapped an arm around my hair, pulling my head to the side, kissing my neck and sucking on it while he fucked me.

He felt extremely big like this as he hit that explosive spot in me. I stood on my tippy toes to make sure he brushed that spot with every thrust.

"Come on, Heaven, touch yourself; I need to feel you clenching on my cock," he panted.

I slid a hand down my stomach grazing my clit softly before adding pressure, holding out just a little longer.

"I need to see you while you come," he said, picking me up again, thrusting into me as he pushed me against the wall. "Don't stop, come for me now, mate."

I preened at his words, and I fell over the edge screaming his name.

"Mine in every lifetime," he growled, before I felt his bite above my breast adding to my pleasure roaring his own release.

I floated in euphoria when his bond snapped into place. I was almost totally complete.