12. Oria

12

ORIA

G uilt churned in my gut with the defeated look Max gave me. He was the only person who had comforted me in the two hundred years I was held captive. I knew he didn't have anywhere to go, but he didn't have to constantly comfort me and keep me going.

"I'm sorry," I said, stepping towards him.

Max sat there with his head down.

"No, I'm sorry." His voice broke. "It was my job to protect you. We are in this predicament because I didn't keep you safe. I failed you, princess."

"Max…" My lip trembled. "You can't carry that burden."

Those baby blues looked up at me, full of emotion. "You were under my protection, it was my job, my duty, that I swore to the gods and goddess that I would always keep you safe."

"Max." I walked up to him.

Even though he was sitting on the second step, and I was standing, we were almost the same height. Memories of feeling safe with him came flooding back, but also remembering how much I wished it would just be us against the world.

Did I love him? Goddess, he would be so easy to love. My heart hurt just thinking about the possibility.

"What happened?" I cupped his face.

"You were supposed to be mine," he said, taking a deep breath. "Your mother had always said we were so close that one day we might marry, or a bond would emerge. As kids we laughed, never taking it seriously. It wasn't until I left for training that I realized how true their prediction was."

"What happened?" I ran my fingers along his hair.

"Our bond surfaced, or at least mine did," he growled. "You were training and accidentally got hurt. I remember feeling the pain, it was in my shoulder, and I got so angry that it made me shift."

Tension radiated from him.

"They didn't let me go see you, they locked me away for four days because I wouldn't stop resisting. They told me if I could complete my training, I would be allowed to go home, but only if I could get a hold of myself." He stared off into the distance.

"So, I got myself together and I worked hard so I could come home to you, but something always delayed me. By the time I went home, it had been almost a year since our bond had surfaced. It felt like I wasn't allowed to see you. You were always busy, meetings after meetings and traveling for your duty. I sent messages asking to see you. None of them came back answered."

I closed my eyes, desperate to remember everything.

"That's when I decided I needed to see your parents and when I requested an audience, everything changed. I was about to go see them and then I woke up the following morning feeling empty, my memory was muddled, and I felt our bond was nonexistent," he shuddered. "Taylin grew close to you, while I was gone and when you got sick, he heard about a flower with healing properties. He used me to help him and then in turn, used it to his advantage. That flower gave you your powers, and little did any of us know that giving you that flower sealed your fate. After Taylin saved your life, it wasn't long until they said you were engaged."

"What do you mean?" I wanted to sit in his lap as he continued, but a part of me was worried.

"I think Taylin knew what that flower was. He used it to save you because he wanted to marry you and take over the power you received, when you became queen. But no one was supposed to use the flower, and Laima was furious when he gave it to you. That's why she took you."

I didn't know what to say or think. We were in this entire situation because they were trying to save me. I was in this mess because of Taylin, because of that stupid flower.

"This is just my theory," he said quickly. "I just know that after you were healed, you went missing. When you did, Taylin wasn't as distraught as a fiancée should be. I followed him out to a cabin one day. Instead of asking for backup, I followed him alone but I wasn't as stealthy as I thought I was. That's when Laima took me. I don't remember what happened, all I remember is waking up and I was a cat. I spent a few weeks alone until she gave me to you."

My mind was racing with all this information, but I was stuck on one nagging piece of it.

"Why didn't I feel the bond? Do only male Fae experience it?"

He looked at me, searching my eyes as if he thought he could pluck the truth out of me.

"I don't know. I tried asking you several times, but either I was dismissed, or we were being watched." He tucked a hair behind my ear. "There were a few times you acted like your old self and there was even a time when I thought you knew I was yours."

"Why wouldn't I feel it? It doesn't make sense," I said, feeling frantic. "Who robbed me of the bond? Did Taylin do it? Why is everyone controlling my life? Why is everyone playing chess with my life?"

I pushed away from him, hating that my life was one choice taken after another. I walked away, not knowing where I was going, but I had to escape all the manipulation and the lies that I had had to suffer over the last two hundred years. Mother's betrayal hurt, but Taylin's hurt the most. I thought he was my friend, my savior, and I thought he cared for me. He brought me happiness to my dark world, but he contributed to the lie I lived every day.

"Sol." Max followed me, but I couldn't look at him. He had suffered almost as much as I had and I didn't want him to think I was dismissing his feelings, but I was hurt.

"Sol," he said, his deep voice was familiar and comforting.

"I can't Max, I just can't," I said, running away.

It probably wasn't the right choice as my breathing grew choppy, and I was gasping for air. The walls of life were closing in, pushing me down until I broke down, tripping and falling on the ground. My vision grew dark as I tried to catch my breath and Mother's voice rang in my head.

Mother will keep you safe.

Not only did she not keep me safe, but she ruined my entire life for this magic I had now. But she wasn't the only one I should be mad at.

Fuck you, Taylin.

I wanted my pain to end. My heart pounded too fast, the pain in my chest increased.

"Sol." Hands cupped my face. "I need you to breathe."

Did I want to? That stupid thought shook me out of my stupor. Max's concerned face came into view, guilt crashing down on me.

"There you are," he said, resting his forehead against mine. "Don't give up, my Sol, you have been dealt a very hard life, but don't give up. You have so much to live for. Please?—"

His voice broke, he pursed his trembling lips.

"Max," I cried, throwing myself into his arms as I cried.

I cried for my previous life, my childhood friend, and of all the happiness I had been robbed of while enduring loneliness. He held me tight, rubbing his hands up and down my back. I pulled back only enough to see his face. Tears streamed down his face, which only added to my heartache.

"Maxton, I'm so sorry," I hiccupped.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered. "We have a chance to make it all better, to change your future, to start over again."

"What if I want you to be my future?" I leaned my forehead against his.

He took a deep breath.

"I will do whatever you need," he said.

"But what do you want?" I asked. "Tell me what you want."

"I want—" He pulled back, looking away from me. "I want you to be happy, Sol, even if it means without me."

"Maxton, you idiot." I brought his face back to mine. "I don't need a bond to know that you are mine. I have enough bonds to know that I would be happy for a lifetime. Without you in that lifetime, I know it would still not be enough; I need you."

The burn in my chest intensified as I waited for his response. His baby blues searched my face, guarded, but I saw a flicker of hope.

I expected him to say something, but when he pulled me in for a kiss, I knew that it was all good. It was soft and gentle at first. Then he moved onto the edge of my mouth until his kisses grew firm and his tongue opened my mouth, brushing against my own. I sighed into his kiss as I ran my hands through his hair.

He growled into our kiss, erupting tingles along my spine and I deepened the kiss. I wanted to get lost in Max until I forgot about our predicament. It was just us and nothing else. He pulled away to kiss my nose.

"I've waited centuries to do that, and nothing has prepared me for how amazing it feels," he said, kissing me quickly. "It was worth the wait, and I wouldn't change anything if it meant I got to be with you one day. That's all I've ever wanted was to be yours and to call you mine."

"Are you ok with not being the only one?" I braced myself for his answer. "I know this isn't how you imagined us being together."

He ran his hand through my hair, studying my face.

"If you asked me two hundred years ago if I would be ok with sharing you, I would have said no, immediately." He kissed me quickly. "Now I can see you were meant for all of us, and even though I don't want to share, I know you have enough love for all of us and we all need you, Sol."

I let go of the breath I had been holding.

"Thank you," I said, pulling him in for another kiss.

He pulled me onto his lap, wrapping an arm around my waist, cupping my face and deepening the kiss until my entire body strummed with desire. I needed Max.

"Max, please," I begged.

"What do you need, Sol?"

"You, I need you," I whimpered, in between kisses.

He kissed me for another few minutes.

"I want this with every cell of my being but… can we wait?" The vulnerability in his eyes was heartwarming.

"Of course. I'd never push you to do something you aren't comfortable with," I said quickly.

"It's not about being comfortable, Sol." He smirked. "Call me old fashioned, but when we were growing up, you courted a woman before you slept together. I want you to know that I'm all in, and that there hasn't been a day in the last two hundred years that I haven't stopped yearning for you."

"Max," I whispered. My throat grew tight with emotion.

"I don't want you for just your body, and what you can give me." He blushed. "I want every inch of you. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. I want it all with you."

He kissed me tenderly and my entire body buzzed with his attention.

"Have you?" I didn't know how to go about asking if he was a virgin without blushing or feeling like I was being nosy.

"Have I what?" The small lift of his lips told me he knew what I was asking.

"You know, slept with someone," I said, but whispered the word slept as if that made it any better.

"Have sex? Are you asking me if I'm a virgin, Sol?"

My cheeks grew red at his questions. I knew being embarrassed about sex was dumb because I had had plenty of sex at this point, but I had never talked about it when I wasn't actually doing it.

"Come on, Max," I said, knowing my face was as red as a tomato.

"I have, twice, but they weren't memorable," he said, as his own cheeks turned pink. "I was lonely, frustrated and I had gotten drunk. I regretted them as soon as they were over, and I wished I had waited for you."

"Don't, Max, don't do that to yourself. We move forward today and when all this is over and we have our freedom, we won't look back," I said, pulling him closer for a kiss.

He deepened it for a moment, my body reacted instantly. I gave him one lingering kiss, before I moved off his lap and took a few steps away from him.

"Are you ok?" His tone was playful.

"Yup, great, peary," I said, taking another step back.

"Peary?" He looked confused.

"I think she means peachy."

I turned around to see Gray walking towards us.

"I think I like peary better," I chuckled, even though peachy did sound better.

"Come on, Sunshine, I brought some food," he said, holding his hand out to me. "I hope I brought enough food, but now I'm starting to think I didn't."

He looked over at Max and it felt like they had an understanding I wasn't privy to.

"We'll make do," I said, holding out my hand for Max.

He got up with a smile and it eased my worries. I didn't like seeing him sad and it seemed like his burden of the truth had been lifted off his shoulders. Now if they could just deal with my mother and Taylin, we could move on. A prickle of awareness danced along my skin, like I was being watched.

I looked over my shoulder scanning the area, but I didn't see anything. There was no way mother or Taylin could have found us so quickly. My stomach churned with nerves as I realized I wouldn't be able to do anything about looking forward until we broke free of Mother. It was time for me to realize that this wouldn't end until they had both been taken care of. It was then that I finally realized I would have to kill my mother, and possibly Taylin. I didn't know if I had it in me.