27. Ryder

The beautiful blonde, voluptuous, mouthwatering woman was my mate. When I first laid eyes on her, I wanted to grab her and take her to a room, and mark her as mine with my teeth and my cock. She looked afraid for just a moment that sent a thrill to my cock, until she realized who we were.

Mate. Mine. Forever. Home. Peace.

But she wasn't any of those, she was my own personal hell sent by fate to rub salt in my wound after losing the woman I loved.

My heart shattered when I realized my actions, the comfort I sought from this woman and how quickly I had forgotten about Serena. My feelings had been in a constant war with themselves and my wolf. The logical part of me knew that I should accept my mate, the woman I was made for, like she was made for me. My emotions said my only love would be Serena and no one would come close to how amazing, selfless and perfect she was. It was a disgrace to her memory if I even thought of another woman.

I was failing terribly because she invaded my every thought. I wanted, no, needed her, with my every breath. Every fiber of me demanded I go to her tell her I was an asshole, but even thinking that made me queasy. How could I possibly move on so quickly from Serena and in doing so, feel like I was forgetting her?

I didn't want to forget her, especially after her sacrifice. She had been a lot of my firsts and I had hoped she would be all my lasts.

My throat closed with all the emotions I was trying to keep at bay. All I wanted was to leave this place, mourn in peace and hope one day I could breathe again without it hurting or feeling like I had failed.

My wolf craved to go to her, and to appease both him and I, we sat down underneath the workroom window listening to our mate as they figured out how to get out of this magical barrier.

Her voice soothed us, but it made the war in my head harder to deal with. I knew the bond was going to be hard to ignore, I could feel it taking root in my soul, desperately seeking her out. The longer I was with her, the harder it would be to leave her, the bigger the heartache.

I took a deep breath, taking in her scent, committing it to memory.

Mate.

Annoyed with my wolf, I almost threatened to leave, but I didn't know if I would be able to wretch myself away from her now. So, I stayed quiet, wishing for his silence and his cooperation. I knew asking for the last part was a stretch, but it didn"t hurt to send a prayer to whoever was listening for a chance to keep my wolf from shifting and mating with her.

Soren, Gray and our mate worked well into the night. I expected them to give up, but they worked on, spell after spell until they had three possibilities. When I heard them walking down the stairs, I stood up only to feel my body stiffen from staying in the same position for too long. I kept myself out of sight off to the side of the tower. It gave me a good view of the door and where they would try out their spells.

My stomach grumbled, angry that I missed lunch and dinner. I was glued to the spot under the window and going inside to eat put me too close to her. The door opened as a new rush of her scent enveloped me. My longing increased along with my wolf's need for her, making me shake from trying to keep myself from rushing to her to complete the bond.

"Don't worry, Sunshine," Gray said calmly, but I heard the slight edge to his voice. "It"s going to work."

Soren looked over his shoulder right at me. I wanted to be mad at him, but he was only doing what a mate was supposed to do. He called me out on my shit, and I pushed back, even though I knew calling her anything but perfect was an insult.

I nodded, hoping he knew I was sorry, but his expression made me even more worried. He didn't think anything was going to work. Pursing my lips, I ran my hand through my long hair that was in desperate need of being cut.

As much as I didn't want to bring her with us, I couldn't be the asshole to my best friends. They never imagined finding their mate and I couldn't… I wouldn't be the person who kept them away from their mate.

My mind instantly went through all our contacts and who could help us. The most powerful witches were either Belladonnas, Lindsey or Addie. Usually, I kept my dealings secret, but for this, I would need to tell someone the entire truth or keep it as close to the truth without spilling her identity.

Serena would have been able to give me clarity. Shit. My sadness overwhelmed me, my knees buckled as I fell to the hard ground. My body shook, my grief had grabbed ahold of me and it wasn"t letting go this time.

I didn't know I was crying until small hands cupped my face. My vision was blurred so I couldn't see her beautiful face, but the smell told me it was my mate.

"She will always be a part of you. I will never replace her, nor do I want to," she said softly. "She made you the man you are today, and her memory should never be forgotten. I wished to have met her as well."

My mate kissed my cheek ever so softly. She lingered longer than she should have, breathing deeply like she couldn't get enough of my scent. I clenched my hands to keep myself from bringing her closer.

"I'm sorry you lost her," she whispered, removing her hands from me.

The loss of her hands almost drove me to lunge at her, throw her over my shoulder to show her who she really belonged to. Her footsteps tapped away from me until they were faint, leaving me alone again. My body sagged from the tension I had been holding onto as tears continued to fall.

"It's ok to mourn her."

I growled when I looked up to see Gray sitting on a rock.

"Sorry, I thought you knew I was here."

My eyes closed, trying to pull myself together.

"I… I…" The words lodged in my throat.

"I know," he said, walking up to me, brushing up against my arm before giving me space. It was an act of comfort I desperately needed. "I can't imagine what you are going through. I know you loved her like a mate and thought that she was your endgame."

I waited for the "buts" that I knew was going to come, but it didn't.

"I know seeing Oria or being near her is hard for you, and I'm sorry you found your mate like this," he said, sitting in front of me. "Are you ok?"

No, I was not ok, I was in agony. My own personal hell but telling him that felt wrong because I was talking about his mate too.

"Sorry, that was a dumb question," he mumbled. "I know you're struggling, I can feel it and see it, but just because she is my mate, doesn't mean you can't talk to me."

I clenched my jaw, desperate to say something. The silence was unbearable, we had never had anything come between us, we talked about everything.

She was changing everything.

Gray sighed. "I know you're hurting, but I'll always be your friend."

We stared at each other before he stood up and walked away.

"I hope she makes you happy and I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I'm happy you found her," I whispered, knowing he could hear me.

"You could be happy too," he said with a sad smile, walking away.

I sighed, wanting nothing more than to be happy. My wolf was getting restless, so I shifted, running around the perimeter before running into the waterfall. I shifted under the water hoping to wash away my heartache.

When my hunger was too much to ignore, I got out of the water shaking off the excess and walked to the tower. The door was left open with a towel hanging off the knob.

It smelled like her as I wiped my face dry, taking a deep breath. The ache in my gut grew exponentially as my cock got hard. Trying to distract myself, I threw on some sweats that were left for me, shaking off my desire.

Food; I needed food. I shook my head trying to dispel the carnal need I had to be buried deep inside of her. Trudging up the stairs, I took some breaths through my mouth to stop her delicious scent from invading my desires and needs.

The kitchen was empty, thankfully. I expected to see one of the twins or all of them down here. I took the small win until I noticed two plates of food on the stove with a small piece of paper with my name on it, in elegant cursive.

I was fucked if I thought her handwriting was perfect just like her. My abdomen fluttered with nerves that she thought of me even though I had been an ass. She left food for me, and my mind be damned. I was helpless against this woman.

Taking the plates to the barstool, I sat my ass down to eat. It was fucking delicious. My wolf was content eating food she had left for us, he was biding his time for now. He was confident that I would lose the battle with the bond.

Once I finished my food, I sat at the island, full and content. That"s when the first moan reached my ears. It was so soft I didn't know if I imagined it, or I was so horny I was starting to hear things. This time the moan was louder, and the sound went straight to my cock. Pleasure steamrolled through me and the urge to thrust my hips into nothing should have brought me shame, if I hadn't been overridden with lust.

The sound of the bed hitting the wall filled my mind with images of fucking her from behind as I brought her to pleasure she would never forget. Subconsciously, I ran my hand over my cock, needing a release. Another moan echoed, louder and more wanton.

One time. I would stroke myself to her and those needy moans that were driving me crazy. I quickly put the dishes in the sink, walked to the sofa, ready to allow myself pleasure when I remembered Serena.

"I love that you always want me, that you're so needy for me. It's like you can't get enough of me."

My nostrils flared, my jaw clenched, and I was ready to jump out of the window to escape the louder moans I was about to jerk myself to.

Meow!

I looked over to find that grumpy cat looking pissed off, growling as he came down the stairs. The pounding on the wall and her moans grew louder, sending my body into a weird state of grief and arousal.

I snarled, my wolf was getting angry with me. The stairs would take me too long to leave, I opened the window to get ready to jump out when the cat meowed loudly again. Glancing back at the cat, he was by the stairs and for a moment I swear I could feel his disapproval.

I grumbled as I hopped off the ledge and followed him down the stairs. Once we reached the door, he weaved in between my legs, meowing loudly and then followed me out. It was a gorgeous night, it wasn't hot or cold but goddess, I missed my bed, my home and everything before this nightmare. I walked to the rock I slept on last night, and the furball followed me.

The rock was shaped perfectly like one of those chairs by the pool. Laying down on it left me feeling sore, but it was better than sleeping on the ground with the bugs and ants. Sitting down I grabbed the moss I used for a pillow, putting it under my head when the cat jumped onto my lap. He meowed, walking around my lap until he settled, like I was his own personal bed.

Immediately I wanted to push him off, but there was something about this cat that brought me comfort. He was someone I just bonded with over hearing something I definitely shouldn"t have. I'm sure hearing his owner have sex wasn't on the list of things he ever wanted to hear either.

I resisted the urge to pet him until I couldn't take it anymore. I ran my hand over the top of his head and was quickly rewarded with purring. Befriending the cat seemed like the best thing that has happened lately because dealing with what I had just lost and what I had gained was tearing me apart.

At least I wasn't alone.