18. Ash

CHAPTER 18

ASH

Over the next few weeks, the only time I popped back to my own place was when I needed more clothes. I slept at Jay's and even stayed in his house while he went to work.

He'd given me a key so that I could sleep in when he had an early day at the studio. And when I tried to return it afterwards, he'd told me to keep it. We never really talked about what that meant for our relationship or if we were moving too fast, but I'd stayed at his place every night since and it seemed he wouldn't have it any other way as well.

The only thing I'd missed about my condo was the home gym I'd built over the years, but that was simply remedied with a membership at a gym a five-minute walk away from his place.

It was easy to settle into his apartment, and despite him only having lived here for a few months, the place felt homier than my condo, especially after we'd unpacked all the boxes. His place was now filled with memories of his life and felt lived in . That was probably a big reason Jay's felt a lot homier than mine, considering I was away from my condo for most of the year.

It was a late morning today. We were both lazing around in bed, playing on our phones. Jay had half his body propped on top of me. I had one hand wrapped around his waist, my fingers randomly kneading his middle while I scrolled on my phone with my free hand.

We were both doing our own thing, but I loved how connected we still were. Every so often, Jay would share a funny meme with me or we'd watch an interesting short video together before going back to our own thing.

This was so different from all the other relationships I'd had, albeit my previous relationships had never felt as serious as this. Whenever I hung out with my dates in the past, it had always felt like I always needed to be on and doing something . I didn't have to be like that with Jay.

While scrolling on social media, a post caught my eye. The post was from someone by the name of Lucas Ortiz, looking for volunteers for a youth football event happening tomorrow.

It took me a while for me to remember who this person was, since he wasn't someone I had regular contact with. He was a member of our cheer squad—a base, if I'd remembered correctly. We'd added each other online during one of the team events a few years ago.

His post from a week ago stated he was looking for volunteer coaches for a charity called Queering Sports. I looked up the charity and found that they had many events throughout the year to help queer youth who were interested in cheer and sports. The event that was happening tomorrow was focused on queer teens who loved football, and Lucas's post was hoping to find some more volunteer coaches.

Although the sport was much more accepting these days, I imagined it still wasn't easy being a queer athlete, especially as a teen. Kids were brutal, always looking for something and somebody to pick on, and being an out queer kid was an easy target. I had admiration for these kids for charging forward with what they loved while being true to themselves, regardless of what obstacles they might face.

My hand that was on Jay must have stopped, because he suddenly scooted closer to my face to peer at my phone. "What's up? I felt you tense up."

I showed him the post and said how cool it would be if I was part of something like that, helping kids who were a part of the rainbow, like I was, to enjoy a sport that I loved.

Coaching had never crossed my mind, but I'd heard Howie blab countless times about how fulfilling his job was and how much pride he felt every time one of his kids scored a goal or perfectly ran through a play .

Jay listened intently, then said plainly, "You should sign up for tomorrow's event."

"The post's old, so they're probably not looking for any last-minute volunteers," I said with a shrug. I wished I'd seen the post sooner, but social media was sometimesfinicky about showing things on time. I bookmarked the charity to keep an eye out for future events I might be able to take part in.

Jay put a hand on my phone when I was about to scroll away and said, "Hey, you won't know until you try. You should message this Lucas person."

He made it sound so easy. I thought about it, then realized it was just that easy. I didn't know why I was overthinking it. It never hurt to ask if they were still accepting volunteers, so I sent Lucas a private message.

He replied not long later, excited that I was interested and told me that of course I could join. He sent me the relevant information and the time and place of the event.

Jay lay his head on my shoulder, read the last message, then looked up at me with a grin. "See, what'd I tell you?"

"I'm glad I let you talk me into it." I tugged him into my arms and flipped us so he was under me. He laughed at my actions. "I guess I'm really doing it," I said, this time feeling a whole lot less confident about this.

Jay's eyes softened as he lifted himself up to plop a sweet kiss on my chin. "You're gonna be great with those kids. "

I hoped his words rang true, especially so when the next morning came and I was standing in front of a large group of teens as the event planner introduced them to us.

The only kid I'd really been around was my younger sister, and she was only five years younger than me. So it was very unnerving to be around this many kids, especially when it felt like they all had their eyes on me.

Thankfully, I wasn't the only coach volunteering today. There were four of us in total; three men and one woman. I was the only pro athlete at this particular event, but the others told me how there were a few NFL players who came whenever they got the chance to.

Some parents also stuck around to watch. I could feel their eyes on me. I knew they recognized me as some had come up to chat for a bit before the event had started. They tried to act casual, but the curious looks my way told me they were wondering if I was part of the rainbow. The unspoken question lingered in the air.

Fortunately, nobody came up to ask directly. Maybe they thought I was just being a good teammate and ally since the Troopers had a couple members who were already out.

They split the kids into offense and defense positions. Naturally, I was assigned to an offensive team. At first, I silently watched the kids play for a bit, unsure of what I was actually supposed to do. And maybe it was all those years of studying tapes and strategizing on how to improve our play, but I was easily able to see each kid's weakness.

I called a boy who'd just made a tackle and gave him pointers on how to improve his form. He nodded attentively, his eyes bright with interest as he listened to my words.

When he returned to the field and attempted another tackle, this time his eyes focused on his target, his shoulders down and back but parallel and his feet shoulder length apart. He didn't hesitate as he shot forward and landed the tackle perfectly, if I said so myself.

I understood what Howie meant about how he felt whenever one of his kids succeeded, because when this kid looked over with a huge grin toward me, I could feel myself swell with so much pride.

The rest of the morning flew by on the field. My confidence grew as I watched the kids make adjustments I'd recommended to them. They were improving by the hour. I could see the sheer talent some of them possessed and was excited to see how far they'd go in the future.

The event ended all too soon. The kids looked disappointed as they said their goodbyes, and I found myself feeling the same. The morning had really flown by. Parents came by to pick up their kids. Some had asked for an autograph, but most appreciated the fact that I did my best to coach their kids rather than my status as an NFL player, which was honestly very refreshing.

I realized that I had liked coaching a lot more than I'd expected, so before I left, I got connected with today's organizers and inquired about getting more involved during my vacation.

I didn't have much going on this off-season besides seeing my family, my usual workouts, and now spending time with Jay when he wasn't working, so I had plenty of spare time.

They were ecstatic to see me interested in their cause and added me to the group chat they had. They were planning on having the football event every two weeks until summer—provided there was enough interest and volunteers.

The excitement was still brimming as I left the area. My body was moving on instinct while I was lost in thought, and before I'd realized it, I was already a few minutes away from Jay's studio.

He was the first person I wanted to share my experience with. Today wouldn't have happened if he hadn't pushed me yesterday. The other day, Jay said he wished he was able to help me more, like I'd been doing for him. But what he didn't know was that he already was.

Everyone had their own doubts, but the steadfast way he moved forward, building the future that he wanted, inspired me. I still had the same doubts swirling in my head, but being by his side, bathing in his optimism and trust in me, I knew everything would work out.

When I walked through the studio door, Jay was standing behind the reception desk. He looked up and flashed a heart-stopping smile when he saw me .

"Welcome back," he said.

I quickly rounded the counter and wrapped my body around his. He laughed and patted my back like he could sense I needed that comfort. I breathed in his scent. It was warm and filled me with a sense of belonging. I was home.

"Yeah, I'm back."