Chapter 8

I was in way over my head.

This whole shopping thing was beyond me. The shoe store last week had been different. It was smaller, and at that time of day, there hadn't been many customers.

Today's expedition was an education. Not necessarily in a good way.

For one, stores were loud. The music playing was nothing like my preferred classical. It was jumpy and discordant, clashing notes and instruments that were as frenetic as the people rushing from aisle to aisle, or even worse, dawdling and holding up progress, usually while they did something on their phone.

That was not Maddie, however, because she'd relinquished possession of her phone to my son, who gripped it tightly but hadn't looked at it since we were in the store. We were currently in a HomeGoods store that brought to life vivid memories of my mother's home brand. I kept scanning for her neutral logo of a house and swing in the yard, but I hadn't seen it anywhere yet.

A good sign, as far as I was concerned.

"Hey, hold onto me."

For a second, I thought Maddie was talking to me. My gaze veered to her, and I noted she had a hold on Owen, who was walking along beside her, his hand tightly grasped in hers.

I wasn't jealous of my three-year-old son. Surely not.

"We're just here for a toaster for your waffles," she reminded him when he started to drift toward a toy display. But then she led him over to the toys just the same.

I followed, feeling like a third-wheel. "I can leave you my card and just wait in the car," I began until she shot me a killer look out of her narrowed blue eyes.

"Don't you want to help pick out your toaster?"

"No."

"Well, you're going to." Her tone suggested I'd better not try to argue that point, no matter how tempted I was. "Go get a cart," she added as Owen went straight to a display of stuffed zoo animals and snatched a giraffe with a long, floppy neck from the middle of the pyramid.

I obliged her, walking away as they giggled over something to do with the giraffe. The sound was so pleasant I didn't rush my steps.

Owen didn't laugh—or even talk—nearly enough. Or he hadn't, before Maddie.

I had a feeling Maddie was going to change things for both of us. Even if I tried my hardest to resist her strawberry scent.

It had to be shampoo. Surely that wasn't a perfume.

I was still pondering it as I wheeled the cart back to the toy display, despite getting lost not once but twice. Along with the store being loud, it seemed as if its aisles were endless. Crammed with shopping couples and families, everyone chatting and laughing as if they were all having the time of their lives.

And I couldn't find Maddie and Owen.

Speeding up, I strode down one aisle to the next, swerving around knots of people, my gaze shooting right to left in wild swings. It wasn't as if they'd been kidnapped. Surely they were around here somewhere. They hadn't sent me on a meaningless errand so they could escape undetected.

Once, my parents had done similar, but this was a different situation. They hadn't deliberately sent me off to find something so they could slip out the door and leave me to my own devices to find them—or not.

My parents had taken Sydney with them in her stroller since she was the baby. She couldn't be left alone.

I always could be.

Eventually, they'd just sent me off to boarding school so they didn't have to bother with me at all.

"Jude?" Maddie's soft voice came from a nearby aisle.

She wasn't trying to leave me in the dust. She was looking for me.

Feeling foolish, I headed toward her voice, dodging and weaving around customers with my wobbly green cart. Two rows over, there she was at the head of the aisle, Owen on her hip while he stroked the giraffe's ears.

"There you are," Maddie said expectantly. "We couldn't find you. Did you get a toaster—" With a glance at my empty cart, she broke off. "Never mind. We can pick out one together."

Together. Imagine that.

She led me a couple rows over to the kitchen items aisle, and Owen seemed as if he couldn't decide whether he wanted to nuzzle his new giraffe or play with Maddie's hair.

Or look at the many items crowding the shelves with no apparent rhyme or reason.

"Oh! Look at this one." Maddie rushed to a bright yellow toaster with what appeared to be a large red rooster sketched on the side. "Isn't this cute? Even the lever is a rooster." She pulled it down and a second later, a boisterous cockle-doodle-doo erupted as the lever popped up again.

She giggled, clapping a hand over her mouth.

"Don't," I said in undertone, reaching up to remove her hand. "Don't stifle yourself."

Her gorgeous eyes zeroed in on me, and for a second, we might as well have been alone in the crowded boisterous store. Two near strangers locked in an eyefucking match above a ridiculous toaster that I now had to have, no matter what.

"Toast." Owen reached over to push down the lever as Maddie had just done.

"I love it." Almost unconsciously, she brushed a kiss over his temple. "What do you think, Owen?"

"Toast," he repeated delightedly as the rooster crowed again, popping up sans toast.

"Guess this is the one." I pulled out the plug from the outlet and scooped up the very model they'd played with rather than one still in its box. Carefully, I set it in the basket of the cart. "What's next?"

"Toast," Owen said again, reaching once more for the lever. But now that I'd unplugged it, of course it didn't work and his big eyes filled. "Toast," he said pitifully.

"We'll go get some bread. And waffles. And hot dogs and rocket pops. Right, Dad?" Maddie prompted.

"We will. Which store do we find all that in?" I looked around, magically hoping it would appear in the very one we were in. But of course, it didn't.

"There's a Food Lion right in this plaza," she said to Owen with his now wobbly chin that suggested tears were near.

"Food Lion?" I echoed dubiously, rushing to keep up with her as she hurried to the checkout line.

That wrapped around half the store.

"Food Lion. It's the best. They have everything we could want."

My mind—and the rest of me—was definitely centered on wants, but not of the food variety.

While we waited in line, Owen leaned over to grab a blanket someone had ditched on a random shelf. He immediately buried his face in it and crooned, "Soft."

"Oh, we can get you one of these. This brand has the nicest stuff."

My hearing fuzzed out as I focused on the telltale neutral logo I'd recognize anywhere. No way. Absolutely not.

"This is one someone discarded. Let's find another one." My head spun as I pushed the cart out of the line, blindly moving through the store to the bedroom section. "Here, Owen, how's this one?" Mindlessly, I grabbed the first fuzzy blanket I saw on a shelf, turning to show Owen,

Who was nowhere in sight.

A little ways away, Maddie and Owen were looking through a section of lamps, spinning carousel-type lights that I think threw color and images on the wall. Some kind of fancy mobiles, maybe? I'd never seen anything like them before.

Maybe I'd received a blanket reprieve.

"Find something?" I asked in my cheeriest voice, enthused because I knew A Home You Love didn't make lamps. Or at least they hadn't in the past.

"I haven't seen your room yet, Owen, but do you have something cool like this?"

To me, the spinning lit up arrangement of bears and giraffes and other animals bobbing up and down on brightly colored carousel horses was jarring, but Owen seemed intrigued. Maddie pushed a button and circus type music started to play, making Owen clap his hands though he soon silenced the impulse just as Maddie had done with her laughter.

Was it me? Did my very presence somehow make people think they had to suppress themselves?

"Don't," I said again, reaching out to touch his hand. He looked at me with surprise, even shock. "Do you want the carousel?"

"He does," Maddie announced. "It's so cool. We'll go set it up in your room as soon as we buy some food."

Owen smiled tentatively, reaching out to hold the unwieldy carousel after Maddie transferred his stuffed giraffe to my cart. She did as I'd done with the toaster, unplugging the floor model rather than taking one neatly boxed on a lower shelf.

"Anything else?" Maddie asked him, not trying to take the carousel from him although she seemed to be struggling to hold onto him and the carousel. But it was clear he had no intention of letting go. Her attention landed on the throw in my arms as if she'd forgotten what I'd gotten out of line to find. "Blanket?"

"Too hot." Owen shook his head at what I held. If he couldn't get a fuzzy A Home to Love one someone had discarded, he wasn't interested.

"Yeah. But what about the one in the line you liked?" Maddie asked. "I didn't see the tag."

"No." There was no keeping the sharpness out of my tone and she cut her gaze to me. "He's right. It's summer. Too hot for a blanket."

"The one he liked wasn't a blanket." She hiked him up higher on her hip. "It was a throw. You know, like for movie nights with popcorn and some funny flick. Family time. Or hey, maybe for Spider-Man."

I frowned, feeling as if I'd been dropped down on a strange planet. "People do that stuff?"

"You've never watched a movie with your family?"

I started to ask what family then just said nothing.

She pursed her lips and then she sidestepped around me to go to the section I'd just found the blanket in. A moment later, she turned, apparently not bothered by the fact Owen had grabbed a hank of her long wavy hair and was now aiming it toward his mouth. She now held a magenta throw with a unicorn on it with streaming rainbow hair and tap shoes.

Tap shoes?

Owen took one look at it and dropped Maddie's hair to grab the throw. Nearly losing his hold on the carousel lights in the process.

I rushed in to save his other prize as he again buried his face in the throw, giggling.

"Is that the one then?" Relief saturated my voice. Again, not my mother's brand, so it was perfect. Even if I had no clue what he needed it for.

Didn't matter.

"Yes. For movie night," Maddie said definitively. "Do you want to hold that or the lights?"

Owen shrugged, but he obviously couldn't carry everything so I put it in the cart next to the toaster.

And he started screaming.

Crying was too tame a word for the sounds that emerged from his mouth.

"Give him back his carousel," Maddie said in a soothing voice, bouncing him on her hip as if he was a baby. Instantly, he quieted, wrapping both arms around the carousel lights once I returned it to him.

On the way back to the checkout area, Maddie chattered brightly, asking my son if he'd seen a selection of movies while I brought up the rear, still pushing the cart. Like me, he'd seen nothing. But since she was asking about what I assumed were kids' shows from the names, that wasn't too surprising.

Not that I'd seen any recent adult movies, either. It had been so long since I'd watched a movie or taken time to relax, I truly didn't know the last one I'd seen.

Who had time for stuff like that? I'd just recently moved across the country, for God's sake.

Shopping at this store evidently completed, we finally rejoined the line. It took the better part of half an hour to pay for our items, but then she suggested we walk down to the Food Lion since it wasn't far. Owen still carried his throw, but he'd consented to bagging up the carousel. And luckily, our bags weren't heavy so I left behind the cart.

To sweeten the deal, she set Owen down on his feet and he grabbed for her hand, leaving her other hand free for me.

Yes, I took it. Shamelessly.

She narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth to say something before thinking better of it and returning her attention to my son. Yet again, she started asking him about movies and kids' TV shows and all manner of entertainment things I knew absolutely nothing about. Then she landed on cartoons, which I figured out just from the silly names.

"We need to watch Bubble Guppies," she declared, tossing me a look as if to daring me to argue.

"Bubble Guppies?" Owen repeated. "What's that?"

He'd asked what I wasn't brave enough to. Maybe she'd forget about it if we just moved on.

"Oh, it's the cutest show. It's good for all ages of kids. I mean, not like over 11 or so probably, but Care Bear still watches it at ten. She loves it. I'd never seen it until she came over one day and asked my Mom to put it on. I love it too."

"A children's cartoon?" I asked dubiously. "You really enjoy it?"

"Oh, absolutely. It's so much fun." She squeezed my hand in encouragement. "You should watch it with us. Right, Owen?"

He clung to her arm with one hand and his fuzzy unicorn throw with the other, peering around her to look at me as if he wasn't sure what I was still doing there.

I wasn't sure, either.

Or no, he was looking at our clasped hands. Maybe he didn't want to share Maddie with his boring old dad.

Surprising me, she shifted my hold on her hand until she was grasping my arm just as Owen had done with her. I didn't mind that either, especially since the altered position made her curve her body into mine. Her curves were modest, but somehow just perfect.

Just like the rest of her.

She snuggled into me as she continued talking about this Bubble thing, occasionally glancing up at me as we walked as if she was making sure I was still following the conversation.

Little did she know I was riveted. Not by the cartoon, but by listening to her talk, occasionally pausing to giggle over the antics of some character or another. And to swipe her tongue over her lips in a casual way that affected me not casually at all.

I just liked hearing her talk, just as my son seemed to.

"So, you'll watch with us when we go home?"

"Huh?"

"Watch with us, silly." She poked my belly as I'd seen her do with my son and my inconvenient erection picked that time to rear against my trousers. Her gaze dipped momentarily and then her playful grin turned wicked. "Maybe Owen will share his new throw with us. What do you think?" She shifted to look at my son while my mind whirled with salacious images that weren't appropriate for children.

Surely she hadn't meant what it had seemed like. She hadn't been suggesting we could cozy up beneath his new fuzzy blanket and…not watch the cartoon at all.

I pondered that possibility for a moment or two until I noticed Owen had a new preoccupation—the old-fashioned claw toy machine outside of Food Lion.

Which we were now stopped in front of. Dammit.

No more strolling about together while Maddie put strangely arousing pictures in my head that had absolutely nothing to do with cartoon g uppies of all things.

And I hadn't ever answered her.

"I'll watch with you," I said suddenly while she hoisted him up on her hip again.

"I want that one." Owen jabbed his finger at the machine.

"I'll watch with you," I repeated while he continued to point and take up all her attention.

Inwardly, I smothered a sigh. Moment gone.

Maddie continued to discuss with Owen which was the best toy in the machine and then once he'd settled on a large blue fish with purple spots—sea life was apparently the theme of the day—she set him down on the sidewalk, much to his consternation.

I know the feeling, buddy.

"I'm sorry, pal, but I need my hands free to try to grab the fish. Though I kind of suck at this, but what the heck, we'll give it a go, right? Now let's see if I have ones. Actually, let me use my change first." She fumbled out her wallet and dug through it, finally scrounging through her change purse to come up with two quarters.

I didn't know how far that would get her, but she dropped them in the machine and then rolled her shoulders as if she was a boxer limbering up for a fight. "Okay. Don't have much money to play with so let's see if the magic is with me today."

After a large ding accompanied by a series of flashing lights, she started manipulating the joystick-looking thing on the machine to try to get the claw to move toward the large fish my son was jumping and pointing to, as if somehow she'd missed the one he wanted. She caught her tongue between her teeth and gave it her best effort, seeming to almost break a sweat from her efforts.

She did not get the fish. Owen looked crestfallen.

"Let me try."

She slid me a sidelong look. "Are you good at this?"

"I've never tried."

Her big blue eyes popped wide. "Never? Not even when you were a kid?" Then she firmly tucked her tongue in her cheek. "You were a kid once, right? Back in the Stone Age?"

"Haha. Funny. Shove over, smart ass."

She moved to the other side, ruffling Owen's hair as he gripped her thigh and peered up at me as if he didn't trust me to accomplish this thing for him. He wasn't the only one.

I didn't trust me to get it done, either.

Naturally, I had no coins and no dollars, either, so Maddie fed a dollar into the machine and then stepped back to give me room to work. How much I'd need to make a metal claw fish out a toy, I didn't know.

But I rolled my shoulders as she'd done and went to work as soon as the flashing lights and noises began. I tried my best, but I couldn't even get the damn claw to move at first.

When the noises stopped with a sad little horn sound, I prepared to admit defeat until Maddie's soft, encouraging voice had me going again. "Keep trying. You almost had it."

I certainly had not almost had it, but I appreciated her faith in me.

Stepping back into position, I grabbed that claw and prepared to win my son that goddamned fish that had somehow become my brightly-colored nemesis.

The moment the noises and lights began, I attacked. I didn't feel as if I had any rhythm, but I worked that joystick as if it was my solitary goal on earth. This time, when the machine stopped flashing, a trumpet went off as the fish shot out of the slot with such force I almost dropped it. But giving it to Owen while he grinned hugely felt like a freaking victory.

Finally, I'd made my son happy. I'd done something right, as small and meaningless as it was.

"You did it. See, I knew you could. You went at that thing like a dang lion." She ruffled Owen's hair again as he clutched the fish to his face and smiled up at me as if I'd gotten the most incredible thing in the world for him. "Oh, hey, those lights going off remind me of fireworks, Owen, like we will see soon." She nudged my son. "Isn't your daddy talented, getting you that fish?"

Our gazes connected as he cradled the fish to his neck and giggled. Somehow what seemed like genuine pride beamed from Maddie's gorgeous eyes. I wanted to fall into them and never leave.

"Beginner's luck," I said lightly, barely managing to speak over the constriction in my throat.

"Not even. You attacked it." Her soft praise had me leaning toward her again, even with Owen between us.

She was addictive. Intoxicating.

And I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to resist her.