Chapter 6

I had no clue what the hell was happening.

Or what I was doing.

All I knew was that Maddie's soft fingers felt damn good tucked into my palm, as if I was who she trusted to take care of her. To provide everything she needed.

Fat chance, but the thought was still a comfort.

The first thing I did was call the florist. The owner of Brooks' Greenery, Alan, apologized profusely and he told me he'd hold my refund until I had time to go pick it up.

"Does your admin normally help with Owen?" Maddie asked after I'd ended the call.

"No. Not in her job responsibilities."

"But she's willing to help out?"

"Temporarily." It was hard to keep the ice out of my tone. Admitting I needed help on any level ever was akin to losing a finger.

That hadn't been allowed in my home growing up. I didn't want Owen to be raised with the same dysfunction, but I wasn't sure how to move beyond it.

Unless I decided to seek therapy, as my far braver sister had done years ago. Was still doing, in fact. Finding a therapist here she liked as much as the one she had at home had been one of the reasons she'd delayed moving. I had no clue if she'd secured someone yet.

"Until you hire a nanny," Maddie added, fisting her other hand—the one I didn't have in a chokehold—in her lap.

"Until I hire a nanny," I repeated quietly, letting my gaze drift to hers as I rounded the curve of the lake road that would lead us home.

To my home. Not us. Man, maybe I had a fever, not Owen. Or I'd infected him somehow with some virus that was making us all hot. And potentially half-baked.

You've been alone too long. That's all. You're lonely. Just need to get a woman underneath you…

"Do you have any other applicants? I mean, besides me?"

"No."

The truth was, after the last time I'd complained about having no other applicants but Maddie, I hadn't checked again. Because I didn't want anyone else, and that was a damn problem.

I hadn't read about her experience or checked her references.

As for vetting her? Nope.

My dick found her just fine and that kind of behavior was not acceptable when it came to my son. For one, how did I know I could trust her? She seemed to be a well-known member of the community, but I had no clue if she knew anything about dealing with children. She'd certainly seemed to have a natural ease with him when we'd gone shopping, but that could have been an isolated event.

Sure, I was so fucking clueless, literally anyone was an improvement, but I just couldn't take chances with my son. If he ended up harmed somehow, I'd never forgive myself.

And I still hadn't forgiven myself for not knowing he existed for the first three years of his life. If I'd picked my bed partner more carefully, she wouldn't have waited so long to contact me.

Of course, it hadn't been meant to be about anything but letting off steam. We weren't supposed to make a goddamn baby.

Who was now sick with something and did I have an idea what to do? Not one iota.

"I didn't check again," I added into the heavy silence. "Once you applied, that was it."

"It was? Then why didn't you call me? Or check my references? Or…anything?"

"I asked what it would take for you to come home with us, and you weren't interested."

"I didn't even know what that meant. What did that mean?" When I didn't answer, she let out a shuddery breath. "Do you know you're still holding my hand, Jude?"

My name in her soft, hesitant voice undid me. "I know," I bit off, fairly certain I couldn't have released her at that moment if I tried. I was pretty sure my hand was locked in place. "Is it bothering you?"

"No. Just…you don't seem the handholding type." As if she wished she could take back her honest response, she bit down hard on her lower lip.

Little did she know that her honesty was already one of the things I appreciated most about her. So much that I'd offer more of my own.

"I know this may come as a surprise to you, but this parenting thing took me by surprise. I have no idea what I'm doing." I let out a halfhearted laugh that cracked at the end.

No helping that, either, apparently.

"What do you mean? Where's Owen's mom?" Again, she clamped down on her lower lip. "Sorry. I'm probably asking things you have no intention of answering."

"Normally, no, I wouldn't, but you're here helping me, so I owe you the truth." Or I felt like I did, which amounted to the same thing. "I visited the area due to some contacts I have here."

"Okay."

"And then I ended up meeting her and sleeping with her."

"Who? Sydney?"

I released a baffled laugh, realizing she'd so gotten the wrong idea when I'd mentioned Sydney out of frustration a few minutes ago. "Definitely not. Sydney is my sister."

"Oh. And she's coming here too?"

"Yes. Thank God. I couldn't get through this without her." I sucked in air as the muscles in my back spasmed. "Nor it seems without you."

"I'm happy to help. I've had a lot of experience with kids. A lot," she added with a little hitching giggle I found hopelessly charming. Her fingers tightened around mine and her voice softened. "Not mine," she added as if she assumed I'd wonder. Not that she was old enough for children, but you just never knew, especially in a town like the Cove. "Three of my older brothers have kids. You met Christian already, and he has two. One of my other brothers is halfway to a soccer team stocked with his own players, though I suspect Christian and Honey will be giving that a go too. They're getting married soon."

"Hmm."

"You're doing that eyebrow thing," she teased, rubbing her finger along my palm as if she wanted me to know she was being playful, not critical.

My stiffening cock definitely had no issue on that score. Just that amused lilt in her tone and her sparkling blue eyes as the sun slanted through the window had me wanting to lean toward her. Never mind her long reddish-gold hair, curling against her neck and over her shoulders, glinting in the light.

"You're fucking beautiful," I gritted out as I took the last turn that would lead to my property.

"Thank you?"

"It's not a line, and it's sterling truth, so lose the question mark at the end. You have to know you're beautiful."

She said nothing. So, maybe she didn't? What clueless, inept men had she dated thus far if she truly didn't know she was gorgeous?

Probably ones like that frat guy she'd been flirting with when I arrived. Or like James at the shoe store. Both of them looked as if they'd never struggled for a single thing in their lives and were used to everything going their way. Being easy. Both of them had acted as if they assumed the same when it came to Maddie.

When to me, being worthy of a sweet, empathetic woman like her seemed akin to scaling Mt. Everest.

She pursed her lips and shifted her fingers until they inched higher on the underside of my wrist. Almost as if she was…exploring. Testing my limits.

Problem was they were incredibly flimsy, especially right now when my mind was consumed with worry for my son.

Maybe that was exactly her point. She wanted to give me something else to focus on.

Holy shit, was it working, though Owen was paramount. No matter what.

Moments later, we reached my home and I leaned out the driver's window to command the gates to open with my voice. Beside me, I could feel her goggling at my house and property. Heading up the long, sweeping drive and parking in my four-car garage beside my all-terrain vehicle and my convertible sports car didn't make her stop, either.

Some part of me liked impressing her, even as I knew ultimately, it didn't matter nearly as much as her assisting with my son. But if she was awed a little bit, maybe she'd stick around.

Right. Though she hadn't even wanted to come home with us at first.

Because she had no clue what kind of offer you were making.

Truthfully, I hadn't known what I was doing then, either. Just that I wanted her to stay with us, whatever it took. She'd made him laugh, and she'd helped us.

Now she was here somehow, and Owen was sick, so all bets were off. Whatever it took to make sure my son was in the best hands possible. References checked or not.

Clearly, I was following my instincts on this one. And my instincts had served me damn well, as proven by my business with my partners and my showpiece of a house.

"This place is…wow. I mean, I've known of it for years but up close, it's…wow. And all these cars too? You live alone, right? You're single? So, who drives all of this?" She gave my hand a squeeze before she started to open her door with the other.

Rather than answer her questions, I took a breath.

"Wait," I commanded, reluctantly releasing her hand before I turned off the engine. Then I got out to come around to her side of the car to open her door.

She frowned, staring up at me. "Really?"

"Really," I echoed. "Don't the men in your life open your car doors?" When she said nothing, I added tersely, "They should or they shouldn't be in your life."

"The only men in my life are my brothers and my dad. I don't… I just don't."

"Don't what?" I urged her out of the car with a tug on her hand. "Don't date?"

"No, of course I date, just it's been a bit." When I didn't release her hand again, she released a baffled laugh. "Still doing this?"

"I like keeping my hands on you. If you don't like me doing this, you should've stopped me from the first." I shifted closer, well aware my lips were entirely too close to her forehead as my quick breaths fluttered her hair.

"No, no, I don't mind—Jude, what is all this? Are you looking for a nanny or what?"

"Yes, I need a nanny, desperately." I gripped her hand again as I tugged her to the steps that led up to the passthrough into the house. "Which we can discuss at a later time after Owen."

"After Owen," she agreed, surprising me with her rapid acquiescence as she hurried ahead of me up the stairs.

When she paused in front of the door, glancing back at me without trying to disentangle our fingers, I smiled. "Good girl. You learn fast."

A visible jolt went through her and I wasn't sure the meaning behind it. Did she not like me saying that to her? Then she stepped backward enough to brush against the front of me, and I was damn well certain she'd felt the evidence of what her easy agreement had done to me.

A low groan nearly left me but somehow I kept it together enough to reach around her to key in my private code before the lock snicked open, the light turning green.

"I could've seen that, you know," she said lightly, not moving until I nudged her forward into the kitchen.

"You can see anything you want to," I tossed back, shifting close enough to inhale a potent whiff of her strawberries and cream shampoo.

Or perfume. Or sex enhancement potion. Whatever, I didn't have a clue.

Her innocence was intoxicating. Instead of wanting to preserve it, I wanted to corrupt her. See what she liked. What made her moan…and scream.

What would make her stay here with me until she accepted that what I craved most might be the absolute worst possible thing for her.

I wanted her to be my son's nanny. My gut told me she would be good for him.

Even more than that, I wanted her to be mine.