9. Holden

9

HOLDEN

I’m not sure what I was thinking. Did I really think I could work closely with Cat and not want more? It’s been a week since she and Cole moved in, and Cat and I have spent most days together.

She wasn’t joking when she said she was going to stretch me out before every exercise. Every morning, she massages my arms and legs before taking me through a routine of stretches, and then we run three miles. It’s been a week of pure torture.

And this morning is not any different. “I can do this on my own.”

She seems taken aback by my short attitude, and I instantly want to apologize, but the other part of me hopes she concedes. She’s dressed in leggings and a tank top. Her hair is in a ponytail, and she doesn’t have a hint of makeup on, but she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. There’s no way around it: When she works with me, she’s just too close, and I’m doing my best to keep my distance from her, but it’s getting damn near impossible.

“You know the rules, Holden. Until I think you’re stretching enough on your own, I’m doing it for you. We don’t want another injury.”

Instead of getting up on the table, I rest my hands on it and hang my head between my shoulders. Not another day. “I can’t do this, Catherine.”

She stops next to me, but I don’t look at her. “Well, this sounds serious. Catherine, huh?”

I blink and try to ready myself to look her in the eye. I finally look at her, and I can already feel myself weakening. I can’t let her put her hands on me.

“I’m sorry, Cat. I just mean, I’m an adult. I can stretch myself out.”

“But—” she starts, and I hold my hand up to stop her. “You don’t understand.”

Her hands fidget together in front of her. “Well, explain it to me. We already talked about this, so what's the issue? ”

Looking into her big blue eyes, I want to lean in and kiss her. It’s as simple as that. At every turn, I’m fighting this attraction, and I’m about to lose my shit. I can’t let her touch me one more time. Not without me being able to touch her in return.

“You can’t touch me… Cat.”

It’s not until I say it out loud that I realize how it sounds. Her forehead creases in worry. “Holden, I’m sorry. If I’ve made you uncomfortable, I promise you that was not my intention. I didn’t mean…”

Her face is red from embarrassment, and she turns away from me. “I’m sorry… I didn’t think I was—”

“It’s not you… it’s me,” I tell her honestly, but she’s shaking her head in disbelief.

“No, don’t do that. I made you uncomfortable, and I’m glad you said something… Can you tell me what I did exactly and I guarantee it won’t happen again.”

I blow out a breath in frustration. How do I even begin to explain this to her? If I try, it’s going to make things even more uncomfortable between us, plus I have to keep reminding myself that she has a boyfriend. I climb up on the table and lie down, my face buried into the pillow where at least I can try to hide my moans when the time comes. “Look, just forget I said anything,” I mutter.

She doesn’t move, though. When I look up at her, she has her arms crossed over her chest and looks at me with a forlorn look on her face. “Cat… please… let’s just get this over with.”

Worry is evident on her face, and I feel like a grade A asshole. She takes this job very seriously, and I know I’ve hurt her by insinuating that she’s done something wrong. Fuck me, I can’t do this. “Listen—”

She shakes her head. “Talk to me, Holden. For real. Tell me what’s going on.”

I clench my eyes shut and then shake my head. Fuck it. I sit up on the edge of the bed, my legs hanging off the side. “You can’t touch me… because I’m barely fucking hanging on here. I’ve tried to be respectful, but there’s only so much a man can fuckin’ take. I uh, have a reaction when you touch me… do you get my drift?”

Her eyes are round as she blinks at me. It’s almost as if she’s trying to figure out if I’m being serious with her. She’s speechless, and I feel like a fuckin’ pervert right now. “Look, like I said, it’s my problem. I’ll deal with it, now can we move on please? ”

When she seems like she’s pulled herself together, she juts her chin at me. At least she’s smiling now instead of looking like I kicked her puppy or something. “Okay, so listen. It’s normal… I mean your reaction can be normal. I’m stimulating—”

I groan and drop my head between my shoulders. “Please don’t say that word.”

She clears her throat. “Okay, so I’m touching you—”

I groan again, but she doesn’t stop this time. “And you’re having a reaction to it. It’s fine. We’ll just ignore it. I mean, this is crazy, I’m your physical therapist. I have to touch you, Holden.”

Just kill me now. “I don’t think you understand—”

She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me backwards while hovering over me. She starts on my legs while she continues to talk. “I understand. Your body reacts… you have an erection.”

I bring my arm up and cover my face. Can this get any more embarrassing? I try to tune her out, but as soon as her fingers dig into my thigh, I sit up and shove off the table. “That’s it. I’m going for a run.”

Without waiting for a response, I walk past her, ignoring my half-hard cock, and make my way through the house, out the front door and start running down the road. She thinks this is a normal reaction, but it’s not. This is not just random response; it’s because I like her.

Not until I get a few blocks do I realize that Cat is trailing behind me.

“You’re going to pull something, Holden Gray. This is too fast of a pace.”

It’s only when I hear her huffing and out of breath that I slow down. She matches my pace, and we do the rest of the run without talking. I don’t even look at her out of my peripheral vision. “You need to run with more clothes on, Cat.”

She slows down for a second and then catches up with me. “If you have a problem with the way my body jiggles when I move, then don’t look.”

I give her a heated look, and it’s then she gets it. Hell, I need her to cover her body. It’s not that I have a problem with her body; it’s that I like her body a little too much.

She lifts her eyebrows, and her mouth forms a perfect circle. “Oh.”

I nod and focus on the road in front of me. “Yeah, oh.”

The rest of the run is in silence, and when we get back to my house, we get into our routine. She does needling on my shoulder, and I just close my eyes and let her do it.

When we’re almost done, she fills the silence. “I’m going to be out tonight. But don’t worry, I’m taking Cole to my house.”

I want to ask her where she’s going, but it’s not my right to ask. I’m sure she’s going out with her boyfriend, and just the thought makes me crazy. As far as I know, she hasn’t seen him since she moved in here. Instead of asking her what I want to know, I ask about Cole. “Why are you taking Cole to your house?”

“Well, I don’t expect you to watch him while I’m out.”

My jaw tightens because I hate to even think about her being out with another man. “He’s thirteen. He’s a good kid, and he doesn’t need a sitter.”

She puts her hand over her heart. “Aww, thank you, Holden. He is a good kid, right?”

I nod. I’ve only been around her and Cole for a week, but she’s a great mother. She talks to him, not at him, she helps him with his homework, she is all in with his baseball practices and games, and it’s obvious she loves him. “Yeah, he’s a good kid because you’re a good mom.”

I swear she gets misty-eyed, and I continue. “Let him hang here with me. I’ll invite my family over, and we’ll cook out and do a game in the backyard.”

She bites her lip worriedly. “You know you can’t throw yet, right? We’ll start a throwing plan next month.”

I nod. “I got it. No throwing.” When she’s still hesitant, I rub my hand through my hair. “If you don’t want to leave Cole with me, I—”

She holds her hand up to stop me. “Of course I trust you, Holden. I wouldn’t be here, living in your house, if I didn't.”

After she removes the needles from my skin, I sit up. “All right, well, I’m going out for a few hours. I’ll be back when Cole gets out of school.”

“You don’t have to watch him—”

I cut her off with a look. “I’ll be here, Cat. Have fun with whatever you have going on tonight.”

Before she can respond, I walk away. It’s either that or I’m going to kiss her until she’s breathless and she realizes that Jeremy is not the right man for her. I am.