21. Holden

21

HOLDEN

“Are you sure you don’t want to watch from the dugout with your team? I mean, we’re good here.”

It’s the third time Cat has asked, and it’s clear she’s worried about me. The boys have stuffed themselves full of chili dogs, popcorn, and pretzels with cheese, and they’re now engrossed in the game. Cat has been looking between the field and me the whole time. “I like being here with you guys.”

She gives me a doubtful look but turns back to the game. The truth is, it’s freaked me out a bit on how much I’ve enjoyed being on this side of things. You get a different perspective from up here, and spending time with Cole and Cat has been awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled as much as I do when I’m with them.

I bring my attention back to the game and continue watching. The team has really pulled together for this one, and I take notice when I see Foreman giving instruction from his spot at shortstop. The score is seven to one, and it’s the bottom of the ninth. When Carter clinches the third out, the stadium erupts with excitement. We’re getting that much closer to the playoffs, and every Bears fan knows it. Cole and Brad are going crazy, and Cat is cheering at my side. I’m just smiling, arms crossed over my chest, watching my team celebrate.

Cat bumps me on the shoulder. “Go on. We’re good here. Go celebrate with your team.”

Fuck, she’s worried about me this whole game, and I hate that. I really am okay with being up here with her. Maybe I should miss playing the game more than I do, but the fact I don’t is telling. I resist putting my arm around her. “I’d rather celebrate with you.”

Her cheeks turn a pretty pink, and she gestures to the field below us. “You know you’re going to get back there, right? ”

I give her a nod. “I know I am… with your help.”

Her smile widens, and she shakes her head. “You really are a charmer, Holden Gray.”

I corral the boys, and we make our way through the stadium. A few people have recognized me, but I just pull my hat down and keep my head low until we get out to the parking lot.

The boys are yawning in the backseat and are quieter now than they were on the way here.

Cat calls out to them, “Well boys, what did you think? Did you enjoy the game?”

Brad answers immediately. “It was awesome! The best game ever.”

When Cole doesn’t answer, Cat turns in her seat. “Cole, what about you?”

I catch his gaze in the rearview mirror, and he’s looking at me instead of answering his mom. “It was good.”

Cat scrunches her nose at his lackluster response but doesn’t ask for him to explain. I sit up a little taller in my seat. “What is it, Cole? What are you thinking?”

He hesitates. “I dunno.”

I shake my head. “No way, buddy. You’re thinking of something, you can talk to me. ”

He avoids my gaze by looking out the window. “Well, they did better than last week.”

“But?” I ask, encouraging him to tell me.

“Well… they need you out there, Holden.”

I clench my hands on the steering wheel, but before I can respond, Cole continues. “I mean, of course they play better when you’re out there, but since you’re injured right now, they could use your voice.”

I stop at a red light and turn in my seat. “My voice?”

“Yeah, they need to hear you.”

The light turns green, and I pull out. We’re almost to Brad’s house, and I’m not understanding what Cole is saying about my voice. “What do you mean… my voice?”

He sits higher up in his seat. “Well, I’m thinking when you’re on the field, you talk to your teammates. Sort of how you did tonight. You knew what was going to happen before it happened. If they had shifted like you said on that one play in the sixth inning, they would have got that out. If they’d pulled Carter from pitching when you said, they wouldn’t have had that run.”

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “We don’t know that. ”

“All I’m saying is that if you can’t play… maybe you should coach.”

“Cole Maples… Holden’s going to play again.”

Cole jerks back, and I put a hand on Cat’s arm that is resting on the console. “No, it’s okay.”

Cole is quick to jump in. “I didn’t mean it bad. I know he’s going to play, but I just think he’d be a good coach… I wish he was our coach.”

“Yeah,” Brad chimes in. “Then maybe the coach's kid wouldn’t make five errors a game.”

The boys start talking about their last game, and I focus on the road in front of me. Cat keeps looking at me, and it’s clear she’s worried about how I’m responding to what Cole said.

As soon as we drop the boys off and are back in the car, Cat is the first one to break the silence. “You know that Cole didn’t mean anything by that. You’re going to play, Holden.”

“I know Cole meant it as a compliment, and I know I’m going to play. Want to know what else I know?”

“What?”

I reach for her hand and thread our fingers together. “You worry too much about me. I’m not falling apart. And I one hundred percent believe I’m going to play in the playoffs, but I also know that if I didn’t, I would be okay. At one time, baseball was my whole life.”

“And now?” she asks in barely a whisper.

It’s on the tip of my tongue to confess everything to her. To tell her that I’m getting more and more okay with not playing baseball and settling down. “I dunno, now I can see things from a different perspective. I love baseball, and I’ll always be involved with it in some way, but I’m really thinking this will be my last go around on the field.”

“Hmmm” is all she says, and as I pull into my driveway and turn off the car, I turn to her. “What does ‘hmmm’ mean?”

She opens the door and gets out, and I do the same. I walk around the truck to where she’s at and reach for her hand. She grasps mine, and I pull her to me, asking again, “What does ‘hmmm’ mean?”

She won’t look at me. “I just mean that you shouldn’t make any big decisions right now. Wait until you’re playing again because you might feel differently.”

“But—” I start, and she shakes her head, pressing her hands to my chest.

“Holden,” she says, her voice low and seductive.

I let her name roll off my tongue as I press my hands to her lower back and hold her to me. I’m sure she can feel my hard manhood pressed against her. “Cat.”

She traces her finger in circles on my chest. “Are you going to take me to bed or what?”

I take a deep breath and walk with her to the front porch. We’re both silent as I unlock the front door, turn off the alarm, and reset it.

Hand in hand, we walk to the living room, and I sit down, pulling her onto my lap. She has one arm looped around my neck and the other hand is on my chest. “What are we doing here, Holden?”

She’s searching my eyes, wondering why I brought her to the couch instead of the bedroom, and I want to explain it to her, but I don’t think she’s ready to hear it. She’s convinced this is a fling, and that’s not what I want. When I don’t answer her fast enough, she grips my shoulders. “If you’ve changed your mind, Holden, you just have to tell me.”

“Fuck.” I grunt. “I didn’t change my mind. I just thought we should talk about things first. If I take you into that bedroom, we won’t be doing any talking.”

She stands up and holds her hand out to me. “That’s good because I’m done talking. ”

I stand up, but I just haul her against me. “There’s a few things we need to discuss before I make you mine.”

Her eyes are wide, and her breath comes out in pants. “Okay. Talk.”

I smirk and pull her until our bodies are flush against each other. She fits perfectly in my arms, and I want to talk to her about forever and how I see our relationship going, but she’s not ready for that talk just yet. So I tell her the one thing that I need her to agree to. “As long as we’re doing this, there will be no other men… no Jeremy… no one.”

She lets out a little huff. “I told you I’m not seeing him anymore.”

I run my hand up her shoulder and to the back of her neck. I apply a little pressure, and she moans as she blinks her big eyes at me. “I don’t share, Cat.”

She looks at me stubbornly. “What about you?”

Confused, I ask her, “What about me?”

She grunts. “Right, so you want me to only be sleeping with you… no one else?”

I grit my teeth together because I don’t even want to think about her with someone else. “That’s right.”

“And what? You can just sleep with whoever? ”

She’s jealous. That’s the first thought that hits me, and the second is the fact that I haven’t looked or even thought of another woman since I first laid eyes on Cat. “No, the only person I’ll be making love to is you.”

Her mouth drops. “Oh.”

I bring my hand up to the side of her face and caress her cheek as I push her hair off her face. “Is that okay with you?”

She bites her lip and nods her head. “Yeah, yeah, that’s okay with me.”

As soon as she agrees, I’m on her. I can’t hold back from kissing her another moment. Sitting next to her at the game all night, sneaking looks and touches has driven me crazy, and now that she’s agreed she’s mine, albeit temporarily, there’s nothing stopping me.

I reach for the hem of her shirt and pull it up, parting our lips just so I can get her shirt off.

She reaches for mine and does the same. “My bed,” I mumble against her lips.

She pulls away, panting. “Your bed.”

I pull her through the house and don’t stop until I have her standing next to my bed. I’ve thought about this moment for what feels like forever, and now that it’s here, I don’t want to fuck it up.