1. Holden

1

HOLDEN

I groan loudly into the empty room and then bury my face into the soft pillow. If I ignore the insistent knocking, maybe they’ll go away.

As soon as the knocking ceases, I burrow myself deeper under the covers, drawing them over my head. I shut my eyes tight, hoping to fall back asleep, but my brain won't stop working. All I can think about is the game that’s being played right now, and I’m not there… I won’t even be donning the uniform.

It doesn’t take much for me to imagine the feeling of being in that stadium with thousands of people cheering, and my teammates and I just trying to get a win. There’s no other feeling like it .

Now the team is going to have to do it without me.

I’m debating on getting up and watching the game on television when I hear footsteps coming down the hall. Fuck me, I should have known that one of them would find the key that I gave them to my house. I should've reclaimed them a while back.

“Holden Gray, get your ass out here.”

Growing up, when I would hear King holler my name that way, I would have come running. He may only be two years older than me, but he was like a dad to all of us. You didn’t ignore King when he commanded your attention. However, I know exactly why he's here. He’s going to tell me to get my shit together, and I’m not ready to hear it just yet.

My brothers Dom and Gabe decide to put their two cents in and state the obvious.

“He’s in bed.”

“Damn, this place is a disaster.”

Yeah, I’m in bed, and the place is a disaster. My brothers are a couple of geniuses.

My sister, who is always the peacemaker and the only one that can get away with telling any of us what to do, comes into my room. “All right, guys, leave him be. Go on and get started cleaning up the living room, turn the game on, and Holden will be out in just a minute.”

I don’t even have to see her and I know she’s waving the boys out of the room and looking at me with that pensive, worried look she has. My brothers won’t deny her. Chrissy is the youngest of all of us, and we’ve always looked out for her. But today it seems she’s determined to look out for me. As soon as the others are gone, I can feel the dip on the bed where she sits down. “Bub, it’s okay. It’s a strain, that’s all.”

I would much rather lie here and wallow in my own self-pity, but I can’t just ignore Chrissy. After taking a deep breath, I force myself to unwrap from my cover cocoon and sit up. Stretching my arms out, ignoring the pain on my shoulder, I smile at her. “I’m getting up.”

She measures me with a look, and I hate seeing pity on her face. Chrissy is the only one that can get away with it. She’s biting her lip and looking at me nervously, letting me know something is up. She could never hide things from us. “Spill it. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I looked at your MRI. There’s no tear, Holden. It’s a strain.”

She’s not telling me anything that I don’t already know, but I do appreciate the fact she’s a nurse and trying to reassure me. I stand up and grab my shirt off the back of the chair and pull it over my head. “I know, rotator cuff strain, but my coach still benched me.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and eyes me warily. She knows how I am. Hell, my brothers and I are all stubborn, and poor Chrissy has to deal with it all the time. “The keyword here is strain, Holden. Think about it. You do a few months of physical therapy and then you’ll get back on the field.”

Knock. Knock. My brother Gabe is leaning against the opened door of my room, and he stares between Chrissy and me, swinging his head back and forth. “Hey, what’s going on in here?”

Chrissy huffs and stands up. “We’re just talking, Gabe. If you’re here to give him crap, he doesn't need it.”

I watch as Gabe and Chrissy square off.

“I didn’t come in here to give him crap.”

“No, you came in here to be nosy.”

Gabe is taller than all of us, but he stands to his full height and glares at me. “No, I’m wondering what you’re doing in the bedroom with my brother.”

Automatically, my hand goes to my stomach because I’m sure I’m going to be sick. “She’s our sister, Gabe.”

He glares at Chrissy, who has her hands on her hips and is standing toe to toe with him. Gabe’s nostrils flare, and I realize that he’s really pissed off. “Not really.”

I position myself between them. I’m not sure what’s been going on between the two of them lately, but it’s something. Gabe is my blood brother. Chrissy is our foster sister, and Ledger, Gabe, and Dom are our foster brothers, but we were all raised in the same foster home most of our young life. To me, they are my family. Exhausted, I put an arm around Chrissy’s shoulder and push her through the door while Gabe steps to the side. “Hey you two, no fighting. This is supposed to be about me and my career falling apart, remember?”

And just like that, Chrissy is giving me the pity look again. “Your career is not falling apart. It’s a rotator cuff strain. You take care of it and you’ll be back at it.”

I give my sister a hug and then walk into the living room and spot my new sister-in-law. “How’s it going, Haven?”

I lean over and kiss her on the top of the head as my brother and Haven’s husband, King, growls at me. “Watch it, Gray.”

I sit down in my chair, and even though I’ve tried to tune out the ballgame on the television since I walked into the room, I’m drawn to it and see that my team, the Jasper Bears, are down three to one in the bottom of the 6th.

Dom grabs a piece of pizza from the box on the coffee table. “Don’t worry, brother. There’s still plenty of game to be played.”

Gabe sits across the room, not even in a position to watch the television. I guess he’s not here for the game. “So what’s the doctor’s saying? What’s the plan?”

“Physical therapy.”

Dom chugs his beer. “Well, do the therapy and then get back to work.”

Chrissy puts a plate in Gabe’s hands. He takes it, and they exchange words before she turns to me and piles a plate with pizza and puts it in my lap. “Eat up. I’m working on a therapist that will come here. I already have one in mind, but it’s going to cost you. She’s the best at Jasper Hospital.”

I could argue with her, but I know it won’t do any good. I want a few more days of wallowing in my self-pity, but I’ve had trouble finding a therapist with the availability I need for the next two months. “I need to be back in the game in two months. I have to make it to the playoffs.”

Chrissy gives me an encouraging smile. “And you can do it… if you have an in-house therapist.”

I almost choke on the piece of pizza I’m eating. I’ll grant it to her, my house is big. It has everything I need to get back into the game. It has a workout room with every workout machine I would need. A therapy room with top of the line everything. This house has four guest rooms, so technically someone could stay here and I wouldn’t even have to see them outside of therapy, but the idea of having someone here all the time just doesn’t sit well with me. I like my privacy. “No. I can drive to therapy.”

Chrissy rolls her eyes. “You’re going to drive into Jasper every day for therapy? Sure, that makes a lot of sense.”

Gabe points at Chrissy and nods at me. “I agree. You need someone in house. You don’t want to traipse through town for every appointment. If they’re here, they can help you with your workouts and everything… maybe even help you heal faster.”

I hold my hands up. I know if I say no, they’re just going to keep arguing their case, so I do what I have to do to get them off my back. I know they’re just trying to help, but I’m not in the mood for it right now. I’m still trying to wallow if only they’d let me. “I’ll think about it.”

Chrissy claps her hands together. “Okay, I’ll get on it.”

King goes over to where Haven’s sitting. He pulls her up and then sits down, pulling her into his lap. He kisses his wife and wraps his arms around her. We’re all watching them, and I see the same look on my brothers’ and sister’s face as I’m sure is on mine. Since King met and married Haven, it’s brought a different level to our family dynamic. It’s nice seeing that at least one of us was able to find love.

King whispers something to Haven and then clears his throat when he notices us all watching them. “So the playoffs are in two months. Can the Bears get there without you?”

I’m not arrogant, but I know what I bring to the team. If you look at stats and everything on paper, the chances are slim. Not only am I considered the number one catcher in the league but I’m also the third in the league for home runs. There’s no doubt that they are going to hurt without me there, but I have faith in my team. I have to, there's no other option. “Yeah, they’ll get us there. And come hell or high water, I’m going to be back for the playoffs.”

We watch a little of the game, and when we get to the middle of the eighth and it’s tied four to four, I drop the bombshell that I can’t stop thinking about. “So the main question I’ve been asked is if I’m going to retire at the end of this season.”

I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this. Every one of them stares back at me, and none of them seem surprised by my statement. It’s almost as if they’ve thought about it themselves. I jam my hand through my hair and stare at the television. “I mean, I’m thirty-eight years old. I guess it’s a given that people would wonder, and it seems my body is giving out on me.”

“Bullshit,” King practically bellows, and Haven jerks in his lap.

He apologizes to her and then turns back to me. “Seriously, Holden. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re not going to retire until you’re ready. You’re not going to let some lame asshole make you think now’s the time. You’re going to get your arm better, win the playoffs, and then you decide what you’re going to do. It’s your life, you live it the way you want.”

My whole body heats as emotion rolls through me. My heart is racing, and there’s a tremble in my hands, but I nod at my big brother. He’s the man that worked his ass off to get me to the big leagues. He’s the reason I was able to get trained by some of the country’s best athletes. He made it possible for me to get where I am now, and I know he’s right. I’ll retire when I think I’m ready.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. The time for self-pity is over. A new determination has come over me, and I’m going to prove to everyone that I still have plenty of game left in me. “Thanks, King.”

He nods at the same time Dom jumps from his seat with a loud holler. “Yes, go ball! Go ball!”

All eyes turn to the screen in front of us, and everyone in the living room starts punching their fists in the air. The Bears did it. They won a game against a team that was favored to win. There are plenty of more games to play, but if my team can get us there, I’ll be back for the playoffs.