CHAPTER EIGHT

WHATWEREYOUTHINKING, coming here?

Roman's insides clenched, the sick feeling in his gut threatening to push into his throat, as the Garner helicopter approached the sprawling Wiltshire estate that had once belonged to Alfred Cade, aka the sperm donor. And now belonged to Brandon Cade, the half-brother who had disowned him.

The Palladian mansion where the Cade family had lived for five generations came into view over the rolling downs, its formal gardens like a canvas framing the imposing sixty-room building of pale stone and antique glass.

‘We have permission to land, Mr Garner,' the pilot's voice barked over the headset.

‘Thanks, Brian,' he answered.

Milly grinned opposite him, wearing the same borrowed designer gown he remembered from their first night on his boat.

‘I told you Lacey would arrange it,' she shouted over the sound of the bird's blades.

The glittery fabric clung to her perfect breasts. And the hunger, which was never sated, went some way to obliterating the needy, angry tension that had been cramping his stomach muscles ever since he'd overheard her on the phone to her sister that morning in his London penthouse. He'd heard the excitement in her voice, seen the anticipation in her eyes, when she'd been updating Lacey Cade on the ‘date' she was bringing to Arthur Cade's christening this afternoon—which was threatening to be the biggest social event of the season—and Roman had felt like a total fraud.

Because she didn't know why he'd really wanted to come here. With her.

But as the chopper settled on the large H cut into the lawn on the far side of the mansion, the truth was he wasn't even sure himself why he'd suggested it two days ago on Estiva any more.

Part of it had been panic, because he'd known for at least a week he wasn't ready to let Milly go, had already envisioned all the things he wanted to do with her in New York. When she'd mentioned the event, it had given him pause for a moment. Brandon Cade was a part of his past he did not want to dwell on any more. And was certainly a complication when it came to his liaison with Milly. But he'd never been good at subterfuge, and as soon as he'd thought of inviting himself to the event, it had seemed like a good solution.

Why not present him and Milly to Cade as a fait accompli? What could the guy say anyway? Seeing as Cade had never acknowledged their connection, he could hardly make an issue of it now. And he was unlikely to do it in front of his wife and family, because Roman was, and had always been, the Cade family's dirty secret. And these days he was more than happy for it to stay that way. Although Cade didn't need to know that. The thought of having the opportunity to shove his success and influence in the man's face, to let him know he was dating his sister-in-law and there wasn't one damn thing he could do about it, had felt cathartic and right in that moment. And afterwards, he'd made love to Milly and believed he was staking a claim, not just to her body, but her affection, too.

He knew she'd started to have feelings for him. He could see it in those expressive eyes, every time she challenged him, and every time she fell apart in his arms.

Hell, he'd started to have feelings for her, too. Why deny it? She was beautiful and talented and more captivating and challenging than any woman he'd ever met.

But as Milly tore off her headset, and hopped out of her seat, and he watched the Cade family—Milly's sister and his brother, with two young kids in tow—head across the lawn in their finery to greet them, he couldn't seem to shift the tension in his gut. And the shame and anger that came with it.

He'd never been here before. But he'd seen pictures of the ancestral home, and made himself ill with both longing and envy as a kid, because Brandon Cade had everything—while he and his mother had nothing.

He'd met Brandon Cade only once, when he'd managed to blag his way into Cade Tower on the Thames and begged the guy for a job, any job, age sixteen, full of misplaced pride and ambition. And been summarily dismissed before being manhandled out of the building and literally thrown onto the street outside.

He'd thought he'd got over that rejection a long time ago. But now, as he watched Cade approach—with a little girl in his arms, who clung to his neck with thrusting affection—the tension in his stomach lodged in his throat.

His half-brother had filled out some since that day sixteen years ago. He hadn't actually been much older than Roman at the time, having inherited Cade Inc as a teenager. They were the same height now, virtually the same build, and he already knew they had the same colour eyes.

This moment was supposed to be good for him. A chance to finally throw off the shackles of his past, and get over the crappy hand he'd been dealt by Alfred and Brandon Cade. By making the guy eat the decision he'd made all those years ago, not to give Roman a chance. By showing him once and for all he didn't care about what he'd been denied.

So why did his stomach feel as if it were being tied into tight, greasy knots? And where was the hot flush of guilt coming from? It was making him feel like an interloper, like the feral kid he remembered, always on the outside looking in.

But he knew why, as Milly grasped his hand and tugged him down the helicopter's steps. As always, she had been completely transparent in the past two days, her excitement like that of an eager puppy who had no idea she could be kicked in the teeth at any moment.

‘Come on, Roman,' she called above the whir of the slowing blades. ‘We're going to meet my family and there will be no shop talk, promise.'

‘Sure,' he murmured, doubting very much Cade would wish to speak to him at all.

Letting go of his hand once they reached the grass, Milly rushed to her sister and hugged her, around the baby she held, then she scooped the small bundle out of her sister's arms and cuddled it. Her niece bounced in her father's arms. So Milly gave the baby back and greeted the little girl next. Brandon Cade was frowning at him, and watching him, but Roman couldn't seem to concentrate on the man, or his reaction to him, because all he could see was Milly with the child. Cade's child. And everything inside him clutched tighter.

Envy, sharp and strong, twisted in his gut, right alongside the shame and guilt and anger. Because as they all stood there together, they were a family.

A family he should want no part of... But apparently some of that needy boy still lingered inside him. Because as Milly walked towards him across the grass, the little girl holding her hand and staring at him with wide green eyes, not unlike his own, the sick feeling morphed into an intense sense of longing he didn't understand.

‘Roman, I want you to meet my niece, Ruby.' Milly grinned at the child, the smile on Milly's face full of the beauty he had gorged on for days. But never seemed to get enough of. ‘Ruby, meet Roman, my...umm.' A beguiling blush lit Milly's cheeks as she hesitated over how to refer to him, her eyes full of that intoxicating combination of awareness and innocence. ‘My new friend.'

Nice catch, he thought, at exactly the same time as he found himself wanting her to claim him as much more than just a friend.

‘Hello, Row-mam,' the little girl said, mangling his name and forcing his attention back to her. Then she dropped her head to one side, studying him with a focus that stunned him.

He knew nothing about kids, had barely ever been one himself. But something about the perceptive way she was staring at him made him feel supremely uncomfortable. As if she could see all his lies.

‘Hey, Ruby,' he managed, not sure how you addressed a child.

‘I like you,' she said, sending him a gap-toothed grin. ‘You look like my daddy.'

He blinked, and stiffened, so shocked by the child's bold statement, and the way it made him feel—angry and bitter, but also ashamed, for inviting himself into this family without ever belonging here.

‘Actually, now you mention it, they do look a bit alike, don't they?' Milly said, still smiling, still happy, still unaware of the house of cards she'd built around the man she thought he was.

But just as he was coming to terms with how not good he felt about being here, Cade stepped forward.

Roman braced himself for Cade to destroy his relationship with his sister-in-law—because Roman had been fool enough to give him all the power, again—but instead, he offered Roman his hand.

Roman stared at it, dumbly, not sure what was happening now.

‘Hello, Garner,' Cade said, with an edge in his voice. He wasn't happy to have Roman here, clearly, but he was going to play nice in front of his family.

Which was good. Wasn't it?

Roman shook his hand, surprised to find his brother's grip firm, but completely astonished when Cade added, ‘You're welcome in our home. My wife tells me we are not to come to blows over the Drystar acquisition,' he said dryly, mentioning the takeover Roman had deliberately engineered eighteen months ago—when the chance to frustrate Cade Inc's business plans and expose him as a deadbeat dad had been irresistible. But then Cade added: ‘Although all bets are off regarding my sister-in-law...' The warning in his tone was unmistakeable. ‘Because Milly is very precious to us.'

Roman gave a curt nod—the anger rising up his throat again, to dispel at least some of his confusion.

Where did the son of Alfred Cade get off, portraying himself as a protector of women?

‘She's precious to me, too,' he murmured as he disengaged his hand from Cade's intimidating grip.

But it was only as he followed the Cades and Milly into the ornate chapel on the grounds and the lavish christening ceremony began, with Milly beaming at him while she fulfilled her role of godmother, that it occurred to him he'd told Cade the truth about his feelings for Milly.

And the fear and shame and confusion threatened to gag him all over again.

‘She's precious to me, too.'

Milly could feel her heart floating as she ran the words Roman had uttered over two hours ago through her head again, while trying to spot her date amid the cluster of three hundred carefully selected guests at the ‘intimate' garden party Lacey had arranged to follow Artie's christening.

Roman had sounded almost grudging when he'd said it—and there was definitely tension between him and Brandon, which she had decided was basically a mutual respect kind of a thing—but somehow the tight look on his face had only made the comment more meaningful. And more perfect.

Roman was not a man who flaunted his emotions. In fact, she was fairly sure he'd convinced himself a long time ago he didn't have emotions. So, hearing him say she mattered, especially to Brandon, who had set himself up as her father figure ever since he'd rescued her and Lacey and Ruby from the press intrusion that had dogged the early part of her sister's marriage, felt so much more significant.

As with all the Cades' social events, the eclectic crowd ranged from the families of Ruby's schoolfriends at the local primary she attended in Hackney, to valued members of the estate staff, and A-list film stars, politicians and assorted movers and shakers that Brandon did business with on a regular basis.

She grinned as she finally located Roman across the gardens, talking to a junior government minister, who he probably knew too, she thought proudly. His head lifted, his gaze locking on hers, as if he had sensed her watching him. The frission of sexual energy ricocheted through her body, the desire to be near him drawing her like a physical force.

‘It's lovely to see you again, Mrs Ettock, don't forget to try the rhubarb fool, it's delicious,' Milly said, forcing her gaze back to the elderly retired lady she had been chatting to, who had been one of Brandon's many governesses, apparently. The woman was a font of knowledge about childcare, but Milly just wanted to say her goodbyes now to everyone, and leave with Roman—so she could bask in the words he had said to Brandon earlier while also indulging that hot look in his eyes.

He'd seemed uncomfortable ever since they'd arrived, maybe even before they'd landed. From what he'd told her about his past, she suspected he wasn't used to family gatherings of any sort, even big social occasions like this one. Plus, they'd barely been able to talk, let alone touch, because of her chapel duties as Arthur's godmother during the afternoon, and then her hosting responsibilities as Lacey's sister as evening approached.

There had also been that strange moment when Ruby had noticed his resemblance to Brandon. Odd that Milly hadn't noticed that herself—clearly the unusual green shade of Brandon's irises, which he shared with his daughter, was more common than Milly thought, but the fact they were virtually the same height and similar builds wasn't that surprising... Then again, how weird was it really she hadn't noticed the vague similarities between the two men, which could only be a freaky coincidence? After all, she'd never been remotely attracted to her sister's husband, probably because nowadays he was like a big brother to her—and at first, he'd been distant and intimidating, which had reminded her rather uncomfortably of her father.

‘Do enjoy the rest of the party,' she added to the older woman, before turning her attention back to Roman, who was still watching her, ignoring the junior cabinet minister and sending her ‘let's get out of here, right now' vibes strong enough to melt her brain cells—and her panties—from thirty feet.

‘I will. And you enjoy your young man, Milly,' Mrs Ettock said, but as Milly lifted the hem of her gown, planning to dart through the crowd and do exactly that, the older woman touched her arm to stay her getaway. ‘You know, he reminds me of Alfred.'

‘Really? How nice,' Milly said as politely as she could, while trying to stifle her impatience. The old woman was probably talking about her dead husband, whose name Milly could not remember for the life of her.

‘Not really, dear,' Mrs Ettock replied, her voice hardening. ‘Alfred Cade was a tyrant and a bastard. But Brandon's father was also a handsome devil. And he certainly knew how to make women fall in love with him, the poor things. Although they always lived to regret it, I fear.' The old lady's gaze became clouded with pity, before she headed towards the dessert table.

Leaving Milly stranded in the centre of the crowd, alone and dumbstruck.

Alfred Cade? How was that possible? That Roman looked like Brandon's father?

She'd never seen any photos or pictures of the man, because by all accounts Brandon did not have any fond memories of him.

Even so, her heartbeat stumbled, a strange void opening in her stomach, which she recognised from over a week ago, when her conversation with Roman had taken that uncomfortable turn when she'd mentioned Brandon.

She was still standing in the middle of the crowd, trying to stifle the uneasy feeling, the sense that something was going on that was definitely not good, when Lacey appeared beside her.

‘Milly, I'm so glad I caught you.' Her sister smiled, but there was something concerned and apologetic in her expression, which only increased the weightless, unpleasant sensation in Milly's stomach. ‘Brandon and I would like to have a quick word with you, in private. In his study.'

‘What about?' she asked. She knew that look. It was her sister's I-don't-want-you-to-get-hurt look. Milly had seen that look before, when she had been forced to give up her job at the preschool and decided to run off to Europe and become an artist. And way back, when Milly had gone through a bit of a crisis after their mother's death, and the hideous meeting with their father at the funeral—when he had rejected them both.

The look had the same result now as it had then. It made Milly feel defensive and rebellious. Especially when Lacey said, oh-so-cautiously, ‘It's about Mr Garner.'

‘He's not Mr Garner, Lacey. He's Roman. And I like him. A lot,' she said. And knew it was the truth. No matter what anyone else thought or said.

Mrs Ettock had seemed lucid, but she was old, and could easily be mistaken. Roman probably looked nothing like Brandon's bastard of a father. Why was she getting worked up about any of this?

‘So, it would have been helpful if you and Brandon hadn't been quite so stand-offish with him earlier,' she added.

But even as she said it, she knew she wasn't being entirely fair. If anything, Brandon had made a considerable effort not to show Roman any animosity—despite their business rivalry, which she had gathered from the various surprised reactions of the other guests at seeing him here, was more involved than Roman had let on. But when Roman and Brandon had met briefly earlier, there had definitely been an edge to Brandon's welcome, and Roman had picked up on it. Because so had she. Which was probably why Roman wanted to leave early.

‘I'm sorry, we were trying not to judge,' Lacey said, her concerned look intensifying—which only upset Milly more. ‘But there are things about Roman Garner Brandon wants to make sure you're aware of,' Lacey added. ‘Just in case it has a bearing on...' Her sister paused, her expression becoming strained. ‘On his decision to date you.'

The surge of defensiveness and anger became a tidal wave. What the actual...?

Could Lacey and her brother-in-law actually be any more insulting? What were they implying, exactly? That Roman had some ulterior motive for sleeping with her?

‘Fine. Terrific,' Milly said through gritted teeth. ‘Let's get it over with, then.' She marched past Lacey, striding towards the house, and Brandon's study.

But even as she forced her irritation with her sister and Brandon to the fore, determined not to let them derail her happy glow, she couldn't seem to dispel the sinking feeling in her stomach, and the hideous sense of uncertainty and confusion that she remembered from being that broken teenager, standing in the Golders Green crematorium, convinced she was somehow responsible for her father's indifference.

Roman stared at the spot where Milly had been standing, sending him hot looks, only moments before, and tuned out the conversation from the government underling who had been boring him senseless for ten minutes. Right now, all he cared about was what Lacey Cade had just said to Milly. Not to mention the old lady she'd been talking to before that.

She'd gone so still. Her body rigid with shock.

Then, when her sister had approached her, she'd glanced his way. He couldn't read her expression from this distance. But the sense of foreboding, ever since they'd boarded the helicopter this morning, had hit critical mass as the sisters had left the garden together.

So what are you doing standing here?

‘Take this up with my PA, Geoff,' he murmured, dismissing the underling, before heading through the crowd after them.

He dumped his full glass of champagne on a passing tray as he left the party and entered the estate's impressive gardens. As he strode through the ornate flower beds, the sculpted hedgerows, the late summer twilight starting to fade into night, he paused for a moment, disorientated. He couldn't see Milly. Panic pressed on his chest. But then he spotted the two women, walking past the arched windows of a summer gallery.

He forced himself to follow them through stained-glass doors into the mansion itself.

The place smelled of the fresh flowers artfully arranged in large vases, and new paint. But even so, as he made his way down the long corridor past portraits of people who might well be blood relations, the atmosphere felt oppressive and made the panic and the anger crush his ribs. The priceless antique furnishings and elaborate art made a dire contrast to the places he'd grown up in. The two-room bungalow in Hampstead he barely remembered, which Alfred Cade had rented for his mother before he got bored with her; the damp walls of the council flat where they'd ended up and the increasingly dilapidated homes in between; right up to the tiny bedsit he'd lived in as a teenager after her death. Each home had been more soulless and squalid than the last, until his hard work had begun to pay off.

The centuries-old splendour surrounding him now only reminded him of all the Cades possessed. And the old resentments he'd finally buried eighteen months ago, after making his first billion-dollar deal and acquiring Drystar ahead of Cade Inc to break the story of Brandon Cade's illegitimate kid, rose up his throat again.

He'd had no qualms about breaking that story at the time. And he had no qualms about it now, he thought, even though his stomach churned at the memory of that little girl beside Milly staring at him so guilelessly and stating something her father had always denied.

Finally, he reached a lobby area with a vaulted ceiling. A large winding staircase led to a balcony above, which no doubt led to the other wings of this palace. He forced himself to refocus, and rebuild his anger, to alleviate the crushing pain in his chest.

He caught the sound of voices coming from an open door on the opposite side of the space and walked towards it.

‘Please, Milly, don't get upset, okay.' It was her sister's voice. Pleading, conciliatory. ‘We're not trying to turn you against Mr Garner, we're just telling you about the source of the stories that came out about Ruby, and me and Brandon.'

‘Roman's not responsible for everything the magazines he owns print. That's ridiculous!'

Milly was defending him. Her voice sure, and unwavering. But it only made the tension in his stomach add to the weight in his chest.

How could she be so sure? So certain? Especially as she was wrong about his involvement in that story. And why did he now feel more ashamed of how vociferously he'd had his columnists pursue Cade and his wife and child at the time? He'd had every right to expose the Cades' generational hypocrisy. After all, Brandon Cade had done to that little girl exactly what their father had done to him—denied her existence.

But then came another voice. His brother's voice. Measured and direct, and firm, determined to destroy Roman all over again.

‘Milly, you're young. And you're obviously falling for him. He's a charismatic man. Which he uses to his advantage. But believe me when I tell you, from the dealings we've had with Garner Media, Roman Garner is also extremely ruthless. How can you be sure he didn't date you and offer to support your work to get a tactical advantage for his business because of your connection to me?'

Roman felt something snap inside him, making the visceral rage he had made himself bottle geyser up. And he was thrown back to that day when he'd begged that bastard to give him a chance. He'd been too cowed and desperate at the time to use their relationship, but he was damned if he wouldn't use it now—to stop Brandon Cade from trying to prevent him getting what he wanted all over again.

Milly's voice, calm and still so sure of him, poured fuel on the fire of injustice that had burned inside him then too.

‘Because I know Roman,' she said. ‘He wouldn't do that. He would have told me...'

He marched into the room. Milly turned, her face lighting up when she saw him. He basked in it for one bittersweet moment, but then his gaze connected with Cade.

‘Well, well, well, isn't this cute?' he said. ‘How very bourgeois and entitled of you to assassinate my character without even giving me a right of reply.'

Instead of looking astonished though, or even guilty at the nasty trick he'd tried to pull, Cade tensed his shoulders and the self-righteous glare—which he had no right to whatsoever—intensified.

‘Garner. Why am I not surprised to find you sneaking around my house like a bad smell?'

The derogatory statement made the final straw snap on Roman's control.

‘Roman, I'm so sorry you heard that,' Milly began. But he couldn't look at her, couldn't let himself be swayed by feelings that didn't make sense and never had.

‘Don't be, it's exactly what I expected,' he said, his tone surprisingly measured considering he could feel his rage burning. He was Cade's equal now in every respect and he'd worked like a dog for sixteen years to prove it. But Cade would never accept that. Maybe it was time he made him.

‘If you don't want me dating Milly, why don't you at least have the guts to admit the real reason?' he barked, making both women flinch.

But he couldn't see Cade's wife any more, he couldn't even really see Milly—her open, honest, beautiful face something he had come to rely on in the last weeks, to soothe him and excite him and make him ache. All he could see was the man in front of him, who had once stood in the way of everything he wanted, everything he needed, and was doing it again now. With her.

‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?' Cade yelled back, still maintaining the lie this wasn't personal. ‘You think I'm not entitled to protect a woman I think of as a sister from the likes of you?'

‘You may think of her as a sister, but it's a good thing she's not your actual sister...' The bitterness flowed through his veins on the tsunami of rage, spewing out of his mouth on a wave of righteous fury. ‘Because then, me sleeping with her would be kind of incestuous, now, wouldn't it?'

But Cade's reaction was not what he expected. Instead of looking guilty or humiliated the way he was supposed to, his face went blank with shock and confusion. ‘What...?'

‘You really don't recognise me, do you?' he said, the bitterness scalding his throat.

The fact Cade hadn't ever figured out who he was only made the man's self-serving destruction of Roman's character in front of Milly that much worse.

‘I'm the kid who begged you for a job, sixteen years ago in Cade Tower,' he said, determined to jog the bastard's memory. ‘The kid you had thrown out in the gutter by your security guards. The kid who was dumb enough to give you his real name at the time... Dante Rocco. The son of Alicia Rocco, your old man's mistress. The kid you pretended not to know was your old man's bastard. And your half-brother.'

Cade didn't look shocked any more, he looked... What even was that?

But before Roman could gauge the man's reaction, he heard a gasp. And swung round, to find himself staring into Milly's pale face. The rage curdled, and the fog of anger and aggression caused by hurts from long ago cleared, to be replaced by a slice of agonising pain that plunged into his chest as he noticed the glitter of tears in her eyes.

‘Roman, I'm... Why didn't you tell me?' she whispered, but there was no accusation in her voice, only sadness and sympathy and regret... And acceptance.

The fear slammed into him again, so much bigger than before. Because nothing mattered now, except her and what she thought of him. And that couldn't be right, because he didn't care what anyone thought of him. Ever.

But even as he tried to tell himself that, the guilt and remorse continued to sideswipe him. He turned back to Cade and his wife, who were still staring at him, speechless.

Everything was wrong. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He'd envisioned this showdown in his mind a thousand times and he was supposed to feel vindicated, assured. Instead, his stomach was in freefall. And he knew he had screwed up. Badly. But he didn't even know how, or why.

As the devastating feeling of being exposed, of being raw, of never being enough closed in around him, he said the only thing he could think of to protect himself. And his pride.

‘You'll be glad to know, I'm leaving as soon as my helicopter arrives,' he said to the Cades. Then he forced himself to turn to Milly. ‘Come with me or stay here. I don't care that much either way.'

But as he strode out of the room, the heavy silence behind him like a weight bearing down on his soul, and tugged his phone out of his pocket with shaking fingers to text his pilot, he knew he did care. Far too much.