CHAPTER FIVE

NO.

My involuntary emotional outburst hangs in the air and I can't bite it back no matter how much I want to. I've long given up thinking he might appear at any moment and for a split second I hope I'm dreaming. But I'm not. He's here. And he's looking...

Furious. Fine.

Dain Anzelotti towers over me and, despite my terror, all I can do is soak in the sight. A year ago I thought he was handsome. I was wrong. He's jaw-dropping. He's not in a suit today but instead wearing that casual billionaire winter uniform—leather boots, well-cut jeans, form-hugging merino sweater, tailored jacket. The layers don't hide his lithe, muscular frame. The denim grazes his quads. The jacket emphasises his broad shoulders. But his blue gaze nails me to the bench.

I'm stunned into silence, into stillness. Yet as the seconds tick a tendril deep inside me stirs to life. I thought it dead, not dormant. The shocking lust that once led me to lose control completely. He says nothing but I feel utterly disadvantaged as he stares at me from above. I don't breathe as he, oh, so deliberately lowers his gaze to intently study his tiny son tucked against me. I fight the overwhelming urge to run. I know it would be futile.

I don't know Dain well. We were together for only a couple of hours. But I can tell he's leashed. But the emotion burgeoning within me is what's really scary. I lost all control with this man and it upended my life completely. I can't allow that to happen again.

‘Who's this?' His voice is raspy.

I don't answer. I can't. Is he playing with me?

‘Don't try to tell me he isn't yours,' he adds harshly. ‘I can't imagine you'd breastfeed a friend's baby in the park.'

‘You were watching?' I gape. ‘How long have you been following me?'

‘Twenty-four minutes. Since you walked out of that café.'

I'm stunned again. He followed me here. He stood and watched me feed Lukas. I feel exposed—it's such a personal thing. Ordinarily it would be natural for the father of my baby to watch me nurture our baby but Dain rescinded his right to that intimacy months ago. It's too late now. It has to be. I lift my chin and emotion betters my brain. ‘What do you want?'

His blue eyes flash fire. ‘What's the baby's name?'

Oh, please. ‘I already told you in the messages I sent you months ago,' I spit my fury at him. ‘Again in the photo taken when he was born.'

Dain stands very still. ‘What messages?'

I glare up at him, refusing to believe that flare in his eyes. ‘The emails.'

‘Never got any.'

‘Don't believe you.' But I'm quaking inside because I know, I know I didn't try hard enough. ‘I sent them to every permutation of your email I could think of. I even sent them to the help desk listed on your company website.'

There were four actual messages sent to multiple addresses. All increasing in urgency. But I stopped sending them. I tried but then I quit after Lukas's birth. I gave Dain the shortest of chances. Because he never bothered to reply. I knew he wouldn't. He told me he wasn't a commitment kind of guy and I saw for myself that he wasn't and I decided I didn't need to chase harder. He wasn't interested. I don't want that for my child. I want to protect him. And myself. Because I know rejection. I know just how much it hurts.

Suddenly Dain's on his haunches in front of me and his tone is colder than the frosty air swirling around us. ‘What's the baby's name?'

I stare into his blue eyes and am helpless to do anything but answer. ‘Lukas.'

His indrawn breath is sharp. ‘Spelt how?'

Yeah. Smart question. But I guess it proves that I did go on his company website. I did try to make contact a few times at least. Because Lukas was his grandfather's name. My throat tightens. ‘You already know—'

‘Humour me,' he says, too silkily. ‘I think it's the least you can do.'

‘Lukas. With a K not a C.'

Another sharp breath. ‘And does little Lukas have a middle name?'

Hearing him say Lukas's name does something to me. I'm suddenly shaking inside—such a sentimental fool. I wanted my son to have a connection to his father even when his father didn't even want to know him. ‘His full name is Lukas Dain Parrish.'

Dain's gaze slices through me. ‘Parrish?'

‘That's my name.'

‘But he's my child.'

I brace and look right into his angry eyes. ‘Our child.'

I've already given him two of Dain's family names. It was for balance and frankly more than generous enough.

The image slides into my head again. The one I hate. I know Dain went straight from that liaison with me into the arms of another woman that night. Whether she was his girlfriend or not I don't know. I don't want to. The thought of being the ‘other woman' sucks. The pictures I saw online that next morning made me feel sick. In fact I felt sick every time I so much as thought of him for weeks after. And I kept thinking of him. Kept feeling sick. Morning sickness, in fact. Because I'm an idiot.

‘You didn't tell me.' His rage is less suppressed now.

‘You ignored my messages. Why are you here?' I ask him again before he can deny getting them again. ‘Why unannounced?'

Is it to startle me? Because if so, it's certainly worked.

He stands, towering again, embodying the huge, threatening shadow he's become in my life. ‘You need to come with me,' he demands.

‘I don't think so.'

‘We need to talk.'

I'm suddenly furious. Does he think he can ignore my messages and then just turn up? I can't let him storm in and blow up my life when I've come through the worst days after giving birth. When I almost have a sustainable routine going.

‘You've had plenty of time to talk to me. You've chosen not to.' I go stone cold inside. ‘I messaged multiple times and you ignored them.'

But the blank denial in his eyes is so real, I falter. He's shockingly pale. His breathing is uneven. To my eternal horror I know this is all news to him. But I push on because now I'm terrified. ‘Your chance to be involved has been and gone.'

His cool gaze slides over my face and drops to the baby again. ‘Wrong. This is the first I've...'

I don't want to believe him. But I do. And now I feel atrocious.

‘Then why are you in Queenstown if not to see us?' I whisper.

‘Checking on a project.'

It's business.

I'm incredibly—stupidly—hurt. It's purely because of fate that he's found us. I shouldn't have gone for a walk today. I should have gone upstairs to feed Lukas. Then he wouldn't have seen us. Disappointment slices into me. It's the destruction of the last flicker of hope I hadn't realised I still had. But I'm still weak enough to be attracted to him even when he's ignored me till now. That I could be this crushed—again—is appalling. I'm as vulnerable as my mother and being that gullible—falling for a wealthy, good-looking cheater—was something I'd promised myself I wouldn't do.

I tear my gaze from Dain and look down at my baby. He's tiny, precious, so vulnerable and I'm overwhelmed by the need to protect him. I don't want him hurt. Not the way I was. I'll do anything to shield him from the wounds of being unwanted. I lean closer to him and breathe in his sweet baby scent. He has his father's eyes. The midwife told me that baby's eyes are often blue at first but that they can change, but that hasn't happened yet, and I don't think it will. He has Dain's dark brown hair too. And his ability to consume every inch of my attention.

‘We don't need your help,' I mutter.

‘No? Then why are you sleeping on a park bench in the mid-morning, like you're a homeless person?'

‘We were just getting some fresh air.' But I'm overly defensive because if it weren't for my boss, Romy, we would be homeless. I live above her café. I know it's not ideal. I work in the kitchen in the very early hours—baking the muffins and pastries for the day. I'm still building my channel and film at night in the café when it's closed. But Lukas is a demanding baby and I can't care for him at the café and disturb the customers downstairs during the day. That's why I take him for long walks along the waterfront.

Now that I'd fed him I was letting him sleep for a moment before tucking him properly back into his sling so I could walk back. But I'm tired. I've done today's baking. I've done my own work overnight so I snatch sleep in short shifts whenever I can. I'm doing okay and working my butt off to do better. Because I adore Lukas and I'll do whatever necessary to provide for him. But it's hard. Even so, I definitely don't want Dain's help now.

‘Talia.'

Bleary-eyed, I glance up at him again. He's beautiful. It's like a boulder landing in my stomach—immobilising me. He's also determined. And fiercely strong—physically and mentally. Panic sweeps, darkening everything in the world except for him—as if he's in the damned spotlight—he's all I can see. And what I feel is overwhelming.

I liked him. A lot. But he—like everyone—let me down. I know that the only person I can ever really rely on is myself. Lukas is relying on me too.

And I know giving in to whatever Dain is about to demand will be dangerous. If he wins now, he'll think he can win always.

‘Let's go to your home,' he says. ‘We'll talk there.'

I don't want him to see how we're living. I don't want any of this. We live in different countries. We have vastly different lives. So I have no idea what he's going to want or how it's going to work. But I will stay in Lukas's life and so I have to be calm and stay in control. I have to do my best for my son.

I don't answer Dain verbally. I simply stand and start walking, cradling my precious son, hating the heat that's coursing through my body as this tall, devastating man wordlessly falls into step alongside me. Well, he stalks really—like a barely leashed predator. For the first time in months I feel revitalised—fury fills me with the energy I've been lacking in so long. As we walk I lift my head and breathe deep and when we finally arrive...

I'm ready to fight.