Chapter 1

1

HELENA

“ O f all the things I imagined happening tonight,” Rhonin says, “seeing you without a single stitch of clothing wasn’t anywhere on the list.”

I can’t help but smile. “Not even in your dreams?”

He’s still waist deep in the water I warmed near the riverbank, his eyes locked on me as I stand in a clearing between two stretches of thick scrub, squeezing water from my hair. It’s fucking cold in the desert at night, my pebbled skin and nipples proof of that.

Thanks to a little fire magick, we built three fires before we cleaned up, placing them in the shape of a triangle, creating enough heat to surround us after bathing so we could dry out in comfort. The flames burn warm at my back, illuminating the small beach.

And me.

“Oh, I wasn’t sure if dreams counted,” he says. “You are always unclothed in my dreams. Always . But seeing the real thing… Well. It is, by far, superior.”

Still smiling, I bend over, reaching for the pack I managed to bring with us through Raina’s abyss and retrieve a blanket. Warmth envelopes me as I wrap the wool around my body before facing Rhonin once again.

I should probably feel embarrassed—he’s just seen every last inch of me. I’ve never been one for modesty, though, unlike a certain red-haired gentleman.

Darkness shadows his face too much for me to discern his expression, but if I were a betting woman, I’d say his cheeks just burned through seven shades of red. He’d blushed so brightly when I kissed him at the inn in Itunnan. We’d had a room to ourselves, and I suppose I thought things between us might go further than a first kiss. He was so gentle with me. Almost timid. His touches and kisses had been the tenderest explorations that left me wanting and needing so much more. But when I’d slid my hands downward, he’d stopped me and held me close instead, making me wonder if he really wanted me at all. I swore he did, but I decided he just wasn’t ready.

We drifted to sleep that night in one another’s arms, overtaken by exhaustion by all that had happened in the city. Though being close like that was nice, and I’d take sleeping anytime over nothing when it comes to Rhonin, I hope tonight doesn’t end the same way.

“That water has to be getting cold,” I say, eager to have him close to me again. “Do I need to turn around so you can get out and dry off?”

He laughs, though it’s a mocking sound, one that makes me giggle. “I just don’t want to stun you with my natural beauty,” he says. “That’s all.”

I arch a brow. “I’ve seen naked men before, you know. While I’m sure your manly bits are lovely, I doubt they’re anything new.”

“Seen? Or been with?” he asks.

“Both.”

He starts walking toward the river’s edge, cupping himself, water sluicing off his body as more and more of him comes into view. “You’re experienced, then?”

I don’t like thinking about Emmitt or the boy before him, a boy I met at market in Penrith. Both are gone forever now.

“Experienced enough. I’m certainly no novice.”

As he reaches the beach and shakes water from his hair, I take a few steps back, until I’m standing in the middle of the fires, shielded by walls of heat. Rhonin strides toward me, and I can’t look away. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, though I wish he would lower his hands so I could see all of him.

He steps into the warm island I’ve created and stops, leaving a single stride between us, his body glistening in the firelight. I swallow hard at the sight of him, the water running from the strands of his hair over the thick curve of his smooth chest, his hard nipples, the rippled plane of his abdomen. Gods, I’m already aching, and he hasn’t even touched me yet.

I’m anything but shy, so I hold open the blanket like wings. “Come here. Let me warm you.”

Those bright, innocent cerulean eyes sparkle in the firelight as he looks down, running his gaze over my body. When he meets my stare again, some of the pure innocence that lives inside Rhonin seems to have buried itself away, replaced by desire. I see it in the way he moves with a little more confidence—stepping close and looming over me.

His lip is quivering from the cold, so I fold the blanket around us both, resting my hands behind his neck as I press my body against his, skin to skin. His breath hitches at this first contact. As for me, my breasts suddenly feel so heavy, like they need his touch. His grip. His kiss.

“You can let go of your bits now.” I look up at him with a smile. “I can think of far better things you can do with those hands.”

He hesitates, like he’s uncertain what to do, but finally, he slips his palms over my hips. A shuddering breath leaves him as he grips my flesh. “Gods, you feel so good.”

Rising on my tiptoes, I lean close, speaking my words against his mouth. “I bet I can feel even better.”

He lifts his hands and cups my face as I press my lips to his, and in a matter of seconds, I’m swept away in Rhonin’s kiss. His tongue is the grandest tease, tasting me, moving in ways that make me grow wet with longing. He may seem innocent and inexperienced in some ways, but in this, he is a master.

In Malgros, Rhonin said that one day I would kiss him because I wanted to, not because of a bargain, and he was right. We kissed for a long time that night at the inn, and again the night we went hunting near Elam. Both times, I’d wanted to taste his kisses more than I wanted to breathe. Tonight is no different.

I want his mouth everywhere.

We kiss the way we spar, meeting each other’s every movement with the perfect response. I press closer, kissing Rhonin deeper, groaning into his mouth as I feel his erection grow hard against my stomach, though he pulls away before I get the full effect.

“I want you,” I whisper. “I want you inside me. Now.” I let the blanket fall, our skin blessedly met with warmth from the fires, and begin trailing my hands down his chest, his abdomen, needing to touch more of him. But he grips my wrists, stopping me. Again.

He leans his forehead against mine, breathing hard. “You can’t say things like that to me. And you can’t touch me like that.”

A frown takes over my face. “Why not?”

“Because I want to give you everything you desire, Helena. You have no idea how badly. But I…I’ve never…”

I pull back and look up into his eyes. “You’ve never what?”

For a moment, thoughts whirl through my mind like leaves chasing each other in the wind, reasons trying to form as to why he can’t lay me down right here in the middle of this warm beach and take me for hours. In truth, I can’t think of any.

But then, I no longer need to search for answers, because just like with the way we kiss, I’ve learned Rhonin in other ways, too. That look on his face. That sweet innocence. That tenderness and worry.

I slip my hand up to his cheek. “Rhonin. Have you ever been with someone like this before?”

He exhales, the sound at its edges one of relief. “No. Not like… Not like what you want. Other things, yes. Of course. But life in the Eastern army didn’t exactly lend itself to moments of pleasure such as this. There simply wasn’t time, and the last thing any of us needed was a child. We don’t have birthbane in the East. It simply won’t grow. What we do have only works some of the time, so sex is a great risk.”

Now I’m embarrassed, for not realizing this earlier, because suddenly everything makes sense. Every timid moment. Every nervous smile. Every second of hesitance.

“I’m so sorry for assuming that you had done this. And that you even wanted to do it here, tonight. With m?—”

He kisses me, sliding his hands into my hair and drawing me close. His lips are hungrier, as though freed by the truth he didn’t know how to speak.

When he pulls back, he says, “I want you, Helena. I want to do everything your mind can conjure. Don’t you ever think otherwise. It’s just that I want it to be a wonderful experience for you, and I’m worried I just don’t know how to make it wonderful.”

I press my fist to my heart, feeling it squeeze. “This will be your first time, and you’re worried about me ?”

A blush spreads over his cheeks. “Of course, I am. I’ve done things . But I’ve never done the thing. I want to please you. I want to hear and see and feel your pleasure.”

I kiss him, long and slow, tangling my hands in his soft, wet hair until we’re both panting. “I can show you how,” I whisper, my heart pounding. “But first, perhaps I should please you . If you’d like that.”

A soft smile curves his lips, reaching his sparkling eyes. “I would like that. Very much.”

To direct the situation, I slip my hand down his body, his skin already warming. Thankfully, this time, he flinches, but he doesn’t stop me.

I reach the trail of soft hair below his navel, then my fingertips graze the base of his cock. A small gasp leaves me as I trail my fingertips up, up, up his length, and I have to glance down.

Rhonin clears his throat. “That’s another thing. My manly bits are not like all the others.”

Sweet gods . Rhonin’s cock is enormous. Beautifully made, so engorged it looks painful, and perfectly, wonderfully, deliciously huge , much like the rest of him. I take a deep breath, realizing that I stopped breathing for a few moments.

“No one has ever…” I can’t even finish my words because my mouth is so godsdamn dry, as though I’ve been cock-starved until this very moment.

“It’s been touched,” he says, his voice soft. “Mostly by me. And it’s been sucked a few times, until I came. But that’s all.”

A shiver chases down my spine, not from the cold, but at hearing his honest words, the way they sound when spoken with that deep, gentle voice. I should be jealous. Of all things, I, Helena Owyn, am jealous of anyone touching Rhonin Shawcross except for me. But for some reason, right now, picturing what he just described makes me feel like he has the power to completely unravel me with a few simple utterances.

He leans close, eyes searching mine. “We don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to hurt you.”

My hand trembles a little as I close my fingers around his thick shaft. If any other man said that to me, I would probably roll my eyes. But tonight, I nod in understanding. This is why he’d pulled away from me earlier. So I wouldn’t feel his size.

“We’ll take it slowly,” I whisper, stroking that velvety skin, feeling it slide up and down that promising stiffness beneath. “I never minded a little pain.”

His cock twitches in my hand—once, twice—and he utters my name like a plea. As though he can’t hold back, he begins shallow thrusts into my grip, even as he pushes my hair behind my ear and stares into my eyes, his gaze glassed over with lust. I glance down again, that throbbing tip beckoning me.

Unable to resist, I drop to my knees. A rush of cold air meets the heat radiating from the fire, causing chills to rise across my fire-warmed skin.

Rhonin sucks in a breath, all but hissing in surprise. “Helena.”

I look at him, wanting this, needing this, as I trail my hands up his long, powerful thighs.

Gripping him at the base, I drag my tongue along the underside of his cock, eliciting a groan that sets every part of me on fire. I’ll never take him fully like this, so I begin swirling my tongue around his tip as I stroke him with a tight grasp. Again, he slides his hands into my hair, fisting them but then releasing me, ever gentle.

I meet his eyes. “You won’t hurt me.” I flick my tongue back and forth inside the wet slit at his tip, tasting saltiness there. “Fuck me like this. I like it.”

A flicker of shock blinks over his face as he connects what I said to what he’s supposed to do. It’s almost as though fucking goes against his very nature, but gods’ stars, he begins to move his hips.

I can feel him holding back, though, his thrusts far shallower now than before when he was moving in my hand. To encourage him, I take him as deeply as I can and slide my hands up the backs of his thighs, urging him toward me. Harder. Faster.

He reaches down and runs his thumb across my top lip watching closely as I suck him. “Fuck, Helena. This is…” He gasps. “So good.”

I keep urging him, running my hands up and down his legs, over his ass, tilting my head so I can take more of him into my throat. Some dark part of me is thriving off this, feeling his control splinter one thin shard at a time, knowing that I will be the one who breaks away that innocent veneer and finds the insatiable lover beneath. I already know he’s there. I just have to set him free.

Boldly, I slip one hand between my legs and moan around his cock the second I touch myself. He shudders, breathing hard as I meet his gaze, my fingers working my clit.

“Are you…” He swallows, and the knot in his throat moves. “Are you touching yourself?”

I nod as best I can, moaning again, and when I do, when vibration and realization rock through him, I finally get what I want.

Rhonin Shawcross tilts his head back, tightens his fists in my hair, and let’s go.