Chapter Eleven

The next morning, Justin vibrated as he made coffee. Most likely, caffeine was not the best idea right now, but he really needed to do something with his hands. Otherwise, he would be certifiable in no time. He was drumming his fingers on the counter and bouncing on his feet when Rob put his hands on his shoulders to stop his nervous movements.

"It'll be fine, sweetheart. You're going to see your baby sister and have a nice, casual dinner." He wrapped his arms around Justin's middle and pulled him back so they touched from head to toe. "Then…." Rob kissed the back of Justin's neck. "You're going to come home…." He kissed to the rim of his ear. "Tell me all about it, and when we're sure it's safe, she can come over. You can introduce me, and we'll have another member in our little family."

Rob had effectively turned him into a puddle of relaxed goo. The soft caresses continued. "Yeah, I know. I know. It's just. Oh, man… do that again. It's Kell, you know? She was a baby when I last saw her. Just ten years old. Now she's a woman. All I can think about is ‘what's she like?', ‘what's she look like?', ‘what's she going to do with her life?' So many questions. I'm just trying to organize them in my head so I don't sound like a rambling psychotic."

"Talk to Mike today. He'll help talk you down off the ledge if you feel overwhelmed. You can call me if you need to."

Justin turned around and looked up into the blue eyes he loved so much. "So… we're family?"

"Of course, we're family!" Robert exclaimed. "I love you; you love me. Someday I hope we can make a home together. Maybe even have kids." He placed a gentle kiss on Justin's mouth. "I'm in this for the long haul. I know things are a little unsettled right now, but it won't be long. I promise."

Justin let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. "That sounds real nice. I knew we loved each other, but sometimes love isn't enough, you know? For any of what you mentioned to happen, you would have to change your life completely. I would never want to force you into that decision, and frankly, I was never sure if you thought it would be worth it in the long run."

Robert placed his hands on Justin's hips and lifted him up onto the countertop so they were eye to eye. He placed his hands on either side of Justin's face and gently stroked his thumbs across his cheekbones.

"I did not know you felt insecure about our future. Let me make this very clear. You are everything to me. The PFL is my job. It is not who I am. I enjoy it, yes. Competing is something I truly love. Pushing my body and mind to the limits gives me an addictive adrenaline rush. But being a part of that world permanently means not being able to fully share my life with you, and if I can't share my life with you, then I have no life."

Justin lunged forward, wrapped his arms around Rob's neck, and kissed the daylights out of him. Their lips crashed together, their teeth clicked, their tongues thrust and danced around each other. He kept pulling Rob in closer until there was absolutely no space between them. He wrapped his legs around the honed waist in front of him, wanting to climb inside the other man. His dreams finally had a voice. They were no longer a vapor of idealism floating in his head. Justin felt startled as a tear slid down his face, his happiness leaking out of him.

Robert leaned back and looked directly into Justin"s eyes. "As much as I would love to stay here and do this all day, you need to go, love. You only have ten minutes to get to the station." He lifted Justin down, sliding their bodies together the whole way. "I'll talk to you tonight."

Justin and Mike were on their way to their first call of the day when he finally exploded. "Guess what?"

"Monkey butt?" Mike said, taking a left turn across three lanes of traffic at a stoplight.

"No, asshole. So I'm asleep last night, and my phone rings—watch that minivan up there. Looks like the driver is clueless."

"I see it. Mr. Perfect wanted some midnight phone sex? I want all the details."

"I am not telling you the details of my sex life, you perv. Go get one of your own. Besides, there was no need for the phone if I wanted a little midnight booty. Now stop distracting me. I picked up, and Kelly was on the other end."

"Your sister?" Mike picked up the transmitter for the radio when he heard dispatch asking for an update on their arrival. "This is thirty-six. ETA two minutes."

"Uh-huh. She's here in town. Just graduated college. Jeez, I still can't believe that one. She wants to meet. We're getting together for dinner tonight. Can you believe it, man?" Justin said excitedly.

"What about your dearest mother and father? Won't they flip?"

"She says they're not in the picture anymore. Didn't say why. Guess I'll find out tonight. Knowing them, they probably threw her away like they did me."

They pulled up next to the building where the call had originated and took off, knowing every second counted. They headed for the elevators, and Justin pushed the button for the thirty-second floor. The call was a suspected heart attack. One of the executives' administrative assistants had dialed 911. When the doors opened, someone directed them to a corner office. A man lay on the floor with a woman kneeling over him, giving CPR while a group of people stood around them.

"Please move back," he said. "My name is Justin. I'm a paramedic, and I'm here to help. Can someone tell me how long he's been unconscious?" He quickly checked the victim's vitals and confirmed that there was no pulse. Taking over compressions, he gestured to Mike to open the defibrillator.

The woman giving compressions looked up at Justin. "He"d just walked into his office after a meeting with the CEO. I was passing by when he clutched his chest and fell. I immediately called emergency and began CPR." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "That was ten minutes ago."

Justin ripped open the man's dress shirt and placed the paddles for the manual defibrillator in the correct position on his chest. He announced for everyone to clear the area and administered a shock. Mike felt for a pulse and shook his head.

"No response. Increase to 250," he told Mike.

Justin shocked him again. This time, Mike smiled and nodded. They had a pulse! The man gasped for breath, but remained unconscious. Justin rigged up the portable oxygen and fit the cannula to their patient. They loaded him on the gurney and went back downstairs to get him transported.

"We're taking him to Providence Medical Center. If you contact anyone, tell them to go there," Mike told the assistant who'd come down with them. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You did a good job, possibly saved his life."

When they got the patient loaded, Justin hooked him up to the electrocardiograph so they could monitor his heartbeat. Having recently gone to training on using therapeutic hypothermia to increase a heart attack victim"s chances, he installed an IV and ran cooled saline wide open through the veins. The man had been unconscious long enough that by cooling his core temperature, it would help his chances for survival as well as possibly reduce the effects of any neurological or heart tissue damage. They pulled up to the emergency room bay. The back doors opened, and Mike helped Justin unload the gurney. He informed the doctors of the patient's statistic, status, and treatments performed.

He and Mike got everything settled at the hospital with the transfer. Riding in the ambulance on the way back to the firehouse, Justin was riding the euphoria of a successful save when he started thinking about what would happen that night and felt himself becoming nervous all over again.

"What if all she wants to do is dump on me for abandoning her?"

"You didn"t abandon her. They threw you out of the house with nothing, while still a minor, I might add. Justin, your parents are the ones who hold all the blame in this situation. But I"ll give into your paranoia for two minutes, just so you can talk through it. So let"s say she has some anger and resentment for her brother disappearing from her life. If she wants to cut you out of her life completely, what are you losing that you haven"t already grieved?"

"You"re right. Until twelve hours ago, I hadn"t seen or talked to her in over a decade. I think once I heard her voice, I started spinning all these scenarios where we became close again and I"m scared of losing that. Even though I don"t have it yet. I know it makes little sense."

"Actually, it does. Hope, J. You have hope in your heart of reconnecting with your family. Even if it"s only one person. Hope is a very powerful emotion. Scary. Exciting. All that shit that can make a person crazy."

"You know what Rob told me this morning? That he"s my family, and by extension I know he means Deb and Joe, too. I"m not alone. Not anymore."

"You never were alone. For a short while, you had your grandma, and then I found you. I"m the big brother you never had, you asshole."

Justin looked over at Mike and smiled. "Yeah, you"re a real pain in the ass, but I love you."

"That"s what he said."

Justin rolled his eyes and snickered. Mike joined him, and as they passed Pioneer Courthouse, the two of them busted into fits of giggles.

"Thanks, man," Justin said.

"Always," Mike responded, squeezing Justin"s shoulder.

Justin paced outside the restaurant where he was to meet Kelly. His hands were sweating, and he kept rubbing them on his uniform pants. He turned to make another circuit when he heard a soft voice behind him.

"Justin?"

Spinning quickly, he saw a beautiful young woman. Her hair was long, a honey-blonde color, and she had the same brown eyes he saw in the mirror every morning. She stood on the sidewalk, wringing her hands together. Justin held his breath and studied the woman a few steps away.

"Wow, look at you. You're all grown up." He took several steps forward, but halted. "Can… can I give you a hug?"

Kelly nodded. "Please. I"m afraid if I take another step right now, my legs will crumble."

He rushed forward and took her in his arms, hugging tightly. "God almighty, I've missed you."

"Oh, JJ. I've missed you, too," she said, hugging him back.

Justin stepped back and looked at the women his baby sister had become. He smiled. "JJ. I'd forgotten you used to call me that. Why don't we go get a table, and you can tell me what's going on."

The hostess seated them at a quiet table in the back of the restaurant. "Do you want to start, or should I ask questions?" he asked, looking at Kelly across from him.

"Why don't we do a little of both? Since I called you, I'll start. Last spring, I graduated from the University of Washington with my degree in finance. I was hired at a small bank here in Portland, and I really like the atmosphere so far. My boss is great, and all my coworkers have been really friendly. I have to confess that the whole reason I looked for jobs here was because I knew you had moved here, and I wanted to reconnect."

Justin saw tears gather in her eyes. He reached across the table and gripped her hand.

"JJ. I can't even say how sorry I am that I never called before now. You need to know that I never… never thought of you the way our parents did. I've always loved you. At the time you left, I didn"t know what to think. Later, when I was older and asked questions, they told me if I ever tried to contact you, they would disown me, too."

He squeezed her hand and nodded. He understood, of course. "Kell, nobody knows better than me how coldhearted they are. You were a little girl when they kicked me out. I understood why I never heard from you. There are no hard feelings on my side. I didn't contact you because I didn't want to make things difficult for you at home. Over time, I didn"t have a choice… or at least it felt that way. I had to let you go, move on with my life. I"m sorry."

"No, JJ. What they did was wrong on so many levels. We lost so many years together, and that is on them. 100 percent. It"s taken me a lot of hours in therapy to say that out loud and mean it."

Justin smiled. "I have that membership card too. So… based on what you said over the phone, I take it they haven't changed?"

Kelly took a drink of water before continuing, "No. You would think if they were the true Christians they espoused themselves to be, they would live a life of acceptance and forgiveness. Instead, they are just as judgmental and sanctimonious as ever. So… you're a paramedic now?"

"Kell, don't avoid the topic. I know it's unpleasant, but let's get it over with, okay? What happened?"

He watched her take a deep breath. Then, with a brief tremor, her chin lifted.

"I'm pregnant. Four and half months. I found out a couple of weeks before graduation. When they came for the ceremony, I told them. They ordered me to tell them who the father was so we could marry. I refused since I have no intention of him being a part of my baby's life. They told me I was a whore and wanted nothing to do with me anymore." She wiped at the tears running down her cheek. "Fortunately, I went to school on an academic scholarship, so I'm not beholden to them."

Justin sat in shock. So many questions flew through him he couldn't grasp one. When he saw Kelly's face grow concerned that he was about to disparage her too, he jumped up and walked to the other side of the table to take her in his arms and swing her around. Setting her back on her feet, he let her see his huge smile. "I'm going to be an uncle?"

"Put me down, you goofball!" She pointed back to his seat. "Now sit back down and behave like a respectable adult." She couldn't keep herself from laughing. "Yes, you're going to be an uncle, and I expect you to spoil my son or daughter unmercifully."

Holding up his left hand and giving the Vulcan sign, he said, "Scout's honor."

"Obviously, you were never a boy scout."

"So what's with the father?" he asked.

He wanted to know who had taken advantage of his little sister. He might not have been a part of her life for the last twelve years, but apparently, the protective feelings never went away.

"Nothing criminal or anything. We saw each other for a few months. We used condoms, but obviously, one failed. When I told him about the baby, he freaked. Said he couldn't handle a kid. He had to finish graduate school, get a job… yada, yada, yada. He offered to pay for an abortion, but I couldn't do it. I have a friend whose parents are lawyers. They drew up the papers requesting he relinquish all parental rights, and he signed them with no contest."

Justin was incensed that a man would treat Kelly that way. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me his name, are you?" He sighed when she shook her head. "All right then." He rubbed his hands together eagerly. "We have a lot to do. Do you have an obstetrician? We need to find you a place to live. We need to get a place with enough room for a nursery, and find all the stuff to fill it—" He stopped when he saw more tears in her eyes. "What? Did I say something wrong? Oh, maybe you don't want—"

"JJ, I love you so much. I can't believe you'd just throw your hat into this insane ring. What about your life? You have your job and your own priorities. What about a man? Are you seeing someone?"

"Kell, we're family. This morning somebody told me that if we can't share our life with family, then we have no life. My jobs are just those, jobs. My partner, and yes, I have one, is no doubt pacing his apartment, waiting for me to call with an update on how this is going."

She inhaled and let the air out slowly. "Okay, so one step at a time. I"ve been staying at a furnished apartment with a month-to-month lease the bank has covered until now as part of my relocation bonus. I"ve been searching for apartments online, and would appreciate any recommendations you have because, at the end of this month, I"m responsible for rent and the landlord has already told me that my unit isn"t available next month. But first, I want to hear more about this partner of yours." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Well, there are some extenuating circumstances about that. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months. We are in love but can't be open about our relationship because of his job. I don't want you to think I'm hiding him or anything, but I need to make sure he's comfortable with the idea of you knowing who he is."

"Sounds mysterious. Is he famous or something? I swear I would never ‘out' him. Hell, the only people I know in this city are my coworkers and my boss."

"I know, sweetie, but we just need to be careful. I hope you understand."

By the time they finished dinner and exchanged all pertinent contact info, Justin was nearly bouncing with excitement to get home and call Rob with all the details. He even had an idea or two about finding Kelly a place to live, but wanted to run it by Rob first to get his opinion.