Chapter One

The fist came into Robert"s cheek, snapping his head around to the right.

Ow! Didn't see that one coming.

The sweat flew and grunts echoed from the multiple practice rings in the large gym. He contorted his torso as though he was going down but, at the last minute, charged forward and put a shoulder into the midsection of his opponent. They landed on the mat, grappling for supremacy. Robert would not let this punk get the better of him. He rolled onto his back in an open position. While seemingly vulnerable, his opponent covered him and tried to immobilize him.

Okay, it's time to end this little tussle.

Robert brought his right leg up between them and pressed his shin against the other man"s throat, and then, wrapping his left leg around the back of the head, he pulled down on his foot. Adrenaline raced through his body, and his heart pounded with the thrill of battle.

"All right, all right. I give, you bastard."

The snap of his opponent"s hand on the mat signaled his surrender. Robert let go of his buddy"s foot. James was a good fighter, but still inexperienced. He climbed out from between Robert"s legs.

"Jesus, man, where did you pull that move from?"

"It"s not a move many use because of the flexibility required. It's called the Gogoplata. Tough to pull off, but very effective."

"I'll say. You had me pinned in like ten seconds." James reached down to pull him up onto his feet.

"Defeat me not, oh young one. Much to learn you have," he said.

They walked over to the ropes. Robert bent over and snagged the water bottle. The cool stream of water was perfect in his parched throat. They"d been hitting the mats hard for over an hour. First, he required a shower, followed by some food. He and James climbed out of the ropes. He unscrewed the cap and tilted the rest of the bottle over the top of James"s head.

"Ahh, you motherfucker. That"s cold." He turned, the smile on his face giving away the pissed-off act. "Do it again."

Robert pushed James on the back of his shoulder toward the locker room. "Go get your own cold shower."

"You realize the Yoda talk seriously dates you, right? I mean, unless somebody is a Star Wars freak, they probably haven"t seen the prequels. And Grogu doesn"t talk. Speaking of dating, when is the last time you had one, Obi-Wan?"

"You're confusing your characters, dimwit."

Looking back over his shoulder, James taunted, "You're avoiding the question."

A grimace creased Robert's forehead and lips. "I have dates. I went to the movies last weekend and to that new bar and grill on Second Avenue the week before."

"Going with your mom and her boyfriend doesn't count. I'm talking about texting an old hook-up, swiping right on an app, or, if you"re desperate enough, stalking a hottie on the street to get their digits. Then you schedule a social engagement with that person, pick them up at their house since I know how much of a gentleman you are, pay for dinner that"s not on the dollar menu, and, if you play your cards right, get a little action at the end of the evening."

Robert pushed open the door to the locker room and grabbed a towel off the stack. He and James always used the lockers on the far side of the room. In order to spin the combination lock, he took off his gloves. He and James were the only guys in the locker room at the moment, but just like workout facilities since the beginning of time, Eau de Sweaty Man lingered beneath commercial cleaning products used daily. James slammed his locker door and sauntered off into the shower room. Robert stripped off his shorts and jock. He grabbed his towel out of the gym bag because he didn"t like the scratchy, thin white ones that were stocked for member use. He walked over to the showers and selected the open head closest to the opposite wall. After flipping his towel on the hook, he turned the spigot. The cold water made him sigh in pleasure and shiver at the same time. He looked over at James, who was using the showerhead a few feet over.

"It's been awhile, okay?"

"What"s been…oh. Okay, like how long? Couple of weeks?"

"No," Robert grumbled.

"A month?"

He shook his head and focused on the pleasure of the water rinsing away the hard workout.

"Robert? How long? Three months?"

James"s voice had gotten exponentially higher in pitch with each question. There was nothing to do but suck it up and take his licks.

"Fuck! Six months, happy?"

Six months of denying himself. Six months of jacking off in the shower and in bed at night, his imagination filling in the blank slate of his sex life. Nameless features on an unknown man. Only his memory supplied the sensation of a hard chest against his, a thick, long cock to rub against, and the feel of muscular legs wrapped around his hips as he thrust deep in a tight, hot ass or being stretched by broad blunt fingers. Shaking his head to dispel the images before he threw wood in the shower, he said, "When was the last time you had a proper date?"

"I'm married and a new father. The most exciting thing I do these days is see specimens previously unknown to human existence inside my kid's diaper." James rolled his eyes.

"First, that's just gross. Second, you're pathetic. We should hit Frank's tomorrow night. Think you can get enough time off for good behavior to grab a few beers?"

"Yeah, probably. I think Cindy is taking the baby to her mom's anyway. I'm always obsolete when we go there."

Robert shut off the spray, instantly missing the soothing beat against his tired muscles. He wrapped the towel around his waist and joined James by the lockers to get dressed.

"Hey, do you know what the weather is like?"

"No, they said the temps are supposed to drop, but not sure when. Why?"

"Hoodie? Or no hoodie?"

"What am I, your mom? Just put some damn clothes on and let"s get out of here."

Robert made sure that James couldn"t see him mouth back a snarky comment. He stuffed his gear and laundry in his bag, then headed for the exit. The moment he pushed open the exterior door, he knew he should have put the damn hoodie on.

"Damn, feels like that cool front is here already. I always thought March meant spring flowers and shit." James shivered as the cold air blew over his still-damp head.

"Not so cocky now, are you? You country folk in Southern Missouri might get to wear T-shirts this time of year, but here in Portland, we enjoy a more gradual ascent into spring. It usually arrives sometime in June."

Robert slapped James on the back and headed for his car. He looked to where James had parked his recently acquired family-friendly vehicle and yelled, "Don't forget! Tomorrow…beer, darts, and pool."

Robert drove his cherry 1970 Cobra Jet Mustang convertible toward his mom's place. The car was his baby, lovingly raised from the frame up. He'd shaped each body panel and installed every piece of trim by hand. He wanted to get a new top. Maybe he would ask Joe, his stepdad, about it tonight. It was a good thing he had an inside man for getting parts; otherwise, the price of raising of this baby would triple that of an actual child.

Joe was a good man to have around for more than one reason, though. Robert had seen more smiles on his mom"s face in the last five years she and Joe had been together than during all the years she"d struggled to support the two of them alone. Robert"s mom always worked extra shifts or took on multiple jobs, so he wouldn"t go without new clothes when he outgrew his wardrobe every six months. He'd never known his biological dad, who'd been a casualty of war like too many others. When Joe started hanging around, Robert got his first impressions of what having a dad growing up might have been like. He and his mom shared a special bond because they"d fought their way through life together, but Robert was happy to find there was room in his heart for Joe.

Pulling into the driveway, he saw his mom standing on the front porch. Her arms and ankles crossed as she leaned on the post.

How does she always know when I'm going to show up?

Getting out of the car, he walked toward her. "Hey, Mom."

"Hello, dear." She pulled him into her arms as only a mother would. "How was training today? I see James got at least one good hit in." She pointed to the bruise blooming on Robert's cheekbone.

He put his hand up to his cheek, and, sure enough, it felt a little tender and puffy. He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I made sure it was just the one."

"Come on inside, then. I just finished making a veggie tray. You're probably hungry. You always are."

"You"re the best."

Robert opened the screen door for his mom and followed her inside to the cozy living room. He had paid off the mortgage on this home with his first big win in the pro circuit nearly five years ago. His mom had fought him on it, but Robert refused to back down. After all the sacrifices she"d made, it was his turn to make sure his mom had a secure home. Eyeballing the tray of veggies on the kitchen table, he sank into a chair and reached for some celery. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw his mom watching him scarf down three celery sticks in short order.

"Okay, spill it," she said.

"What?" He gave an innocent look.

Deb put her fists on her hips and stared down her him. "Don't ‘what' me, young man. I can see something is bothering you. You worried about the fight? James landing more shots than he should be?"

"Nah, training's going well. I should be ready for Vegas in plenty of time. It's nothing I can't work through." He reached for a cucumber slice.

"I know you can work through it on your own. You always could. That doesn't mean I can't help."

Robert reached for another slice of cucumber, but his mom snatched the tray away, holding it for ransom.

""Fess up," she demanded.

"It's just something James said earlier. He asked how long it's been since I had a date." He glared at her. "No, I'm not telling you." He rescued his snack tray before continuing. "It's just damn frustrating not being honest with him. I don't think he would care that I'm gay, but I can't risk someone overhearing a conversation and being outed to other fighters or, god forbid, management. He's my best friend, you know?"

Robert knew she understood his reasons for staying in the closet, especially given his profession, but lately, he struggled with that choice. For someone who normally was so decisive in every move he made, it was truly out of character, and his mom knew that. The back door opened, and Joe walked in. Robert watched as Joe leaned down to greet Deb with a kiss and smiled at the easy affection between the two.

"What's up?" Joe asked, while picking up a carrot off the snack tray, then went over to place a hand on Robert's shoulder.

Deb looked over at Joe. "Robert's having a hard time lying to James about his choices."

"Why now, after all these years? I"ve never heard you question your choice to remain in the closet before."

"Honey, is there someone specific that's making you think about coming clean to James, or are you finally being tired of all the dodging?"

"No, Ms. Matchmaker. I don"t have anyone special."

"Don"t you roll your eyes at me, Robert Lansing! I worry about you. You just look so lost, and even though you"re a capable adult, you are still my baby, and a mother"s worry never ends."

Robert stood and gave his mom a hug. "I know, and I love that, despite my best efforts as a teen, I didn"t drive you away."

She cupped Robert"s cheeks. "Never."

He grabbed another snack and sat back at the table, winking at his mom.

"How long have you and James been sparring partners?" Joe asked.

Robert sighed and ran his hand over the top of his head. "Two years."

"Have you heard or seen him act homophobic in that time?" Joe asked.

"No, but so many don"t broadcast their true colors until a person reveals a truth. The whole thing started when we were just joking around earlier, and a big part of me wanted to say, you know, I could really use a good hard man to screw right now." He felt a blush creep up his face. "Sorry, Mom."

Deb let out a hard laugh. "Oh, honey. You really think hearing that is going to faze me? I worked in bars for half my life. I heard much raunchier on penny-pitcher nights for years. Plus, I would pray that at your age, you are sexually active."

"That may be, but first, you're my mother, and I still respect that, and second, I have no desire to discuss the details of my sex life within your sonar range."

His mom leant over and kissed his cheek. "I guess I did something right while raising you."

"Besides, you know I've never gone in for that ridiculous notion of sex being a dirty word or people should be ashamed of wanting physical gratification. And that you crave a hard man to screw and not a woman is just part of who you are. I've always tried to be supportive since you came out to me in college. I know it hasn"t been easy. Not being open about this aspect of your life has affected your happiness. Why can't people understand that your sexuality is intrinsic? I've never understood why the sex of your lover should automatically make another person change their perspective of someone's worth. Why my son should be considered disturbed and unnatural because you"re sexually attracted to men doesn't change who you are as a person or the value you have to society. It"s so frustrating and beyond my understanding."

Joe caught her hand on the final circuit around the kitchen. "You know I agree with you, sweetheart, and so do many others around the world. Unfortunately, there are too many people less enlightened. So we educate them, one person at a time if need be."

She looped her arms around his neck. "I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you."

"You mean it wasn't for my devilish charm? My shockingly good looks? My amazing talent in bed? I'm crushed." He pouted.

Robert looked over at Joe and caught a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh, don"t worry. You're all that and a bag of chips, but that you love my son as your own and will do whatever is within your power to make him happy is why you're a real keeper."

Joe cleared his throat. "Well, it seems to me that you have a decision to make. Do you continue to stay completely in the closet, or are you honest with your best friend and, after explaining your reasons, trust that your friendship will protect your overall choice? It's a tough decision, but you'll do what's right for you and your friendship with James."

Robert heaved a long sigh. "Yeah, I'll have to give it some serious thought." He stood up to get a glass of water from the dispenser in the refrigerator door. Leaning back against the countertop, he took several swallows before asking, "Hey, is there any way you can order me a top for the car? I've been meaning to replace the current one for several months, but one thing or another always came up."

"Sure, no problem. I could have it in by next week. You want one of my guys to install it or you want to use the garage?"

"I'll do it, but I wouldn't be averse to having an extra set of hands."

"Sounds good. There's a young man at the garage who works part-time at night. About your age and a hard worker. Maybe I can set it up that he's the one to help with the top installation."

Robert squinted. "What"s that plotting tone of voice I hear, Joe?"

Joe looked at Deb, and Robert saw it again. Those two were up to something. There was a distinctive mischievous glimmer in their eyes. He knew he"d never get it out of them tonight. There was one thing he could accomplish, though. Maybe it was time to think of ways he could live honestly without feeling so vulnerable at every turn. Maybe telling James was the starting point? The news would likely shock his best friend, but Robert believed he would understand the logic behind his choices. Hopefully.

"I'll call you when it comes in," Joe said.

Robert stood up and gave his mom and Joe a hug goodbye. "Thanks for being sounding boards. I'll see you both later."