1. Milo

Chapter 1

Milo

"This is the dumbest idea you've ever had. This is worse than the time you dragged me to the swap meet to find a guy." Some ideas online were fucking jokes and weren't meant to be taken seriously. "This is going to explode in my face."

Or worse…I'd end up being ignored and looking stupid.

Yes, that would definitely be worse.

"You're such a pesticide…no, pessimist." Shaking his head, Dally frowned. "It'll be fine no matter what it's called."

He was such a?—

"Now, don't be afraid to explain you're a little and you've got kinks. That will make them feel much more confident about talking to you."

No.

No, that wouldn't.

"Tell me you're kidding." Please God let him be kidding. "Is that what you did when you came last month?"

Dally snorted. "Of course not. I'm not a little."

For fuck's sake.

He must have been dropped one too many times as a baby.

"How do I let you talk me into stupid shit?" It really had to be his superpower. He was some kind of lunatic superhero whose fantastic ability was to talk people into dumb stuff. "This is ridiculous."

"This is going to be amazing and you know it." When I sighed, my idiot best friend glared at me. "Don't make me prove how hard you are."

He was such a dick.

"We're in public." He had severe impulse control issues, so that probably wouldn't stop him, but at least I could tell the cops this time I'd tried. "I'm not calling your father to bail you out again. I'll call your mother."

He knew better than to ask me for money.

I had common sense, not cash.

Well, usually I had the common sense.

"Did they throw you out last time and you're just using me to get in?" How had he been invited back? "Did you lie to me?"

He'd said he had a great time and he'd asked if he could bring a friend.

Me.

I was the friend he dragged with him to do stupid shit.

"No." Glaring at me and looking confused enough that I felt better about the answer, he shook his head. "You're so weird. I'm very cute and easy to get along with. Even straight guys don't mind me."

That was because they couldn't understand him and usually backed away slowly.

"I'm going to tattle on you to your mother about where you've been meeting men if this turns out to be terrible." Families only seemed to be really helpful around major holidays and when threats needed to be applied.

Growing up in foster care hadn't really shown me anything else they were useful for, even though his was nice and kind of funny.

Sucking in a breath, Dally looked hurt. "I can't believe you'd tattle on me."

"I'd throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if you tortured me first." I sounded badass but he shrugged.

"Fair enough." Dally was too dramatic and distractible to stay upset for long. "But you're going to owe me. They're all really nice and at least half can be considered sexy in some way and a startling number of them were gay."

Bullshit.

"If we get kicked out, I'm going to have a heart attack." I'd already mentioned that a few times, but we were getting closer. I could actually see the building and I only had thirty seconds tops to decide if I was going to head in or have a panic attack. "I'm not date a sexy guy material. Kinky men never notice me."

Fuck. I was the one who'd get us arrested if I wasn't careful.

Smiling awkwardly at a woman who was glaring at us, I waved and walked faster. I wasn't ready to stop freaking out yet, so I grabbed Dally's arm and tugged him closer so I could whisper. "There is no chance in the world that someone hot, kinky, and not a serial killer is going to be attracted to me at this thing."

The odds of that were so crazy I'd have better luck not playing the lottery and still winning.

"You're too pessimistic." Beaming for remembering the word, Dally kept up his terrible pep talk. "You're cute. You're kinky. You're willing and eager to suck on their man boobies and make everyone happy. They're going to love you."

We were so getting kicked out.

"Don't call them that." That couldn't be the right word.

Dally frowned. "Boobies? Everyone has breasts. I looked it up on a medical website. Even men. I have the link still. Ours are just usually smaller and don't actually do anything functional. We're like the Ken dolls of the boob world. Theirs just work. They're the anatomically correct ones."

Shit.

"Don't say anything that might get us beat up."

We were there.

"Let's go." Beaming and looking honestly excited somehow, Dally dragged us in through the front door of a building that looked like a cross between a hotel and a business complex. "This is going to be so much fun."

He was a delusional pain in the ass but everyone usually liked him, so he could have a fun time going to the dentist.

Hell, I was pretty sure he'd dated his dentist.

"This is a terrible idea." For a moment, I thought my words were being quietly projected out of my head like we'd landed in a sci-fi movie.

So did Dally because he didn't even turn around before he started lecturing me. "You're so dramatic. The sexy men are going to think you're adorable and the not sexy ones will be nice because they have manners."

"That wasn't me that time." Admitting that got a groan coming from behind us as well as a snicker.

Great.

"Oops." Dally didn't seem to feel the same level of embarrassment as other humans because he turned around, dragging me in a circle as he nodded at the men behind us. "I'm basically going to tell you the same thing I told Milo. You're sexy. The subs and bottoms are going to like you. Just be polite and you'll have fun."

The frowning man was definitely the one who was regretting his life choices the same way I was, but he didn't seem to know what to do with Dally. I didn't blame him when he turned to his friend the giggler. "Do I look gay?"

Oh dear.

"Yes, you do." Dally didn't have any problem answering since the giggler wasn't much help. "You've had at least one badly timed bi phase but you're mostly gay. You're kinky even though you don't seem to think you are and your personal skills need some work."

For fuck's sake.

"Dally!" My strangled whisper scream just had him turning toward me and frowning.

"What? Being into BDSM makes someone kinky. I don't care if everyone and their brother is exploring it." Dally shrugged. "Just because it's on social media doesn't make it vanilla."

Someone had to save me before he pissed off the confused-looking frowning guy.

"Milo here works in retail and while he has no self-esteem whatsoever, he can help you learn to project a happier countenance and show you how to make people feel more at ease." Dally released my hand and shoved me at the strange, still frowning man. "Here you go. He needs a drink before he can open up, but just one or I'll cut off your nuts. I'm sparkly gay, but I grew up with redneck hunters. No one would ever find your body."

I was dead…as dead as the stupid deer his family tried to make me eat every year.

Dally immediately turned to the happy man. "Would you like to keep me company? I'm Dalton but most people call me Dally. I'm not as kinky as Milo but I am very open-minded."

The laughing guy was now just grinning. "How kinky is he?"

Fuck.

"He's a little and he's very curious about the Lactin side of the Lactin Brotherhood, if you get my meaning. He also likes spankings and will overshare after that second drink, which is one of the reasons why he has a limit." Beaming at his new friend, Dally tucked his arm through the smiling man's. "I, on the other hand, overshare sober and I'm highly entertaining even if you're mostly on the straight side of bi."

For some reason, that was what startled Frowning Guy and his mouth dropped open as Dally led smiling guy toward the back of the building. "Mostly?"

I was going to kill him once I stopped being dead.

Being dead had my feet stuck in one place, though, and that was the only reason I just stood there looking stupid. I'd have come back to life and moved eventually, but the stunned guy made his brain work first.

When he turned to me, it took him a few blinks and a long exhale before he got a sentence out. "Would…would you like a drink, Milo?"

Looking around the lobby area, he nodded toward the direction Dally and the giggler had gone. "You seem to be new, so let me show you around."

Well, at least that meant he wasn't new.

"Your manners are better than Dally said, so don't let him boss you around." Or make you feel bad —but I wasn't sure if I needed to say that.

Frowning Guy actually chuckled. "No, he's right, but while my manners with regular people are a bit gruff, I do remember how to treat a shocked little."

A shocked little who was now a blushing one.

"I…" There were no good responses to that, so I shrugged. "Yeah. Shocked little. But I can function on my own. I promise. You don't have to take care of me just because I got dumped on your lap."

Shoot.

"At your feet."

God, that wasn't any better.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried again. "You don't have to take care of me just because Dally wandered off."

Yes. I'd gotten a sentence out that wasn't embarrassing.

Trying for another, I did my best to make sure Frowning Guy didn't feel like he was stuck with me. "He likes meeting new people."

He scoffed, forcing me to look at him in time to see him rolling his eyes. "Understatement of the year right there."

Laughing probably made me a terrible friend, but he wasn't wrong. "Maybe a tiny bit."

My response got a smile from Frowning Guy and he held out his arm. "May I escort you in?"

Huh?

Not wanting to look too stupid, I slowly stepped forward and dragged my brain out of the fog that had tried to take over. "You…you don't mind what Dally said? The…the little part and the…the curious part?"

I wasn't going to repeat it exactly how Dally had said it, but I wanted to make sure Frowning Guy had understood what he'd said.

Frowning Guy shook his head, still offering his arm. "I don't mind what he said. He wasn't exactly wrong on most parts but nothing he said was technically a problem. He was just…interesting."

Trying not to smile, I shrugged. "That's as good a word as any I've heard. You should hear what his mother calls him. He's the baby of ten kids, and by the time they had him, nothing shocked her."

I was pretty sure if he'd been kid number one, his life would've been harder but being the baby and one with some complications at birth had had the rest of the family seeing him in a different light.

"He can really hunt?" Frowning Guy looked past me like he was distracted by just the thought of Dally.

"Yeah, but don't be polite about the whole get your own meat thing unless you want them to offer to share." It was…disturbing. "Oh, and if you let it slip you've got a deep freezer, they're going to try to cut you in on half a cow."

They were really helpful sometimes.

Frowning Guy blinked a few times like he wasn't sure he'd heard me correctly. "My social skills do not extend to half cows and hunting."

"I'll help." Maybe Dally had been right when he'd said I could help Frowning Guy with his social skills. "I like people. Even weird ones."

I hated it when Dally was right.

"I'm going to take you up on that offer and hope it extends to this evening as well." Frowning Guy sighed. "I wasn't dragged here against my will but this was not my idea."

"I can relate." My slightly frustrated tone got a smile from him. "But that means you have to keep me company for a while."

I'd end up standing by myself while Dally flirted otherwise.

"Deal." He smiled as I finally slipped my arm through his, mirroring what Dally had done with his friend. "We shall keep each other company at the very least and then go from there."

That sounded promising.

But promising still left me with questions…had he actually said he was gay? Had he said he was kinky? Did he understand what a little was? He seemed to, but he might've just been repeating what Dally had said to sound smart.

I'd gotten some really weird responses to that over the past couple of years, so I was less and less comfortable making assumptions about it…especially after the whole do you turn into a little person question.

No.

No, I didn't.

"I'm going to be forced to admit that I've never met anyone here I needed to talk to for very long, but I'm pretty sure I need to tell you that my name is Elias and I'm in finance." Pausing for a moment as we walked closer to where I could hear people talking, he finally let out a slightly stressed-sounding breath. "I'm also a member of the Lactin Brotherhood."

Wondering how I was supposed to respond without going yay, I nodded slowly. "Thank you for sharing that. I've never worked in finance but I used to work at a coffee shop in one of the big bank buildings downtown. So I know enough of the lingo to nod appropriately."

That got a laugh from Elias and he gave me a side-eye. "Not going to mention the other part?"

Trying not to squirm and failing badly, I sighed and ignored how red my face was getting. "I…I wasn't sure how to respond in a way that wasn't awkward or inappropriate."

Looking like he wanted to laugh again, Elias finally shook his head. "What was your first thought? You have me very curious."

Groaning only made his grin wider. "No, I can't. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I lactate, Milo. I'm a mostly gay Dom who lactates. You will not make me any more uncomfortable than I already am." His dryly delivered reality check had me realizing he was probably right.

He hadn't gotten offended at Dally either.

"Um, yay or maybe wow?" His chest jerked but he managed not to laugh out loud. "I…I'm not objectifying you or something like that. I don't know the right word. I'm not naughty, though. Well, not naughty like that. Bad. I'm not bad like that. Shoot. That still sounds like I'm little."

He barked out a laugh as we finally approached the doors of the room they'd rented out for their get-together. Every eye in the room turned to us. To say I was overwhelmed would've been an understatement.

Elias didn't seem to mind, but he pulled me closer and shifted me around so I was facing him instead of the room. Then he leaned down and barely brushed his lips against my ear, whispering softly as he took my hand. "Please objectify me, naughty boy."

Oh, wow.

Yay!