9. Marie

NINE

MARIE

Confusion and uncertainty swirled within me as I watched Jesse from a distance, his gaze avoiding mine as if he were wrestling with something unspoken. The atmosphere between us had shifted so abruptly, leaving me bewildered and questioning everything I had thought was developing between us. I knew he was talking to my father right now, so I guess he needed to be careful, but this felt like a dagger to my heart.

All night long I’d been dreaming about me and Jesse and our future together. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to tell my father, but at the same time, I knew we wanted it badly. We were in love and that had to mean something, right?

But now he wasn’t looking at me and I couldn’t stand it.

Eventually, Jesse needed to leave. I watched as he bid my father farewell, a half-smile gracing his lips as he waved in my direction. It was a bittersweet gesture, one that both warmed my heart and twisted the knife of longing within me. As he prepared to leave for his patrol duties, a sense of emptiness settled in my chest. Jesse’s departure, even for a short while, left an undeniable void in my world. His presence had become a comforting constant in my life, and the thought of him being out of reach sent a pang of loneliness through me.

But I couldn’t let it show because my father was right there.

With a heavy sigh, I focused my attention on Belle, who had been quietly observing the exchanges between us. She was the bright light in my life, a source of joy and solace during moments of uncertainty. Her innocence and boundless energy were a reminder that life, even with its complications, held moments of beauty.

“Come on, sweetheart,” I said, forcing a smile as I picked her up and settled her in my arms. “Let’s find something fun to do while Daddy’s away.”

Belle’s laughter and playful chatter filled the room as we embarked on a playful adventure of storytelling and imagination. She had an uncanny ability to chase away the shadows of doubt and insecurity that had clouded my thoughts. She had so much energy, it was hard to get sucked into misery around her.

As the day wore on, my father eventually made his way over to say his goodbyes. His usual warm smile was noticeably absent, replaced by a subtle furrow of concern on his brow. It was as though he had sensed the shift in the atmosphere between Jesse and me, and the unspoken tension had cast a shadow over our interactions.

I couldn’t help but feel the weight of my father’s unspoken questions, the unease settling in the room like an unwelcome guest. It was clear that he had noticed something was amiss, and the thought of discussing my complicated feelings for Jesse with him at that moment made my stomach churn.

“Are you off to work?” I asked quickly without meeting his eyes.

“Er, yeah. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

I shook my head immediately. “No, I’m good. I’m okay. Me and Belle are fine. You go and do what you need to do.”

My father lingered in the doorway, his expression thoughtful and contemplative. It was clear that he had something on his mind, something he wanted to share. The silence between us was filled with unspoken questions, and I waited patiently for him to find the right words. I just hoped he stayed off the Jesse topic. Especially in front of Belle.

After a moment, he finally broke the silence, his voice gentle and filled with sincerity. “Marie, sweetheart, I’ve been thinking,” he began, his eyes meeting mine with a warmth that was both reassuring and cautious. “With everything that’s been happening recently, the disappearances, the unsettling events, I thought it might be a good idea for us to have a little gathering — a barbecue, perhaps. That’s always a good time for us all, isn’t it? A great way for us to be together.”

I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the unexpected suggestion. A barbecue seemed like an odd response to the recent unsettling events, but I could see the genuine concern in my father’s eyes. He wanted to bring some sense of normalcy and togetherness back into our lives after the tension and uncertainty we had experienced. I considered his proposal for a moment, mulling it over in my mind. It was true that we had all been through a lot, and maybe a relaxed get-together with friends and family was just what we needed to ease our worries and reconnect. To remember what we were all fighting for in the first place.

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I replied enthusiastically, “You know what, Dad? I think that’s a wonderful idea. A barbecue sounds like the perfect way for us to unwind and spend some quality time together. Maybe we do need that.”

“Cool, great. I will sort it out then.” Dad grinned at me. “Maybe for tonight, we’ll see what I can get done. I’ll text Jesse now. I’m sure he’ll be excited.”

He left, and I remained where I was in shock. What the hell was going on? Dad was going to invite Jesse to a family barbeque which meant we were all going to be together in the same place, with tension surrounding us. I had no idea what was going to happen. My stomach flipped at the thought, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to handle it. But I suppose we were going to have to figure it out. Especially if there weren’t many people here because the tension would then be palpable. If that morning was anything to go by, then we were not going to have a lot to say to one another, were we? He couldn’t even look at me for crying out loud.

So, the barbeque started just as I expected it to. An agonizingly awkward atmosphere quickly settled in. The tension was palpable, and every glance, every word exchanged was fraught with unspoken desire and the fear of discovery of me and Jesse, which I was sure my father was picking up on. We sat at the patio table, attempting to engage in casual conversation, but the awkwardness between us was unbearable. The sizzle of the grill seemed deafening in comparison to the stifling atmosphere that surrounded us.

Belle giggled as she played in the garden, her laughter a joyful melody that filled the air. Dad, stood proudly beside the grill, expertly flipped burgers and sizzled sausages, a look of contentment on his face. He exchanged small talk with Jesse, piercing the silence every so often, my heart skipped too many beats to count.

As I observed them from a distance, my heart couldn’t help but ache with a mixture of longing and apprehension. I wanted to join in the conversation, to share in the easy banter and laughter, but an invisible weight pressed down on me, making it difficult to fully engage.

Dad’s voice carried over to where I stood, his words filled with genuine interest. “So, Jesse, how’s everything going with the patrol? Any new developments?”

Jesse, his rugged charm undeniably captivating, replied with a hint of seriousness. “It’s been relatively quiet, all things considered. We’re doing our best to ensure everyone’s safety.”

I watched as they spoke, my chest tightening with an unspoken truth. The burgeoning feelings between Jesse and me had taken root, and while we had confessed our love, there were still unanswered questions and uncertainties. Would our newfound connection be accepted, or would it remain hidden, a secret we dared not share openly? It seemed like I wasn’t about to get any answers any time soon.

As the food cooked and we started to eat all around the table together, I couldn’t help but steal glances at Jesse, my heart aching with the knowledge of what we were both denying ourselves. It was as though our unspoken feelings had become a heavy burden, dragging us further into a tangled web of emotions. It was painful. I liked him so damn much that it actually hurt, but it seemed like he was pulling away. He didn’t want to dive into danger with me, even if we were in love.

“Hey, Jesse,” Dad suddenly said in a slightly more serious tone of voice, making my blood run ice cold. “You want to come and have a cigar with me? We can leave Belle and Marie playing down here.”

Hmm, I was definitely being left out on purpose which was very unnerving. I wasn’t sure if Jesse had picked up on that edge as well, but it didn’t seem like it when he nodded easily and rose to his feet to follow my father to the porch. A thick ball of emotion lodged itself at the base of my throat and wasn’t going anywhere. They left, and all me and Belle could do was play. The sounds of Dad and Jesse’s hushed conversation reached my ears, but I tried to focus on keeping Belle entertained and oblivious to the tension that had been brewing.

My father’s protectiveness had always been a defining trait, and though his intentions were rooted in love, they often felt suffocating. I grew up knowing his watchful eye was always upon me, and now, as an adult, I yearned for the freedom to make my own choices. That couldn’t have been more evident than at this moment.

“I’ve seen the way you two have been making eyes at each other,” Dad accused, his words cutting through the evening air like a knife. “Come on, Jesse, don’t deny it.”

I turned around to watch Jesse to see how he reacted. He had always been a pillar of strength and composure, but now he shifted uncomfortably under my father’s scrutiny. His brows furrowed, and he seemed torn between defending our connection and respecting my father’s wishes.

My father’s demand hung heavily in the air. “Back off, Jesse,” he warned, his voice firm and unwavering. “If you can’t do that, then you’ll have to look for another nanny and another best friend. Because this is something I can’t put up with.”

The weight of my father’s words pressed down on me like a crushing weight. I couldn’t believe he was putting Jesse in such a difficult position, forcing him to choose between his friendship with my father and the undeniable attraction that had grown between us. I was starting to understand the reason behind the barbeque, and it made me feel sick.

Jesse, ever the honorable and dependable man, tried to reassure my father. “Mike, my intentions are honorable,” he began, his voice a blend of sincerity and frustration. “I care about Marie, and I would never do anything to hurt her...”

“You’re supposed to be a loyal friend to me.” He shook his head. “Don’t do this to me, Jesse.”

The atmosphere shifted subtly as Dad continued his grilling, and I couldn’t help but notice a growing unease in Jesse’s demeanor. He seemed uncomfortable, a hint of tension in his features, as if he were wrestling with a decision.

Jesse’s voice, tinged with reluctance, broke the momentary silence. “I think it’s time for us to head back,” he said, his gaze briefly meeting mine. He gently lifted Belle into his arms, her giggles momentarily filling the air.

I watched him, uncertain about what was unfolding. It was as if a cloud of uncertainty hung over us, obscuring the path forward. I yearned for clarity, for a sense of direction, but the unknown future left me feeling both excited and anxious.

Dad nodded understandingly, although a hint of concern flickered in his eyes. “Of course, Jesse. You probably need to get Belle to bed, right?”

As they turned to leave, I remained behind, my thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. What did the future hold for Jesse and me? Only time would reveal the answers to the questions that lingered between us.

I wanted to be quiet, I wanted to just let this slide because that was what I had always done, but I couldn’t hold back any longer. My frustration, my longing for independence, and my exasperation with my father’s overprotective nature had reached a breaking point.

“Dad,” I began, my voice steady but laced with frustration as I turned to face him, “when are you going to stop treating me like a child?”

My father’s brows furrowed, and he seemed taken aback by the directness of my words. He had always been my protector, but it was time for him to see that I needed more than just his sheltering embrace.

I continued, my emotions pouring out. “I can’t keep putting up with this, Dad. I’m in my twenties, and I need the freedom to make my own choices, to live my own life.”

His gaze softened, and I could see the pain in his eyes. He cared about me deeply, and his protectiveness had always been a reflection of his love, but I needed him to understand that smothering me was not the answer.

His voice, when he finally spoke, was filled with vulnerability. “Marie, I lost your mother, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, too. You’re all I have left, and I just want to protect you. You know that. I don’t want you to make any silly decisions. I don’t want you breaking your own heart.”

I felt a pang of guilt as I looked at him, realizing the depth of his fear and his love for me. But I couldn’t let that fear continue to control my life. Softening my tone, I reached out to touch his hand gently, to let him know that I cared, but that I still needed to be heard.”

“I know, Dad, and I love you for it,” I admitted, my heart aching with empathy for his pain. “But smothering me won’t keep me safe. It won’t bring Mom back, and it won’t make me happy. I need the freedom to live my life, to make my own choices, even if it means taking risks.”

Tears welled up in his eyes, and he nodded slowly, understanding dawning in his expression. It was a painful realization for both of us, but it was a necessary one.

As we stood there, father and daughter, we shared a moment of understanding and acceptance. The path forward would not be without its challenges, but at least we were taking the first step toward allowing me the independence I so desperately needed. I didn’t know if this would lead to me and Jesse being together, but even if it didn’t, even if it led to me leaving Wolf Mountain. I would be happy because something had to change.